Help if I want this or not

[Camcuckred3]

Me and my girlfriend are both 24 and about two weeks ago she brought up the idea of cucking, I already had a slight interest in it so I was pretty excited when she said she wanted it. For two weeks it’s basically all we talked about we were so excited for many different reasons, we had communicated about what we both want out of it and the rules that would be in place. So this weekend she went out to the bar alone to potentially find someone to go home with or just to dance and flirt while I was home locked in chastity, we were both very excited for this and some of it was fun for me but before this I told her to make sure to text me a decent amount so I’m not left in the dark, I was rarely getting texts and if I was they were one word answers, I don’t know if it was angst getting the best of me but it turned into a really bad night and not enjoyable, all she did was grind on a few guys and touching.

I don’t know if this was just a bad night and left a bad taste for me but after the fact I feel like it’s just something I don’t want, or is it just the fact I was so left out? I fantasize about it a lot and do want it but after that night I’m not sure how to feel, maybe for it to happen I need to physically be there. She apologized she didn’t text she just said she was so excited to be “single” again which I understand to a point.

Off topic but I think it would’ve helped me a lot to find someone to chat with while she’s out, how can I find friends that can help with this?

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum Camcuckred83. There have been a lot of guys who get involved with posting here while there wife or girlfriend is fucking someone else. They get asked questions and are anxious to hear and post the results.

[trecital]

My first question is regarding your girlfriends motivation. From what you have written it could be interpreted that your girlfriends motivation wasn't primarily cuckolding, but to go out and get some different cock. Her statement about "feeling single again" would support this idea. Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but I'm only going from the impression I'm getting from what is, inevitably, a short account of your relationship.

It was definitely bad that your girlfriend seemed to exclude you totally from her evenings events. You need to emphasise to her that, if you get next to nothing from the evening, then it's not going to work. Just put that first time down to a trial run, and plan better for the next time.

You say you fantasise about it s lot. But the first time rarely lives up to a fantasy. Just imagine a fantasy where you had an evening with a favoured hot pop star or film star. Do you really think the evening would go as well as you'd fantasised? Of course not.
Maybe you could try the set up of you both going to a bar, she sits separate from you, and you watch from a suitable distance. Try that a few times, and if that goes better for you, then take it up a level from there.
I'm of the opinion that all three of you......your girlfriend, a man she goes with, and you.....have all got to get what they want from an encounter. If one person is feeling left out then things will likely soon fall apart.

As for chatting with someone here, while your girlfriend is out, you can try it, but I think you'll be lucky to find someone who can respond to you as quickly as you might like. But maybe worth a try.

Good luck.

[Camcuckred3]

My first question is regarding your girlfriends motivation. From what you have written it could be interpreted that your girlfriends motivation wasn't primarily cuckolding, but to go out and get some different cock. Her statement about "feeling single again" would support this idea. Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but I'm only going from the impression I'm getting from what is, inevitably, a short account of your relationship.

It was definitely bad that your girlfriend seemed to exclude you totally from her evenings events. You need to emphasise to her that, if you get next to nothing from the evening, then it's not going to work. Just put that first time down to a trial run, and plan better for the next time.

You say you fantasise about it s lot. But the first time rarely lives up to a fantasy. Just imagine a fantasy where you had an evening with a favoured hot pop star or film star. Do you really think the evening would go as well as you'd fantasised? Of course not.
Maybe you could try the set up of you both going to a bar, she sits separate from you, and you watch from a suitable distance. Try that a few times, and if that goes better for you, then take it up a level from there.
I'm of the opinion that all three of you......your girlfriend, a man she goes with, and you.....have all got to get what they want from an encounter. If one person is feeling left out then things will likely soon fall apart.

As for chatting with someone here, while your girlfriend is out, you can try it, but I think you'll be lucky to find someone who can respond to you as quickly as you might like. But maybe worth a try.

Good luck.

Yes that’s basically what the night felt like for me so I think that’s why I was second guessing the whole thing, but I know that wasn’t her intention by it. We’ve been talking it almost constantly and she regrets the whole thing because it wasn’t how we talked about it and feels really bad for me, and like what you said we plan to do it for the first few times at least that I’m there in person and then progress to her being able to go alone, so we can just have a mix of both of those types of nights.

[Threeisacharm]

Communication is they key. I would explore what she means by being single and also what you get out of this.

[armyguyot1]

Sometimes rules are hard to remember during the throws of passion.

[Camcuckred3]

Sometimes rules are hard to remember during the throws of passion.

Yes I get that too, I’m happy she was excited but sitting there waiting with no updates really just got to me and made me hate the whole idea of it.. but I also wish I just stuck it out and found a way to distract myself, I think it might’ve been worth it in the end

[Farmgirl]

Me and my girlfriend are both 24 and about two weeks ago she brought up the idea of cucking, I already had a slight interest in it so I was pretty excited when she said she wanted it. For two weeks it’s basically all we talked about we were so excited for many different reasons, we had communicated about what we both want out of it and the rules that would be in place. So this weekend she went out to the bar alone to potentially find someone to go home with or just to dance and flirt while I was home locked in chastity, we were both very excited for this and some of it was fun for me but before this I told her to make sure to text me a decent amount so I’m not left in the dark, I was rarely getting texts and if I was they were one word answers, I don’t know if it was angst getting the best of me but it turned into a really bad night and not enjoyable, all she did was grind on a few guys and touching.

I don’t know if this was just a bad night and left a bad taste for me but after the fact I feel like it’s just something I don’t want, or is it just the fact I was so left out? I fantasize about it a lot and do want it but after that night I’m not sure how to feel, maybe for it to happen I need to physically be there. She apologized she didn’t text she just said she was so excited to be “single” again which I understand to a point.

Off topic but I think it would’ve helped me a lot to find someone to chat with while she’s out, how can I find friends that can help with this?

I have a different take on this from the guys so far commenting. Not that they're wrong or I'm right, just a different view.
I don't see it as you being left in the dark so much as having a play set in your mind that didn't fit how her evening played out.
I'm sure you wanted her to have fun, right? It is really hard to enjoy oneself if they have to worry about texts, calls, pics, etc. I can't do those things and "be in the moment".
Just something to think about and to remember when you two discuss things further.

[Camcuckred3]

I have a different take on this from the guys so far commenting. Not that they're wrong or I'm right, just a different view.
I don't see it as you being left in the dark so much as having a play set in your mind that didn't fit how her evening played out.
I'm sure you wanted her to have fun, right? It is really hard to enjoy oneself if they have to worry about texts, calls, pics, etc. I can't do those things and "be in the moment".
Just something to think about and to remember when you two discuss things further.
[/quote]

Yes I understand that completely, we discussed that as well. I know she didn’t mean anything intentionally or want to hurt me in anyway, she was just having fun caught in the moment. I think it’s just because it was my first time letting her do her thing so I was freaking out, in the future I think I’ll be able to handle it a lot better.

[Laveenguy]

Normally, I would caution you to think long and hard and communicate in detail with your wife before you start. It is very hard to put the Genie back in the bottle so to speak. But maybe you two are already past that point. So, I'll suggest you think about what Farmgirl said: to paraphrase, you wanted her to go out and have a good time. You have to let her do that. I am reasonably sure that she is very unsure of herself at this point. It feels weird and she loves you and doesn't want to hurt you. It wouldn't take much for you to kill it right here. Trust her , let her go out and tell you about it afterwards. Yes it'll drive you crazy and that's what we call cuckold angst... It's part of the fun! Come on here and tell us that she is out and you need some support. There is usually one of us on who will interact with you and help you through it.

When it's a first meet (or, until you're sure) it is prudent to ask her to text you when she arrives and to give you pertinent data about where she is and with whom. Maybe a picture of the guy's license plate. But then leave her alone, let her get lost in her bliss. Let the NRE build. That is magical stuff that will invigorate both of you.

It will get easier, and it won't always be exciting (for you at least) but I think most of us will tell you we wouldn't trade it for anything. As I sit here writing you my wife is in the arms of her lover. I am in chastity in a very small cage that is a little uncomfortable. I have a butt plug in and that is a little uncomfortable. Our agreement is that I will stay this way until she returns. She may or may not let me out.

Living la vida loca! LOL

[Bartleby]

I think you have to ask yourself a few questions and then go on to your girlfriend and negotiate the rules for her future adventures. Without such rules, your relationship is likely to be doomed.

So what you should clarify to yourself about before going into that discussion:

- What do you want to get out of this change in lifestyle for yourself?

Do you want to feel pride and joy about having a promiscuous girlfriend while you keep on being relatively uninvolved? Do you want to want to watch and wank? Do you want to have other girls as well?
Do you want to be a swinger together with her?

- Do you think you would be happy for your girlfriend to have an ongoing affair with a guy over a longer period of time or do you only want her to do one night stands?

- What do you hope your girlfriend could give you in return to her having sex with others? Do you want spicy stories when she comes home, do you want text messages, do you want pictures and videos, do you want to watch them?

- What do you realistically think your girlfriend could provide? Farmgirl is right. One does not want to send pics and texts while trying to have fun and pick up.

- What do you think the rules should be? Should she announce every outing in advance? Should she come home during the night? Not have sex with people you know? Not tell anyone? Do you want to know who she is doing it with?

- Do you want an open relationship with both of you fucking others? If yes, do you think that is good for your relationship?

- Do you think you can endure lonely nights while she is out fucking?


After you have answered such questions to yourself and more, you should engage into a serious conversation to lay down the rules for your open relationship. That is super important.

Now, I do believe that you should go ahead and open the relationship. Your girlfriend wants to and she took the courage to bring it up. You may find out it feels great for you as well. You can take things back, you know. It is a myth with the genie out of the bottle.

[trecital]

Some good perspectives here, and hopefully some helpful comments for you to consider.

The main thing is that you've taken that first step. Many people fantasise about hotwifing/cuckolding activity but are too afraid to test the waters by moving into reality. You've done that, so congratulations.
Ok, it didn't go quite how you envisaged it. No problem. Pick yourself up, discuss things between the two of you, and try again. If you learn from your mistakes, and it certainly sounds like you are, then your next effort will be better, and hopefully have something more for you.
As you can see, there is help and advice here, from all sorts of viewpoints. Use the advice that you think suits you best.

That 'cuckold angst' that has been mentioned, and that you maybe experienced (probably mixed in with your anxiety about her wellbeing), will eventually become something that you welcome and enjoy.

[athlete915]

My initial advice is just to take a deep breath. For starters, you two went from your initial conversation to her going out in only two weeks. That's fast. Like super fast. It's no surprise that there were some mixed feelings and mistakes made.

The good news is that nothing is broken. She had a good time and was thrilled by her newfound freedom. She got a little carried away in the moment and failed to better integrate you into the experience. Those were mistakes, but they can be corrected.

Meanwhile, despite your mixed feelings and angst, it sounds like you are still fantasizing about her playing. If you were truly upset and had lost interest in exploring it, you wouldn't still be aroused by it. Those hard-ons are proof that you still desire it.

So, take another deep breath. Now realize that this was a trial and error. You two got a little excited and ahead of yourselves. Your wife failed to keep you connected to the evening and it upset you, but you not only can get past this, but it seems like you both want to.

I think she has learned her lesson and in the future, you just need to be clear about your feelings with her. If you are feeling left out, tell her right away.

One option would be to go out together. Pretend like you two are just friends. If anyone asks, you can say that you have a girlfriend (which is true lol). She can flirt and dance without the need to give you a running text commentary. You can enjoy the visual thrill of watching her flirt without feeling left out.

I wrote a post about what I look for in couples and one of the key things is that I don't want the cuckolds to feel like third wheels. The more involved they are, they more supportive they will be. Don't feel bad for being upset about how things went, but take some confidence that your desires are still there and hers have only increased. Now you two just need to improve your exploration method.

[Bluetoed]

The best part of all types of hotwife relationships is when the woman returns to her man and their relationship becomes even stronger.

One reason you may have felt the way you did is because you hadn't experienced a return yet. It's a lot easier once you've experienced the best part. But having never experienced it, the time while it is happening is brutal.

That said, if the return wasn't the best part for her, then she isn't desiring a cuckold relationship. She is probably using this method as a way to find someone else without having to break up with you first to do it.

Communication is key.

[joel68]

Just found and read your thread. As one of the other guys said, it happened really fast. So you talked about it and then she locks you up for the first time she fucks another guy?

To me, that’s taking it to an extreme place right out of the gate.

You felt left out? Did she tell you all about it after? Part of it is wondering what she’s doing while you are home alone.

As for chatting while she’s getting it, there are probably guys on this board who have interest in you and your situation who may want to do that. But they would need to be available when it’s going down. You would probably use the PM feature.

If you have read some of the threads on here, there are usually more descriptions as to how you got into it, maybe a description of you guys, a little more of a back story so to speak.

Another thought someone suggested would be to go along to the bar with her and observe from the sidelines.

But for a one-off so far, you probably made a few mistakes. Just read what everyone has said and figure out what is right for you guys. There are a whole lot of different levels all over this board. I mean the different forums speak to that.

I hope you figure this out so it’s cool for both of you.

[Dream Weaver]

You answered your own questions. You felt bad because you were left out, and nothing really happened to feel good about. I also suspect if something happened and after 3 or 4 hours she starts filling you in about kissing somebody or getting a number I think you'd have a different opinion.

Also, I have a bad (good?) feeling she brought it up because she already has somebody in mind. Maybe she saw him instead and lied. Seen it here a bunch of times.

Going to he bar alone is... a little odd. If you told me she met her girlfriends then I'd see it differently. If she went to a dive bar I'd run screaming from the relationship.

[joel68]

Dream,

Very good point. There may be much more here under the surface. Definitely something to consider and look into as well.

[ucaneffher]

Me and my girlfriend are both 24 and about two weeks ago she brought up the idea of cucking, I already had a slight interest in it so I was pretty excited when she said she wanted it. For two weeks it’s basically all we talked about we were so excited for many different reasons, we had communicated about what we both want out of it and the rules that would be in place. So this weekend she went out to the bar alone to potentially find someone to go home with or just to dance and flirt while I was home locked in chastity, we were both very excited for this and some of it was fun for me but before this I told her to make sure to text me a decent amount so I’m not left in the dark, I was rarely getting texts and if I was they were one word answers, I don’t know if it was angst getting the best of me but it turned into a really bad night and not enjoyable, all she did was grind on a few guys and touching.

I don’t know if this was just a bad night and left a bad taste for me but after the fact I feel like it’s just something I don’t want, or is it just the fact I was so left out? I fantasize about it a lot and do want it but after that night I’m not sure how to feel, maybe for it to happen I need to physically be there. She apologized she didn’t text she just said she was so excited to be “single” again which I understand to a point.

Off topic but I think it would’ve helped me a lot to find someone to chat with while she’s out, how can I find friends that can help with this?

First of all, it is awesome that you two have similar desires and turn ons and were able to dive in quickly. Very quickly. It took me 3 years to convince my first GF and this current one was on board about a year in but hasn't done much other than go on dates and heavy kissing/getting touched and played with

Like everyone else said, make sure there is a lot of communication. Be sure to tell her how you feel and why you feel that way. Tell her what you like and what you don't like. Be courteous and make sure that you also find out the same for her so you're both on the same page.

To be fair, sometimes in the heat of the moment it's very difficult to keep up with play by play text messages. What I would encourage you to do instead is to go with her next time and split up so you can watch from afar or you can go as her friend.

I was cucked for nearly a decade in my late teens until mid 20s and I never got to see the ex in action. It wasn't until recently where my current GF openly flirted and talked to men in front of me and let me tell you....I missed out on 7 years of it. Nothing beats watching your woman talking, flirting, hugging, walking off with another man to his table while you're right there. A plus if she's dressed to impress and you see other men admiring her while she's already with the other man.

Take a little initiative and leadership by telling her you've made plans for you guys to go out and tell her to wear something sexy because you're going to let her flirt while you sit at the bar. She may like you taking charge of the wheel while still giving her freedom to be single again, and you get to enjoy the view and go home to fuck like crazy while talking about all the guys she danced with/bought her drinks.

It's not very easy to find a partner whose views align with yours let alone wants to be in the lifestyle with you. Don't give up on it and just talk to her. I wish my that my girlfriend was as interested to get in the lifestyle as yours.

[Camcuckred3]

You answered your own questions. You felt bad because you were left out, and nothing really happened to feel good about. I also suspect if something happened and after 3 or 4 hours she starts filling you in about kissing somebody or getting a number I think you'd have a different opinion.

Also, I have a bad (good?) feeling she brought it up because she already has somebody in mind. Maybe she saw him instead and lied. Seen it here a bunch of times.

Going to he bar alone is... a little odd. If you told me she met her girlfriends then I'd see it differently. If she went to a dive bar I'd run screaming from the relationship.

I guess I failed to mention that she actually went to the bar with a few girlfriends so technically she wasn’t “alone” so I’m not worried that she had something planned already.

As for the advice and everyone’s advice it’s given me a lot to think about and my girlfriend, she’s read through it all as well and we both appreciate all of the different viewpoints and support. I’m definitely happy I found this forum to be able to connect with people in similar situations, we’re both really excited to get out there and try it again and do it right, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t still have some nerves which seems to be pretty normal though.

[Laveenguy]

Camcuckred3, It appears you are doing the communication part very well. Keep that up and the rest will take care of itself.

[Dream Weaver]

You answered your own questions. You felt bad because you were left out, and nothing really happened to feel good about. ...

I guess I failed to mention that she actually went to the bar with a few girlfriends so technically she wasn’t “alone” so I’m not worried that she had something planned already...

Glad to hear it and glad you two are so open about it. Bravo.

One thing I will add, related to your original question. At one point, many years ago, I went with her out dancing, and we'd talked a little bit about her finding somebody. And I hated it. It's not like she danced with a ton of guys or anything, but it all felt wrong.

On paper it was perfect. Hell, I'd seen her dance with others lots of times, but it was more innocent: office parties (we worked together), regular parties, weddings, but that night in that place? It felt bad. And it hit me earlier today that I really should have mentioned it because you were saying the exact same thing.

I realized that for me I needed to sort of know who the guy was and accept it first. (She ended up with a guy friend from her "circle of friends", although nobody else ever found out, or at least never bothered us about it.) Then it felt better. There was still a ton of angst, but nothing I ever regretted.

Don't feel like you need to respond, it's all good. I just want you two to have a good experience. Carry on.

[BBCfan]

I'm a little curious how you went from her bringing it up, to you being caged in 2 weeks.

Had you shared your fantasy to her before about this?
How was it she had this fantasy as well?

[Camcuckred3]

I'm a little curious how you went from her bringing it up, to you being caged in 2 weeks.

Had you shared your fantasy to her before about this?
How was it she had this fantasy as well?

I guess it’s always just been something in the back of my mind so when I heard her say she wanted it it got me even more excited about the whole thing, if it was me trying to get her into it I don’t think it would have the same effect on me.

We talked and researched so much about it and we both liked the cage idea so I was on board with that as well, I think part of her past is why she has the fantasy which is also hot to me.

[Camcuckred3]

You answered your own questions. You felt bad because you were left out, and nothing really happened to feel good about. ...

I guess I failed to mention that she actually went to the bar with a few girlfriends so technically she wasn’t “alone” so I’m not worried that she had something planned already...

Glad to hear it and glad you two are so open about it. Bravo.

One thing I will add, related to your original question. At one point, many years ago, I went with her out dancing, and we'd talked a little bit about her finding somebody. And I hated it. It's not like she danced with a ton of guys or anything, but it all felt wrong.

On paper it was perfect. Hell, I'd seen her dance with others lots of times, but it was more innocent: office parties (we worked together), regular parties, weddings, but that night in that place? It felt bad. And it hit me earlier today that I really should have mentioned it because you were saying the exact same thing.

I realized that for me I needed to sort of know who the guy was and accept it first. (She ended up with a guy friend from her "circle of friends", although nobody else ever found out, or at least never bothered us about it.) Then it felt better. There was still a ton of angst, but nothing I ever regretted.

Don't feel like you need to respond, it's all good. I just want you two to have a good experience. Carry on.

That could be true considering I haven’t been there in person and haven’t had the true proper feeling of being a cuck, but ever since we started talking about it I told her it could never be anyone that knows us because it would be a total turn off for me. But like you said you tried that way with strangers and figured you didn’t like it so the only way I’ll truly find out is if we just get back out there.

[atl0707]

I don’t know if this was just a bad night and left a bad taste for me but after the fact I feel like it’s just something I don’t want, or is it just the fact I was so left out?

Off topic but I think it would’ve helped me a lot to find someone to chat with while she’s out, how can I find friends that can help with this?

I will say that the opener is often a speed bump in any attempt to change one’s lifestyle (that’s what this is). You should remember that your wife deserves to have the fun you promised her and that she may or may not meet anyone right away. Don’t insist on her texting you; she will be distracted just trying to find her footing, and getting impatient is a sign you want to be dominant, which is not what being a cuck is about. It might be a long time before she goes on an actual date and meets someone, so let her figure things out and not insist on any information until she meets someone. If you need someone to chat with while she’s out, private one of us to arrange it, and maybe we could set something up.