Cuckold lifestyle or an affair?

[Smallcock74]

My wife and I decided at the beginning to be open and honest with each other when entering into this lifestyle. We would find a suitable man online, have a social date, if we clicked, then he would be invited to our house for some fun with my wife, as I watched.

After a relatively short time my wife decided to be exclusive to one man and started a long-term relationship with him. He would often stay overnight and sleep in the marital bed. As the trust developed my wife would meet him in private whenever he requested. Occasionally I would arrive home from work and find them in bed together. I had no problem with this whatsoever and thought of it as part of the cuckold lifestyle.

The problem arrived when I discovered that my wife had been having sex with her boss and hadn't mentioned anything to me. She didn't see any difference between what she had been doing with her previous long-term bull and couldn't understand why I was so upset.

Am I right in thinking that she was having an affair and therefore has been unfaithful, despite our cuckold lifestyle.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar and what was the outcome?

[rvplace]

During these adventures of exploring our sexual desires, combine with the NRE, our “rules” get broken as lust is very powerful...was her intent to hurt you or to fill her need? Doesn’t make it right but communication hopefully will prevent you from these negative feelings...good luck!

[Smallcock74]

During these adventures of exploring our sexual desires, combine with the NRE, our “rules” get broken as lust is very powerful...was her intent to hurt you or to fill her need? Doesn’t make it right but communication hopefully will prevent you from these negative feelings...good luck!

[wannabecUKold]

In her own mind she could have persuaded herself that it was OK and you had given advance approval, but she didn't really think that. The clue is that she did not tell you, so she knew there was some doubt as to whether you would approve. So then you have the question whether it is just a quick shag or is she having a romantic affair? Sounds like the latter and I imagine that her boss thinks it is so. Has the affair now stopped?
Whilst the romantic side was cheating, the fact that she had physical sex with him wouldn't have been quite the same shock for you as for a vanilla husband. Are you going to do anything about it apart from expressing your displeasure at the concealment? Can you get her another bull to see to her needs asap?

[Smallcock74]

In her own mind she could have persuaded herself that it was OK and you had given advance approval, but she didn't really think that. The clue is that she did not tell you, so she knew there was some doubt as to whether you would approve. So then you have the question whether it is just a quick shag or is she having a romantic affair? Sounds like the latter and I imagine that her boss thinks it is so. Has the affair now stopped?
Whilst the romantic side was cheating, the fact that she had physical sex with him wouldn't have been quite the same shock for you as for a vanilla husband. Are you going to do anything about it apart from expressing your displeasure at the concealment? Can you get her another bull to see to her needs asap?

The affair was some months ago. It started at a Christmas party and continued for about 3 months. I suspect that she didn't tell me because I had a disagreement with him previously following a work incident. Her belief is that she has done nothing wrong, given our chosen lifestyle. Although she assures me that she no longer sees him, I have my reservations that she is still having sex with him or others behind my back.
She prefers a long-term bull and at present we haven't found anyone we feel is suitable. That being said we regularly arrange for her to meet men for sex, but on a casual basis.

[Shiphead]

During these adventures of exploring our sexual desires, combine with the NRE, our “rules” get broken as lust is very powerful...was her intent to hurt you or to fill her need? Doesn’t make it right but communication hopefully will prevent you from these negative feelings...good luck!

Excellent advise. Knowing her intent wasn't to hurt or lie to you, makes it much easier to forgive her mistake. Just talk it out and tell her how it hurt you.

[Cdncuck]

The problem arrived when I discovered that my wife had been having sex with her boss and hadn't mentioned anything to me. She didn't see any difference between what she had been doing with her previous long-term bull and couldn't understand why I was so upset.

Am I right in thinking that she was having an affair and therefore has been unfaithful, despite our cuckold lifestyle.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar and what was the outcome?

In the beginning of the hotwife journey 'mistakes are made by everyone. That means the husband as well as the wife. Often it's something that hasn't been discussed so one partner or the other assumes something is okay.

In our case, my wife assumed since I asked her to fuck other guys, that she could fuck anyone she wanted when she wanted. At the same time 'I assumed her seeing others was a structured situation where she and I planned it out, then acted.

She had sex with someone without telling me. She thought everything was fine. On the other hand, I felt hurt that she just went ahead and fucked this guy. There were some hurt feelings on both sides.

Once we got past that 'we realized there were many possible situations neither of us had considered might come up. We hadn't communicated clearly which left for a huge margin for error.

My wife didn't cheat. She misunderstood what I thought we were doing. I thought I had clearly discussed everything with her and it turned out there were things that weren't taken into consideration.

We decided no harm no foul and moved forward. We decided that since the unexpected had come up and we hadn't considered it, we just decided if she had an opportunity to play, she should go with her gut and we could talk about it after the fact.

That simplified things.

[Cdncuck]

The problem arrived when I discovered that my wife had been having sex with her boss and hadn't mentioned anything to me. She didn't see any difference between what she had been doing with her previous long-term bull and couldn't understand why I was so upset.

Am I right in thinking that she was having an affair and therefore has been unfaithful, despite our cuckold lifestyle.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar and what was the outcome?

In the beginning of the hotwife journey 'mistakes are made by everyone. That means the husband as well as the wife. Often it's something that hasn't been discussed so one partner or the other assumes something is okay.

In our case, my wife assumed since I asked her to fuck other guys, that she could fuck anyone she wanted when she wanted. At the same time 'I assumed her seeing others was a structured situation where she and I planned it out, then acted.

She had sex with someone without telling me. She thought everything was fine. On the other hand, I felt hurt that she just went ahead and fucked this guy. There were some hurt feelings on both sides.

Once we got past that 'we realized there were many possible situations neither of us had considered might come up. We hadn't communicated clearly which left for a huge margin for error.

My wife didn't cheat. She misunderstood what I thought we were doing. I thought I had clearly discussed everything with her and it turned out there were things that weren't taken into consideration.

We decided no harm no foul and moved forward. We decided that since the unexpected had come up and we hadn't considered it, we just decided if she had an opportunity to play, she should go with her gut and we could talk about it after the fact.

That simplified things.

[Maddie_Hippychick]

Ask her if you did the same, would SHE consider it cheating. If you started an affair with a colleague and didn’t disclose it to her, would she consider that cheating? I’m guessing that she would.

This doesn’t need to be a marriage ending event though. Work through it. Be open and vulnerable. Be clear about your boundaries and the scope of your consent. Be gracious and kind. Talk through your misunderstandings but demonstrate your love.

[BBCfan]

Some really great advice and interesting insights on the lifestyle.

With my partner agreeing to move forward at her own pace, I can already see how communication can be misunderstood at times. You sometimes hear what you want to hear and make your own conclusions, or misunderstand what was said even.

I almost think it would be helpful to have a written out mutually agreed upon commandments or agreements before anything happens.

The gray area can be where is withholding information lying or deceitful?
I guess every situation would be different.

Anyway great food for thought here.

[snoogaloo82]

My wife and I decided at the beginning to be open and honest with each other when entering into this lifestyle. We would find a suitable man online, have a social date, if we clicked, then he would be invited to our house for some fun with my wife, as I watched.

After a relatively short time my wife decided to be exclusive to one man and started a long-term relationship with him. He would often stay overnight and sleep in the marital bed. As the trust developed my wife would meet him in private whenever he requested. Occasionally I would arrive home from work and find them in bed together. I had no problem with this whatsoever and thought of it as part of the cuckold lifestyle.

The problem arrived when I discovered that my wife had been having sex with her boss and hadn't mentioned anything to me. She didn't see any difference between what she had been doing with her previous long-term bull and couldn't understand why I was so upset.

Am I right in thinking that she was having an affair and therefore has been unfaithful, despite our cuckold lifestyle.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar and what was the outcome?

That's a hard one. It all depends on how much you trust your wife. For me and my sweetie I would say that she thought that since I had allowed her to do it with the other guy then it would be okay with this guy. I'm guessing that maybe she didn't know how much it turns you on to know about her having an "affair", but that's just a guess. How did the situation resolve it's self? Are you two still together? Did you tell her how much it turns you on to know that she's with other men and to actually know it instead of just assuming?

[SRKnight]

I think this happens quite often at first in HW lifestyle. We came up with the solution that if she has sex with someone new, she will tell within 60 days or so. Even a HW likes a secret now and then!

[snoogaloo82]

I think this happens quite often at first in HW lifestyle. We came up with the solution that if she has sex with someone new, she will tell within 60 days or so. Even a HW likes a secret now and then!

I didn't even know this. Interesting fact.

[love84]

Sounds like her affair with the boss was a departure from your established set-up. I agree with others that early in the HW lifestyle stuff can happen. It may have just been one of those things but if there was any subterfuge happening alongside the affair then it's a pretty clear case of cheating. Not good.

On the other hand, some here seem to be turned on by the cheating. Once I was through the feelings of betrayal I know I was.

Hopefully this is a valuable learning experience and she'll now double down on making sure the emotional support and communication is solid going forward.

Best of luck.

[user322]

Indeed, there is no problem with sleeping with her boss, but there is a problem elsewhere: she didn't tell you anything.....

The cuckold lifestyle consists of a couple allowing the woman to see other men, with the consent of the husband. If the husband is not aware of a relationship, it cannot be consented to.
If it had been said at the start, between you, that the woman has the possibility of having a relationship without talking to you, that would have been ok, but it seems that you did not talk about this type of arrangement, So there is cheating here.

I think you should honestly talk about it with your wife (remember that communication is the most important thing). You must explain to her that what she did is like classic adultery since she simply hid information from you and lacked honesty towards you, and that this gesture necessarily undermines the trust that you can have towards her.

For me there are have 2 options:
- Either you are ready to accept this kind of affair that she is having with her boss and you can tell her, and make her understand that she can trust you and tell you everything since it excites you.
- Either you do not agree and in this case you must make it clear to her that you expect honesty from her so that your relationship can work.

[tractorman2]

She actually made you a true cuck by definition by having this affair not as a result of having a lover you were aware of. I am a cuck which came when my wife was having a secret affairs x2. Once she admitted her past i became her cuck openly in our marriage, honestly is key and if i ever found out later she had playing away without telling me i would divorced her and she knows it.

My view is as she knows she can, why lie when i would accept it and enjoy it too, so to lie would distroy our friendship.

I wouldnt have a problem with her taking a lover, one i would never meet however i would want to know she was going to do this but would not need the full details. Its one of the few things we havent done and would be extremely kinky.