Wife Is On a Plane To Spend a Week with Her Crush

[thepen]

I think that's completely normal. He can be plenty attracted to her, understand you're okay with it, but still be weirded out by it. Plenty of people would be. Just not wired for the situation or lifestyle.

[Kaffircouple90]

I think that's completely normal. He can be plenty attracted to her, understand you're okay with it, but still be weirded out by it. Plenty of people would be. Just not wired for the situation or lifestyle.

What annoys me is he should've realized that before going on the trip. It was such a letdown and my wife felt so stupid and undesired.

That said, immediately after he left he messaged her "already missing our time together," then a day later "still thinking about our time together." Yesterday, 3 weeks after their trip and after they haven't messaged at all "still thinking about our trip together, thank you for coming with me." None of this makes any sense. I'm stuck between thinking he doesn't wanna feel like she's mad at him, or it's actual more emotional than I realized. She also told me on their final night they watched the northern lights and he held her hand like fingers crossed and all. I don't get it.

[scarfolamew]

Ya know, some guys really are shy about sex. I've been in scenarios where a woman who I was very attracted to made it clear to me that she was willing to have sex with me, and it took me months to work up the nerve to cash in on the offer.

That said, I kinda hate this guy for what he put your wife through. I think you need to have a frank and direct conversation about what the fuck his deal is, man to man.

[Kaffircouple90]

Ya know, some guys really are shy about sex. I've been in scenarios where a woman who I was very attracted to made it clear to me that she was willing to have sex with me, and it took me months to work up the nerve to cash in on the offer.

That said, I kinda hate this guy for what he put your wife through. I think you need to have a frank and direct conversation about what the fuck his deal is, man to man.

I really hate it. It has smashed her confidence pretty bad, and she's very attractive. She feels completely stupid, undesired, and delusional, and honestly it's all his fault.

I understand he was under no obligations, but he saw her in person, he messaged about their trip for months, he had so much time to mentally prepare...then push came to shove and by all accounts he friend zoned her pretty quickly and said nah I just can't, you remind me too much of him (meaning me).

THAT SAID - why hold her hand the last night, and message her 3 times afterward about how much he enjoyed it/still thinking abt it/missing it...to me, that's crossing an (emotional) line as much or more than kissing her would be crossing a physical one...It doesn't make sense at all.

[scarfolamew]

Again, have you considered having a direct and frank conversation with him about all of this? I think you have a responsibility to do so at this point, given that the lack of communication and openness has greatly harmed your wife's self esteem.

[Kaffircouple90]

Again, have you considered having a direct and frank conversation with him about all of this? I think you have a responsibility to do so at this point, given that the lack of communication and openness has greatly harmed your wife's self esteem.

We've talked about it, she kinda just wants to let it go and move on, but then he messaged her like 2 days ago 'still thinking about our trip,' which sort of made her get spun up about it again (like anger and confusion).

[scarfolamew]

I meant you need to confront your friend about his intentions towards your wife, ask him why he is sending her mixed messages, and make him aware of the emotional turbulence he's inflicting.