Needing advice for a decision

[2inUPMichigan]

I hope the talk went exactly as you planned tonight and that the outcome is one that works well for both of you.

[BigHotMess]

I definitely don’t think you are a loser! I think you seem pretty cool and love people like you who operate in good faith!

I was talking about the loser cheating on his disabled wife.

[Des 31]

My wife has felt love with men who have fucked her, but she has never been exclusive to any one of those. I'm not sure how I would feel about her being with only one man for years, or have another living with us, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like it. I think most would agree there's an increased element of danger to the marriage in that exclusive a relationship.

[Jc427]

I hope the discussion went well.

[Jc427]

I hope the discussion went well for you.

Thanks for sharing your journey thus far, I will keep checking back to see if you provide an update.

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum Jc427.

[Wls77]

I stopped reading about halfway through these pages. You can debate / fret over this and hear all of the success / failure stories you want. Folks on here are going to reply based on their own experiences and therein lies the rub. Our own experiences are not yours and this situation absolutely would not fly with some, with others it may be encouraged. Hearing for / against probably won't help you much and it may even distract you from the point. I will say part of what's great (as well as terrifying) about this kink is eventually, as things progress, you come to the hardcore realization that you're out of control. You're moving in a direction that you're incapable of controlling on your own. You both control the direction (regardless of whoever else is involved). The relationship dynamics shift, as things progress and the act of seeing it change can make us freak out and want to regain control again. I would argue we never really did have much control over a relationship involving 2 people, this lifestyle just reveals it. We find ourselves wanting to 'go back' to a place we never really did come from. That's the terrifying part of this lifestyle.

I think the important point is that you communicate, above all else. You will eventually arrive at the same place eventually, whether you think you're doing it on purpose or not. It sounds to me you guys have a pretty healthy relationship. So here comes my advice:

You originally asked her to do something she wasn't initially on board with, but she came around. She's asking you to try something that you may not be 100% on board with yet, I think you should return the favor. This lifestyle is not about remaining in (or trying to get back to) that safe space, it's about exploring a scary space together.

Good luck. You take a chance either way.

This is 100% correct. The first part of what you say is very important. I had some very, very bad advice on here, that may have been ‘good’ advice from the people on here from their own experiences and situations, but for me its been nothing short of disastrous. Only the OP knows and understands the intricacies of his own situation, and any advice should be viewed with interest, nothing more.

[mundyman]

Motivated hubby- I hope you come back and post. It sounds like you were leaning to giving your wife this most substantial gift.
My two cents would be why not a symbol she could wear. She wears your ring on her finger as a symbol that your relationship is primary and most important.
If they truly seek something special then why not a ring for the finger on her other hand, or a necklace, or bracelet as a symbol of the significance of their relationship. But nothing bigger or more special then her wedding ring.
Does it sound a bit poly? Yes.
But it sounds like your relationship might be heading in that direction.

[Christinebitg]

Let's also call a spade a spade. There is a difference between treating you nicely and being nice. He is being nice because he has to, he cannot manipulate you being an asshole. The guy is cheating on his disabled wife. Nothing he says should be taken at face value because he's already broken the most important promise in his life. Just because it's a difficult promise to keep doesn't absolve him from breaking it. Lots of difficult decision are made every day by people. If they are of good character or not is largely what positions their decisions.

Well, let me ask you a question. How long of a period of time would make it okay for you? Ten years? Maybe 20 years? And how much disability on his wife's part?

If your answer is "never," then how about if his wife is in a persistent vegetative state? How bad does it have to be, for you to say "okay"?

This is not a hypothetical question. A friend of mine had a similar situation that existed for decades. Her husband was institutionalized. Most of her friends didn't even know he existed, though she did visit him regularly.

And there's one more question for you. I trust you're aware of which section this discussion is going on in. So my other question is: What's YOUR definition of cuckolding?

An infinite time. A good person does not break their word, no matter how hard it is.

But as it pertains to this particular question it has not really been a long time and from within the context of OP making a decision is the perspective to take here. He’s breaking the most important promise to presumably his most important person, so when he ‘promises’ something to him where he has incentive to break the promise you just can’t assume that he is operating in good faith.

An opinion on cuckolding does not matter because the definition of cuckolding as it applies to this loser cuckolding his unknowing, disabled wife is not germane to this particular situation.

I find your attitudes about this to be arrogant and judgemental.

I'm would be surprised if you find much of anything in these discussions to be worthehile or useful to you.

[Kays cuck]

This is 100% correct. The first part of what you say is very important. I had some very, very bad advice on here, that may have been ‘good’ advice from the people on here from their own experiences and situations, but for me its been nothing short of disastrous. Only the OP knows and understands the intricacies of his own situation, and any advice should be viewed with interest, nothing more.

Somewhat scared to ask this Wls. I was following your posts in another thread and back in early June you said your wife was going to make a big decision by the end of the month. Your post above makes that sound like it didn't go your way. Hope I'm reading that wrong?

[Shogun2049]

I don't have Yahoo Messenger (his contact is in his personal page), so could someone who does please use his contact there to let him know he misunderstood what was being said and that it wasn't directed at him?

[2inUPMichigan]

He was signed in today so hopefully he read that information here

[gesdell]

Sometimes people ask for advice looking for validation about a choice they have already made. There are plenty of people that don't have sex in regular vanilla relationships for whatever reasons, and yet are affectionate to each other. Trying to save someone from their own desires or mistakes from the outside is hard to do. Most of the time they just want to be listened to when they express themselves.

[Wls77]

This is 100% correct. The first part of what you say is very important. I had some very, very bad advice on here, that may have been ‘good’ advice from the people on here from their own experiences and situations, but for me its been nothing short of disastrous. Only the OP knows and understands the intricacies of his own situation, and any advice should be viewed with interest, nothing more.

Somewhat scared to ask this Wls. I was following your posts in another thread and back in early June you said your wife was going to make a big decision by the end of the month. Your post above makes that sound like it didn't go your way. Hope I'm reading that wrong?

No you’re not reading it wrong, unfortunately. She dragged out making the decision an extra month but ultimately it didnt fall in my favour. I’m big enough to own the decisions i made that pushed things in that direction, but they were heavily influenced by others views and comments. Thats the danger with listening to advice on forums like this. Every situation is complex and different.

[FNQLivin]

I’m so sorry, never something you want to hear.

[Wls77]

Completely my own fault, but others should definately consider it as a significant warning. Jan/feb time she was willing to break the whole thing off, and against my better judgement i convinced her not to.

[FNQLivin]

Completely my own fault, but others should definately consider it as a significant warning. Jan/feb time she was willing to break the whole thing off, and against my better judgement i convinced her not to.

I remember it as you wrote about it.

I’m not sure she’s entirely in the clear here. Didn’t she already lie and deceive you? Perhaps it was always going to happen ?

[Wls77]

Completely my own fault, but others should definately consider it as a significant warning. Jan/feb time she was willing to break the whole thing off, and against my better judgement i convinced her not to.

I remember it as you wrote about it.

I’m not sure she’s entirely in the clear here. Didn’t she already lie and deceive you? Perhaps it was always going to happen ?

Initially, yes, it began as a cheating episode which i let happen after i found out. When she found out i knew she broke it off immediately, and, i honestly believe it would have been left there. There was a significant change in her attitude to me, to everything really, once i had convinced her to carry on with it. So in a way you’re right, but ultimately there were plenty of opportunities for me to see beyond my own titilation, and i didnt.

[Kays cuck]

I'm so sorry to read this. Sounds awful and I empathize for you. Best of luck to you, Wls. And thank you for providing your insight and experience here. I for one, need to keep these possible outcomes in mind and remember them when I get lost in the excitement of the moment.

[Yme]

You do not appear to actually desire sex with your wife very much otherwise you would not even consider this. And she apparently does not desire you sexually either. At least be honest with each other that this will be the real basis for any such decision to end sex.

[R_H_NC]

This is 100% correct. The first part of what you say is very important. I had some very, very bad advice on here, that may have been ‘good’ advice from the people on here from their own experiences and situations, but for me its been nothing short of disastrous. Only the OP knows and understands the intricacies of his own situation, and any advice should be viewed with interest, nothing more.

Somewhat scared to ask this Wls. I was following your posts in another thread and back in early June you said your wife was going to make a big decision by the end of the month. Your post above makes that sound like it didn't go your way. Hope I'm reading that wrong?

No you’re not reading it wrong, unfortunately. She dragged out making the decision an extra month but ultimately it didnt fall in my favour. I’m big enough to own the decisions i made that pushed things in that direction, but they were heavily influenced by others views and comments. Thats the danger with listening to advice on forums like this. Every situation is complex and different.

I too am sorry for the outcome. I assume you are no longer with your wife?

[Wls77]

I too am sorry for the outcome. I assume you are no longer with your wife?

Yeah, unfortunately we’re currently in the process of separating. Even aspects of that remain a turn on though, which shows how powerful the ‘fetish’ or kink is.

[Jcksatter]

In to this late, I would float the question to your wife: 6 months with him exclusive PIV. Then 6 months with me exclusive PIV. Sorry but that would be my request.

[R_H_NC]

I too am sorry for the outcome. I assume you are no longer with your wife?

Yeah, unfortunately we’re currently in the process of separating. Even aspects of that remain a turn on though, which shows how powerful the ‘fetish’ or kink is.

I have seen the strength of the kink time and again here. I hate when it has results like yours.

When I first joined OHW just about the first thing I read was xleglover's story Faithful Wife's Fall from Grace. I have a visceral reaction to it. Actually had to stop more than once because I couldn't take any more. Knowing it was fiction didn't help much. Part of that was my own history to be sure but it was tough. You see an absolute train wreck coming very fast and the husband just can't help himself.

Good luck in the future. Sincerely. I hope you resolve your feelings and live a happy life.

[JMNBABE]

I can't tell if my private message ever went to you, but as the FLAMERS here have proven, they are why I sent this private versus open....but hoping you wil see it here since it looks like the FLAMERS have driven you away as they do most real people......

Probably you have already made this decision, I have not had time today to finish reading the entire thread, but wanted to get a note off to you incase the decision is still pending......message below that I tried to send private:


I am like your wife in that I NEED emotion to be able to participate in this lifestyle. I can't just "fuck" other guys to turn my husband on, we tried that and I HATED it!! We actually stopped participating in the lifestyle over it......and then a guy at work started coming on to me, and emotions happened, and I was soon cheating on my husband. Before I actually had sex with my Lover (penis in vagina) I admitted the affair to my husband who luckily was VERY supportive. And that is how our lifestyle has gone since......my affairs start behind hubby's back initially and when the become more than flirting, I admit them to him.

I completely understand your wifes desire ti restrict intercourse to ONLY her Lover.........its is a gift she wants to give him to make their affair even MORE emotional and special. It doesn't mean you will be asexual or never be "sexual" together (although we did try this for about 3 months, it was a DISASTER for my husband. We didn't kiss, hold hands, hug, etc at the request of my Lover at the time). It simply means that the act of intercourse, and admission in to her body, will be exclusively reserved for her Lover.

You might try negotiating a situation wherby he has exclusive right to unprotected intercourse with her and ONLY his sperm enters her body......we have done this. The last time my husband entered me wihtout condom on was November 2012. He reminds me of that ALL the time!! LOL THe only sperm that has entered my body was from my Boss/Lover, and intercourse between my husband and I has declined to where its probably less that fingers on a hand annually. I do jerk him off regularly with a condom on, and encourage him to do so himself often to keep his desire reduced. You'll find its not that bad at all, and you'll probably have MORE orgasms as a result as the two of you cuddle and discuss her latest indiscretions and she strokes you (with a comdom on of course) and encourages you to cum this way.

Hubby actually appreciates NOT having to worry about my orgasms and satisfying me sexually (he's not particularly endowed, and doesn't last very long either) but I am satisfied regularly (pre-COVID) by my sex with my Boss/Lover, so really sex between us is all about hubby's orgasm while we share my latest encounter together. No pressure on you to "perform", just orgasm, which is a perfect sitaution for a lot of guys.

Couple of situations that are likely to occur.....she may want you to orally satisfy her after her encounters with her Lover (if you are not already). You should be ready and willing to do this for her. It shows both a subserviance to her relationship with he Lover, and an acceptance of your new roll as husband/cuckold who is dependant on her outside relationship to allow you to have a sexual expereince also. She will be more willing to accept some protected encounters with you if you are sub to her and her now only Lover.

Another is that with emotion comes MANY other feelings and desires, especially once she becomes exclusive with her Lover. Not sure of your ages, but if young nenough you may soon find yourself discussing her desire to give her lover a baby!! This is the ULTIMATE expression of love in a relationshisp......and if the thought has not occurred to her/them already, it will in the near future. If you are beyond reproductive ability, it may become a fantasy part of the affair that is shared and can be encouraged by you, which further endears her to you.

I can tell you this has occurred MANY times during my extramarital affairs (the desire for a pregnancy or risky encounters). Either the subject comes up AFTER sex when no protection has been used (bit late!! LOL) or as a result of some other occurrence while together and we have "the talk". There are very few guys that I have an affair with that I also would not have a baby with.....that emotion thing again.....so this is never far from our minds when together. I actually have been totally birth control free wiht my Boss/Lover hoping to become pregnant, but his age (older and health problems) and my tipped uterus have not "worked".

Kind of compressing and condensing this, as I don't know how far along you have moved with this, so if you have questions feel free to send them along and I will respond as soon as I can. I really hope you will accept your wifes proposal and do all you can to make this an enjoyable and fantastic sexual experience for both her and you. "No intercourse" has ominous sounds initially.....but when done right you will find it a THRILLING experience for both of you and she will love you all the more for giving her this opportunity to have something SO special with her Lover.

Would love to know how this works out for you, plese feel free to update me privately on how thsi progresses, and to ask ANYTHING you wish to ask.....of me or of hubby, he will gladly respond also. We know how rewarding this type of lifestyle can be for all of you!! Good Luck.

J (the wife)