A virtual cuckold?

[newaussiecuck]

There just seems to be so much we're not aware of here for this to make sense to outsiders. I worry for you that you're sleep walking into an arrangement where all the emotional groundwork has been laid for your wife to leave you and you'll be left wondering how it happened.

Actually I think you hit the nail on the head there. Except that I already sleep-walked into the current arrangement
while I was distracted with other things (job, pandemic stress, extensive lockdowns etc etc) and I've now finally woken up and I'm trying to piece together what actually happened, how I got here and why I allowed it to happen.

When I said I allowed all that to happen, I did allow it and I could have stopped it, but cuckolding and the previous conversations we had years before were completely out of my mind and forgotten or so far in the background that it just didn't register at the time what she was up to. It's only looking back now that I'm seeing all of the clues and hints she was leaving me along the way that were going completely over my head.

Like I wasn't sitting there jerking off to thoughts of what she was up to or reading watching cuckold porn or stories or anything like that. I had stopped thinking about it soon after our last conversation on the matter when she said she wanted it to be just the two of us. In fact at the time my libido was non-existent and I probably went a few months without jerking off or us having sex at all.

It's hard to explain the state of mind that I was in, but the stress I was going through at the time was pretty crazy. We had army coming around knocking on people's doors for testing, police helicopters flying over the house every half hour until 1:30am checking that people weren't breaking the 8pm curfew that had been set. Making sure that we weren't travelling further than 5km from our home, and that only 1 person from the house was shopping at a time, that we were leaving the house for one of the only 4 reasons allowed, and when we were going outside for exercise that we were only doing it for an hour once per day. Seeing videos of the police choking someone for not wearing a mask and stomping on someone's head weren't helping my state of mind much either.

All of what happened had started, and was well established, before that 4 month lock down period had ended.

When I say I allowed it, I did and probably subconsciously knew what was happening but it was nowhere near front of mind.

I don't know if that clears anything up, but I guess it gives another piece of the puzzle of how I got here.

I'll try and write soon about some of the aspects of our relationship that have changed in this last week or so. Although they're changes from how things currently were, it's more like how things were a few years ago when we were probably both at our happiest. It does feel good to get back to that, but this time around it is with the online thing happening also.

[FNQLivin]

We had it easy in Queensland and especially Cairns.

[newaussiecuck]

We had it easy in Queensland and especially Cairns.

I'm in Vic and I'm certain that I have PTSD from it. I was against all the measures from the start so feeling pretty traumatised by what could be done to us against our will. Watching video of the police shooting freedom protesters in the back with rubber bullets at the Shrine of remembrance (built to remember the soldiers who died fighting for our freedoms) was another low point.

[Chrislydi]

We had it easy in Queensland and especially Cairns.

I'm in Vic and I'm certain that I have PTSD from it. I was against all the measures from the start so feeling pretty traumatised by what could be done to us against our will. Watching video of the police shooting freedom protesters in the back with rubber bullets at the Shrine of remembrance (built to remember the soldiers who died fighting for our freedoms) was another low point.

My cousin lives in Melbourne and recently came back to London to visit relatives around Christmas 2021, he said the restrictions were so strictly observed and enforced it was something else.. Ironically he came back through customs with compulsory Covid tests here in the UK and his wife tested positive. So all that time waiting to visit and just landed in the UK to have to undergo compulsory quarantine. Pretty devastating considering he works in Melbourne and time over here limited. Tough as he has a relatively recent addition to their family and wanted everyone to see his first child but had to put visits on hold.

[spud]

i was wondering....if she is mutually masturbating with men online....you could secretly set up a video camera to record her doing it. they make tiny ones that can be concealed.
you could see all the filthy things she is doing to show other men

[newaussiecuck]

i was wondering....if she is mutually masturbating with men online....you could secretly set up a video camera to record her doing it. they make tiny ones that can be concealed.
you could see all the filthy things she is doing to show other men

There's a zero percent chance that she's doing something like that on camera with someone. However there is a high chance of the masturbation happening during the chats with her online friend. There's an unspoken expectation that I vacate the room and leave her be for a few hours in the afternoon. She'll organise things for me to do during that time. If I say I'm going shopping in the morning she'll have me do something else in the morning and have me go shopping in the afternoon instead. If I do happen to sit down on the lounge for a bit during that time of day she'll make up something for me to go and do. It's happened many many times to be very obvious, but it's unspoken.

This pattern isn't anything new, it's well established and has been going on for about 16 months now. I don't know if it's about masturbation so much as about me not seeing the furious typing that happens during that time and maybe so she can fully immerse herself in what they're doing virtually. It's probably for both reasons.

I had to leave the house yesterday for a few hours to go to the city and I could see she was pretty happy about that, but gave me extra attention and affection before I left and greeted me warmly when I returned. This time I had that same feeling that I had the night years ago when she went out for a night out with friends and handed me her ring before she left. It's the first time I've had that feeling after vacating the room at that time of day. My submission is bringing me back to how I felt around that time.

That time of the day (afternoons) will be bedtime for her online friend, so I think we can all imagine what that means.

[spud]

really? video chatting is common. and if she is masturbating, it is likely she would be doing it with others online, both male and female.

[newaussiecuck]

really? video chatting is common. and if she is masturbating, it is likely she would be doing it with others online, both male and female.

Common maybe, but not possible in this particular case.

[newaussiecuck]

I must say I was struggling a lot yesterday and this morning. I guess it takes a lot out of me to think of what she's doing in these terms. Was much easier when I was kind of ignoring it and pretending it wasn't happening and we were essentially living 2 separate lives. However we were headed straight for divorce the way things were going.

Since the online thing is all day every day I don't know how sustainable it is to cope with it by trying to find enjoyment from it somehow. It seemed to work for a few days maybe a week but I think I had run out of steam with it.

I'm was feeling pretty sick in the stomach yesterday and this morning after thinking about what I wrote the other day and to be honest, I questioned whether this is for me, can I really handle this? I guess we'll find out.
I'm starting to have more confidence though that she will take care of me and not push me beyond what I can handle, however she is definitely pushing me.

She just mentioned something this morning in a way that made me think she'd mentioned it recently. Something from before we got together that I don't think she's ever mentioned to me. I guess she's been telling the online person stuff that she's never told me. It's only something small but it kind of hit me pretty hard to be honest.

I was beyond upset, pretty much throwing stuff around the kitchen as I was getting breakfast ready and generally making a LOT of noise but trying to hold it in as best I could. She obviously knew that I was very upset but somehow she remained calm this time around like she seemed confident in how to handle the situation. Somehow throughout the day she was able to turn my mood around pretty effectively. Now that she's paying more attention to me I'm beginning to become amazed at how good she's starting to get at knowing which buttons to press to hurt me and how to make things better again. If I didn't know better (or do I?) I would think she was doing it on purpose to gauge my level of commitment and devotion to her. Words are meaningless, but she gets my true feelings by pushing the right buttons and gauging my response.

I made myself scarce around the usual time in the afternoon and she actually came and got me and had me come inside to give her a massage. I think she was showing me that she was putting me first today, knowing that I needed to feel that.

This will be a crazy roller coaster and I know everyone will be jumping up and down with all the red flags. Thing is I don't feel I have a choice but pursue this course of action that has already brought us back from the brink. I'd said goodbye to our marriage to myself so many times already, feeling all hope was lost but I'm feeling pretty confident now that we're working through things just fine. I just need to keep adjusting to the changes she's making and follow her lead, I'm starting to have more confidence that she knows what she's doing. At least she's getting better at reading me and adjusting while still guiding the direction.

Nothing was more dangerous than a pissed off wife in a committed online relationship with someone else and we were hardly speaking or interacting except for very surface level conversations that you'd have with a flatmate rather than your wife.

At least I feel like we have a chance now. So will keep up the best I can and keep trying to communicate as best I can while hoping that things keep improving.

I was about to pull the trigger on my plan B this morning, but thankfully she indicated that she was putting me first in that moment so I will save that for another time if required.

PS: I wrote most of this last night, so in the above when I say "this morning" or "today" it was actually yesterday, and "yesterday was the day before. This morning she gave me lots of hugs and attention before getting up a bit earlier to go to her computer. She's much better at figuring out how to handle me to keep me happy while also having her online thing. I do feel very good about things at the moment. Feeling so much love from her and towards her.

[newaussiecuck]

We had it easy in Queensland and especially Cairns.

I'm in Vic and I'm certain that I have PTSD from it. I was against all the measures from the start so feeling pretty traumatised by what could be done to us against our will. Watching video of the police shooting freedom protesters in the back with rubber bullets at the Shrine of remembrance (built to remember the soldiers who died fighting for our freedoms) was another low point.

My cousin lives in Melbourne and recently came back to London to visit relatives around Christmas 2021, he said the restrictions were so strictly observed and enforced it was something else.. Ironically he came back through customs with compulsory Covid tests here in the UK and his wife tested positive. So all that time waiting to visit and just landed in the UK to have to undergo compulsory quarantine. Pretty devastating considering he works in Melbourne and time over here limited. Tough as he has a relatively recent addition to their family and wanted everyone to see his first child but had to put visits on hold.

Yes, it was VERY crazy here. We had the world's longest lock down (6 all up with the 2nd one going for 4 months). The enforcement was beyond crazy.

I feel very sorry for your cousin, I won't travel for those reasons. I can't even bring myself to travel interstate. I'm concerned about getting stuck there if they change the state border rules again. Last year, tens of thousands of people got stuck on the wrong side of the state border for several months when they only gave 2 hours notice of the state border closing. They required applying for a permit to cross the border.

[newaussiecuck]

Things have settled down significantly of late. I think I had reached breaking point and have now broken and accept my place now.

My wife has made some accommodations which have made some things easier for me and has shown me that she values me and is willing to give some to make sure that I'm OK.

Having said that, it's very clear that I have no say in what she does with her time and online and she seems to like how it affects me sometimes. I can very much feel like she is training me, but I do like that she is at least paying me some attention now. Listening and being much more obedient has helped enormously!

I do feel certain now that if I came out and demanded/forced her to stop then she would, I have absolute confidence in that now. However, winning that battle would very likely cause me to lose the war. Imagine a very pissed off and angry resentful wife with suddenly lots of free time on her hands. I don't think it would take long to replace the online thing with a real life thing while feeling hatred towards me. There would be a pretty big risk she could fall in love with that guy and leave. I don't think this all started as an online cuckold type thing, it was clearly cheating from a wife that was pissed off with me not providing the attention and comfort that she needed during that difficult time and she sought it out with someone else. However I think maybe she's turning it more into the online cuckold type thing as she's now realised she wants to keep me around. I can feel her working out how to have her cake and eat it too. If it's done right, I do feel that I can very much be happy this way, we just need to figure out together how to make this work the best.

I very much feel that my only option is to go with it, try to enjoy it as much as I can while building a closer relationship with her and guiding things back to the real world with me as much as possible. If and when the online thing fizzles out and stops then that is the time to jump in and discuss what happened and set expectations for the future. It's very much too late for that in this scenario that's already very established. It needs to be chipped away at slowly with small adjustments to get us both to a workable situation.

My wife, my Queen, does seem very much happier now that I seem to have accepted my place. I did catch her singing in the kitchen yesterday, I can't remember a time that she was that happy within the last few years.

Sex-wise, well I haven't been allowed to see nor touch her intimate parts in the last couple of weeks since I reconfirmed my place to her. However I have received 2 foot jobs while I kiss her ass all over (one included kicking my balls with the very little leverage she had in that position) and a pretty good hand job. While giving the hand-job, at one point she was very tenderly stroking my face, I felt so much love and affection in that moment.

For her part, she's been rubbing one out / jilling off or whatever I should call it pretty much every morning and night during this period. This is very new and I can feel her sex drive has gone into overdrive since my recent return to submission. Unfortunately for me she isn't requiring my assistance even when I make it abundantly clear that I would love to help out in any way that I can. Mostly she's very discreet with it, making sure that I don't notice but other times she's very overt and she is very clearly letting me what she's doing while never speaking about it and leaving plausible deniability. If I were to ask her about it I'm very certain that she would deny it.

So all in all, yes I'm actually feeling pretty good about things right now that I am adjusting better and "getting with her program".

[Intosex]

Everyone’s situation is different, but if I were in your place and my wife in your wife’s place I would walk in sit down between her legs and start licking her even if it was through her pants. That would show how much I just wanted to please her no matter what.

[newaussiecuck]

Everyone’s situation is different, but if I were in your place and my wife in your wife’s place I would walk in sit down between her legs and start licking her even if it was through her pants. That would show how much I just wanted to please her no matter what.

I did something similar to this about a week or two back. Similar but different, but it conveyed my state of mind pretty clearly nonetheless. Things changed a LOT after this. I think it was the capitulation that she had been pushing for.

That night, 1:30am came and went and she still wasn't in bed. I'd been laying there fuming for hours, and finally had enough and snapped. I grabbed my dog as an excuse to go out there and pretty much stormed through the living room where she was, carrying my dog. She asked what I was doing and I yelled at her saying the dog needed to pee and kept walking. She asked again and I yelled the same thing even louder (VERY uncharacteristic for me, it takes a LOT for me to get to that kind of state and would have taken her completely by surprise I'm sure).

Once I'd come back from inside sure enough she had gone to bed. It was somewhat re-assuring that she at least took this action rather than completely ignoring my discontent. It meant on some level that she at least cared, but I was still fuming.

Once I returned to bed, laying there still fuming and blood boiling she asked "Can you scratch my back?". Trust me, it was the LAST thing I wanted to do in that moment, something for her that she wanted of me. I felt like yelling at her to go to hell. Instead . . . . . . I did scratch her back even though I really didn't want to in that moment. Something in me snapped at that point (I think it was the act of submitting to her wish even though I really didn't want to) and I don't know what came over me but before I knew it I was pulling down her pants and kissing her ass all over. I used to do this almost nightly back when we were last having me take the submissive role, but it had been about 3 years since I last did this. I was like a man possessed and was kissing her all over like crazy. I ended up fingering her to orgasm and that was when she gave me my very first foot job to orgasm of my life (with the ball kicking at the same time while I was kissing her ass and fingering her to a pretty intense orgasm).

That night was amazing but the last time she has allowed me to touch her there. Everything changed after that night. A few days later was when I called her "My Queen" for the first time in about 3 years also. She's allowed me to kiss her ass like that just the once more since, but even last night I tried but was denied.

Just to add, I haven't been angry since that night. I'm so much calmer and relaxed now.

[newaussiecuck]

So last night after having me do a few things like rub and scratch her back and rub her bum I did try and go down and kiss her ass again but was denied. She then said "Go to sleep now" and I rolled over onto my back. She then threw her leg over the top of mine and slid across so that the rest of her body was pressed against mine while she lay on her back beside me.

That was when I heard it. I could hear her finger moving very vigorously, and could feel her body shaking a little and her breathing increased and deepened. This was one of these overt times, it was VERY obvious to me what she was doing, and very obvious that she wanted me to know what she was doing but she didn't want my involvement or any discussion or interaction. I think the "Go to sleep now" comment was code for "I'm about to do something and I don't want your involvement". When she's discreet she's pretty much curled up on the very side of her bed facing away so I have to really strain to hear anything.

Because I was pinned into my position on my back with her pressed against me, I could do nothing except for lay there and get very hard from what she was doing but unable to do anything about it. I must say that I did enjoy that, and even more so today when I go back and relive it.

[Chrislydi]

Thank you newaussiecuck for continuing to post in such candid detail about an intensely personal, complex and difficult problem, one were choosing the right path to follow seems almost impossible to know. The clouded window allegory has been used many times before, but surely this time that window really is opaque for us readers. There is no advice worth having on here, as we can't possibly see through it enough to know all the intricacies involved in, or indeed the exact context of any developments. I just wish you all the best in finding your way to a more contented and permanent relationship.

[newaussiecuck]

Thank you newaussiecuck for continuing to post in such candid detail about an intensely personal, complex and difficult problem, one were choosing the right path to follow seems almost impossible to know. The clouded window allegory has been used many times before, but surely this time that window really is opaque for us readers. There is no advice worth having on here, as we can't possibly see through it enough to know all the intricacies involved in, or indeed the exact context of any developments. I just wish you all the best in finding your way to a more contented and permanent relationship.

Thank you for your kind words. Yes it is difficult and opaque, even for me, let alone for readers who can only see things from what I have written. If there's any other information that would help to clarify things I'll try to post it.

If my older writings were still available it might have shed more light on our history before we stopped discussing things. We were never really openly discussing things even back then, which is probably a large part of the problem. However there was enough to give clear indications both ways of level of interest in her with another man, at least in fantasy. Things like me waking up hard and telling her that I had a sexy dream where she was fucking someone else, and she responded saying "and that excited you did it?" and reaching over to feel me. To a time when an add came on TV for a coffee machine and the add mentioned that it can make a "long black" as in the type of coffee. She immediately said "I'd like long and black", to which I acted excited and she said "You didn't hear what I said. I said long and black, that's not good for you".

There was also another comment a long time back that really terrified me. She just out of the blue said "We should be one of those married couples that doesn't have sex", I really freaked out at that one. Fast forward to today and we've had penetrative sex only once since end of 2020, so maybe she's making that a reality!

[Whosbeensleeping]

It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself of something.
There's no substitute for honest conversation.
I suggest thinking in a less goal-oriented way and in a more process-oriented way.
This may lead to that or get her to react in x way is not the way.
"This is what I'm observing and I'm wondering where do we go from here" is a much more scary way but it gives an opportunity to break a cycle.
There's a guy on Instagram whose handle is createthelove, and he says it better than I do about the dynamic of honesty (or its lack) in couples in his latest reel from today. It might speak to you.
All the best.

[Chrislydi]

Thank you newaussiecuck for continuing to post in such candid detail about an intensely personal, complex and difficult problem, one were choosing the right path to follow seems almost impossible to know. The clouded window allegory has been used many times before, but surely this time that window really is opaque for us readers. There is no advice worth having on here, as we can't possibly see through it enough to know all the intricacies involved in, or indeed the exact context of any developments. I just wish you all the best in finding your way to a more contented and permanent relationship.

Thank you for your kind words. Yes it is difficult and opaque, even for me, let alone for readers who can only see things from what I have written. If there's any other information that would help to clarify things I'll try to post it.

If my older writings were still available it might have shed more light on our history before we stopped discussing things. We were never really openly discussing things even back then, which is probably a large part of the problem. However there was enough to give clear indications both ways of level of interest in her with another man, at least in fantasy. Things like me waking up hard and telling her that I had a sexy dream where she was fucking someone else, and she responded saying "and that excited you did it?" and reaching over to feel me. To a time when an add came on TV for a coffee machine and the add mentioned that it can make a "long black" as in the type of coffee. She immediately said "I'd like long and black", to which I acted excited and she said "You didn't hear what I said. I said long and black, that's not good for you".

There was also another comment a long time back that really terrified me. She just out of the blue said "We should be one of those married couples that doesn't have sex", I really freaked out at that one. Fast forward to today and we've had penetrative sex only once since end of 2020, so maybe she's making that a reality!

The comment now seems all the more pertinent, but there's also a danger of trying to justify her current behaviour and searching back for signs and comments from the past, in other words giving past events or words a far greater importance than was ever intended at the time. Sexless marriages aren't usually an aim, but an undesirable snd unfortunate consequence of a marriage that's fallen into a rut, or other pressures and factors have conspired to make it so, but it was never an objective. The fact she actually wondered whether it should be your objective is disturbing and presumably only done as part of s teasing play rather than with any intent behind it. Context is everything but there's also a danger of imparting too much importance with hindsight now available.

[newaussiecuck]

Thank you newaussiecuck for continuing to post in such candid detail about an intensely personal, complex and difficult problem, one were choosing the right path to follow seems almost impossible to know. The clouded window allegory has been used many times before, but surely this time that window really is opaque for us readers. There is no advice worth having on here, as we can't possibly see through it enough to know all the intricacies involved in, or indeed the exact context of any developments. I just wish you all the best in finding your way to a more contented and permanent relationship.

Thank you for your kind words. Yes it is difficult and opaque, even for me, let alone for readers who can only see things from what I have written. If there's any other information that would help to clarify things I'll try to post it.

If my older writings were still available it might have shed more light on our history before we stopped discussing things. We were never really openly discussing things even back then, which is probably a large part of the problem. However there was enough to give clear indications both ways of level of interest in her with another man, at least in fantasy. Things like me waking up hard and telling her that I had a sexy dream where she was fucking someone else, and she responded saying "and that excited you did it?" and reaching over to feel me. To a time when an add came on TV for a coffee machine and the add mentioned that it can make a "long black" as in the type of coffee. She immediately said "I'd like long and black", to which I acted excited and she said "You didn't hear what I said. I said long and black, that's not good for you".

There was also another comment a long time back that really terrified me. She just out of the blue said "We should be one of those married couples that doesn't have sex", I really freaked out at that one. Fast forward to today and we've had penetrative sex only once since end of 2020, so maybe she's making that a reality!

The comment now seems all the more pertinent, but there's also a danger of trying to justify her current behaviour and searching back for signs and comments from the past, in other words giving past events or words a far greater importance than was ever intended at the time. Sexless marriages aren't usually an aim, but an undesirable snd unfortunate consequence of a marriage that's fallen into a rut, or other pressures and factors have conspired to make it so, but it was never an objective. The fact she actually wondered whether it should be your objective is disturbing and presumably only done as part of s teasing play rather than with any intent behind it. Context is everything but there's also a danger of imparting too much importance with hidsight now available.

Yes, it's possible (likely) that she didn't mean it as she does have a history of making shocking statements just to get a reaction from me and observe my response. I did react pretty strongly to that statement. However, the statement was made after a period of 3 weeks orgasm denial for me and if I remember correctly about 60 days without letting me touch her intimately so I was beginning to panic even before she had made that statement.

I'm also starting to detect the first couple of slight inklings that she might be starting to flirt with the idea of interacting with others in the real world. She's spent the last 18 months resisting any and every attempt I've made for her to go out with me to various places (even just to the park). However she's twice mentioned of late about us going our to a pub/bar and apparently we might be going to one this weekend. I'm most likely misreading things but I do find it interesting she's mentioning this all of a sudden right around the time she's started demanding my submission and taking control of our relationship. She might be starting to grow tired of the online thing, or maybe the other person is showing signs of moving on. Who knows. I just have this suspicion that she's maybe wanting to flirt a little out in the real world.

One thing that is certain is that my wife holds all her cards very close to her chest and it's impossible even for me to get a read on her thoughts and intentions.

She's made my expected role pretty clear and I'm just trying my best to fulfil that as best that I can. I shouldn't get too caught up in speculation of what's happening or going to happen as I'm just turning myself inside out over something I can't really change anyway. God knows I've tried, but she is a fortress!

[Chrislydi]

There was also another comment a long time back that really terrified me. She just out of the blue said "We should be one of those married couples that doesn't have sex", I really freaked out at that one. Fast forward to today and we've had penetrative sex only once since end of 2020, so maybe she's making that a reality!

The comment now seems all the more pertinent, but there's also a danger of trying to justify her current behaviour and searching back for signs and comments from the past, in other words giving past events or words a far greater importance than was ever intended at the time. Sexless marriages aren't usually an aim, but an undesirable snd unfortunate consequence of a marriage that's fallen into a rut, or other pressures and factors have conspired to make it so, but it was never an objective. The fact she actually wondered whether it should be your objective is disturbing and presumably only done as part of s teasing play rather than with any intent behind it. Context is everything but there's also a danger of imparting too much importance with hidsight now available.

Yes, it's possible (likely) that she didn't mean it as she does have a history of making shocking statements just to get a reaction from me and observe my response. I did react pretty strongly to that statement. However, the statement was made after a period of 3 weeks orgasm denial for me and if I remember correctly about 60 days without letting me touch her intimately so I was beginning to panic even before she had made that statement.

I'm also starting to detect the first couple of slight inklings that she might be starting to flirt with the idea of interacting with others in the real world. She's spent the last 18 months resisting any and every attempt I've made for her to go out with me to various places (even just to the park). However she's twice mentioned of late about us going our to a pub/bar and apparently we might be going to one this weekend. I'm most likely misreading things but I do find it interesting she's mentioning this all of a sudden right around the time she's started demanding my submission and taking control of our relationship. She might be starting to grow tired of the online thing, or maybe the other person is showing signs of moving on. Who knows. I just have this suspicion that she's maybe wanting to flirt a little out in the real world.

One thing that is certain is that my wife holds all her cards very close to her chest and it's impossible even for me to get a read on her thoughts and intentions.

She's made my expected role pretty clear and I'm just trying my best to fulfil that as best that I can. I shouldn't get too caught up in speculation of what's happening or going to happen as I'm just turning myself inside out over something I can't really change anyway. God knows I've tried, but she is a fortress!

My other thought, despite not having read your earlier history, but perhaps more considering the forum and your user name, was that she may have thought a sexless marriage between the two of you desirable, as long as it also included plenty of extra marital sex for her. Now admittedly the online gaming and eventual relationship hardly filled that physical need entirely, infact only your denial in spirit in as much as body was mostly complete, which perhaps leaves the next part of the overall scheme. The second phase or next part could well have been seeking the physical connection outside of your marriage. Again there's a huge danger of overthinking this and adding two and two to make five or even twenty seven, the thinking can get as outlandish as you like or as wild and preposterous. The clouded or blacked out window allegory really is applicable, you really are the only person who can hope to grasp all the context of words, time elapsed and in that light the significance of her current actions, and actions in non sexual situations as well.

[newaussiecuck]

Yes, it's possible I guess but hard to actually know. I'm starting to think that I'm probably over thinking things and trying to see them in the most positive light, so as to avoid the more painful conclusion.

One thing that I do have to consider is whether this is the first time. It's possible that she's done something similar before either online or real life and I only caught on because of my extended time working from home. It's the constant lies whenever we get anywhere near a conversation about it that has me questioning. If she was doing this as a "virtual cuckold" thing then why the lies? Maybe she really does think I'm stupid and that I don't know what's going on. If it was about cuckolding then wouldn't she be kind of playfully rubbing it in my face etc, trying to make me jealous or something. There's no attempt to make what she's doing fun or exciting for me in any way.

Sorry, I do keep flip flopping between the straight out cheating vs "virtual cuckold" angle. If she's cheating now, who's not to say she wasn't cheating before when it would have been MUCH easier as I used to go to work each day and she was home alone.

When I show that I'm upset or hurt or angry around her computer use she kind of goes into this weird babbling kind of thing where she starts making up all these different reasons for why I could be upset (none of them close to the true reason) and coming up with different solutions for those made up reasons. Or she'll just babble on about different current events. It feels like she's just trying to fill the space so that I don't start talking about why I'm really upset. Then she'll offer some kind of sexual activity to turn my mood around.

Thinking back, over the last few weeks I think pretty much every time there was some sexual activity it was precluded by my getting down/upset/hurt or just angry about things.

[Whosbeensleeping]

Easy for me to say at a safe distance, but it feels like you are dancing around things rather than being honest with her about your pain. On the other hand it seems like you are taking a more sober look at the situation.

[Chrislydi]

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When I show that I'm upset or hurt or angry around her computer use she kind of goes into this weird babbling kind of thing where she starts making up all these different reasons for why I could be upset (none of them close to the true reason) and coming up with different solutions for those made up reasons. Or she'll just babble on about different current events. It feels like she's just trying to fill the space so that I don't start talking about why I'm really upset. Then she'll offer some kind of sexual activity to turn my mood around.

Thinking back, over the last few weeks I think pretty much every time there was some sexual activity it was precluded by my getting down/upset/hurt or just angry about things.

That highlighted paragraph says an awful lot for me, none of it very favourable to her. She seems to be using simple distraction techniques, ignoring your questions and refusing to engage. Whether, as you've postulated in the past, she's under some sort of belief that this is exactly what you want or not, she won't say, in fact she won't engage at all.

It's perhaps more than anything a real indictment of her own character that she's prepared to distract, not only verbally by going off at a tangent and changing the subject, but also physically hoping sexual activity placates you and stops you asking her anything awkward or even relevant. I'm sure a psychiatrist would be able to identify a possible mental condition, but it's not looking good.

[newaussiecuck]

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When I show that I'm upset or hurt or angry around her computer use she kind of goes into this weird babbling kind of thing where she starts making up all these different reasons for why I could be upset (none of them close to the true reason) and coming up with different solutions for those made up reasons. Or she'll just babble on about different current events. It feels like she's just trying to fill the space so that I don't start talking about why I'm really upset. Then she'll offer some kind of sexual activity to turn my mood around.

Thinking back, over the last few weeks I think pretty much every time there was some sexual activity it was precluded by my getting down/upset/hurt or just angry about things.

That highlighted paragraph says an awful lot for me, none of it very favourable to her. She seems to be using simple distraction techniques, ignoring your questions and refusing to engage. Whether, as you've postulated in the past, she's under some sort of belief that this is exactly what you want or not, she won't say, in fact she won't engage at all.

It's perhaps more than anything a real indictment of her own character that she's prepared to distract, not only verbally by going off at a tangent and changing the subject, but also physically hoping sexual activity placates you and stops you asking her anything awkward or even relevant. I'm sure a psychiatrist would be able to identify a possible mental condition, but it's not looking good.

It's most unattractive and very uncomfortable for me to experience and I do try to make efforts to not have it repeated, so whether she knows what she's doing or not the technique is pretty effective!

The times are very obvious as to why I'm upset (eg when she's still up at 1:30am) so she decides that I must be upset about not seeing my parents somehow and suggests I take an interstate trip to go and see them.

To be fair I do have a lot of other things going on with me that aren't helping, but they all pale in comparison to this one.

I also need to realise that she's gone through the same distress that I have with the lock downs etc, so it's possible she's coped psychologically by escaping reality with her online thing.

I'm planning to go and see a psychologist as soon as I'm able to return to work. It's a bit difficult while I'm home all the time at the moment. If I do a video session she may be able to hear the discussion, and long unexplained absences from the home are also difficult.

My plan (of submitting and listening and obeying and doing everything she asks) did work somewhat to bring us a little closer together but has also highlighted the problems that we do still have. It's made no difference to her online activities.

[newaussiecuck]

Easy for me to say at a safe distance, but it feels like you are dancing around things rather than being honest with her about your pain. On the other hand it seems like you are taking a more sober look at the situation.

Yes I think you're correct on both counts.

I did try the direct approach once and asked for a time when I could speak with her. I lead in with apologising to her for my poor attitude and behaviour over the last couple of years and for not listening to her and doing what she says etc, but before I could go any further and have a deeper conversation about our relationship she just cut me off and told me that I just need to do more around the house and ended the conversation.

That lead to me getting upset about her unwillingness to communicate with me and it all ended up with me getting a hand job a few hours later.

Since then I've been busting my ass doing everything around the house that I could think of and listening to her and doing what she says but there's still no communication and it still feels like she's resisting my attempts to close the gap and bring us closer. When we do talk, it's all very surface level stuff.