Wife wants our marriage to be sexless .. Is it normal in cuckolding ?

[NewYorkCuckold]

Hi everyone ,

I posted here in the past about my story with my wife . We are both in our early 40s , married for 10 years . Wife used to have lovers , cheated on me , and wanted to leave me 3 times before , but everytime she came back to me after she broke up with her lover .

For the last 3 months , she had a new lover and she fell in love with him and asked for divorce , but she was confused . Finally she broke up with him and came back to me .

Yesterday , she told me that the main reason she wanted to divorce me is that she doesn't feel me sexually attractive . She said that she loves me as a life partner but not as a sexual partner . She said that this developed gradually over time until the point when she felt she didn't want sex with me .

She said that for the last 2 years , whenever we had sex , she was imagining herself with someone else .

I remember well that for the last 2 years whenever we had sex , she used to close her eyes and told me that she imagined someone else fucking her .

Now , my wife tells me that if I want to stay married to her , then I have to accept that we will not have sex together . Our marriage will be sexless and I will be asexual husband .

She said that if she needed sex , then she will find a lover or use a dildo but we will not have sex with her .
I will not be allowed to have sex with other women .

So , what do you think about this ? Is such an arrangement common in cuckold lifestyle ? And if she doesn't have sex with me does it mean that she doesn't love me ? I feel confused and I don't know what to decide . Please advise me !!

[ArizonaGuy]

It's time to kick her ass to the curb. She just wants a safety net and you are it.

[Cdncuck]

Man! She may not be giving you sex but you are getting one hell of a fucking. If it was me I'd split. You're going to get nothing from this, why stick around?

[coastalkid]

I'm trying to understand what you find attractive about her? She already has shown herself as difficult to trust with her cheating and now it's lifetime denial for you? I'd counter her offer and ask for an open marriage (the only way I can think of you staying married). There is absolutely no way I can imagine anyone making the request your wife has made. Maybe you can suggest she run her idea by her Mom and see how it flies. I know how it would go if you explained what's going on to your bar buddies! Don't you think you deserve better than this?

[iamweasel43]

A truly wise man would be out the door before the full sentence "But I love you" was totally finished leaving her lips.

[floridafellow]

Nope. Not even maybe. There is obviously some extremely serious emotional concerns with your wife and it will not be repaired for years if ever.

Move on.

[Samanthasman]

Is this the arrangement you want??

There are a lot of variations in this lifestyle. What is important is not that you guys are normal, but that you both get your needs taken care of. Does she let you watch, tell you stories, etc. Do you need that? What do you need and what are you getting?

You you need sex andbyou are not getting it, that’s a problem.

[Doc6976]

This doesn’t sound like the Cuckhold lifestyle, this sounds like you’re being taken advantage of.

[4herpleasure89]

All of the above.

[Lucky Dog]

As a fairly new participant in the lifestyle, it seems to me that what your wife is doing to you is the nightmare I hope never to have. It literally makes me feel that this is not something I'd ever enjoy but something that would feel like living in purgatory.

You didn't write that she wants to excite you by doing this, and you didn't say that she enjoys teasing you this way to get off. You didn't say that she loves you with all her heart but just doesn't want sex. You wrote she just doesn't want you.

Now that you know what your wife wants, do not stay if this isn't something you want.

[desertsub]

My wife and I have a full blown wife led marriage and she keeps me locked in chastity, only unlocking me for her pleasure. Even though it is infrequent and at her whim, I still get in her pussy occasionally and the whole dynamic is what we both want.

What you have is an extremely one sided relationship with a very selfish woman. Unless this scenario makes your dick hard every time you think about it and you're totally happy with being treated this way and only having your hand as a sex partner then you need to cut your losses and get very far away from this woman! Seriously, you can do much better than her!

[NewYorkCuckold]

She doesn't love you. She isn't wanting to deny you sex as part of some kind kink exploration or to keep you at a peak of hornyness for certain periods. She just doesn't want to have sex with you but wants you there presumably because you bring home money.

You are being used and this is abuse. You are the traditional definition of a cuckold rather than the kinky one we tend to talk about here.

What is the traditional definition of a cuckold that you mean?

[D+D]

I've read many threads about cucks being cut off for weeks, months, or years, but usually it's what he really wants and the wife does it. Sometimes I've read here about wives like yours who simply do not want to fuck him anymore because she has a lover who forbids it or because she has fallen in love with him. Sometimes it's to simply heighten the sexual tension especially if he's caged. Then some wives , like mine, let their husband have it except a couple of days before she meets a man. The answer to your question depends on the individual who answers it. You have to decide first if you like being a cuckold. Is she worth/do you love her enough to be celibate while she fucks whomever she wants? Does it turn you on? Does she show you any affection? Does she jerk you off? Does she kiss you? Does she even have conversations with you? Are you a husband or a meal ticket? Did she come back to you three times because she and him broke up or because he kicked her ass out and she had no where else to go? You see it's simply up to you. No one here can tell you what to do. If you think she really loves you then maybe stay. If not or you're not sure and you're miserable leave. Also you didn't mention children. Are there any, etc. That can definitely change the dynamic.

[Nostrings123]

i can't see the point....why stay, what do you get out of it?

[peakmb]

So for two years already you have known she only thinks of others, and before that presumably you had little sex when your wife was with the lovers she was going to leave you for. You clearly don't NEED sex a lot, and you don't say how much you WANT sex. With anyone, wife or other. There must therefore be something that keeps you around. Is she rich, is she a great cook, a great life companion, do you already have a family? Or are you simply worried about being alone? It seems to me that without some major redeeming quality on the other side, you would be better in the long term cutting your losses and trying for a genuine loving relationship elsewhere. Your wife too would be better off having to grow up a bit and committing to the risk of loving relationship of another man. As it is you just feeding each others insecurities and will probably blame each other when the already thin threads holding your marriage together finally snap. You may as well go now and try to remain friends. It could get bitter later.

[Rob+8]

The playful denial of sex between partners as a means to enhance intimacy is very different from an asexual marriage. The first implies a connection between the couple where they are heightening the pleasure they have from and give to each other. At best the later just seems like roommates where one is taking advantage of the other. But it could also be a sign of far worse things.

Far be it from me to say whether you should stay in the relationship or leave it, because there are plenty of reasons one stays in a bad situation. But at the very least you should find someone you can talk to so that you can work through your feelings and options. If you find that you really want to try and save the relationship; get counseling.

[TinyBoyDick]

I'm not sure there is a "normal" for cuck relationships (or any other relationships for that matter,) but speaking for my own relationship, I can say that since there is a considerable DEFICIENCY both in my cock size AND my skills as a lover overall, I could never blame my wife for finding her sexual satisfaction with sexually superior men. Along the same lines, as I have said elsewhere on this forum, I would NEVER blame men who try to get in my wife's panties to give her those needs that I have never been able to satisfy.

[wingman]

If she is not in a loving relationship with you, get out. Find someone who will cuckold you in a loving way. Be happy!!!

[cuckoldcpl4fun13]

If she is not in a loving relationship with you, get out. Find someone who will cuckold you in a loving way. Be happy!!!

COMPLETELY agree with this statement!!!

[SailorGuy]

I agree with the above. If she is going to cuckold you she has to do it in a loving way.
My wife won't let me do anything with her. But the difference for us is that I LOVE the denial. She is playful about it. Playful but firm. She gets all the great sex she could ever want from her lover, while I get to enjoy the buzz, the vibe she gives off. I happily jerk off while she tells me about her love life. Or, if she's at her lover's for the night, I happily masturbate just thinking about the reality of the situation: my beautiful wife is 15 miles across town making love to another man. while I, the dutiful husband, am home minding the kids and the house. The denial only adds to the intensity for me.

[TinyBoyDick]

I will chime in with the last few comments. In a successful cuck/HW relationship BOTH PARTNERS MUST "GET" SOMETHING THEY REALLY WANT AND NEED. For example, my wife gives me NO SEX. No pussy. No ass. No mouth. No hand jobs. Nothing at all. I'm sexually frustrated EVERY SINGLE DAY. What I get (and love) is watching another man take all my marital rights; touch and feel her up everywhere, mounter her, fuck her longer, bigger, and better than I ever have, make her cum (I never made her cum from fucking,) pull his greasy, well-satisfied cock from my bride's holes, get up and leave without ever thinking of me as his equal or as a man at all--- THAT'S WHAT I GET FROM OUR RELATIONSHIP! Many times I get more pleasure from having another man making her HIS WIFE right in front of me than when I used to have her myself!

We love each other madly... but sexually we BOTH enjoy.

[slowsteady]

Hi everyone ,

I posted here in the past about my story with my wife . We are both in our early 40s , married for 10 years . Wife used to have lovers , cheated on me , and wanted to leave me 3 times before , but everytime she came back to me after she broke up with her lover .

For the last 3 months , she had a new lover and she fell in love with him and asked for divorce , but she was confused . Finally she broke up with him and came back to me .

Yesterday , she told me that the main reason she wanted to divorce me is that she doesn't feel me sexually attractive . She said that she loves me as a life partner but not as a sexual partner . She said that this developed gradually over time until the point when she felt she didn't want sex with me .

She said that for the last 2 years , whenever we had sex , she was imagining herself with someone else .

I remember well that for the last 2 years whenever we had sex , she used to close her eyes and told me that she imagined someone else fucking her .

Now , my wife tells me that if I want to stay married to her , then I have to accept that we will not have sex together . Our marriage will be sexless and I will be asexual husband .

She said that if she needed sex , then she will find a lover or use a dildo but we will not have sex with her .
I will not be allowed to have sex with other women .

So , what do you think about this ? Is such an arrangement common in cuckold lifestyle ? And if she doesn't have sex with me does it mean that she doesn't love me ? I feel confused and I don't know what to decide . Please advise me !!

What the other posters said.

This arrangement is a hell of a lot more common than many admit to! You have been with her 10 years. She's been shitting on you all this time. You are a place holder. She is fickle. She's had several affairs but didn't establish any of them. Yet, you have put up with her pissy attitude for years.

You must like it. It is up to you. Sex in your relationship will continue on its current course. Less, not more. It doesn't sound like you have ever had a good piece of ass. You certainly ain't gonna get any good piece in this relationship. Your choice. Plenty of cuckolds live as you do.

If you are a masochist you should stay. It is a perfect marriage. If you are a man, give her current lover a quarter (25 cents) and tell him to get a good piece of ass. Tell your wife nothing. Get your affairs in order. Find your own place. Move the fuck out of there. Let her come home and find you and your stuff gone. Nobody ever learns a new lesson from the second kick of a mule.

Stay or sail. Your choice.

[calicolombia69]

this lifestyle is about the denial or limitation of sex with the husband; NOT the denial of intimacy nor love. I learned the hard way thru my 1st marriage.

As a human being, you have a right to love and intimacy in your marriage; however that may be. We may be cucks and play sissies, but we have a right to demand our side of the bargain. While we think it is fantastic to be married to hotwives (which it is), it is also fantastic for them to be married to men who allow them to have extramarital affairs openly and as often as they please.

[luvmayfly]

As a kink observer these many years... And a natural Dom who was cuckolded by a former lover... And, yes, I enjoyed it a a lot... I think most cuckoldresses stop fucking their guy in the way they fuck their lover. Most cuckold couples still have intercourse but it is not the same ballpark as what the wife gets with a lover. I know with my ex who would go through periods of cuckoldry with me that her pussy was no longer mine and would not be mine again ever. Our intercourse was gentle and connecting. It was nice. But it left her wanting more with a lover. And, that's how it worked out until I stopped seeing her.

Total denial of sexual intercourse with the husband is not a thing in most cuckold relationships. In those couples where it seems to be a reality three things seem in common: 1) The wife has been in the lifestyle for a while and over time has bonded with another man or men such to get her mind to be OK with cutting off her husband, 2) The husbands in these relationships are getting a lot of sex (probably more than most vanilla guys) but they aren't fucking their wives in the way the wife's lover does, 3) The husband either actively supports the wife or acquiesces to her demand in a way that does not create friction in the relationship.

This original poster's relationship seems to be a loveless marriage. I have been guilty of being too slow to let go so I know how hard it can be.

On the other hand, a strong cuckold marriage with denial has a lot of love and a cuckold husband is in a heightened state of arousal more than a vanilla husband would be.

[bluemax12]

Denial has to be erotic denial. It has to be done in a fun way and then most of us cucks love it. If it's done because she truly doesn't want you or can't stand having sex with you I think the relationship is over.

My own wife (we're married now) has told me that denial "will definitely happen" to me. But it's erotic denial and she gets off on it. Plus I know she loves me. We have the deep affection real loving couples have for each other.

She's also told me she fantasizes about fucking someone else (one of her boyfriends) "all the time" when she's fucking me. And I had her read the OP and she says the wife thinking of others while having sex with him is normal. All women do it she says. It doesn't bother me in the least that she thinks of others. I know that when she has great orgasms doing this, it's because of me actually. None of this excitement of fucking others would happen (for most hw) if she didn't have a loving hubby at home to connect with emotionally. Sexually and emotionally.

You should read the Three Marriage Enigma's and understand why women like variety and the excitement of someone new. But that excitement would end fast if not for hubby at home. Having a loving hubby is what keeps the excitement going for women.

My wife has told me that when she has fantasized about fucking me it's when she's thinking she's doing it "for the last time." Denial of me is so hot for her, and I've asked this week to come up with her reasons why she likes the idea so much. I like to get into the deep psychological aspects for it. I want to be able to understand my wife more and get more intimate with her by knowing what makes her get so excited. Total honestly and openness is what makes for real intimacy.

So don't fret about what she's thinking about and find out if she loves you not just as a life partner, but someone to also be sexually intimate with. If she's not attracted to you, make improvements, work out, get better. Do the house projects. Don't mope around the house, let her see you're taking care of yourself and she'll probably find herself wanting you more. And remember to be nice to her while doing all this. Don't whine. It takes time for a woman's emotions and feelings to kick back in. You may find out later it's all been worth it.

Having said all this, I'm still half or more than half agreeing with most of the posters here, that she needs to be kicked to the curb. But for you I'm hoping we're wrong.

I've read about hotwives who've left their husbands only to find themselves wanting him back, but sometimes it's too late.