newaussiecuck wrote: ↑Thu Feb 29, 2024 7:46 pm
I just purchased the below book. It has good reviews and I can listen while driving to work. I started listening this morning and have already learned quite a bit.
The title has a double meaning. Splitting as-in separating, however the other meaning is what the person with personality disorder does during periods of high stress. This would be periods like during separation and divorce proceedings, and explains why "wife" has behaved the way she has during her periods of high stress (like when she senses I'm having thoughts of leaving). It's the splitting of people into categories of either all good or all bad. When I'm in the all bad category she can justify to herself any kind of behaviour as being acceptable and necessary since I'm so bad. Interesting to learn this but scary ar the same time.
The book also explains how it's common for people to have more than one personality disorder at the same time. For example Borderline Personality Disorder along with Narcisist Personslity Disorder. They can even have 3 at the same time. Apparently 20% of people with Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) also have both BPD and NPD at the same time.
I believe "wife" has shown signs of all 3 (NPD, BPD and ASPD) if I'm honest with myself. The extreme fear of abandonment is a BPD trait. The sense of superiority (eg snatching of tools right out of my hand to show me how something should be done) is an NPD trait.
The cold, calculating, manipulating, deceipt etc that she has shown against me and her online person are traits of someone with ASPD, as is the way she seems to plan out psychological attacks in advance.
Seeing the way she
can lie for no reason, and manipulate and seems to enjoy moving me around like a pawn on a chess board makes me almost certain that she has ASPD (basically a psychopath). The displays of amazingly good character that she shows have been confusing to see against what I've experienced but are traits of people with ASPD. For example the weekend before last we saw a lady struggling to wheel a trolly full of plants off the road and onto a footpath. She sprinted 30 meters ahead of me to grab the trolly and help the lady across.
I think it was many similar types of displays which let me see her as such a good person early in our relationship, with enough peppered throughout our relationship to not question anything.
This is the book:
"
Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder" by Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger
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This highly anticipated second edition of Splitting includes new chapters on abuse, alienation, and false allegations; as well as information about the four types of domestic violence, protective orders, and child custody disputes.
Are you divorcing someone who’s making the process as difficult as possible? Are they sending you nasty emails, falsifying the truth, putting your children in the middle, abusing you, or abusing the system? Are they “persuasive blamers,” manipulating and fooling court personnel to get them on their side? If so, you need this book.
For more than ten years, Splitting has served as the ultimate guide for people divorcing a high conflict person, one who often has borderline or narcissistic (or even antisocial) personality disorder. Among other things, it has saved readers thousands of dollars, helped them keep custody of their children, and effectively guided them through a difficult legal and emotional process.
Written by a family law attorney and therapist, and the author of Stop Walking on Eggshells, Splitting is an essential legal and psychological guide for anyone divorcing a persuasive blamer: someone who suffers from borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and/or antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). This second edition includes new information about antisocial personalities; expanded information about domestic violence, child abuse, alienation, and false allegations; how to approach protective orders and deal with child custody disputes; and a new chapter on how to successfully present your case to decision makers.
Turn to this guide to help you:
Predict what your spouse may do or say in court
Take control of your case with assertiveness and strategic thinking
Choose a lawyer who understands your case
Learn how e-mails and social networking can be used against you
If you need help navigating a high-conflict divorce from a manipulative spouse, this book includes all of the critical information you need to work through the process of divorce in an emotionally balanced, productive way.