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by willingtoo » Mon May 28, 2018 5:54 am
Good morning !
I've been working on this for the past couple weeks and not posting until I was done.
I've been thinking about my newly discovered submissiveness. I've had submissive thoughts and tendencies since I was in my early teens. I wasn't aware of the extent of my sexual submissiveness until Frank. I had no idea it would ever evolve into reality (other than Mike) let alone restraint and punishment.
I've always had fantasies about being taken against my will. Usually by a faceless man that caught me in a situation where I was vulnerable and helpless. But also men I knew from work, school, movies etc. I would usually put myself in those situations and give little resistance when attacked.
The men were usually muscular, much bigger and stronger than me. They were sometimes attractive, but in fact, usually an unattractive Beast made it even sexier. Men that in real life I would have no interest. Bikers, truckers and guys I saw at bars were my favorite fantasy characters. Mean, really bad guys that took me but didn't inflict pain or restraint, just brute force, huge cocks, deep penetration and ejaculations. Never more than one guy at a time.
I was almost always taken in the missionary position where I was totally dominated and incapacitated and had no choice but to give into whatever he wanted. My hands held above my head. I was always wearing a dress or skirt easily removed and no panties.
I don't know if I posted this here or in a pm, but this is something I actually did in college and fantasized about ever since. Even now with Mike we role play sometimes.
One of my fantasies that Mike loves is based on a real experience of mine.
When I was in college I lived in an off campus apartment with two other girls. One weekend they both went home for a long weekend. I was alone, not dating anyone and my other friends had plans as I recall. Anyway , it was unusual for me to be alone on a weekend evening.
On one night I was in a sexy mood and smoking pot, I decided to try something dangerous that I had thought about doing several other times when I was alone. If my room mates had been there they would have thought I lost my mind and I'd have never done it.
I took a walk alone, at night in the neighborhood where we lived. I wore only a short, wrap around skirt and a loose fitting , sleeveless summer top. No panties, no bra and I was barefoot. Much harder to run away in bare feet. So in my mind I could be "taken" easily without the rapist removing any of my clothing. I felt totally vulnerable and that was the idea.
It was really dark. The neighborhood wasn't known to be dangerous, but definitely not one where a young girl should be walking alone late at night. I felt fear, but tremendous excitement as well.
A black car with tinted windows started following me. I had no way of identifying the driver. He was driving around the block over and over and drove real slow almost stopping when he approached me. I was being stalked and it definitely heightened the fear but also tremendous sexual excitement.
At one point I was approaching really dark , secluded part of the neighborhood with few houses. I had a choice of two streets. One was somewhat lit and the other pretty much dark. I chose the street that was dark, knowing it was more secluded and hardly lit at all. I was tempting fate. Probably the pot.
I reached a curb, ready to cross the street and he stopped right in front of me. I just stood there. I was paralyzed and didn't know how to react. The door of his car was only 4-5 feet from me. I felt a huge adrenalin rush and butterflies in my stomach. We were staring at each other I guess. He could see me, but I couldn't see him which made it even more frightening. I felt paralyzed. After what seemed like an hour, but in reality probably less than 30 seconds, he moved on. But 20-30 seconds in that situation is a long time. His car just sat there. He made no attempt to communicate.............It was really weird.
I foolishly kept walking slowly almost inviting him to do something. He came by again and stopped but the car wasn't as close to me as it was at the curb. I could feel him staring at me but again, I couldn't see him at all. The only sound was the motor on his car quietly running. The combination of fear and sexual thrill was extreme but amazing. He never even put down the window.
He never came back around and I was really relieved. I went back to the apartment, took off my clothes and masturbated thinking of just how dangerous it was and what could have happened.
I don't know if he just liked scaring me, or the situation wasn't right for him to do something more aggressive. There are always non student guys that hang around college campuses at night looking for girls and a few that have evil intentions. Not that it couldn't have been a student with evil on his mind.
It was really stupid and I was really lucky. I doubt anyone who knew the circumstances would feel sorry for me if I had been raped. I was asking for it.
It's been a fantasy of mine ever since. I loved the feeling of being stalked. Scared to death, but what a turn on.
Mike loves it so one night he wanted to try something that might bring back some of the thrill of that night for me. The idea was to have me experience the fear and erotic feelings again to make our fantasy better. Why not?
There was a wooded park near our house with a walking path through it. Few if any people were in that wooded area at night. I put on a short skirt, loose blouse, no panties and bare feet just like before. I went walking in the dark park and mike followed a long way behind. Even thought I knew he was way back behind me, it wasn't hard to imagine I was alone and being stalked. It was so quiet and spooky. I imagined a man was following me with the intent of raping me and I was definitely getting some of the same feelings.
The same feelings of fear and sexual excitement but obviously not with the same intensity. It was enough for us to return to the house and experience that fantasy 10x better than ever. It really did enhanced the fantasy. It was great, sexy fun.
We still enjoy that fantasy from time to time. We have a repertoire of Fantasies we revisit and we keep adding new.
I'd just like to know the origin of those fantasies. I really can't identify what would have made those fantasies so sexy to me.
I'm inclined to take chances and that is a concern I'm trying to analyze.. Going without a condom with Brad is an example. Danger is definitely an aphrodisiac