Wife wants our marriage to be sexless .. Is it normal in cuckolding ?

[wannabecUKold]

Interesting comment in Saturday's London Times, on why marriages become and remain sexless
"
Eventually, it doesn’t matter what the original circumstances were that led your relationship to become sexless. Whether it started out because of bad sex, emotional unhappiness, loss of desire, or something else, most sexless marriages remain sexless because of something called the Westermarck effect — named after the Finnish anthropologist Edvard Westermarck, who first proposed that

- humans have an innate tendency to lose desire for people they live with for a sustained period of time without having sex with them.-

According to Westermarck, that’s the natural basis for the incest taboo. If you live with someone for a long period of time and don’t have sex together, it’s natural you’ll begin to feel like siblings. Once the incest taboo accidentally kicks in, sex can begin to feel pretty awkward. You can’t just jump into bed together and expect to have good sex right away."

So watch it if you are thinking of going sexless.

[SailorGuy]

I basically worship the ground my wife walks on, so her total denial of me sexually actually fuels my passion for her as a strong independent woman who knows what she wants and doesn't want.
It was MY fantasy that she have another lover, and when she actually fulfilled that fantasy she discovered what a real Man can do for her in bed. She lost all sexual attraction to me and that was fine for me because her having another lover is far more sexually intense for me than my being her lover was.
I know she still loves me and we have a solid relationship. Somehow it is even better for me being her cuckold than being her lover, so it all works out.

[vmb69]

That not cuckold or hotwife. she is just taking advantage of you. I honestly rarely say this. but get a lawyer. Communication is the point of all this

[luvmayfly]

According to Westermarck, that’s the natural basis for the incest taboo. If you live with someone for a long period of time and don’t have sex together, it’s natural you’ll begin to feel like siblings. Once the incest taboo accidentally kicks in, sex can begin to feel pretty awkward. You can’t just jump into bed together and expect to have good sex right away."

Cuckoldry with denial of intercourse if very interesting because the bond of penetrative sex is gone but not the bond of an active sex life. I do think that once it is gone it probably is not coming back. And, if it does, it is not as intimate as it used to be.

[Cuckoldguy21]

You say your wife had a lover and then she broke up with him and came back to you. I think her lover broke up with her and she had no place to go so she came back to you. Sounds like she is insensitive to a man's needs and her lovers discovered that. She can't even take five minutes to give you a hand job? There are too many deserving, sensual, sensitive women out there, who could make you very happy. Don't waste your time on a dud, unless you have children. Then you're stuck with her, until your kids become independent.

[SailorGuy]

According to Westermarck, that’s the natural basis for the incest taboo. If you live with someone for a long period of time and don’t have sex together, it’s natural you’ll begin to feel like siblings. Once the incest taboo accidentally kicks in, sex can begin to feel pretty awkward. You can’t just jump into bed together and expect to have good sex right away."

Cuckoldry with denial of intercourse if very interesting because the bond of penetrative sex is gone but not the bond of an active sex life. I do think that once it is gone it probably is not coming back. And, if it does, it is not as intimate as it used to be.

I love my wife dearly, and she is as hot and beautiful as ever. But it's been years since we were lovers, and if she were to change her mind about denial I'm not sure what I would do.
I actually asked
her about this as a hypothetical, and she laughed. " Don't worry," she told me. "It's not going to happen. First of all, Dan ( her lover ) is a fantastic lover; why would I ever give him up for you? And besides, would you even remember how to make love to me after all these years?"
No. It's not going to happen. Ever. I've had sex with my wife for the last time in my life. And that was ten years ago. If she had a change of heart and begged me I would still plead with her to stay with her lover and let me masturbate. I've gotten so used to this it's the only kind of sex I like anymore. And I really love it actually. Hottest thing in the world to be married to a gorgeous woman who turns you down in favor of a much better lover.
I'm a cuckold for life!

[SailorGuy]

I can't imagine being a cuckold AND getting to have sex with my wife. At first we were in a hotwife dynamic and we continued to be lovers. But eventually my very-conservative wife and her equally conservative lover wanted to be monogamous, and I was pushed to the side. With all my blessings! When my wife proposed it I found it erotic as hell.
We love each other deeply and forever; somehow that is expressed in our cuckolded marriage, to each of our's satisfaction. Once I learned about cuckolding I found a real strong identity with it. Like something I've had all my life.
We've been married 31 years, and she's had this other lover for 20 of them. If I knew then what I know now, and if we'd known the man who is my wife's lover 31 years ago, I would have pulled strongly for him to not only come to our wedding, but to come to our Bridal Suite that night and cuckold me right then and there. I can't imagine anything more powerful, more erotic, than another man taking my brand-new bride from me before I had a chance to be her lover. As it is, two-thirds of our marriage has been this way, so I can't complain.
I love being married; I love being married to a woman I adore; I love not being allowed to have sex with her; I love that she has a steady lover, a man vastly superior to me, and to whom my wife gives herself completely.
And my wife loves it all too. I am her intimate friend and confidante, but another very lucky man gets to be her lover. Wonderful!

[slowsteady]

I believe that the husband, not the wife, is usually the instigator and one desiring sexual denial. He is the one interested in chastity and denial and devotes much energy to convincing his wife to strictly control his sex. He tries very hard to get his wife to introduce her cunt to other men. He encourages her to develop extra marital relationships and have intercourse with other men.

Most wives I know have no real interest in this shit. When a lady feels that she needs sexual attention, she'll find a very willing and capable man to cheerfully provide her desires! Women don't have to play games in order to satisfy cuntal appetites. They choose a proper cock that knows how to feed a hungry pussy. Then she'll wisely keep her mouth shut and hubby out of her sexual loop.

Therefore, I feel that it is normal for the cuckold to want a sexless marriage and not the wife! The poor wife has to search for a real lover to "fill in" for her wimp husband. Once she finds the sex she needs, hubby's pathetic fantasies are now superfluous to her life. Since she (hopefully) has her self-esteem, her husband is no longer worthy of her sex. Of course, she gets wrongfully blamed for her hubby's shortcomings and fantasies.

So, yes, many cuckold marriages end up with little to no sex between the couple over time. You can't blame the ladies for a cuckold's shortcomings. Most sexless cuckold marriages are totally the cuckold's fault! She has every right to enjoy her life!

[SutterKane]

NewYorkCuckold hasn't logged in since Feb 3rd.

[lagercandle2014]

Not only has he not posted on OHW since Feb 3rd, in this/his post which started on 21st Jan asking others opinions, he has asked only 1 other question on the 23rd Jan from a poster's comment, which was “What is the traditional definition of a cuckold that you mean”?
I can't see an answer to this perhaps he got it in a personal message reply, or found/worked it out for himself.
All I can say is I hope he did find the answer, realised in my opinion that she was no longer a reliable and loving wife, (if she ever was in the first place), she was just using him till someone else comes along, he has kicked her to the curb and got on with his life to find someone who would truly love and most of all just be honest with him.
Update on above, I thought before I posted this post I would search New York Cuckold’s other posts, there are not many and all are on the same theme, asking the same questions basically, the vast majority of the answers he receives are also the same i.e. kick her to the kerb, divorce her and move on and make a better life for yourself, I get the feeling those comments were not the answers he wants to hear, although again they are the same as mine, but it’s his marriage, he has indeed found out and understands what a traditional Cuckold is and also what the none sex cuckold lifestyle is, as he puts himself in these category’s and is quite happy with the situation, so I’m at a loss as to what other answers he wants or expects to hear, for me he has already answered his own questions.
So to end my post, I believe it does not matter whether it is a, Cuckold, Hotwife or dare I say normal marriage/partnership and all of their variants, all anybody wants from their situation in my opinion is to be able to communicate freely, be honest and truthful with each other, that way “TRUST” is built and success is the outcome.

[peakmb]

So NYC, its been 5 months now since your wife's ultimatum. Your plight prompted a lot of good people to offer their best advice, mostly seeing your life through their end of the telescope. As we all do. By now though, your decision has been made and given and I think its time you revealed which way you decided, and perhaps why.

[wisebetrue]

Interesting comment in Saturday's London Times, on why marriages become and remain sexless
"
Eventually, it doesn’t matter what the original circumstances were that led your relationship to become sexless. Whether it started out because of bad sex, emotional unhappiness, loss of desire, or something else, most sexless marriages remain sexless because of something called the Westermarck effect — named after the Finnish anthropologist Edvard Westermarck, who first proposed that

- humans have an innate tendency to lose desire for people they live with for a sustained period of time without having sex with them.-

According to Westermarck, that’s the natural basis for the incest taboo. If you live with someone for a long period of time and don’t have sex together, it’s natural you’ll begin to feel like siblings. Once the incest taboo accidentally kicks in, sex can begin to feel pretty awkward. You can’t just jump into bed together and expect to have good sex right away."

So watch it if you are thinking of going sexless.

That is basically how I feel now...She is 60, I am 57, Married and together for 25 years,There has been Five occurrences that I know of where she has had other men,Last Time, she works at a College and Last spring I noticed cum in her Pants for a few weeks,Took photos, One day she brought home a massive load all over the jeans,There was no denying that was a massive load, or loads of cum,So I was giving her a great deal of oral(cleaning her up) for a few weeks, I never have mentioned it or others through the years.

We get along great at this time, But we sleep in separate rooms and Have not had intercourse for 4 years,Our sex life consist of me giving her oral, and only if I ask her is she wants it, sometimes no, sometimes yes,, after I'm done, it is "Thank You" ... no reciprocation or even touching me happens...,We are good companions, really get along a lot better now then before when we had mutual sex, about 4 years ago we did the chastity thing, And for me,That was the moment I knew she was not sexually attracted to me(I don't think she ever was), I said "if it shrinks will that bother you" she said "no", I said "If it causes importance "will that bother you? again "No".... Would you like me to get Viagra? again "no" Then she went on to say "You still will have your Mouth and ass"..But I don't get pegged anymore(sigh) and Oral for her is getting rare as I don't feel comfortable even asking if she wants some head, It feels awkward! And and if I did(which I don't) ask her to fuck me ,It would REALLY feel awkward to me, And Im not sure she would say yes,I think she has morphed into the Brother/sister relationship also...... But again, we get along fine and I get off whenever a Affair or a fuck happens with her...

[Wooster]

If both partners are comfortable being platonic, it can (and does) work. If it’s miserable for one or the other, it’s not going to work. Simple as that.

[ballextender3209]

So NYC, its been 5 months now since your wife's ultimatum. Your plight prompted a lot of good people to offer their best advice, mostly seeing your life through their end of the telescope. As we all do. By now though, your decision has been made and given and I think its time you revealed which way you decided, and perhaps why.

Not looking good, NYC's last login was Feb 4th............

[slowsteady]

In 1962 a young lady named Joanie Sommers sang the Top 40 hit entitled "Johnny get angry". Maybe you might want to head on over to YouTube and give it a listen. Some will "get it". Others will say "This song stinks". I think it is an excellent "chick tune" that delivers a simple, yet very deep, idea of the type of man girls need and want.

Anyway, at least there is a dynamite 15 second kazoo riff in the middle of the song that should rock your world!

[Riptorn58]

My wife has not fucked me in 12 years says that she is not interested anymore. She is aware of me wanting to share her with a black man has been for years her always says no that is why when all of the sudden she hired a black coworker to come over and fix things that are broken in the house I became curious so I'm going to leave them alone and hopefully he will fuck her

[mrs_hotwifecplsa]

You're marriage & relationship have deep problems. This isnt cuckolding. You need marriage counseling or get a divorce asap.

[kort677]

my wife hasn't let me have sex with her for years. a while back I tried to get her going and she looked at my dick and said are you kidding?
the only sex with her is her watching me while I jerk off

[pixwellguy]

As always, Sailorguy puts it perfectly...

because her having another lover is far more sexually intense for me than my being her lover was.
I know she still loves me and we have a solid relationship. Somehow it is even better for me being her cuckold than being her lover, so it all works out.

And this....

I love being married to a woman I adore; I love not being allowed to have sex with her; I love that she has a steady lover, a man vastly superior to me, and to whom my wife gives herself completely.
And my wife loves it all too. I am her intimate friend and confidante, but another very lucky man gets to be her lover. Wonderful!

And Wooster sums it up:

If both partners are comfortable being platonic, it can (and does) work. If it’s miserable for one or the other, it’s not going to work. Simple as that.

Since the OP hasn't come back, we're all just shooting the breeze here, but of course the answer to his question is: No, there's no "normal" in cuckolding or hotwifing. It's what each couple needs it to be, and what they work out between themselves that satisfies them both.

[LawyerWouldbeCuckold]

Even though I'm not yet in this lifestyle, I think you have received some absolutely BRILLIANT advice. Unless there are children involved, and/or you are just head-over-heels in love with this woman, I can't understand why you would want to stay married to someone like this person. And here's something else I just picked up on after re-reading your initial EMAIL.....you indicated that your wife "......used to have lovers , cheated on me , and wanted to leave me 3 times before , but everytime she came back to me after she broke up with her lover ..."

In light of that statement, it seems to me as if your wife is simply hanging on to you for whatever reason (your income/financial stability, whatever) until she finds THAT guy that she doesn't break up with, at which point, you get served with divorce papers.

I might understand why you don't want to leave her; 10 years is a long time to be with someone. I'm certain that there is a significant emotional investment there. But you said you are in your early 40's. Dude, that is enough time to find someone to spend the rest of your life with. I mean, I'm pushing 60; and around/about when I was your age, I thought I would never get married....years and years later, I meet my fiancee, and if we can work out some issues- which we both want to do,,,,hey, it's never too late to find that one special person.

I think you've been given a very clear indication of where her heart and head is.

Find a divorce lawyer. There are plenty of them.

Good luck.

[Johor]

The only thing that matters is how you feel about this. There are many men the prefer female led marriages and for their wives to keep them in chastity. Are you one of those? Do you think your wife is truly dedicated to this style of marriage for the long term? There is a difference between being female led or dominated and being a doormat. The difference is respect and acknowledgement of the man's role in the strength and happiness of the marriage. Do you think your wife respects you?

[demale]

When my wife announced that she would be fucking our Black neighbor I took it for granted that I would be pussyfree. She cucked me because I couldn’t satisfy her so why should she waste her time with me?

[funkyfitter]

I can't imagine being a cuckold AND getting to have sex with my wife. At first we were in a hotwife dynamic and we continued to be lovers. But eventually my very-conservative wife and her equally conservative lover wanted to be monogamous, and I was pushed to the side. With all my blessings! When my wife proposed it I found it erotic as hell.
We love each other deeply and forever; somehow that is expressed in our cuckolded marriage, to each of our's satisfaction. Once I learned about cuckolding I found a real strong identity with it. Like something I've had all my life.
We've been married 31 years, and she's had this other lover for 20 of them. If I knew then what I know now, and if we'd known the man who is my wife's lover 31 years ago, I would have pulled strongly for him to not only come to our wedding, but to come to our Bridal Suite that night and cuckold me right then and there. I can't imagine anything more powerful, more erotic, than another man taking my brand-new bride from me before I had a chance to be her lover. As it is, two-thirds of our marriage has been this way, so I can't complain.
I love being married; I love being married to a woman I adore; I love not being allowed to have sex with her; I love that she has a steady lover, a man vastly superior to me, and to whom my wife gives herself completely.
And my wife loves it all too. I am her intimate friend and confidante, but another very lucky man gets to be her lover. Wonderful!

This is true in our relationship. The only thing that's different is that my wife never hid the fact that she was fucking other guys.

[funkyfitter]

my wife hasn't let me have sex with her for years. a while back I tried to get her going and she looked at my dick and said are you kidding?
the only sex with her is her watching me while I jerk off

We're living parallel lives !

[PANTIES]

I have not had sex with her since January 2019. My birthday was the last time I had the opportunity to fuck her.

Pauline