Re: Not a Cuckold, but Thought I'd Share My Situation
Posted: Sun Mar 17, 2024 10:24 am
When he reach out to her tell her she shouldnt answer immediately. I think he thinks he can have her whenever he wants
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I think you have the right of it here. She is hurting from his rejection and she is going to lash out not even meaning to. You know she has difficulty with these emotions - just love her, it is likely going to be a tough few days/weeks.drstrangelove wrote: ↑Sun Mar 17, 2024 9:52 amUpdate.
We had a good talk this morning. We agreed she’s not going to reach out to him—if he reaches out to her, we will discuss and assess.
Ultimately, and unlike many incidents in the past, I don’t interpret her lies last night as malicious. She was embarrassed and didn’t want me to see her as she was in that moment. I can understand that and I don’t want to feign outrage that I don’t feel.
100%.Bomerang43 wrote: ↑Sun Mar 17, 2024 10:24 amWhen he reach out to her tell her she shouldnt answer immediately. I think he thinks he can have her whenever he wants
I agree with you and gave her that advice. She wants to keep things light and cute while declining though. She doesn’t want to come off angry or mean because to her this is meant to be fun. She also understands my point that she needs to acknowledge his disrespectful behavior to mitigate it repeating.Bomerang43 wrote: ↑Tue Mar 19, 2024 6:40 amIf she says yes this time. He will 100% she is easy woman. And whenever he wants he will cancel or he will invite her or he will ghost her and it will affect on her badly and on your relationship. So this time she should say no.
No lol, I’m not going to get her to fuck someone else for my bday. The idea was to suggest she go out of her comfort zone a bit. Go to a bar, flirt with someone, whatever. It’s something she loves doing, but feels self conscious about it. But I’m not going to push anything—I suspect the cream pie idea will line up and that will be awesome. And she’s fully in support of that.mf2hd82 wrote: ↑Tue Mar 19, 2024 10:19 amYou're going to try and leverage your birthday to get her to fuck someone else?! You are a real piece of work.
I've been rooting for you all along, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you get a little more annoying with every post you make. You need to chill and let her do this the way she wants to do it and stop trying to top from the bottom.
I hear you. I do think she has strong desires for him—I’d diagnose it as a compulsion, not love. She craves the feeling she gets being validated by him and is terrified of losing it.Coolcalm wrote: ↑Tue Mar 19, 2024 4:20 pmHey Doc., she is in love with him. I know you are “Convinced “ she’s not based on her mannerisms and what she tells you…but she lies to you every half hour. She is waiting for any indication from him that he wants her like that. You constantly keep trying to excuse away her lies and her absolute disrespect for you by rationalizing her behavior. You know it. It appears obvious and that’s why you constantly are attempting to show she really doesn’t want him.
I’m sorry if it sounds harsh and you and I have talked privately too but my god, she doesn’t want you and she is dying for him.
If he gave her an INKLING that he wanted her you better believe that she would surely work to destroy your marriage to make it easier for her to leave you for him him; better yet make it so miserable for you that YOU LEAVE HER and then she’s not the destroyer of the marriage.
Sorry man but that’s how I’ve seen it for the longest time.
She thinks she saved face; I don’t. She gently pushed back, but in a teasing way. He still has her wrapped around his finger, which is a concern as it’s inevitable that she is hurt again. I’m not sure I can do much about it though—she needs to take this journey and I will support it.scarfolamew wrote: ↑Thu Mar 21, 2024 7:40 amSounds like she managed to thread the needle of re-establishing a measure of dignity in her back-and-forth with F, without having to give up the rare chance to actually meet up with him tomorrow.
Hope it doesn't fall through and you (and maybe we!) get another scaldingly-hot recording to make your dreams come true and justify all the angst and emotional turmoil. Hang in there bud. The above text exchange is really fuckin hot
The idea that I’m a bad lover is likely a misnomer, honestly. I think it is entirely based around me being her husband—sex with me carries with it baggage and stress from our lives. In addition, she is very sensitive to how I may perceive her—so the things she does with F—like handcuffs, anal, or other dominating things—she quite literally doesn’t want those things with me even though she enjoys them. It’s an extreme Madonna complex issue.thinman wrote: ↑Fri Mar 22, 2024 3:50 amIt seems to me that your wife has little respect for herself and even less for you. In my view, she has typecast you as an “unsatisfying” lover, and you will have a very difficult time breaking out of that role. Perhaps she has done so simply because you are in fact her husband and therefore boring. Perhaps it is because you are not as dominating as F? It certainly isn’t a size issue, as you have described. Likewise, I think she has almost fetishized F to the point of refusing to consider looking for alternatives.
Do you think, when she lets fly with one of her cruel comments to you, that she even knows what she is saying and how hurtful it is? Have you tried confronting her every time she does that?
Like others, I am worried that this is a very unstable situation. I actually think you need to work simultaneously on both fronts - the first being recasting your sexual relationship with her into something more positive and the second convincing her that she could find someone other than F. As I recall, the sex between the two of you was much better after the affair was discovered, when you were her only partner and you were both working on rebuilding. Is this true? Then later, after she reconnected with F, and it all started to go downhill for you. What is the difference between then and now in the sex between you two? This leads me to believe that this is a choice on her part (perhaps unconsciously) to not think of you as a satisfying sexual partner after F returned to the picture.
Just rambling here - sorry, too long.
Are the two of you in ongoing therapy?
I think the point about him “ghosting” her was that he waited 10~ hours to respond to the text. He does that often and I think it’s intentional. He wants to keep her guessing and doubting herself. It keeps her on a string waiting for a dopamine hit from him. And it’s very effective.Rogueuser1 wrote: ↑Fri Mar 22, 2024 12:31 pmSo as much as I don't like him and think he is being a jerk overall to her... he is kind of right that she said no so he is allowed to make other plans without it being a "ghost". Sorry it didn't work out though.
She’s been very clear about that. She just wants to go over there and get fucked good and not deal with any of his drama.Rogueuser1 wrote: ↑Sat Mar 23, 2024 6:43 amFair point on his poor response... but we already all knew (including your wife) that he is an arrogant prick.
Luckily for him he's an arrogant prick who knows how to fuck well so she'll keep putting up with it. If he was even marginally less talented in bed she would have been done with him a while ago I suspect.