Doing everything but…………

[Chester916]

My wife of 25 years has been aware of my sexually submissive tendencies for our entire relationship. I have a very small penis that for years, she proclaimed was enough. A few years back, we introduced a very large strap on dildo that I use on her. Her reactions when we use compared to sex with me are like “ night and day.” She loves it. Now, she has turned on some power and we have some specific rules I must follow. She doesn’t touch my penis, controls and rations my orgasms, I must wear a condom if she allows me inside her, etc.

She continues to expand and enjoy her power and sexual needs, but also refuses to be sexual with another person. I want her to cuckold me so badly. We put an add on FEELD, but haven’t met anybody yet and she claims that even if we find a prospective bull, she is very unlikely to take that next step and be sexual with him. How can I finally help to get us to take that next step. We do virtually everything a cuckold couple does other than the actual cuckolding. HELP, I am 60 years old and it’s getting late.

[iloanmywife]

First, it sounds like you're having a great time anyway. You've been married for 25 years, your wife is indulging your kinks, and your sex life is heating up. That sounds like you both are winning all around. If you never do anything more than that, you're living the dream. I hope you feel as lucky as you really are.

What I'm about to post is how my wife and I made the jump from fantasy to reality, dealing with the same tentativeness you described. Since then we've had some extreme cuckold/slutwife play in our adventures, but that first step is a doozy. After years of stops and starts and getting cold feet and planned fuck dates never materializing, this worked for us. I know for a verifiable fact that it's worked for other couples who have taken this advice. Most wannabe cuckolds want to hear how they can get their wife gangbanged in an alley on the first night, so this approach makes lousy online masturbation material.

Others may have a different perspective to fast-track the fun. "Go to a swingers' party and look around." Most normal people have zero idea how to find such an event, and if you're anything like us then this sort of thing would be a giant turnoff. "Have your wife sit alone at an airport bar and wait for a handsome stranger to chat her up." This is the stuff of bad porno plots. Life doesn't work that way and airport bars are terrible places to meet people. "Go out to a nightclub together and just see what happens." We tried this ourselves, with limited success. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but navigating the singles crowd at a vanilla bar to find a guy looking for a couple is a lot more difficult than it sounds.

So what do you do?

When we decided to take our first step, we created an online profile looking for another guy who would be willing to meet us out for drinks. We basically guaranteed him that no sex would be involved, and that we were simply looking to meet another guy to hang out and share some laughs. Paraphrased, our first profile was something like this:

Married couple looking to hang out with a single man. Drinks, flirting, chatting, maybe some playful touching. Lots of fun. There will likely not be any sex — just some flirting and teasing and fun. There’s always the possibility of more if we really hit it off, but we don’t want to commit to anything more than interesting conversation. We’re both attractive, reasonably intelligent, and deeply in love. She very much enjoys the company of other men, in front of her husband. He likes to watch her enjoy herself.

The way we looked at it, what’s the worst that could happen? If we didn’t hit it off with him then we’d just go to another bar and laugh it off together over some drinks. And if we had fun then we’d get a chance to take a cautious first step and it would generate some great pillow-talk material for us. We treated it like every other adventure we’ve taken together. If it sucked, at least we tried it and we’d have some good jokes about it later. We agreed to no expectations with each other, and that either of us could pull the plug on the evening whenever we wanted.

She liked this approach because she had a security blanket. She got to flirt with another man and enjoy his attention, but she also had the comfort of her husband at her side. This date was basically a pre-scripted version of the nightclub scenario. We just ensured that we’d be talking with a man who was likewise interested in meeting a couple. We had a few pre-planned signals if she or I wanted to end the date at any time. Other than that, we didn’t really over-think the evening.

If this is the first time you’ve ever done something like this, the adrenaline rush from simply watching your wife talk and laugh and flirt with another man is exhilarating. Watching him place his hand gently on the small of her back as he leans in to get his drink at the bar will be more than enough to infuse sexual energy into the evening. And honestly, just posting the profile will infuse energy into your sex life.

[Chester916]

Thank you very much for your thoughtful reply. You’re right, I should and do fell very lucky. My wife is amazing and her development into the incredible person she has become, in and out of the bedroom, is something I cherish and so proud of her for.

We do have that type of personal ad running on FEELD, but it is been hard to find “normal” people.

I can’t help but ask, from that approach, has she turned into a hotwife? If so, how long have you been doing it and have each of you embraced the roles? Have each of you gotten out of it what you expected? What has it done for her outside the sex? What has it done for your marriage? I’m so eager to hear more. Thanks again.

[iloanmywife]

I can’t help but ask, from that approach, has she turned into a hotwife?

100%. That was the profile/ad that got us over the edge. Here's the story of that first no-sex date.

We found a guy with that profile and met him at a moderately crowded restaurant and bar. It was just loud enough not to be overheard, with enough patrons to be inconspicuous in the crowd. We had consciously seated ourselves on opposite sides of a booth. When he arrived he greeted us and sat down next to her. We shared drinks while we had some basic “first date” conversation. He was effusive, complimenting her appearance, her clothes, her face. For the other guy, this is ALWAYS the right approach. For most married women, physical compliments are a freaking aphrodisiac. In this context, on this date, it allowed her to accept his compliments freely, without the need to feign offense or affect some faux sense of embarrassment. We eventually talked about why we were all interested in this sort of “unique” date. We shared our thoughts, enjoying for the first time the ability to talk openly with someone else about our secret fantasy.

As we got to know each other a little, we all grew more comfortable. Soon his hand rested casually on my wife’s thigh, gently rubbing her leg through her jeans as we chatted. They we sitting close together, hips touching. She acted naturally, accepting his advances but not overtly acknowledging them, and never breaking her conversation with him or with me. When he eventually put his arm around her waist, she slid in closer, relaxing against him. They held hands nonchalantly as we traded stories and drank.

Whenever he left the table to get drinks or use the restroom, we checked in with each other (of course) and assured each other that we were both having a good time. Whenever my wife left to use the restroom, we engaged in mildly awkward guy talk.

When I finally had to break the seal and leave them alone in the booth, I came back to find them chatting as I had left them. The second time, later in the night, I returned to see them making out. After that they kissed each time I left the booth, stopping whenever I returned. Decorum, I guess. Even in a lively bar it would look unusual if they made out while I sat across from them. And then someone might notice that the two wearing wedding rings were not the two making out. When we finally said goodnight for the evening, I excused myself first and left them one last time. They made out for a minute outside the restaurant while I started the car and watched from several yards away. When she got into the car we started chatting animatedly, gushing about how much fun we had and how we couldn’t believe what had just happened. When we finally got home we fucked each other like animals. I’m almost positive that neither of us said a single word from the time we walked in the door of our home. Just sweaty, hot, passionate fucking. Married fucking.

As much I tell my wife how very hot she is, there’s something about hearing it from another man. What I suspect many married women miss most about dating is the feeling of being pursued, of being desired. That first date rekindled that feeling for her. She craved the attention of being a hotwife. She became addicted to being lusted after. It’s not just the sex, it’s that feeling of being pursued, and pursuing, with the safety net of her husband’s unyielding support and love. Don’t get me wrong, she loves fucking other men and she’s a genuine slut in every sense of the word (we use that term in a good way). But being lusted after encouraged her to release her inner slut.

How long have you been doing it and have each of you embraced the roles? Have each of you gotten out of it what you expected? What has it done for her outside the sex? What has it done for your marriage? I’m so eager to hear more. Thanks again.

Since I know you’re curious, she fucked the guy we met on that first date the following weekend. She became an official hotwife at that point. We remained a "vanilla" hotwife couple for a couple of years, mostly MFM play, but my wife gravitated toward more of a cuckolding vibe after playing alone for the first time with the first real "Bull" type of guy who was into that. I was the one who begged her to become a hotwife, but it was my wife who decided we'd have a cuckold marriage.

This probably sounds corny and trite, but this sexual kink became more of a shared adventure has allowed my wife and I to grow even closer. We found that her having sex with other men had no bearing on how we felt about each other, and we also found that this type of sexual energy drives both of us. I'm a natural cuckold and she's a natural slutwife. Her having sex with other men, with or without me, scratches an itch for both of us that neither of us could scratch for each other. The journey itself has allowed us -- forced us -- to bare our souls to each other, totally exposed. There's not a single inner thought I have that she doesn't know about me, and vice versa. We would have lived happily ever after without these adventures, of course. But doing this together somehow stripped us completely naked in front of each other in a way that we hadn't before. I don't think everyone who tries some form of swinging lives happily ever after, but that's exactly what we're doing. I wouldn't change a single thing about our adventures or where we are now.

Sorry for getting sappy at the end, but that's the honest truth.

[Chester916]

Wow! What a great story! Thank you for sharing the details. The potential deeper connection is what I believe can be the biggest motivating force to continue to keep dipping our toes. Quite honestly, I don’t believe my wife fully buys into that part yet. She is consumed with, in her mind, all the possible things that can go wrong.

Forgive me for being bold but is there any chance your wife would be willing to communicate with my wife? Her insight can be valuable.

Would also love to hear from others here. Thank you again!,

[MartasBoy]

My wife of 25 years has been aware of my sexually submissive tendencies for our entire relationship. .....

.......How can I finally help to get us to take that next step. We do virtually everything a cuckold couple does other than the actual cuckolding. HELP, I am 60 years old and it’s getting late.

My wife was reluctant to take it to next levels. But since you already have your wife looking at profiles of prospective lovers, expand the fantasy play in bed a little. Ask her to pick out the profile of a guy she finds most attractive and interesting. Use his name once you have a real identity. Start bedroom role plays in which the two of you imagine she has been with him already. Have her tell you what she imagines she did with this guy.

This will give you a window into her fantasy of her perfect night of sex.

At first my wife felt guilty about role playing cheating on me. She didn't even want to reveal or admit that she could have a fantasy of an extramarital affair. But over time, she saw that playing with the fantasy of her having an affair, got me really turned on. We would pretend that she had just come back from spending the night with the imaginary boyfriend. I would beg to have sex with her, to "reclaim" her. She would tell me that she was too sore from the whole night of sex with her lover. But she would offer to give me a hand job while I questioned her about her night with her "lover".
The penis is an incredible barometer of our arousal. While my wife had my penis in her hand, she could feel it get harder and throb more, as she told me the details of her night of hot sex. She could feel my penis get harder in her hand, when she told me that "his" penis was much larger than mine, and she realized that his felt better than mine. She could feel it get harder when she told me that "he" was better at pleasuring her with his mouth than I was. She could feel my penis get a lot harder when she told me that he was an all-around better lover, and gave her the most intense, and the greatest number of orgasms she has ever had.

This roleplay helped my wife realize that she was not being a bad wife by fantasizing an affair, but rather she was being a good wife by giving me intense excitement, entertaining one of my biggest fantasies. The more we did it, the more comfortable she became with it, and it helped her move on to next levels.

[Chester916]

Martasboy,
Thanks for sharing. Yes, we are definitely taking baby steps into areas my wife would have never even thought were possible. They include getting comfortable with a mindset and being entitled to it long before she feels it’s ok to be sexual with another man.

We do role play a lot during times she has me masturbate for her. She hasn’t touched me penis in anyway in a very long time, which plays into the power dynamic and the disparity in size between me and a potential bull. She plays that part incredibly well. I honestly believe that she is advancing towards the reality that my penis isn’t worth touching in any way and she deserves more. Right now, that more is a rather large dildo.

Most of our roleplay comes in the way of her forcing me to service a man with a large cock. Sometimes it drifts into her being with the guy also. I’m hoping she will introduce more of that into our fantasies.

Yes, you are right. A hard dick never lies. Even when we talk about these subjects casually, I can’t help but notice my arousal.

I truly think without more patience and safer exposures, we can get there. I just want us both to experience what it feels like to be real. If it doesn’t work, ok, we stop, but if it does, we can open an even deeper way of connecting.

I truly believe she would benefit from interacting with women already in the lifestyle. That guidance, communication and possibly mentoring can really help her. She’s so amazing and deserves, without barriers, all the pleasures life can bring and without any barriers.

[Chester916]

Martasboy,
Thanks for sharing. Yes, we are definitely taking baby steps into areas my wife would have never even thought were possible. They include getting comfortable with a mindset and being entitled to it long before she feels it’s ok to be sexual with another man.

We do role play a lot during times she has me masturbate for her. She hasn’t touched me penis in anyway in a very long time, which plays into the power dynamic and the disparity in size between me and a potential bull. She plays that part incredibly well. I honestly believe that she is advancing towards the reality that my penis isn’t worth touching in any way and she deserves more. Right now, that more is a rather large dildo.

Most of our roleplay comes in the way of her forcing me to service a man with a large cock. Sometimes it drifts into her being with the guy also. I’m hoping she will introduce more of that into our fantasies.

Yes, you are right. A hard dick never lies. Even when we talk about these subjects casually, I can’t help but notice my arousal.

I truly think without more patience and safer exposures, we can get there. I just want us both to experience what it feels like to be real. If it doesn’t work, ok, we stop, but if it does, we can open an even deeper way of connecting.

I truly believe she would benefit from interacting with women already in the lifestyle. That guidance, communication and possibly mentoring can really help her. She’s so amazing and deserves, without barriers, all the pleasures life can bring and without any barriers.

[iloanmywife]

Forgive me for being bold but is there any chance your wife would be willing to communicate with my wife? Her insight can be valuable.

Honestly, it's unlikely. My wife has a VHW account but she hasn't been on this forum in ages. I could ask her to log in again, but she doesn't have a lot of interest in participating. The good news is that there is a VHW thread that is perfect for your express purpose. Questions are answered by VHW's only.

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=32970

[Chester916]

Thanks for that suggestion. For whatever reason, she is having technical issues getting into the VHW forum. She has emailed for assistance and nobody has responded.

We are on a vacation and she plans to push things a little. She wants to dress more provocatively both at the pool and when we go out. Well she if she gets approached and how comfortable she feels being flirtatious.

[venus-can99]

Someone may have mentioned this already, but if your wife can have an account and become verified, then she will have access to the Ladies Lounge wheer a number of women in the LS can answer questions, provide encouragement and such.