Why are our brains wired this way?

[Melodia1330]

Do any of you cucks reflect on why your psychology is the way it is?

I have a background in neuroscience and I believe its probably like a lot of things. There's likely a genetic predisposition to becoming this way IF the right experiences occur at the right time. I've spent a lot of time analyzing myself and reflecting on my past and I think I have the incident my cuck brain was born nailed down.

I was 19 and a virgin. I was very ashamed of this because all of my friends were sexually active and I pretended I was experienced. I had a girlfriend several years younger than me who was in my circle of friends. She was the cool girl who preferred to hang out with us guys and was into everything we were into. I wanted to have sex with her so bad, but she kept denying me saying that she wanted to stay a "born again" virgin after having a few sexual experiences when she was 14-15 years old.

One of our friends, Ryan was like the alpha of the group. A bad boy who had run away at 17 and secured an apartment on the main floor of a house some foolish landlord rented out to him. That became our primary hangout pad to drink, play music, do drugs, bad teenage fun in the 90s.

My girlfriend ended up breaking up with me because she lost interest in me in that way, but we were still best friends and hung out every day. I was madly in love with her and most people thought we were still together. I liked to pretend we were.

Anyways, one night at a party she and Ryan went missing. I asked a girlfriend of hers where she went and she just smiled and said "I don't think you want to know". Another guy later in the night told me they've been fucking in the van outside for hours and hours! I was SO devastated. I just left and walked back to my house even though it was over 6 miles (10 km) away and took hours to walk home. I just cried and cried.

I later found out that she went over there all the time on her spare periods in high school and they often had sex in the shower together. They weren't romantically involved at all, in fact, he had a girlfriend who didn't know about this. They just did it for fun. I had a really hard time getting over this girl and I stayed a virgin for quite a while afterwards, not losing my virginity until my second year of university when I got a new girlfriend.

So that's my past which led to my brain becoming wired to find it SO HOT to have the woman I love more than anything be fucked silly by a bigger, more dominant man. Does anyone else have a cuck brain origin story to share?

[Teensy1]

I never had thoughts about cuckoldry until my best friend came over one night. He playfully dry humped my young wife on the guest bed and we all laughed. Then I realized that I had an erection. I knew then that I was destined to wear horns.

[The Owl]

The book "Sex at Dawn" provides some very convincing arguments about how and why humans evolved and are hardwired this way... women to be hotwives... and men to be cuckolds. Of course, not all humans behave in this manner but it is common for women to desire to be non-monogamous and for men to be aroused when their female partner has had sex with another male.

[Melodia1330]

The book "Sex at Dawn" provides some very convincing arguments about how and why humans evolved and are hardwired this way... women to be hotwives... and men to be cuckolds. Of course, not all humans behave in this manner but it is common for women to desire to be non-monogamous and for men to be aroused when their female partner has had sex with another male.

Thanks Owl. I’ll have to check that book out. My thoughts before reading it is that it probably offers an evolutionary explanation for the genetic component of my behaviour, but I imagine for many guys like me there was also an experience that triggered everything. For a lot of guys it was probably just watching cuckold porn and realizing they were aroused. For others, there may have been some trauma that switched from pain to arousal. That was my experience.

[Melodia1330]

I never had thoughts about cuckoldry until my best friend came over one night. He playfully dry humped my young wife on the guest bed and we all laughed. Then I realized that I had an erection. I knew then that I was destined to wear horns.

Thanks for sharing Teensy, how did you wife feel about it? Did you tell her it turned you on? Did anything else happen with this friend and your wife?

[Teensy1]

I told her that I was turned on by watching them and wouldn’t have minded if they had continued. She told me that she couldn’t help noticing his erection and that it made her soaking wet. But since he was married and she was friends with his wife that she wouldn’t go through with it.

[Teensy1]

That said, she knew that I was open to being cuckolded and that I wouldn’t mind if she fucked another man.

[SubSnuggler]

My Wife listened to a talk by a Dominant and her cuck. She came home and announced she wanted to do the same to me. We'd already been living a D/s relationship for years, and I'd been locked 24/7 for a while by then. She told me she thought I was a natural cuck. She gave me a choice, and after a couple of days of thought, I said yes. She was right, I was a natural.

I've given a lot of thought to why that is, and I think there is a mix of hereditary genes and environment. I don't think it's either/or in most of us. In my case it was a mix of upbringing and my own natural inherent tendencies.

[PANTIES]

My wife has accepted me being her cuckold. Her mother likes me being her daughter’s cuckold. I have no issues being my wife’s cuckold.

Pauline

[xucked]

I have absolutely no idea why I'm like this

But now I'm in the deep end with cuckolding fantasy which my wife has spent years dirty talking but won't actually do, SPH, humiliation, denial, pussyfree, encouraged-bi & nudity denial with my wife as an active participant in each

Why do I crave all this?

[Teensy1]

Because, for whatever reasons, that is who you are. No changing that.

[Bluetoed]

The sexual hormonal release in response to feeling specific emotion(s) (compersion, jealousy, humiliation, etc...) is the major factor in why it sexually pleases a man to see his wife do another guy. That is far more genetic and evolutionary based than experience based.

But discovering that one's body is wired to release those hormones as a response to emotion(s) usually requires unique experience(s) in order to realize it feels good.

If getting your heart broken once in your life was the cause of it, everyone would be one.

[cuckling]

From what I've heard/read it's a lot biological: A man feels the urge to conquer a (his) woman and prove he is the best partner when she's had sex with others. It's like sperm competition. The man wants to prove his sperm is the best, compared to other seed.
So all this talk of cuckolds being weak is in fact the opposite. But then again, no situation/relationship is identical so there will always be some differences

[littlepeter]

Ask yourself if you have a fear of being inadequate in some way, that you may lose her love or attention due to being inadequate. Search your childhood for the root of that feeling(maybe you have a brother who got more attention inside the home or from others outside the home?). Also some trigger may have occurred in you first early relationships. There are likely biological reasons for the accute turn-on but why it becomes such a deep seeded (almost need) in some of us likely has to do with the psychological protection created by eroticizing a deep fear that we are not adequate/ worthy of love and attention.

[4incheslong]

I was very active in high school and it was a thing to take a girls virginity. Once in college started dating girls that were experienced and became turned on by girls that were more slutty. Had a GF, early on in our dating, cheat on me with her ex BF. I was upset but for some reason really turned on and fucked her right there. Came quickly and was hooked on seconds. But even before that I knew I was turned on by a slut.

[wannabecUKold]

Humans are clearly wired for basic lusts and emotions, as are other animals: sex, food, combined with fear, aggression, possessiveness, submissiveness.

These can combine together in obvious ways. For example, in the wild a male will have to submit to the stronger male having sex with his mate. So it is hardly surprising if we feel submissive and sexually aroused at our mate being fucked by another. The arousal helps us to submit and keeps us alive. But we also feel shame, fear and jealousy at having to watch it and tolerate it. These latter adrenalin-based emotions add to the sexual arousal.

Quite how and in what proportions that cocktail of extreme emotions works out in any of us is governed by external factors, as others have said. These would include developmental experiences and influences in one's past together with the factors in play at the time of the fucking.

We all end up with different combinations of sexual personality. The desires and lusts that I feel to be so natural are not the ones that others feel, apparently. So to me it is incredibly arousing to think of one's mate being fucked by other men. Watching it happen is the height of sexual pleasure. I can't help but feel that everyone should try it.

[milehinbi]

Do any of you cucks reflect on why your psychology is the way it is?

Been reflecting on cuckoldry and my personal attraction to it for at least four decades!

I was a late addition to a big family in the early 60s, an 'oops baby,' and as a result ended up being exposed to a lot of stuff others my age probably were not. I trace the origin of my 'cuckold brain' to overhearing a conversation when I must have been around 10 or under about the parents of a friend of an older sister who were apparently into the lifestyle.

Sister's friend ending up dating a guy who freaked when he discovered that he had previously had congress with her mother. At some point I must have asked a question or two as I remember hearing how scandalous it was from my parents. Not sure I seemed shocked enough by the concept as I recall it being emphasized as very VERY bad. LOL! Ah well, they tried, but a seed had been planted.

Met my wife in our teens and dated a few years until we got married in early 20s. At some point early on during our enthusiastic explorations in human biology I shared the story and the memory that I hadn't seemed near shocked enough by the concept. We talked about everything, no topics were taboo, especially during and after sex.

After proposing and getting in marriage mode the sex went from great to damn near volcanic. Neither of us could get enough. At some point I mentioned that since we were getting married and I had been her one and only, she might want to try another for comparison purposes and to be sure I was the one she really wanted to be stuck with (pardon the pun). She found the idea curious enough at least to not say no, but it was more of an abstract concept... until by chance a friend we hung around with caught her notice by going out of his to be polite and gentlemanly with her, perhaps as a result of us formalizing our relationship... she's a bit of a formal southern girl, so manners matter a lot to her. I noticed him paying more attention and definitely noticed her appreciating it. He was complete opposite of me physically. She's tiny but very well built, and I'm average height and was fair haired back then. He was very tall and dark haired.

At some point, definitely during sex, I brought him up as a possible candidate she might be interested in giving it a go with. Physical response was instant and notable. Pussy went from hot and wet to sopping and molten, and while she was previously highly orgasmic, those that followed were next level stuff. After that he became the face of the fantasy and every time I mentioned him while fucking she went off like a rocket.

Suddenly conversation was "would you really do it?" and "I don't know would you really do it?" until one night three of us ended up partying late and he dozed off in a chair across from where we were on a sofa... suddenly she started getting friskier than normal. Kissing me very hot and grabbing my cock through my clothes, not something she would ever do with anyone around previously. I responded likewise and was shocked with how much she was letting me get away with with him that close... playing with her tits and up under her skirt playing with her pussy. Became a game of chicken and soon enough I was fucking her on the sofa with him still sleeping or at least pretending to... at some point he woke up but pretended to sleep albeit with a big grin on his face. She noticed just as I was pulling out to blast all over her belly and started laughing, embarrassed and jumped up to run to the bathroom and compose herself. It was pretty late so he excused himself, almost certainly to go home and get off himself. It was probably a couple weeks after that that he got an invitation to join us for a threesome.

He ended up being the only one we ever played with...once before and once after vows were exchanged. But for me at least, the urge and memory have lasted a lifetime.

[Knotty Irish]

For me I believe it was a few different thing that lead to my brain being wired this way.
First I had a very dominant mother. She was a school teacher that ran her classroom with an iron fist. She never put up with any of the shit that goes on in most classrooms. That’s the way she ran the house when she got home.
In high school I had a girlfriend for a year. Never had PIV but did oral a couple times. I fingered her to orgasm a lot. Couple hand jobs from her but she never let me fuck her. We broke up and I came to find out the guy she started dating she was fucking while we were together. Of course I was devastated but was aroused at the same time. Then of course I was asking her friends why she picked him. They told me not sure but she told them he was well hung which in turn I masturbated to that thought a lot.
Fast forward 15 year I’m 33 married with kids, house, job. My wife got a new career buying and selling loans from car dealers. Well she ends up having an affair with one of the mangers of a car dealership. I found out about it but never confronted her about it. It aroused me and started masturbating to just the thought of it. She would come home late because she was “working on a deal”. She would jump in the shower as soon as she got home. I noticed she would bury her panties in the hamper. When she jump in the shower I would check and the majority of the time there was cum in them. She must have caught on that I was checking them and after awhile she wouldn’t try and hiding them anymore. We ended up separating. Her idea then we got a divorce. One of her co workers was my best friend wife and she told me she knew she was fucking at least three different guys at different dealerships.
I believe those events lead to my brain being rewired to this lifestyle.
Started dating a lady I knew in high school a couple years later. She was teaching at the same high school we went to. One of her students was the daughter of her boyfriend In high school. He just got divorced. I told her you should fuck him. Well it was about three months later and they hooked up one day after work. Twenty years later she still cucking me.

[SpiceyHot]

I saw this question and needed to comment about my experience. My first marriage was broken up by my wife's cheating. However, when she told me about the affair, I had to have ALL the details. As she told me what happened I noticed my erection. However, I could not admit to myself that I was turned on by her having sex with someone else. But, the basics were there. We wound up getting a divorce, partly because I could not admit , to myself
or her. how much I loved hearing about her adventures.

Fast forward, I got married again and always encouraged my 2nd wife to dress sexy and expose her cleavage etc. About fifteen years after we were married she confided to me that she had been having an affair with her boss in the early years of our marriage and could I forgive her? As she told me about what happened I became very hard and took her up to our bedroom and we screwed our brains out.

At that point I realized and accepted that I was a cuck. I told her she could do that anytime she wanted. At which point she admitted that was a "mistake" for her to do that. That it didn't contribute to our marriage. Well, actually it did. Because I then knew and accepted I that I am a cuck. She has never taken me up on my offer that I know of. I would totally love her to do it and ENJOY it.

[Teensy1]

The important thing is that your wife knows that you don’t mind being cuckolded. That sets her free to indulge herself while remaining married. I have the same arrangement with my wife. She is free to fuck anyone she cares to without telling me.

[SpiceyHot]

When I was finally confronted with my desires I had to accept the way I was. I enjoy fantasizing about my wife having a lover and get turned on by seeing other husband's wives having sex while they watch. It is just a turn-on for me. So, yes, there was a triggering event. My 2nd wife's affair with her boss. Where it was very obvious to me what my inclinations were.

[Amayzed]

Thanks Owl. I’ll have to check that book out. My thoughts before reading it is that it probably offers an evolutionary explanation for the genetic component of my behaviour, but I imagine for many guys like me there was also an experience that triggered everything.

Some time back I wrote how cuckolding would seem to confer practical evolutionary advantages based on feelings and experiences I could relate to - see the 'Viewpoint' link below.

I think all men thus carry some predisposition to letting their partners mate with others whether the circumstances of their lives bring it out or not. I don't think life experiences cause it per se but maybe trigger the recognition of something already inside us.

I also relate to what wannabecUKold says about the survival instincts in stepping aside when a stronger male wants to mate with our partner - that it may have practical advantages in the survival of self or in the survival and harmony of the collective we may be a part of.

[Mark888]

Don't women also become more vital by receiving sperm from other men?

[Teensy1]

I agree. While my elderly wife was no longer fertile I meekly surrendered my rights to her to a much better equipped male. It seemed quite natural.

[SheLikesWhenIWatch]

I’ve thought about it A LOT.

My wife is, of course, grateful that she’s allowed to play without feeling guilty. It has brought our marriage to amazing heights.
—————-
In my job, I review/read ENORMOUS amounts of literature. I can’t even begin to tell you how common it is to find cuckoldry in literature and it’s closely related cousin, film.

I’ve always believed that literature is just a reflection of our culture. It is how we organize what we find valuable and important in our shared world. It is how we learn empathy.

We all know that Shakespeare invented the word “cuckold,” and there is certainly a lot of it in his plays. But when you take a step back and look at countless other books or films, cuckoldry is woven deeply into the tapestry of our shared literary history. (And it’s reflected historically in literature and films from ALL continents, not just Europe and North America. In other words, it’s a “human” phenomenon, not just some Western kink.)

Years ago, here on OHW, several users and I started compiling a MASSIVE list of movies and literature where cuckoldry and hotwifing was a part of the plot….where it was mentioned. I’ll have to dig that thread up. It’s mind-blowing to see the endless list. It’s everywhere, but it goes right past most people! No one is looking for it the way us cucks and wannabe cucks are. (If I find the thread, I’ll post it here. You’ll read through it and realize, “Oh, yeah! I didn’t notice that the first time I read/saw it!”)

(Side note: I remember some moderator saying that our discussion wasn’t appropriate and me being confused. I can think of nothing MORE appropriate than a discussion…on OHW…of how prominent cuckoldry and hotwifing has been in literature and film. Am I wrong?). (Maybe I misunderstood the moderator.)

Once I came to accept that cuckoldry was so common, it became easier for me to accept that I am a cuck. Our literature and movies are filled with alpha-males, cucks, and the women who enjoy both. Just take a deeper look.

There are the obvious (Caligula or Eyes Wide Shut come to mind), and then there are the less obvious (Pleasantville comes to mind).

The “common-ness” of cuckoldry in literature and film has led me to believe that it’s probably more prevalent than we think in “normal” marriages, too. There are a lot of “closet-cucks” out there living with unnecessary guilt…..wanting to watch their buddy fuck their wife’s lights out, for example, and wanting their wife to enjoy it and want more.

We just happen to be the ones talking about it…”brave” enough to open an account here (or on Reddit) and discuss it for what it is….trying always to understand why we are the way we are. And in some cases, mine included, we happen to be the ones “brave” enough to have stepped over the line to try it.

It has been exhilarating, and my wife and I don’t regret it for a moment. We think EVERYONE should give it a try……but ONLY when everyone involved is ready! (Communicate!)