A Bull's Thoughts On Desirable Traits For COuples

[QueenHedone]

What a great read! Thanks for sharing your perspective!

[DonVito4u]

Yes awesome informative read. Thank You.

[DonVito4u]

Questions about emotional connections from a newbie husband with a loving wife that has taken a few first steps in the Hotwife lifestyle. If you'd be do kind to answer and share. Thank you.

As a Bull with many years of experience:

1. Have you fallin In Love with a man's wife or girlfriend? More than the natural energy, trust and connection of friends with benefits. Not Luv but the big IN LOVE. If so. Why do you think it happened or how did it happen? How did it end?

2. Has the wife or girlfriend fallin In Love with you? More than the natural energy, trust and connection of friends with benefits. Not Luv but the big IN LOVE. If so. Why do you think she did or how did it happen? How did it end?

3. Is there something the husband did or did not do to allow the feelings of LOVE to creep in? Are there signs that a husband should look out for to becomes aware that the connection is forming thats more than sex and a caring friendship. What's your advice on how to handle being in a situation where the wife is falling in or in Love with her Bull.

Looking for answers from experienced Bulls only. Thanks again.

[athlete915]

Again, thank you for taking the time to share.

My pleasure.

Where do you meet most of the couples you play with? Online, bars, or somewhere in particular near you? It's been really varied, with no clear trends. My first two couples were essentially friends first. My third couple was a lifestyle couple and it's varied from there.

Do you usually get to know or introduce yourself to the wife first or meet the couple together? Typically, I talk and meet with the husbands first or occasionally both together. Most couples are more comfortable having the husband serve as the first screening point. If you "pass" that, then you get a chance to meet her, either together with her husband or one-on-one.

Have you ever had a situation where you and the wife were onboard and she had to convince her hubby to play? Not in person. Most wives tend to see their options as the status quo (i.e., staying married), cheating, or divorce. It doesn't occur to most that they have a fourth option of being able to see other men with their husband's support.

Have you ever been to a sex club with a couple? I've been to adult-only parties and clubs with couples.

You mentioned you prefer to play with only one couple at a time, but what is the longest you have played with the same couple? Close to five years and we're still close friends to this day.

Happy early New Year!

[athlete915]

So, thank you, 'athlete915', for your long and considered replies to people's questions. I hope you will continue to maintain a presence here, and give us an insight into what a good bull thinks.

You're too kind. I really appreciate the feedback and the welcome. I've certainly enjoyed my time here so far.

A question I do have is, what is your motivation in being a bull. Do you expect recompense, in any way? And even if you don't, do any of your couples offer you anything?

You're not with the tax authorities, are you?

Kidding

The simple answer is that my motivation is fantastic sex. With that said, if I just wanted sex, I would seek out single women, so it is more than that. For starters, I enjoy being watched. It's almost like having a supportive crowd while playing a game. Second, I also enjoy the dom/sub relationship between the cuck and I (I also love dom/sub relationships with women, but I could get that with single women). Third, I like helping to mentor couples through exploring their individual sexuality and the lifestyle as a couple. Oh yeah, and did I mention the fantastic sex?

I don't expect recompense beyond that. I have had couples give me gifts over the years, but there has certainly not been a pay-for-service model. These days I am solidly middle class, so I don't need to be taken care of by anyone and that would go against the ethos I was raised with.

One example of a gift would be with my third couple. They were the first significantly older couple that I was in a relationship with (I was in my 20s and they were in their 40s). They loved to travel and really enjoyed having me travel with them. I was still starting my professional career at that point, so didn't have a ton of disposable income. They would pay for my fare, so I could accompany them. I felt a bit weird about it at first, but their point was that if the difference was whether I got to travel with them, they were happy to do so.

[trecital]

Thanks for the response. It was as I'd assumed. But I thought it worth asking, for clarity.

The situation you describe about the older couple paying your fare, so that you could accompany them, is perfectly reasonable. A 'quid pro quo' (something for something).
I can imagine that the wife got a lot of 'something' during your time together.

[athlete915]

I certainly felt duty bound earn to my keep

Traveling can be a ton of fun because it often gives her and I a chance to be “open” with one another (dancing, hand holding, kissing). That’s a special thrill.

[trecital]

I certainly felt duty bound earn to my keep

Traveling can be a ton of fun because it often gives her and I a chance to be “open” with one another (dancing, hand holding, kissing). That’s a special thrill.

I can imagine it was a special thrill for her husband to watch!

Difficult to know who was getting the most out of that situation.....you, the wife or the husband.

[bowlerlb]

I certainly felt duty bound earn to my keep

Traveling can be a ton of fun because it often gives her and I a chance to be “open” with one another (dancing, hand holding, kissing). That’s a special thrill.

I can imagine it was a special thrill for her husband to watch!

Difficult to know who was getting the most out of that situation.....you, the wife or the husband.

This is what the lifestyle is all about. I think all 3 involved got the pleasure they were seeking. Win Win Win.

[athlete915]

Questions about emotional connections from a newbie husband with a loving wife that has taken a few first steps in the Hotwife lifestyle. If you'd be do kind to answer and share.

Thank you for the softball questions and the simple answers are…

(Kidding)

Emotions, including love, and emotional attachments are some of the more complicated aspects of the lifestyle, so your questions are great and you’re smart to consider them. It would help if you considered how you would feel about your wife and/or lover developing an emotional attachment to each other and discuss those scenarios with her.

Some couples are completely uncomfortable with the idea of any emotional attachments developing. They want to keep it completely physical. If that is the case with the two of you, my recommendation is that you should avoid any sort of ongoing arrangement with a third party. Keep it to one-night stands and similar short-term play. Anything beyond that carries at least some risk of an emotional attachment.

On the other hand, plenty of wives cannot develop a physical relationship with someone with whom they don’t have an emotional attachment. If that’s the case with you two, one-night stands aren’t going to work. You will need to find a partner who can seduce her mentally and emotionally, which will unlock the physical side. That will take time.

To actually answer your question, yes, I have had wives fall in love with me and I have loved some of my wives. The why was similar in each case. You had two people sharing a very intimate experience, who found that they shared a lot in common, and enjoyed each other’s company. Essentially, it’s the same dynamic that happens with “normal” vanilla relationships.

What these relationships have taught me though is that love is not a zero-sum game. You can love more than one person at a time, even intensely. The second the wives started loving me, didn’t mean they stopped loving their husbands. They loved us both and it was not at the exclusion of the other.

I was also mature enough in those relationships to understand that just because love had become a factor, it didn’t change the reality of my “role” in the relationship. I wasn’t there to try to take her away. I didn’t want to hurt their marriage. I wanted to make their marriage better and certainly not break it up. So, while we loved each other, I never wanted that to come at the cost of their marriage.

The relationships ended for similar reasons, either I or the couple moved for professional reasons. Those “break-ups” were tough in their own ways, but we also left on such good terms, and we knew we weren’t saying goodbye forever. In fact, I remain in contact with every couple that I ever had a long-term relationship with.

So, what is my advice to husbands? First, take the time to consider how you would feel about your wife developing strong emotions for her lover/bull, including falling in love with him. If that’s an absolute redline for you, avoid repeat performances with the same guy. The more time you spend with him, the higher the risk of the bonds developing. If it isn’t a deal breaker for you, then spend some additional time getting into the nuance of your feelings. What are you comfortable with? What are you not comfortable with? Next, talk to your wife about it. Tell her how you feel and then ask her about her opinions. Does she want to keep the relationship purely physical, or does she need an emotional bond to accompany/enhance the physical one? If she is okay and/or wants an emotional bond, how far would she be comfortable taking it?

In the end, you two need to agree on what you’re both comfortable/uncomfortable with. Not only that, but you need to revisit that conversation periodically. As you explore, you may find that your opinions change, and those changes need to be discussed.

The other key thing is related to the other guy. Do not play with anyone that you don’t trust. I don’t care if the guy has a 12-pack and shoots fireworks out of his dick, he’s not worth it. Think with the bigger of your two heads and use your intuition. If you have your doubts, there’s probably a good reason for it.

Next, make sure he knows your stance on emotional attachment. If he can’t operate within those boundaries, you all should part company before things go beyond your comfort level.

You may want to consider specifically seeking out partners who have been with other couples. That previous experience indicates that they enjoy being with couples specifically and understand the unique dynamics of being with couples. That’s not to say that inexperienced guys can’t handle themselves appropriately, but it’s just hard to tell until they are actually experiencing it.

Emotions are complicated things. On one hand, they can increase the intensity and pleasure related to the physical part of the relationship. On the other, they can ruin a relationship. Consider what you and your wife are comfortable with and find someone who is on the same page. Don’t forget to circle back every so often to ensure that everyone is on the same page.

I covered a lot of ground there, but not sure I answered all of your questions. Please let me know if I missed anything or if you have any follow-up questions. Good luck.

[DonVito4u]

Damn you are good. Just saw your reply. Need time to digest this but want to give you a big thank you. Wife definitely needs the connection. One night stands is not her thing. She's meeting a potential friend for coffee tomorrow. Excited and nervous to see where it goes.

[couple_uk]

My wife and I have been living this lifestyle for almost ten years. You make it sound like there are only a few potential bulls for every ten or twenty cuckold couples when in actual fact there are hundreds upon hundreds of potential bulls per cuckold couple and therefore it's the wife who chooses the bull and not as you seem to suggest.

Potential bulls, yes but not everyone will just fuck whoever comes along. At the end of the day that's not the issue. It's how many suitable bulls there are within suitable proximity. And that's not that many and they're not always easy to find. Wife_ uk says she's had to kiss a lot of frogs to find the prince.

[Laveenguy]

My wife and I have been living this lifestyle for almost ten years. You make it sound like there are only a few potential bulls for every ten or twenty cuckold couples when in actual fact there are hundreds upon hundreds of potential bulls per cuckold couple and therefore it's the wife who chooses the bull and not as you seem to suggest.

Potential bulls, yes but not everyone will just fuck whoever comes along. At the end of the day that's not the issue. It's how many suitable bulls there are within suitable proximity. And that's not that many and they're not always easy to find. Wife_ uk says she's had to kiss a lot of frogs to find the prince.

Aye, there’s the rub. We’ve been in the game a while and I can say the princes have been few and far between. My Deb has kissed a lot of frogs. LOL. But I think we can both say that that makes finding the prince all the sweeter.

[athlete915]

Damn you are good. Just saw your reply. Need time to digest this but want to give you a big thank you. Wife definitely needs the connection. One night stands is not her thing. She's meeting a potential friend for coffee tomorrow. Excited and nervous to see where it goes.

Ha ha, you’re too kind. I hope it was helpful. Please let me know if you have any follow-up questions or concerns.

How did the coffee date go?

[athlete915]

That’s a great point. There are always plenty of guys who are interested in couples, but it can be a lot harder to find guys with the right attributes. That can include everything from sexual ability to desire to include the cuck to simple proximity.

[Ty2023]

Hi, athlete.
I'm enjoying your post. A lot of good stuff in it. You seem like the kind of bull most couples would want to meet. To bad we can't clone you.

I have a few questions to ask.

When your couples host you, do you stay overnight with them or for a few days? If you do, do you sleep in the main bedroom with the wife while the husband sleep elsewhere: guest room, couch, etc.

Also on traveling. Do you go only with the wife or with the couple? If with the couple, does the wife sleep in your room while the husband sleeps alone?

Going on vacation or even day trips as a group, so my wife and her bull can be open with their relationship while I watch, sounds amazing!

[athlete915]

Hi, athlete.
I'm enjoying your post. A lot of good stuff in it. You seem like the kind of bull most couples would want to meet. To bad we can't clone you.

Thank you very much. I appreciate the feedback.

Also, great questions. I will have to start with the standard caveat that each couple is different, so while I will speak in generalities, realize that there is variation and nuance.

A perfect example is hosting. While most couples certainly want to host, there can be practical limitations, the key being children. A couple with children may only be able to host me overnight once or twice a year. Meanwhile, a couple without children may be free to host on a far more steady basis. I appreciate those differences and will work with each couple to maximize our fun while limiting risks.

When a couple can host, the duration primarily depends on their availability. The couple with kids may only be able to get them out of the house for a night for a sleepover or they may send them for spring break to a distant grandparent's house. Generally, they are going to want to maximize those opportunities to the greatest extent possible.

This may come as a shock to you, but I will happily help them maximize those opportunities as well. If all we have in an overnight, I am going to fuck her until she is spent and we fall asleep and then get right back at it in the morning (nothing like a wake-up BJ to get things started). If we have a weekend, we still probably won't waste time leaving the house and will only take breaks to rest.

When I sleep over with a couple, the wife and I usually sleep in the master, while the husband usually heads to a spare bedroom. I know you're probably thinking that I am kicking him out of the bedroom, but it's not like that. As I mentioned, they're going to want to maximize the time with me, so she and I are going to fuck right up until we both fall asleep exhausted. The husbands are likely going to be spent earlier and ready for bed, so they will quietly show themselves out and grab some sleep while we are finishing up.

I wouldn't be opposed to us all sleeping in the bed together, but it’s not practical to sleep three adults in a bed.

I know for outsiders the idea of a husband giving up his master bedroom to me seems like a big deal, but it’s not. He’s already given me access to something way more valuable, his wife. He respects and trusts me enough to have her, so the bedroom is just an afterthought. The idea that I would need to take a break from playing with his wife just to sleep in the guest room seems silly if you think about it.
If it is a short trip, it may be just the wife and I, but if it is a longer trip, it’s always three of us. I want the cuckolds there and certainly don’t want them feeling left out. Trips allow her and I to be open with one another in public. Instead of me pretending to be their “friend” back home, we can be girlfriend and boyfriend. She and I can sit next to each other during dinner, with my hand stroking her thigh. We can go out in tear up the dance floor while her husband watches from the bar. She and I can make out in the pool, etc.

As you can imagine, all of that builds the excitement level, so soon enough we’ll be racing back to the room.

Once again, great questions. Let me know if you have any others. Have fun and play safe.

[trecital]

"I know for outsiders the idea of a husband giving up his master bedroom to me seems like a big deal, but it’s not."

I've read this sometimes on posts, both in the hotwife and cuckold forums, that the husband doesn't want to give up the marital bed. This just strikes me as being plain rude.
The bull/boyfriend is bringing you something special. As a host you should treat him as well as you can......feed him well, make your home a welcoming place, be friendly, indulge in good conversation etc, like you would for your friends.
Of course, he has a more intimate role, and if he is staying overnight then, for me, there is no question about where he will 'sleep'. It will be in our marital bed.
Anything less is just being plain rude. If you serve wine with a meal to guests in your house, do you put a cheaper bottle on the table to serve to them? If there is one glass worth of wine left in the bottle, do you pour it into your own glass and drink it?

You should ask the bull/boyfriend where he would prefer to sleep. If it isn't in your marital bed with your wife, then he's got some explaining to do!

[Teensy1]

I agree. The cuck always should give up his bed to the bull. It’s a sign of respect.

[trecital]

I agree. The cuck always should give up his bed to the bull. It’s a sign of respect.

For clarity, I am not advocating being subservient to a bull.
Some people seem to think that the word 'respect' means adopting a subservient attitude.
For me, respecting people is about seeing them as being of equal importance to yourself.
Respect yourself....respect others.
But no need to respect those that aren't willing to respect you.

[Ty2023]

"The bull/boyfriend is bringing you something special. As a host you should treat him as well as you can......feed him well, make your home a welcoming place, be friendly, indulge in good conversation etc, like you would for your friends.
Of course, he has a more intimate role, and if he is staying overnight then, for me, there is no question about where he will 'sleep'. It will be in our marital bed.

I completely agree with you. Her bull/boyfriend is a guest in our home and should be treat as such. I'm not into the 'subservient to a bull' stuff like some guys. (If that turns them on the more power to them). I respect the relationship between my wife and her bull/boyfriend just like he should respect the relationship I have with her. As a guest in our home her bull/boyfriend should sleep in the marital bed with my wife while I sleep in the spare bedroom. I'd would want to watch their intimate time together (Don't hover to close or try to be a director in a porno). But I would also give them some privacy if they wanted it. After sex if they are laying in bed relaxing, kissing, whispering sweet nothing to each other, etc. That is also their time together I don't need to be a part of it unless they want me to. My happiness comes for seeing and hear how the bull/boyfriend is giving my wife pleasure and making her happy. I have to admit walking by the bedroom and seeing them naked cuddling together while sleeping would ramp up my excitement level.

For other non-sexual events: dinners, hanging out watching a movie, etc. I would want and encourage my wife and her bull/boyfriend to act like a couple. Kissing, touching, siting together his arm round her, cuddling on the couch, etc. If that leads to more intimate things they would know they have the freedom and my support act upon it, there or in the bed.

Sorry, I'm rambling. In short, the bull/boyfriend should sleep in the marital bed with my wife.

[Ty2023]

athlete915

Thank you for your answers. They were very informative and I enjoyed what you wrote. I have a few more questions.

Have you ever bought the wife a gift? Lingerie, birthday presents, etc. For me, I would be okay if he did. Lingerie he wants her to wear on their dates or with something like a nice necklace or locket that she could wear. That way when I'm out with her and see it I can get a thrill out of know her bull/boyfriend got it for her and it shows their relationship with each other.

How long after you start dating a wife do you feel comfortable with not using a condom? For me, when she feels trust and comfort with her bull. On our end, it's up to her when she's ready, I would like to be told though when she decides to. I know it is a very intimate act that can lead to a loving bound especially when her bull/boyfriend cums inside of her. I feel if that's what she needs to fully enjoy her sexual experience then what she should do.

Are there things that you do to/for the wife that she doesn't want her husband doing to her? For me, it's their relationship and they can enjoy it as they see fit.

How does the wife feel about her husband watching during sex? Also, when the three of you are traveling together where you and his wife can have the freedom to act more like a couple together how does she seem to like her husband watching?

Thanks for your bull point of view.

[athlete915]

The bull/boyfriend is bringing you something special. As a host you should treat him as well as you can......feed him well, make your home a welcoming place, be friendly, indulge in good conversation etc, like you would for your friends.

It all ends up being mutually beneficial in the end. When a cuckold is a welcoming and gracious host, it allows me to focus my attention and efforts on pleasing his wife. The better I can please the wife, the happier she is. The happier she is, the happier her husband. His efforts will be repaid multiple times over.

I also take the husband's efforts as a sign of respect and appreciation. It signals that I am doing a good job and encourages me to do my best. I certainly take note of his efforts and I am thankful for them.

And to your point about respect, it is always about mutual respect. The husbands respect me for what I provide their wives, their marriage, and themselves. Meanwhile, I respect the cucks as husbands and for the supportive role they play in my relationship with their wives. Without their support, the relationship won't be successful. With their support, it will only get better. Finally, the wives can be both respectable ladies, but also wild women in the bedroom. The bedroom play does not detract from the other.

[athlete915]

Sorry, I'm rambling. In short, the bull/boyfriend should sleep in the marital bed with my wife.

Ha, a little rambling usually just means that you’re enjoying the conversation.

“I'm not into the 'subservient to a bull' stuff like some guys.” If I find myself in a position where I am ordering the husbands around, then it probably means that I am failing in the relationship. If I am providing the wife with pleasure and happiness, the husband will naturally respect me for what I am providing and want to support our relationship. I won’t have to tell him to do things because he’s going to want to do them already. There’s no need for me to treat him like a servant.

“Don't hover to close or try to be a director in a porno.” Well said. If you find that you need to direct her boyfriend or lover, he probably doesn’t deserve to be there.

“After sex if they are laying in bed relaxing, kissing, whispering sweet nothing to each other, etc.” That’s a sign of intimacy and ultimately you want, if your priority is her pleasure and happiness. Intimacy improves the sex and sex improves the intimacy.

[athlete915]

Thanks for your bull point of view.

You’re welcome. Keep the questions and comments coming.

“Have you ever bought the wife a gift? Lingerie, birthday presents, etc.” Absolutely. Ideally, these relationships begin to resemble “normal” girlfriend/boyfriend relationships and involve more than just sex. Those different aspects complement each other. The more she enjoys spending time with me outside of the bedroom, the more she will want to spend time with me in the bedroom. The more intimate we are, the better the sex will be. The better the sex, the more intimate we’ll become.

Gifts are a natural part of developing a fuller and more well-rounded relationship. It lets her know that I care about her and how special she is for me.

There’s an added kink for them of having something from me. Kind of a physical proof of our relationship.

“How long after you start dating a wife do you feel comfortable with not using a condom?” It’s a three-step process for me. First, all three of us need to be tested for STDs. Second, I need to know what their birth control plan is. The third step is having them reach a point where they tell me that they are ready.

I’ll find time early in the relationship to discuss the above with my couples, both when it’s the three of us and then one on one. I’ll talk to them about what I did with other couples and reinforce that I will wear them until we’re all ready to start going bare. Finally, I will encourage them to discuss it when it’s just the two of them.

I’ve never had a relationship with a couple where I didn’t eventually go bare. Ultimately, the wives want it every bit as much as I do, they just need to feel comfortable before taking that step. While me going bare can be nerve-wracking for the cuckolds, they want it too. They just to get comfortable with it too.

“Are there things that you do to/for the wife that she doesn't want her husband doing to her?” Yes. Again, if I can’t bring out something special in your wife, I shouldn’t be there in the first place. That can take a lot of forms. One obvious one is an increased sex drive related to me. It can also be things like dressing sexier for me. There are also sexual acts. A common one are wives who only performed oral on their husbands and exes because they were being nice, but with me they legitimately enjoy the act. The way I fill their mouths, the way they know what I am going to do with it, etc.

“How does the wife feel about her husband watching during sex?” That’s a big “it depends.” In broad general terms, most wives are at least a little nervous about being watched at first. There’s always the concern about how their husbands will react. No matter how many years the husband has been encouraging her to do it, you just never know until you try.

My goal in those first few sessions is to help her focus on the sex and pleasure while pushing those doubts and concerns aside. I confidently take the lead and keep the focus on each one of her orgasms. Meanwhile, I will usually have talked to the husband about the importance of not being a distraction. I know he’s excited and has needs too, but that initial focus has to be on helping her be as comfortable as possible.

With time, I find wives come to enjoy being watched. Some are bigger showoffs than others, but regardless, it is still exciting. Some get really into “performing” in front of their husbands. It also helps reinforce the husband’s support for her and that they’re in this as a couple.

By the time I travel with a couple, the wives are already past the comfort stage and into the enjoyment stage of being watched. The idea that we are in public, only makes it that much more exciting.