How to cope with jealousy?

[Des 31]

The ridiculous thought that I wish I was him crossed my mind twice lately, though I know that there is no change in the world I can me such a man, neither I want to be such.
Is there a way to cope with jealousy in my status, or should I reconcile with it as an unavoidable side of a cuckold's life?

Thanks,
d.

I don't think so, but the good part is that jealousy enhances a husband's thrills when another man is fucking his wife. Some of us get over it in a rather short time if a wife is active sexually with other men. When I first began to encourage my wife to date others, the thought that I might be jealous when it came about never crossed my mind.

I learned the reality is a lot different from the fantasy. Now, neither my wife nor I want to return to the time when it was just the two of us.

[Luv It]

There is of course "no one size that fits all" in this like style.
All couples are bit different in the dynamics they want.
So, just do want works and is erotic for you.

[zorro]

From over 12 years of hotwiving with my current wife and years of sharing past girlfriends and a prior wife, I would chime in that feeling some jealousy is a normal part of sharing. What compensates for it is that once the initial negative feelings are felt and fade away, the positive feelings rush in. It is really outrageously hot to watch your wife come alive with lust and orgasmic moaning, adoring the extra cock she is getting.

Eroticizing jealousy may be a primary function of hotwifing, a technique that also makes jealousy manageable.

I don't expect jealousy to ever go away, but the HW hubby (or cuck) needs to learn how he can personally manage it.
As I reflect back, the times I haven't felt jealousy have been when she has taken more than 3 cocks during a play party. By that time, all the erotic feelings have left jealousy in the dust.

Managing jealousy works best when the husband has decided he does not want to give into the angry seduction jealousy can bring and that he wants to be loving with his wife and not furious with her. I say with her, since I don't recall in our play activities ever getting angry with the guys she wants to fuck.

Jealousy, Nancy Friday says, has more to do with ourselves than with the other. Capturing all those automatic thoughts that stimulate jealous feelings is where a HW hubby new to this or stuck getting past jealousy would do well to look into.

[desertsub]

My first wife taught me early on to get over my jealousy. We were living together and an old boyfriend showed up at her apartment one evening. We got to drinking and ended up playing strip poker. When we were all naked he started to make out with her and I got pissed. We ended up going to bed with him sleeping on the couch and nothing happening.

The next day, after he left, my gf sat me down and told me that she felt jealousy was an ugly trait and she hated it. She also told me that there was a big difference between love and sex and that sometimes fucking was just that, fucking.

I was very introverted and I felt that she was way above my level and I was afraid to lose her. Just after we got married she went out one night without me and didn't return until well after midnight. To this day I am sure she was with another guy. I never confronted her about it and just accepted it for what it was. I found that the thought of her fucking someone else turned me on. She later went on to openly cuckold me with my sister's ex husband, who was also my best friend at the time. I not only accepted it,I was turned on by it.

My current wife tells people that I don't have a jealous bone in my body and I think she is right. In all the years she has cuckolded me I've never felt any jealous angst.

[zorro]

She also told me that there was a big difference between love and sex and that sometimes fucking was just that, fucking.

Your wife is spot on: Sometimes fucking IS just fucking. That may have helped you distance from jealousy. Our culture promotes the idea that having sex with someone other than the spouse is a marker of exiting the relationship. Those of us in the HW world know nothing could be further from the truth. Fucking others can paradoxically bring a couple closer, if done right.

It also sounds as though it helped you overcome jealousy to "accept it." Can you going into more detail about what you came to accept and how it helped stem jealousy? I have my own thoughts about what you may have been thinking, but your inner reality may differ from what I imagine.

It might help some of those who visit here learn more about how to neutralize jealousy.

[desertsub]

She also told me that there was a big difference between love and sex and that sometimes fucking was just that, fucking.

Your wife is spot on: Sometimes fucking IS just fucking. That may have helped you distance from jealousy. Our culture promotes the idea that having sex with someone other than the spouse is a marker of exiting the relationship. Those of us in the HW world know nothing could be further from the truth. Fucking others can paradoxically bring a couple closer, if done right.

It also sounds as though it helped you overcome jealousy to "accept it." Can you going into more detail about what you came to accept and how it helped stem jealousy? I have my own thoughts about what you may have been thinking, but your inner reality may differ from what I imagine.

It might help some of those who visit here learn more about how to neutralize jealousy.

The talk that she had with me was a big help but my feeling that she was way above my level was an even bigger factor in my learning to toe the line on my jealousy. I was afraid that if I didn't get control of it I could lose her. I felt that I had to accept that she would want to fuck other guys from time to time and when it actually happened I found that I was turned on by it.

[zorro]

@desertsub
It sounds like you felt you had to submit to her wishes or risk abandonment. Sort of on the cuckish end of the spectrum. But the good news is that once you accepted the reality and strength of her sexuality as something desirable, you felt free to enjoy just how hot the sharing can be.
Thank you for saying more. Some can learn from your experience. Glad you and your wife have found a great solution for both of you. As we aspire to.

After I had had about 14 partners and learned from 12 that they had been fucking other guys at the same time, it definitely helped me realize and reframe that it is mostly normal for women to take multiple partners. There was nothing wrong, they were just being themselves.
That was very liberating -- and hot.
Helps to have a HW hubby brain.

[amayzed]

Dear d204,
In my humble opinion you can find peace with your jealousy through fully surrendering to your wife. It sounds like she set a lot of this up to challenge you - to break you. You mentioned in your other post the triumphant smile on her face when she saw she defeated you. When a situation becomes difficult to bear experience for yourself and let her know that she won - that she got her way. That is the place that bonds the two of you together.

Think of Neil like a prop. You aren't surrendering to him. You are surrendering to the power she has over you in making you surrender to him.

[Des 31]

I'm not psychologist, so this is just my opinion. I also had some jealousy and insecurity at the outset. The reality is nothing like the fantasy I had before it finally came about. But after some experience, that went away for me.

The difference you mention is that you feel and display your feelings that the bull is superior to you, apparently in every way. I can imagine that circumstance as being a threat to the marriage unless you and your wife have an otherwise solid marital relationship.

We have learned that a wife's sexual thrills are greater with most other men to who she isn't married. My wife said years ago, "If it wasn't better with someone else, what would be the point of doing it at all." I'm sure that's true for all wives in this way of life. Personally, I like that aspect. I don't want her to quit.

[Luv It]

Then there can be the vicarious aspect to it .
Personally I get a very erotic vicarious thrill knowing my wife and her lover are fucking
I love imagining how they are fucking, making love... how their sexual organs are joined.... how her lover's cock is relentlessly going in and out of her .....giving each other extreme sexual pleasure.
To this end I have even loved it when my wife has gone to live with a steady BF for a while.... with them both very well aware how much it turns me on that they fuck/ make love as often as possible .

She is now living with a guy long term and I am allowed frequent visits where i can hear them fuck behind a closed door..... and see them make out in my presence .
I can only imagine what that might say about me when i am not around but I really do not care what they say or think.
The erotic vicarious and submissive aspects of it all can be quite overwhelming for me.

As I said before a few times, most of us would never want to loose our wife permanently to anther man.
However that possibility is a great turn on for me and some others into such extreme things
It makes our cocks stiff but, it also causes an uneasy feeling deep within us that we are also addicted to.
She always comes back but maybe this time she might not.
It's the great erotic unknown that has a hold on us

[gruenberg]

For me it wasn't that step by step progress the OP wrote about. I was thrown into the cold by my wife learning she had an affair with her older boss. I was very jealous and still am.
Over the years i learned something about my wife and my relationship with her. She makes me happy and i make her happy. It sounds simple, but isn't evertime. I now know, and this helps very much, that she loves me and is very happy that a let her be the way she is. She is knowing that this is not a usual situation. That the husband lets his wife have affairs with men. She is very grateful that i let her.

On the other hand, she let's me do my thing. In my case this is not sexual related, but i know it is maybe not always easy to be married to me.

What i want to say is, that I'm jealous and that it is part of being married. As long as it isn't too much for everyone, everything is fine.

[Luv It]

{quote] ...... I have seen it all. The first time is the hardest,........ [/quote]
I think that is true for most all of us.......
However, as w e realize the she always comes back to us...we want to frequently expend the erotic things of it.