Wonderful Life With My Gorgeous Hotwife (revisited)

[Trickydicky69]

I know, I know, BDJ, we have been accused of catastrophising before. Partly it’s to fill in the time between postings.
But also because we do see red flags here.
KK is quite right, there may be an underlying cause to Sherries fairly extreme BDSM. Most just play at it, like myself. These posts though, show that she has had her diet, her exercise and behaviour controlled. She has been physically punished- KK mentions people who cut themselves and this in a sense, is self harm by proxy ie Geoff. He leaves marks, possibly permanently, on her body. It’s 24/7 too - it’s changed her relationship with her husband so that he can’t see her naked or have sex.
And it’s not John exhibiting this behaviour. We’re all on Johns side- we’re not having a go at him.
So I think we’re still right to question Geoffs responsibility in all this.
I’ve already pointed out that he tried isolating her from John, which currently in this thread, is happening!
Fortunately, we already know that they survive it and John admits it’s not as bad as some have suggested, including myself.
But they are also legitimate concerns- if you see this in real life, you have to take it seriously. Health care professionals such as KK or myself, see patients who wind up in real life in very bad situations so I suppose we do tend to be very sensitive to red flags which maybe people do get away with and the worst doesn’t happen.
For instance:
People lie/hide about stuff all the time - sex, drugs, gambling, alcohol, food/dieting/exercise. Health care workers soon learn to not trust patients…
John stated she was vehemently against drugs but she’s now smoking! Something he thought she would never do! Hence my comments about what else might she be hiding?
She’s hiding a 4 year BDSM relationship from her mother which must be difficult since at times, she spent all week with Geoff whilst John was travelling for work. Where did her mother think she was during that time? Secretive behaviour is also a potential red flag.

I realise most threads on here are titillating rather than serious and that’s how this one started. But it isn’t now.
So the comments have taken dark turns but then again, John did say there were going to be dark times… which is where we are now with the events of just the past two weeks.
And the story of Jade took some dark turns too - it wasn’t all hot sex.
And to lighten the mood, it’s because we’re all waiting for the denouement, no pressure John!

[BDJ]

Trickydicky69,
Glad you responded. I guess I'm still tuned into the past here when a few people other than Chris and I entered into the fray with John more extensively. All here have insights that I haven't been able to recognize, and I'm grateful for the discussion heating up as it has lately done. John is like a really good teacher...he lays it out for us to discover in an interesting way, letting us find the nuggets of wisdom he's placed in his writing. At least, it has been that way for me. And yes, my own story, fictionalized as it is, reflects the dark place that is happening now. We came out of it because my wife's lover was a jerk and abandoned her when she expressed her love for him. Like John, I can never see not loving my wife, even after she'd had a change of heart. I guess I'm so enthralled with this story because of that slight parallel. That and John's such a damn good writer and storyteller!

BDJ

[Trickydicky69]

Hi BDJ.
We all have our own perspectives, shaped by experience. Yourself, John and Chris have written enthralling accounts, very personal and illuminating. Including the dark times.
You’ve all come through it (although Chris MIA) but it’s in the past. So in a sense, we readers see it as fictional and perhaps taking a “book club” approach to the characters. Dissecting the story etc. Of course, the authors take it more personally!
The other thing about these accounts are their authenticity- that’s why they’re important but also why I feel that red flags should be mentioned. A bit like warnings you get before TV shows.
Nobody has all the insights- John wouldn’t change a thing but if he had been more aware of some of the wider warnings about abuse, addiction, narcissistic Doms etc, would he have paused for thought and just wondered “is it time to pull back for a while?
The thing about catastrophes of course, it’s often a sequence of minor problems leading to disaster that nobody sees coming!
And as outside observers, the thing linking all your stories is the writing shows us that there were times when stepping in and changing tack, could have avoided some of the drama.
Hindsight as always.

[Johng1953]

Trickydicky69,
Glad you responded. I guess I'm still tuned into the past here when a few people other than Chris and I entered into the fray with John more extensively. All here have insights that I haven't been able to recognize, and I'm grateful for the discussion heating up as it has lately done. John is like a really good teacher...he lays it out for us to discover in an interesting way, letting us find the nuggets of wisdom he's placed in his writing. At least, it has been that way for me. And yes, my own story, fictionalized as it is, reflects the dark place that is happening now. We came out of it because my wife's lover was a jerk and abandoned her when she expressed her love for him. Like John, I can never see not loving my wife, even after she'd had a change of heart. I guess I'm so enthralled with this story because of that slight parallel. That and John's such a damn good writer and storyteller!

BDJ

Hi BDJ. I remember Chris's insight too, I miss him. I often used to look for his posts before posting myself. Maybe some of my later posts here have been lacking for his absence!
I was actually a bit disappointed in the ending of your own tale (I said so at the time) that Jade only came home because ultimately she was rejected. I hope that's not the case here with John and Sherrie.

[BDJ]

Johng1953,
You know John, I thank my lucky stars on that. As the story pointed out Jade initially only did it for me. He had her if he had wanted her, and I'd have given her up if it would have fulfilled her. She has always been my soulmate but it took that episode to finally allow me to see it.
John's story is so much more intense than mine and more than once my heart has bled for what happened to them. Intense, true love cannot be quantified, just does not come in degrees of fulfillment. Sherrie is such an awesome woman. John's no slouch either, plus he's a damn good writer!

BDJ

[butthurt]

Just a short question. Sherrie’s ring and the chain around her waist, was she wearing either of them when she left? Both of them appeared to be powerful symbols to her.

[Trickydicky69]

Well spotted butthurt!
I’d forgotten about the chain and rings.
Not wearing wedding rings suggests her moving psychologically to being single.
And the chain too - no longer a sub to Geoff if she has removed it. But if still wearing it, then she still wants to be his sub. Hence the belief she goes back to him for a while longer.
That would be a kick in the teeth for John- not wearing his wedding ring but still wearing Geoff’s chain.
The chain didn’t get that much discussion but again it does perhaps suggest Geoff was getting emotionally involved and perhaps was when he started a whispering campaign to split up the marriage.

[john jasson]

Hi All. I think I’m going to repeat the format of my previous answers to comments. I will pick out questions that require an answer, but leave the learned opinions and speculations about future directions to stand on their own merit. As ever, I will refrain from my own speculation about the future beyond where the narrative stands now.


Snowbird: I don’t think that counselling would ever have been on our radar. Difficult enough for us to understand our intense and complex relationship without inflicting it on someone else. Also, it’s been just a few days and she isn’t even here, so such niceties are very far from my mind. I was more concerned for her and us.


Tricky: There are many Sherries. She’s a complicated lady, more so than even she ever believed. You are right about this period seeming like real time compared to the earlier years being necessarily condensed. It’s because every hour she was gone stretched interminably for me. It wasn’t good, and I think it comes over in the writing. We never felt that we were becoming distant. This was the whole point and shock of the situation rearing up out of the blue. Before she went off on her trip to America we were so close you wouldn’t believe. I am sure that his declaration came as much as a shock to her as the news did to me. Absolutely, and I could see the anguish it was creating in her. I think you are judging by the extent of what she was doing with Geoff, but we saw ourselves as conspirators in all of that. It was a part of our sex life too and our game of her debauchery as we ecstatically relived it all together. I’m not consciously nudging anyone to think Geoff is all bad or not bad at all. I guess I was as indifferent to him as he was to me. He gave Sher a lot of stratospheric highs and took his pleasure in doing so. To that extent I was content with the situation which worked for everyone. Well, at least when it was working for everyone. He never left permanent marks on her, most disappeared in a few days. He almost always rubbed a soothing balm on her afterwards. Even when he gave her the cane with all of his strength and she reckoned he really wanted it to hurt, the welts had gone within 2 weeks and she was as good as new.


Johng1953:It never occurred to me for a split second that he might have more extensive designs on her than as her part time dom. Neither did it to her. This was why we were both gobsmacked when he came out with his “Choose” ultimatum. When she’d gone it did feel like she’d died, or I’d died, or something had died, for sure.

Blooit1: Thank you for the really comprehensive analysis you have attempted. In its depth it is similar to the one from my anonymous correspondent “The physician”. As in that case, I will not get into the rights and wrongs of what you say because much of it can only be opinion, even if informed opinion. Deep emotions are involved, and none of us can be sure what drives them. In a chapter gone by, Sherrie’s own words confirmed your observation that the stimulation of her brain is even more powerful than the physical effect on her body: "But I can deal with that. Just about. The sex side of it. It’s the deeper mental stuff that fucks with me so much. You know, the humiliation of it." Your postulation that she signalled her desire to descend ever deeper over the period is fair comment ,and I’m sure that she did. Also that she had second dibs when she replayed it all with me. Yes, she got off on that as much as I did, particularly if she was teasing me sexually at the same time. It was crazy hot and we were safe in the certain knowledge that we were rock solid, so flying close to the sun would never harm us. Well that was the theory! The blow by blow reruns were definitely my idea to begin with. They were at my insistence, in fact, but later on and especially into the long denial phase they were the focus of our sex life and we both put a lot in and got a lot out of them. She was more than accepting of his use of catheters on her and over time she came to crave it. After the shock of the first time, and the attendant discomfort, she came to regard it as his most invasive domination of her. The mindfuck of him taking away her control of a basic bodily function was massive for her, particularly when he fitted the tube while she was helpless in bondage. She said she thought of it as being in a ball and chain that was actually inside her at his will. It was some kind of submissive trance she went into. I guess we do both have masochistic streaks to differing degrees, but that’s also the intrigue and the fascination of it because neither of us is like that in every day life. Go figure. As for the writing style, I’ve blown hot and cold on it too. It was inspired by another thread (see page 1) and in the beginning I wanted to keep it mainly to conversation and text messaging with minimal background. That soon proved to be difficult, so it has developed into this hybrid style, still trying to major on the interactions but with more context to back it up. It can be hard not to slip into a standard style of historical narrative which might have been easier, but hey, it got this far.


Tracey52: Wouldn’t have started it? Totally hypothetical, but it was in both of us to do this, so I wouldn’t bet on it!


KarrieKraves: More professional insight that I am grateful for as with the contribution from “The physician”. Of course the sudden self-harming and self-hatred alarmed me as did her flight from everything; me, her home, her business, her whole life. And it all dropped out of a clear blue sky in a matter of days. I don’t necessarily see all of what you describe in her behaviour, but it’s certainly a valid assessment in the light of events.


BDJ: You are right in that there does seem to be a different flavour to the comments from the early part of the story. Of course I miss Chris as I’m sure a lot of us do. I miss nekkedoutdoors too, but being philosophical about it, I guess the comments have simply got darker as the story has, although even I am surprised at the level of catastrophising as I said a little way back. Of course I loved the story of Jade. I think the main difference is that you said she did it for you. That was never the case with us. It was deep in both of our sexualities to do it, and once we knew that, we egged each other on to ever greater extremes (as we have done our whole lives to take a chance on each other, take a chance on a move to a new and unfamiliar part of the country, take an almighty risk on some crazy idea to build a science business from nothing, etc. etc). I wouldn’t have wanted her to “do it for me”. The very fact that she did it for her was what was hot to me.


Butthurt: Although I was too bereft to notice as she left the house that morning, to the best of my knowledge she was wearing her wedding ring and her engagement ring. It never crossed my mind that she wouldn’t be to be honest. She had never taken them off since I placed them on her finger all of those years ago, even when Geoff commanded her to take of her wedding ring and piss on it during one of their BDSM rituals. The only thing she ever refused him, to my knowledge. She also had her twin hearts around her neck – I did notice that much when I hugged her before she went. As for the belly chain, no way of knowing. She was fully clothed and with her coat on! She had always worn it up to this point, and very sexy it always looked with the padlock pendant hanging just above her mound.

[Trickydicky69]

Hi John, thanks as always for your update and responses.
As always, we, the readers are commenting on your story as it is given to us. It’s your life and only you can truly know the full story of how you felt.
So if we’re catastrophising, it’s because that’s how we’re seeing it.
If you like, as “neutral” observers then how else might you interpret Geoff? I see that you’ve just stated you were indifferent to him and yet:
He’s tried getting Sherrie to take her wedding rings off,
He’s certainly manipulated her feelings for you
He certainly has encouraged her to spend as much time as possible with him
Bought her a chain
And given her an ultimatum to choose

I put it to you, Sir, you are a bit too indifferent!

I am joking and not criticising you, but I think it’s a fair point.
Geoff is not a cardboard cutout, he’s an active player in this and if you truly believed he was just a handy local Dom at the time, then it suggests your inexperience, naivety and caught up in the excitement- both of you.

Anyway, what’s not catastrophic about your beloved wife leaving you and your business crashing?

I’m glad that it’s not as bad as Sherrie ending up in rehab or worse but sadly people do. That’s my healthcare experience again- people keep denying there’s a problem and then suddenly, there is! Which you might say has occurred in this sudden split- you have been too indifferent to the risk/situation with Geoff and Sherrie even more so (plus no doubt alarm bells have rung in her head which she hasn’t really admitted to herself and certainly not to you).
I hope in time you’ll be able to say how Sherrie sees all this in hindsight as in many ways, it’s the crux of the story.

We have piled in with our views but they are wide ranging views and as BDJ puts it “doesn’t recognise them”.
But just because you don’t recognise those issues at the time, doesn’t mean they aren’t valid.
Such as associations between BDSM, addictions, abuse etc.
Walker nearly lost his Jade because he was addicted to the rush of sharing. And now regrets having pushed her so much.

Hindsight again!

And the way forward?
My current thinking is that sooner rather than later, she returns to the family home, possibly in separate bedrooms and no sex.
Perhaps a big talk between yourselves- plus saving the business.
She returns to Geoff but only once per week as they are the ground rules you now set but it fizzles out. Maybe you talk to him together and tell him you knew all the time. Bet that would blow his mind.

[blooit1]

Hi John, thanks as always for your update and responses.
As always, we, the readers are commenting on your story as it is given to us. It’s your life and only you can truly know the full story of how you felt.
So if we’re catastrophising, it’s because that’s how we’re seeing it.
If you like, as “neutral” observers then how else might you interpret Geoff? I see that you’ve just stated you were indifferent to him and yet:
He’s tried getting Sherrie to take her wedding rings off,
He’s certainly manipulated her feelings for you
He certainly has encouraged her to spend as much time as possible with him
Bought her a chain
And given her an ultimatum to choose

I put it to you, Sir, you are a bit too indifferent!

I did provide an alternative interpretation of G. I would still contend that S was exactly where she wanted to be in her relationship with G at all times. G was merely providing the opportunities for her to explore her submissiveness.
I appreciate your comment about J’s indifference may be off the cuff, but by his own admission her relationship with G was also enabled and accepted by him to a large extent. He has said more than once that they (S and J) believed their love and bond was strong enough to allow them to pursue the lifestyle they had embraced.
As for where we are in the telling of this story right now, I’ll agree that a dark mood prevails. I’m hopeful that S figures things out soon and returns to J, albeit with some conditions.
Time will tell how this all pans out, but I just can’t imagine S dropping her activities with G completely and going cold turkey.

I’m looking forward to J sharing more with us going forward.

[Trickydicky69]

I understand what you’re saying blooit and if Geoff’s behaviour was different, I might agree. But where I’m coming from is this:

In the bdsm community, Doms should be ethical Doms ie you should care for the mental health of your sub, including aftercare.
I accept that the unwritten contract is that Doms push the boundaries of the sub because that’s what both parties desire. So Geoff and the catheterisation is fine in my book. It is what Sherrie craved. But!

Post bdsm session, many subs are in vulnerable subspace and John mentioned how she was afterwards.

But that’s when I suspect Geoff has been causing trouble. He’s been manipulating her during that time.

No way can a Dom doing this, be considered ethical. An ethical Dom Doesn’t try splitting up marriages! That’s basically my point- a different Dom, an ethical one, wouldn’t have pursued this path. Breaking up a marriage is not the same as pushing boundaries.

So that’s my point from my experience. That’s why I have bad vibes towards Geoff, it’s why I think both John and Sherrie were too complacent towards him.
They thought their love was forever and they could handle any ups and downs- but look where the story is currently. We know it works out but could easily not have. John enabled it without realising the danger.

I repeat, Geoff is an active player in this trouble- he should have been looking out for warning signs that Sherrie was going too deep- not demanding that she chooses him!

Anyway, it’s all my conjecture.

[Trickydicky69]

The suspense is killing me John!

[john jasson]

I think blooit1 is close to our take on all of this.

Sorry it's getting to you, Tricky. Things have been quite frenetic, but I've written a bit more just for you.

==========================================

Drinking to excess may be great anaesthetic, but it isn’t the smartest plan I ever devised. I’m getting past caring about everything, which on one level is scary, but on another brings a little respite. A small part of me is saying if she doesn’t care, why should I? What’s the point? The slight improvement in my mood lasts through a couple of bottles, and then evaporates. Badly inebriated, I take a happy picture of us on our Venice trip down from the wall and smash it along with its glass and frame over the kettle, and I laugh manically at my stupidity, then cry again in my agony. Not clever, not adult, but fuck it all to hell. It’s better than smashing my head against the wall.

Monday morning I take stock. At least I have managed to sleep again, and that’s the plus side. It’s only because I drank myself to oblivion on Sunday, but beggars can’t be choosers. In the debit column, I’ve woken up, Sherrie is still gone and my head is banging like there’s a gnome in there with a sledgehammer. Sod it. I ring in sick to my own business for the first time ever. The rumours in the office were running hot last week. I could smell them. They’ll be at fever pitch now, but again, I don’t care. I might be sacking them all next week anyway if the bank forecloses on us, or if I just don’t have the will to go on without Sherrie at my side. I can only maintain a holding pattern for a limited period in any case. The bald fact of the matter is that the business needs her brilliant brain, and without her we’re sunk. When we started playing, it isn’t as though we didn’t understand how high the stakes were. We absolutely did, but we knew we were more than equal to any strain it might put on us. We didn’t just think that, we KNEW. I go back to bed, having swallowed a couple of paracetamol, determined to sleep off the hangover and the feeling of uselessness. We will prevail. She will return. She must.

Tuesday, I drag myself into work and announce that I’ve caught the same bug as Sherrie, though she’s still worse than me and is confined to the house. I confine myself to my office and warn them all not to come near me if they know what’s good for them. It strikes me that if the bug is called despair, then my report is probably entirely accurate. Sadly, it isn’t our house she’s confined to.


That night after another awful day of trying to engage at work, something changes. Maybe a slight thaw sets in. My phone signals an incoming text. I’m prostrate, dozing on the sofa, still nursing my head and my battered emotions, but I grab the device. I’ve heard nothing from her over the weekend.

S: Geoff texted last night. He apologised.

Oh. That’s nice then!

J: Right. And?

S: He wants to talk after swimming on Thursday.

I’m incredulous.

J: Eh? Ur actually going to go to swimming on Thursday? Really?

J: And u live 200 miles away?

S: Travelling home tomorrow. Due back about teatime. I’m so sorry, John.

J: Why r u sorry for coming home? That’s great. We need to talk before u talk to Geoff.

S: No. After I talk to him. I don’t want to mess u about any more. I’m so so sorry.

That’s rich. He gets an audience before me? At least she’s coming home though, so it doesn’t seem like the smartest strategy to start a long distance text argument about the finer points of it. The week she’s been gone has been a special kind of hell. I’ll just have to stew a while longer till she gets here because there’s no other option. I have no clue what might happen, or what she means by messing me about. She’s certainly done that, but I know I can hardly wait until tomorrow evening just to see her lovely face again and, who knows, maybe get to hold her, comfort her, or maybe not. At least I’m optimistic at last. The faith in us that I’ve clung to throughout this rupture resurges exponentially. There was an apology from her, and I cling to it. Maybe we will turn this around.

“Teatime” isn’t very precise, so after an interminable day I arrive home from work at the usual time. She’s already back, and I see her in the kitchen through the window as I park up. My heart leaps in my chest, but I walk through the door like I’m a condemned man on my way to the gallows. How bloody strange this is! It’s my beloved Sherrie in there; my most favourite person in all the world, not some ogre to be feared. The anxiety arises from what she may be about to say, but it’s no time to be apprehensive or lacking in courage. She has the freezer open and she’s making a list either of what’s in it or what’s not. It seems a bizarre thing to be doing just now given the irregular state of affairs. It occurs to me that it’s for something to do, a distraction for her troubled mind, and, likely as not, she is every bit as agitated about this reunion as I am.

I don’t get a hug or any greeting for that matter, so I don’t offer one either. She stops what she’s been doing.

S: What happened to our picture?

She’s seen the remains of us and Venice in the bin, or she’s noticed it isn’t in its place on the wall. Her tone is neutral, so is her expression. Her eyes are puffy from crying and she looks pale. It’s plain she’s been suffering.

J: I smashed it. I was drunk.

S: I’m sorry.

J: I’m not. Well, I wasn’t when I did it, but you know that mindless destruction isn’t usually my bag. So put it down to desperation and transient stupidity.

I’m still trying to read her condition, her health, her mood. She seems so jaded, like she’s slept as little as I have. She has a scrawny look to her face, but that’s mainly Geoff’s doing. “Have to be at optimum weight for the race,” as he will insist to her. “Eat wiser, go faster. Try to get another couple of pounds off that arse. Make sacrifices. Lean means fast!” as he has told her pretty much weekly for years. As for her humour, it isn’t good, and it’s tangibly permeating the house already. I try to raise the mood music an octave or two:

J: Are you alright, Sherrie? I’ve missed you so much.

S: I really am sorry for running away, babe. I was pathetic. I’m getting there. I have to sort things out with Geoff though. It’s key to unscrambling my head.

J: What does that mean though?

S: I don’t know really is the truth. This is all that’s happened.

She hands me her phone to show me their texts:

G to S: I’m very sorry, Sherrie. I messed up. Please come back to swimming on Thursday then we can talk afterwards?

I notice there’s a gap of some hours after his msg on Monday evening, and her reply is timed after 2am, Tuesday. No doubt she was agonising over how to respond deep into the night.

S to G: I’ll be there. Xx

Then another gap until 7am.

G to S: We talk alone with nothing ruled in or out. Everything or nothing on the table. Agreed?

S to G: OK. A completely open talk. Xx

S: And that’s all we’ve agreed.

I realise she took another twelve hours after their texts to tell me.

J: Well at least he gets kisses on his texts.

She casts her eyes down to the floor.

S: I’m sorry, John. I’m feeling very ashamed about a lot of things.

Then she looks up, a glint of that steel in her teary eye.

S: But not about everything!

I could easily make an argument out of the small but wounding detail of text kisses and about the delay in advising me about her return home, but what would be the point when her mind appears so dismembered and much bigger things are going on?

J: So where does this leave us?

S: I don’t know. But you know as much as me now.

J: It looks to me like you’ve only come back because he wants to see you. You just want to go to him.

S: Yes. I’m not going to lie. That’s true, I do, but like I said, that’s the key to all this, isn’t it? I melted down because of him, so I’m back because of him. I’m sorry, but I can’t leave it as it is. It needs closure or…. Something, I don’t know what, but you have to know I want him in my life at some level if it’s possible. I miss him. I miss what he does to me and how he gets in my head. It’s an inescapable fact. Of course I understand if that’s not acceptable to you, so that’s why I don’t know where it leaves us. It depends on all three of us and what we all decide.

J: Why didn’t you just go to him instead of coming home to me then?

S: Because it’s all too much, and with our love I know you’ll take care of me. I can’t be doing with EITHER of you giving me grief, but you’re more understanding by nature than he is, so I’m hoping you’ll give me the space and some peace. He’d just want to punish me, or something, for fucking insubordination. You know how crazy it is between us.

J: You miss the sex? You miss the training? You miss the discipline?

S: All of it, John. It’s hard to admit to you, but I miss being with him. That’s the big surprise. I miss the strange person he is, and the strange person he makes me, more than I ever thought I could. If you didn’t notice, I spent a lot of time with him, a lot of it when you weren’t around, and you urged me on, said it was all good. YOU did this as much as I did.

Her look is definitely accusatory.

S: It’s become a partnership more than I ever realised, and I’m going cold turkey, can’t you see? That’s why I’m such a car crash now. It’s obvious that’s what it is. Everything was fine for all of us before he dumped me. When I told you that you were my only man, I promise I wasn’t deliberately lying to you, but maybe I was wrong after all. I didn’t know how important to me he’d become. Maybe I was fooling myself a little for a quiet life and sweeping things under the carpet. It’s shocking. It shocks me, but I miss him being my Master and totally controlling me, at least for part of the time. I’m grieving for the loss of that crazy situation where he could call me at any time in the past few years and do absolutely anything he wanted to me and I had to comply, however tough on me, however humiliating. I so miss the constant edge that it could happen at any moment. It kept me always on a high, enthralled, crazy excited. It was the most ridiculous turn on and you know it was because you shared that anticipation with me. Can you understand my sadness that it’s not there anymore? It’s outrageous even to me, but I miss what he did to my mindset. But you are the only man I will ever love in a real romantic life partner way. That has never wavered. I’m sorry I take you for granted. Maybe you love me more than I love you. That’s awful, I know, but I swear I couldn’t possibly love anyone more than I do you. I did warn you about how I am.

I take her words in noncommittally. They do make a lot of sense. We grab a takeaway from just down the road, but we don’t eat much. Being with her is almost as fraught as before she left. You could cut the atmosphere between us with a knife. There’s hurt, remorse, angst, misunderstanding, disappointment in each other, frustration and, no doubt, a whole lot more. But at least she’s here acknowledging our love, and we’re communicating without bawling at each other. Those are gains I can bank.

J: What did you tell Diane?

S(humourless laugh): Don’t worry. I didn’t tell her the fucking truth is for sure! Hey, Mum. I’ve been fucking this guy with a cock like a donkey who ties me up, fucks me up the arse to show me who’s boss, then beats me raw, and John feels me up before I leave to check how wet I am for my sadist lover. That would have gone down a storm, wouldn’t it? You’d have lost a big fan there! Especially if I told her you’ve lapped it up for four years!

It sounds too sordid for words when we’re not excited and she puts it like that, but I suppose her description is entirely factual. In fact, it’s underselling the situation by some order of magnitude.

J: Yeah. Sure I get that. It’s a long time since you let me feel you up though! You told her what then?

S: I gave her an edited version of the business money problems and told her it was getting overwhelming and we were arguing a lot, which ironically wasn’t true, of course. She took your side as usual. Told me to stop crying like a baby and go back to help that poor boy when he needs you most!

J: I know the business debt has been weighing on you a lot too. Was there some truth in that element of what you told her?

S: I suppose. Yeah, there must have been because it was the first excuse that came to mind. It’s just everything, John. Just everything. But Geoff dumping me is what sent it all critical. There’s no getting away from that. We can’t hide from it.

She puts her head in her hands, but she doesn’t start crying as I am expecting. Maybe she’s all cried out.

J: You haven’t extended the cottage rental have you?

S: No. That was a stupid idea. I’ve told them I’m gone. I’m back here for good, for better or for worse. I wasn’t even thinking straight. It was a nice cosy little place though. It was yet more expense when we don’t need more expense, then there’s the business. I’m sorry about that. Really. None of it was fair on you, and I knew it. I was irresponsible but it frightens me now that I couldn’t have cared less.

That’s a relief, but does she mean back for good with me, and the two of us together? She isn’t being at all loving or even warm toward me. She’s talking about Geoff like she has some kind of ongoing binding obligation to him.

J(my turn for the humourless laugh): You said for better or for worse once before. Are you coming back to bed? You can still keep covered up. I just want to hold you.

S: I can’t until I’ve cleared the air with Geoff. I’m being a total bitch, I know, but I have to settle in my mind what I want now.

J: You think that’s fair?

S: No. I just said I’m being a bitch, but it’s how it is in my head. How I planned overnight what I’d do when I got back. I’m sorry, John. Being fair isn’t a high priority. I’m just about getting through, believe me. Hanging in. I’m still prioritising me, and that hasn’t changed. I don’t even want to be here if I’m really honest. Right now it would be easier hiding away from both of you back in that cottage, but I would never sort it from there, would I? I was running away from you and him and everything in my life. I was being a coward; a child, just like you said, and I’m very sorry for that. I’ll leave and find a hotel if you want me to. I’d understand.

J: Of course I don’t want you to leave. This is your home. You must come back to the office tomorrow, though. I’ve had enough of covering your work as best I can and making excuses to the staff.

S: I didn’t ask you to make excuses for me.

J: I hardly had a choice. Look, you ARE coming back to the office tomorrow. If you are fit to go swimming and see him, and no doubt fuck him, you are fit to work too.

S (sighing reluctantly): OK. You’re right. I guess I should. I don’t think I’ll be fucking him though. I think I’m very much in his bad books after what’s happened.

It’s all been businesslike. She’s apologised selectively several times for certain things she’s done, but she’s also defended herself spiritedly. It’s civil, but not much more. She’s said she loves me, but there’s no real affection on show. It’s beyond confusing. We still haven’t even touched, having spent all of this time facing each other across the kitchen table. Shortly after nine, she’s gone to bed in the spare room minding her own troubled thoughts again and leaving me to mine. They’re still pretty dark, and I resist the temptation of the remaining bottle of whisky that’s giving me a come hither from the lounge unit. At least she’s home and safe.

[Trickydicky69]

Thanks John!
My quick take is:

I can understand why you and blooit still have a more neutral attitude towards Geoff than I do ie that’s how you felt…. at the time. He’s just giving her what she craves.
We’ll see though perhaps what his true colours are, I’m still doubtful.

Sherrie has given you a sort of apology, enough at least for you two to work through things. And a sense that you’re still together.

She acknowledges she’s being selfish and a bitch and relying on you to be understanding and supportive, despite all this.

But Geoff still has a greater hold over her than you, it appears.

If it had been me, I think I probably would be taking her up on the offer and effectively divorcing her. She’s in too deep with Geoff, I wouldn’t trust her or him - the “team” trust is broken.

I think personally, it would be either him or me, she doesn’t see him again, full stop.

And even your faith in her must be tested to the hilt, she’s not guaranteeing she’ll choose you. She is clearly still wanting him, so long as you’re her safety net. I couldn’t do it and I don’t know, even for you, she has only this one chance to put it right.

Could you really cope if this scenario kept repeating itself? Enough is enough?

[Tracey52]

Fucking Jesus John. How did you put up with this? You’re either a saint, delusional or grasping at straws. At best you’re now the consolation prize. Completely being taken for granted. I feel like your letting the male species down. I would have given her the same ultimatum as Geoff, but then I would have lost her and it seems you kept her. However, I would have had dignity in my loneliness. Your way is probably better, let her work it out, but the tole it must have taken on your relationship. Incredible that it survived. Busy or not, try not to keep us waiting for the next chapter. We’re dying here.

[Trickydicky69]

Perhaps a little harsh Tracey but it was John’s decision which worked out.
But did it come at the cost of self dignity? He does hint that even he doesn’t think it’s fair and she acknowledges that but will do it regardless!
And her doing things for herself does turn him on, which is their relationship dynamic. But maybe she is going too far, even for him.
Perhaps John does draw a line in the sand?

We know they get back together but we don’t know how, what conditions are in place and the role of Geoff.

[antidote2909]

Even after knowing that you guys got back together after this crash, I can't think what you would have gone through. Even though you've repeated how much you both love each other, it does seem a lot to digest,especially for you John.

I have loved Sherri and being a fan of BDSM, albeit softer than what she undergoes, I really enjoyed your escapades and her enjoyment.

Though we all suspected, when it comes to this point, it is truly difficult to imagine your position.

I don't believe I woukd have been able to get back.

Truly admire your resilience John. Also if Sherri is reading, I'm really sorry that we all are putting so much blame on her. Intellectually I can understand her but emotionally difficult to explain her actions. Still my love to her as she certainly comes across as a wonderful partner otherwise.

Really difficult period.

[BDJ]

John,
Not even going to try to formulate a comment on this. Been there, done that. The evolution of your relationship is so complex as to render any speculation meaningless, I think. I'm just going to enjoy the ride, wallowing in the pain your narrative evokes.

BDJ

[GenerallySpeaking]

Your old marriage is dead. This fracture was too big. Maybe you started a new marriage but I can't imagine it hasn't been thoroughly tainted. Your entire relationship and the old "team" will never be the same. And for that, I'm really sorry. You have said you got back together but after this, I'm not sure in what capacity. This is quite possibly one of the most fucked-up relationships I've ever read.

[Build2last]

Your old marriage is dead. This fracture was too big. Maybe you started a new marriage but I can't imagine it hasn't been thoroughly tainted. Your entire relationship and the old "team" will never be the same. And for that, I'm really sorry. You have said you got back together but after this, I'm not sure in what capacity. This is quite possibly one of the most fucked-up relationships I've ever read.

What he said. I still enjoy the writing. Thank you for sharing with us

[Build2last]

Deleted a double post.

[Lensman2000]

John, you're painting Sherri as a very unsympathetic character in this drama. A wife with her submissive fetish and high libido would have given many of your readers intense kinky, cuckold, masochistic fun up to a point in your compelling story. Things have really gone off the rails, however, since her return from California and extreme overreaction to your mildly thoughtless remark. Right now it's obvious that she needs professional help as well as some tough love from her husband. As my mother always admonished," It's always fun until someone puts an eye out." Well, your game's not fun anymore and people are getting hurt.

Given that you two are still married and (if I recall the timeline) Geoff is in the picture for another couple of years, I can't wait to see how this episode in your lives resolves!

[Trickydicky69]

She does come across as very selfish but I suppose she feels that she’s entitled and knows John will accept it as it pushes his buttons.
At this stage, she also seems prepared to risk breaking up their relationship too, in order to “find herself.” And even though she loves John, he perhaps loves her more, maybe more than she deserves.
Although I suspect she doesn’t actually believe he would ever leave her.

Up to a point, Sherrie reminds me of my wife who is naturally very selfish- a “princess” her father described her! And I know I must always be ready to draw a line because she will push over it given half a chance. If I was wired more like John… which is why I am so fascinated by this story- I can imagine my wife behaving like this. She both wants to be put on a pedestal and adored and get her minions to do the work. Yet needs to be told No! Needs to be told not to overstep the line.

I think for us struggling to understand this, we would be drawing that line in the sand, some tough love indeed is necessary.

In a sense, maybe the marriage will be over and dead - as it was. There will be a new marriage going forward, with the benefit of learning from this experience.

[blooit1]

Thanks John for confirming my insights are close to the mark.

I suspect the delay in G reaching out to S was intentional. He will have realised straight away that he had misread her and he has given her time for reflection and an opportunity to get her thoughts clear.
As I’d said previously, the ultimate power in a D/S relationship always lies with the sub. S has just exercised that power by backing off from G. She has sent him a very clear message that removing her from J’s sphere of influence is a limit and a line she will not cross. Clearly her love and commitment to J trumped anything else.
I had initially thought that I could see her coming back to negotiate with G with a view to weaning herself away from him. I’m less inclined to think that this is how it will play out now and I reckon we will soon see S and G’s relationship back where it was before this hiatus. I’m convinced that S knows exactly what she wants from G and I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t develop her submissiveness even more. I’m sure G will be happy to oblige her.

As for J, I believe he would have been happy to have S back under pretty much any circumstances, but the fact that he is getting her back and probably with her relationship with G still intact will go along way towards making him more whole and content. His last post has certainly removed most of the doom and gloom and even anger that he had documented earlier. I sense that he had a lot of conflicting and confusing feelings at this time. Frustration, disappointment, happiness and envy, but most of all I sense he had a feeling of relief that S is back.

I don’t think we should be too critical and judgemental of S. She is obviously deeply in love with J and is committed to their relationship. She understands that J derives pleasure from her submissiveness to G and she will strive to make sure that it continues to their mutual benefit. Far from ending their marriage, I see this interlude only making it stronger.

All will be revealed in the fullness of time by J, I’m sure.

[Trickydicky69]

Nope, not reading the same thing at all, blooit!
Fascinating how people can read exactly the same words yet understand it differently.
But John is getting his money’s worth of feedback.

Certainly, Geoff reaching out was deliberate but Sherrie said he sent her away, not that she ran away initially. He probably did misread it , he thought she was already under his complete control but not quite. He thought she would choose him. Now that she ran away, Geoff has to get her back or else he loses his favourite shag!

And yet the first thing Sherrie says to John (who gets no love, hugs, different bedrooms) is that she won’t be fucking Geoff because she’s in his bad books. Inference being that she will first opportunity! Geoff literally comes first before John.

Maybe John will have her back under any circumstances but I think the first seeds of doubt have also crept into Johns mind too.
Maybe their bond isn’t quite as strong as he thought and certainly doesn’t seem to be her first priority. Yes their love may be strong but sometimes that isn’t enough.

Something is going to have to change to find a path through this.
I think (if the timeline is still correct) then John needs to put those boundaries in, make it clear to Geoff in person, that he will enforce those boundaries for Sherries mental health. And their marriage.

Way back, John tells us Geoff avoids meeting John. I wonder if they do meet, it screws with Geoffs mind? Geoffs bravado breaks down and Sherrie sees John in a new light. More dominant?
He has been a rather submissive cuckold in many respects. A willing one of course but perhaps Sherrie sees him somewhat diminished because of it? It happens.

A curve ball here:
They tell Geoff the truth that John has known and been a willing accomplice all this time - effectively Geoff has Dommed both.
And they make it official, they both go to Geoffs sessions.
John is forced to watch Sherrie submitting to the whip and Geoffs big cock and becomes Geoffs sub too?