Our Hotwives

From the start... After tinkering with sharing my wife Samantha sporadically some time ago, we NEED ADVICE - I consider us newbies. Looks like my wife is on the verge of jumping in. She started playing with Ashley Madison, with my encouragement, a week ago and has become obsessed (in a good way) with all the attention. She's an unusually HOT hotwife at 5'8' and 130lb and a 36D-26-36 barbie-doll figure, and I absolutely love the thought of her going "all in".

Here's the deal: she's narrowed the AM prospects from 1000 to 10 to 5 to 3... and is going out with 1 tomorrow. She really seems infatuated with this one. Butterflies, lots of chatting, long phone calls. I have to admit I feel a tiny bit of jealously, but mostly I've very excited. What I'm worried about is that she's already becoming emotionally involved with this one before giving anyone else even a chance. We've talked about it, and I've told her that I feel more "comfortable" with more than one than only one, and she says she understands, but she's just taking it one day at a time and want to see where this all leads.

She's one of these amazing women (she's got it all) that most men quickly fall in love with. I suspect she'll see this first guy and quickly end up in bed and want to start dating him regularly. Our communication is great. Our sex life is great (and getting better). I'm willing to let her play alone, and that's what she wants. I just would prefer she date 3 instead of one - especially as we get this lifestyle started. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Welcome to the forum. Nice intro. I split your post from the newbie one so that the advice given is yours and not a mixture.

You are both so new to this and moving so fast that you are bound to make some mistakes. But, if you are both excited and having fun then I think you should just proceed and expect to have some discussions about what worked and what didn't a few weeks from now.

Is I will assume from your screen name Samantha going to join us, it would be useful to read her view.
Welcome

If you are happy for her to play alone then good for you. It may lead to a few feelings of jealousy so understand it may effect your decision making skills. She will be having a great time no matter what and I doubt she will have any issues with attachment. The issues will be how you perceive your role in all of this. Good luck let us know how deep the water is?

"long phone calls"
That's where I would end it all and leave it as a fantasy. That's a sure sign of emotional attachment where I come from.

She's someone that needs to form an emotional bond before joking into bed with someone.

She told me all about the 2 calls. Mostly getting to know you conversations. On the call they both examined to the other that they are each happily married. They actually made a vow to "not do something to screw up their home relationships. I said to her: "so you promissed not to fall in love", and she basically said "yes". And I said "what if it starts going that way" and she said "well, then I'll have to cut it off - my family and you are more important than this". I said "can you really cut it off if you fall in love?", and she said "I supposed that might be a challenge, but I assure you yes, absolutely". She is a mature, strong, woman of 40. Not an immature pup.

Update: today She's going on her first date. A getting to know you date. She said "there is no way I will do anything - I just need to talk to him for an hour or so to see what the deal is and what sort of chemistry exists. I told her she's free to see where it goes... I'm a little nervous, but excited... To be continued...

Ashley Madison is a cheater site. Do the prospective FBs know about you? Or, is she pretending to be a cheater? If it's the cheater stuff, watch out, that shit will crawl around in your brain after awhile and eat it out. Lots of danger (for you!) in that mode of HWing.

Be careful!

She IS telling AM dates that she is a "hotwife" and what that means. Is that a good thing to admit? I sort of told her to be careful telling people that too soon because it might freek some guys out. Is that the right thinking or should you ALWAYS tell a prospective FB that you are a hotwife??

UPDATE: She went on her date. Had fun and said the guy was a "good fit" for next steps, however, he was a bit quite and reserved. Did not kiss her or schedule a specific follow-up date, but he did say he liked her a lot and looked forward to seeing her again. Their date was at a very public place, so maybe not a surprise? She is someone that likes to be pursued. I know she was a little disappointed that he was not a bit more aggressive. My heart was racing from the whole experience and when she got home I asked her like 1,000,000 questions about how she felt and what she wanted next. Eventually this sort of turned her off. She said she does not mind sharing everything that happens, but she can't spend more time talking about it that she even spends doing it. She basically asked that I back off and give her some space to see how everything evolves. I guess that's fair. I guess I need to chill out a bit and just play it a little more cool.

it's my personal opinion, that the FBs should know about you. Others will disagree.

UPDATE: wow - out of the blue, she decided to go on a second date today !!! I guess she's really getting the hang of this! This time she's dressed to kill ! Been gone 2 hrs. I have no idea what she's doing....

Im trying to remain calm and let her spread her wings. She told me earlier she'd feel a little "slutty" dating more than one guy. I ask her what she thinks of a guy that dates, and even beds multiple women. She said "thats called a stud". To which i said "so, you agree with a double standard?"... That maybe got her thinking... As she walked out the door i called her a stud...

Update: date #2 complete. She came home very hot and bothered. No sex yet, but did make out and "needed it bad" when she got home... Tomorrow she hoes out with #1 again and maybe a new guy. Says she not sure she's ready for sex, yet...

Update: looks like date #2 with guy #1 is a go today... Also pending are dates with guy #3 and #4... Wife basically wants to go on a series of dates to see who she clicks with.

I'd love some advice on all of this... I'm just going with the flow and don't really know what I'm doing...

It seems like things are moving really fast...

She tends to be an action taker she asked me what my fantasy would be out of this and I said "to get 100 O's" ... And she said "we can make that work". Given that she is highly multi-orgasmic, it might not take long. In the mean time we've been having hot sex 2-3/x a day from all the excitement...

SmilingHusband wrote:it's my personal opinion, that the FBs should know about you. Others will disagree.

I agree and I will add that they should know about one another, especially if she plays bareback with some and not others.

Samanthasman wrote: She's one of these amazing women (she's got it all) that most men quickly fall in love with. I suspect she'll see this first guy and quickly end up in bed and want to start dating him regularly. Our communication is great. Our sex life is great (and getting better). I'm willing to let her play alone, and that's what she wants. I just would prefer she date 3 instead of one - especially as we get this lifestyle started. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Has she always been monogamous (serial monogamous) or before you did she date a lot of guys at the same time? Some questions to think or ask: is she reliving her past or getting a chance to be the "slut" she didn't get to be before. It could be that she thinks she wants to be a slut and have multiple partners but as she starts to play realizes that she's just looking for that "one". If that's the case, are you prepared for that? If not and you tell her, do you trust in your relationship that she will take that into consideration but may decide to proceed? And if she does so with your knowledge can you handle it? What if she proceeds without telling you and you find out? As I've seen from others in posts all over this board, it's all about communication and working through each step. My opinion of course.

She HAS always been a serial monogamist, however when she was single she did always see sex as part of dating and did sleep with about 35 guys along the way. I told her that I felt more comfortable with her sleeping with 2 or more partners than I did with just one. She said "I don't yet know if I can do that". I have no idea if my request is reasonable!??

I will add that the marriage is very happy and strong. The communication is great. She had me set up her secret email account that she and I both have access to. She has no problem that I can see all her emails and text messages. Sometimes she'll even ask me to check messages for her. I'm sure if I asked her to stop she would, but it would frustrate her and she'd never want to explore this stuff again. I thnk she's having a ton of fun with this, but she would not have started down this path without encouragement. I do know she feels like a kid in a candy store with all the attention she's getting from men on AM. She's always loved the thrill of dating. She's also enjoying the attention she's getting from getting into 36D-25-36 shape! Even though I've been married to her for a decade, I've never seen her look hotter. I actually get a hard-on just looking at her at times.

UPDATE: Wife had date #2 with guy #1 and came home to announce "this is the one I want to start fucking regularly". They still have not gone all the way, but she went far enough to feel all the chemistry she needed. I was a little shocked. I said, again, I felt a little more comfortable with 2 or more FBs than with just one BF, and she reassured me repeatedly.. "relax and enjoy the ride... you've wanted this and I've finally opened up to the idea... I found someone that is perfect for this fantasy". We talked quite a while and she even invited me to have a beer with the guy and talk to him directly. He sounds like a cool easy going guy in an open relationship in which he and his wife can play alone. She basically said "look, you're taller and just as good looking and I love you and you are the father of our children and you are more successful, and I've built my whole life around you, etc. I'd never leave you for this guy, but I know I we can all have a ton of fun this this fantasy, if you say yes - I'm a go, else we can forget the whole deal, which is also ok, but disappointing". We vowed again that our marriage and relationship is far more important than some fantasy, we wrote down a list of rules - mostly stuff copied from other parts of this forum.. we agreed to all the ground rules, and we've decided to take the next steps. I can tell in her heart she totally committed to me and our family, and I think we are jumping into this with exactly the right foundation and attitude. Next step is the real deal date... I'm excited!

meet the guy bro. take charge of this, and make sure it goes down in a way that you are OK with. don't let it unravel, and get away from you.

SH

Another update: after spending more time on AM she's scheduling more dates with more guys. Date #1 with guy #3 tomorrow... Date #1 with guy #4 on Tuesday. She seems to be really getting hot for #3. I asked her if she still wants to sleep with #1 and she says probably. I asked her if she wants to bed #3 and she says "yes I want that maybe". I asked her if she still wants just one and she says "I'm not sure what I want"... She's starting to read hotwife blogs online - adventures of other wives. She's pretty horny, as am I. Honestly, I want her to have as much fun as humanly possible (and preferably with many different men). Is that wrong? Not sure what to advise her or even do other than stand back and let things continue to develop. What would it be like for me if she started having sex 3-4 nights a week with 2-3 different men!!??

ugh. I'm out man.

good luck.

cselby83 wrote:

SmilingHusband wrote:it's my personal opinion, that the FBs should know about you. Others will disagree.

I agree and I will add that they should know about one another, especially if she plays bareback with some and not others.

Totally agree.

SmilingHusband wrote:ugh. I'm out man.

good luck.

ugh, I'm with Smiling, be very careful and watchful as you have said she tends to require an emotional connection and while she's horny and setting up a lot of dates. She's pretty non-committal with you in terms of what she wants and whether or not she will continue to talk to you about it. As with others has said, you have to decide if you are going to be okay with her deciding to proceed against what you realize you really want. good luck!!