Not a Cuckold, but Thought I'd Share My Situation

[jacksonjones]

I think you're suffering from what I call "child-induced FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)"

You're correct that you're not going to get these years back, but you're actually missing the bigger picture because you're thinking with your dick and not your brain. You won't get these years back, and even though it's hard right now, you're actually in the middle of a significant moment in your life where you and your wife and building the foundation for what comes next.

Your wife loves you and wants you to be happy, that's why she's happy to let you eat her out and then cum in your shorts. That's not the sort of thing any random woman would just agree to with any random guy - this is all a couples game. But at the same time you need to understand that she doesn't have a lot of emotional bandwidth right now - there's a reason there's not a "new moms" section on this board.

You talked about accepting low hanging fruit, but the thing is, you can't look at it that way, or yes, you'll be disappointed. Every sexual encounter you have with your partner is good, it builds trust and intimacy, and brings you two closer, even if it's just plain old fucking. She's not going to just jump right into denial and hotwife/cuckold games with you tonight.

I know it's hard and not fun to not be spontaneous and independent anymore, but for this short period of time in your life, (and it will be short) sex is going to be less frequent and probably less adventurous. That's OK - it won't be this way next year, or the year after or even the year after that. You need to set aside some of your demands (and yes, they're demands you're making on your wife) and let yourself take the first few steps toward what you want.

Lastly, you said you need to figure out a better path forward and that it's on you to do that. I can only speak to my experiences, but I found that taking the baby steps (handjobs, her watching me masturbate, buying her sexy clothes for me to jerkoff to) has led to more adventure on her part. The tension and the taboo nature of what we've done so far has reinforced for her that this is something that's fun, that we do together, and that doesn't require her to put a whole lot of effort into. There's plenty more that I'd like to do with her and that I'd like her to do, but just spending the last few years with her playing some of the basics of the games I want to try has really opened the door to trying some different things. Most importantly she's learned what I like, and what pushes my buttons, so not only do I not have to ask her anymore, or tell her, she just does things. The best part is that she's figured out to do stuff I never thought of.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you slow down, consider your partner's feelings and where they are in their life right now, and focus on enjoying what you have and where you are, you'll find not only that you start getting what you want, but that she'll get into it with you too, and you'll both find things that you didn't know you liked.

Good luck, try to stay positive and focused on what you have that's good.

[drstrangelove]

I think you're suffering from what I call "child-induced FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)"

You're correct that you're not going to get these years back, but you're actually missing the bigger picture because you're thinking with your dick and not your brain. You won't get these years back, and even though it's hard right now, you're actually in the middle of a significant moment in your life where you and your wife and building the foundation for what comes next.

Your wife loves you and wants you to be happy, that's why she's happy to let you eat her out and then cum in your shorts. That's not the sort of thing any random woman would just agree to with any random guy - this is all a couples game. But at the same time you need to understand that she doesn't have a lot of emotional bandwidth right now - there's a reason there's not a "new moms" section on this board.

You talked about accepting low hanging fruit, but the thing is, you can't look at it that way, or yes, you'll be disappointed. Every sexual encounter you have with your partner is good, it builds trust and intimacy, and brings you two closer, even if it's just plain old fucking. She's not going to just jump right into denial and hotwife/cuckold games with you tonight.

I know it's hard and not fun to not be spontaneous and independent anymore, but for this short period of time in your life, (and it will be short) sex is going to be less frequent and probably less adventurous. That's OK - it won't be this way next year, or the year after or even the year after that. You need to set aside some of your demands (and yes, they're demands you're making on your wife) and let yourself take the first few steps toward what you want.

Lastly, you said you need to figure out a better path forward and that it's on you to do that. I can only speak to my experiences, but I found that taking the baby steps (handjobs, her watching me masturbate, buying her sexy clothes for me to jerkoff to) has led to more adventure on her part. The tension and the taboo nature of what we've done so far has reinforced for her that this is something that's fun, that we do together, and that doesn't require her to put a whole lot of effort into. There's plenty more that I'd like to do with her and that I'd like her to do, but just spending the last few years with her playing some of the basics of the games I want to try has really opened the door to trying some different things. Most importantly she's learned what I like, and what pushes my buttons, so not only do I not have to ask her anymore, or tell her, she just does things. The best part is that she's figured out to do stuff I never thought of.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you slow down, consider your partner's feelings and where they are in their life right now, and focus on enjoying what you have and where you are, you'll find not only that you start getting what you want, but that she'll get into it with you too, and you'll both find things that you didn't know you liked.

Good luck, try to stay positive and focused on what you have that's good.

I read this a few days ago, but decided to give it some more thought before responding. I'm not sure about the lack of emotional bandwith from the kids is the issue as this pre-dates them, but I concede it's a complicating factor and that regardless of cause, the end result is the same.

I think I've decided to just stop pushing for playtime frequently, and when we do start fooling around, I'm going to initiate/offer her head. If she wants sex or to give me head, great, but I want to re-establish her getting head as the norm. I know she really enjoys it and I want our sexual encounters to be only positive for her. She sometimes enjoys sex, but it's 50-50, and sometimes she down right dislikes it. She also sometimes likes giving head, but typically doesn't (if it lasts too long).

On Saturday her period ended and I got the sense she wanted to play. I eased into it and told her I really wanted to go down on her. She eagerly took off her pants and I gave her head until she came hard on my face and I came in my pants. She loved it...and I had fun too, so it's a win-win.

I think the first trip down this path I probably was a little over-eager. She didn't want to deal with the idea of sex 5x a week or w/e, even if it was just me going down on her. I'm going to leave the ball in her court more this time while still making that the focus of our sex life. See how it goes.

[drstrangelove]

So we played again last night (Tuesday), so there was a solid gap since Saturday. My wife was relaxed, happy and in a playful mood, so it started fairly organically. She pulled me on top of her and pushed my head down to her breast, to which I obliged. I felt her hands on my shoulders and said I got the hint—she took off her PJ bottoms and threw her legs up in the air.

I worked my way down and licked her to two orgasms. She came a ton all over my face. I mentioned I didn’t cum, to which as usual, she was surprised (always the same answer: how did you not cum??). I told her it was ok, and that I didn’t need to cum on her. She just laid back and said, “no, you can.” So I jerked off onto her stomach (less than a minute.

And that was that. It was really positive and I feel like we are back on track. I think I’m just going to jerk off kore solo this time around to prevent myself from pushing for too much playtime. I get the sense my wife is happy with this arrangement and I am too, so I’ll let it ride for a bit.

[SutterKane]

Do you still feel that you have no cuckold tendencies even though you seem to be getting off on being denied PnV sex? Knowing that your wife really doesn't enjoy penetrative sex with you and getting off on that fact would seem to show otherwise. It's OK if it has changed how you view yourself. I learned that by going from a sexually frustrated wantabe alpha, to a sexually happy cuck.

[drstrangelove]

Do you still feel that you have no cuckold tendencies even though you seem to be getting off on being denied PnV sex? Knowing that your wife really doesn't enjoy penetrative sex with you and getting off on that fact would seem to show otherwise. It's OK if it has changed how you view yourself. I learned that by going from a sexually frustrated wantabe alpha, to a sexually happy cuck.

Do you mean about me being willing to be a cuck? I'm open-minded about it. Definitely not something my wife would be down for, but I am definitely turned on by the possibility of it one day happening. I think the reality might be frustrating, but also incredibly hot.

[drstrangelove]

So an update.

She was in the mood on Saturday, so we started fooling around. She took the initiative to take off her pants fairly quickly and push my head down. I ate her out for more than 45 minutes and she was as wet as she's ever been. At one point she was holding her legs back and up in the air, moaning, and telling me how wet she was (and she certainly was). It was probably the hottest session we've ever had together and it took an incredible amount of effort for me not to cum two minutes in.

After she was completely spent, I told her I hadn't cum, to which as always she's shocked. I told her it was ok, but she said I could jerk off quick. So I did and came almost immediately.

We played again the next night, though she told me off the bat she was sore from the night before (combo of my stubble and her claiming I bit her down there, which I don't think I did). So she pulled me on top of her and started jerking me off between her legs, which she likes to do. It's a really humiliating position because I end up fucking her exactly as I would if we were having sex, except I'm humping her hand and I feel my balls slapping against her pussy.

So it's now been several weeks since we last had intercourse and I'm still letting her dictate the pace largely. She seems to be enjoying things, so we'll see how it goes.

[SutterKane]

Well, IMO you seem to be a "Cuck" in all but having a hotwife. Your sex life seems very "Cuckish". If she was down to fuck other men and did, you would make a fine cuckold and would most likely enjoy your sex life even more than you do now, knowing that you were denied her pussy and other men weren't. If I'm wrong, then I apologizes.

[drstrangelove]

Well, IMO you seem to be a "Cuck" in all but having a hotwife. Your sex life seems very "Cuckish". If she was down to fuck other men and did, you would make a fine cuckold and would most likely enjoy your sex life even more than you do now, knowing that you were denied her pussy and other men weren't. If I'm wrong, then I apologizes.

No need to apologize; you're right. But with two little kids at home, it's certainly not in our immediate future. I also think there's a lot more groundwork that would need to be done first. As mentioned, it's possible I pushed too hard, so I'm going to let her dictate the pace a bit and lower my expectations for frequency of fooling around.

[SutterKane]

I will eagerly await the day you post that she has made you a true cuckold and welcome you into our brotherhood!

[drstrangelove]

It was the wife's birthday the other day, so I made her dinner and dessert and we made our way to bed. I wanted to make sure she took the lead, so I didn't assume playtime was automatic. After some chatting, she worked her way over to me and made a comment about my facial scruff (as background, she dislikes when I'm not clean shaven because it can scruff her pussy while I'm eating her out).

I told her I skipped a day shaving because I was getting irritated, to which she responded, "Yea, I did that yesterday for the same reason! I shaved today though."

Hint was fairly strong, but I then outright asked, "Are you sure it's ok we still play with my scruff?" She just smiled and said yea.

It was an interesting moment because we both kind of acknowledged that "playing" was defined as me giving her head. It's really stuck with me since.

Anyways, so we made out a bit and I worked my way down. I gave her two orgasms over the course of about 30 minutes and held off cuming on my end. Again she was surprised -- I know she prefers when I cum in my pants, but I just never know how long she'll want me down there, so it goes so much better while I'm horny and it makes sure she doesn't feel cut off. Anyways, I told her I was fine or I could just jerk off, but she pulled me on top of her and guided me inside her. I humped her for 30 seconds or so before pulling out and cuming on her stomach.

Overall, things still going well. Plus I got laid for the first time in about two months or so.

[SutterKane]

Good for you! Do you like the fact that you don't last in her pussy? Or would you like to be able to fuck her longer? No judgment, just curious as to which you enjoy more.

[drstrangelove]

Good for you! Do you like the fact that you don't last in her pussy? Or would you like to be able to fuck her longer? No judgment, just curious as to which you enjoy more.

It usually depends on her. When sex happens, she's already cum once or twice, and I can tell right away if intercourse will lead her to another orgasm usually. It often does, but it's really fast. At that point, she's so wet and turned on, just sliding it in brings her to the brink sometimes, at which point me cuming shortly after her works out for everyone. There have been times I'll last longer and she'll definitely enjoy it, but there have been other times where I've gone too long and she wants the session to end.

I guess bottom-line is I don't mind cuming so fast because usually she's satisfied by then. Though there have definitely been times I wish I lasted longer and I know she has too.

[drstrangelove]

So last night she made the first move again. Quickly led into a hj and me sucking on her nipples, to eventually me going down on her. She had a big orgasm and I was able to time it with cuming in my pants.

However, my dick slipped through the boxer fly and I came on the sheets, so she wasn't thrilled. Feel like I can't win, lol.

[drstrangelove]

It's been awhile since my last update, largely because things felt like a status quo, but now with some distance from my last post, I can identify a massive shift. We've had intercourse maybe 2-3 times since May, but always on her terms and always after she's already had an orgasm from either my tongue or my fingers.

While that's not necessarily new, her attitude about our sex life is. All this time, I've felt in control. Even though I wanted to be in a submissive role, I was driving the car. We were visiting her in-laws for five nights, so I was boxed in with no realistic masterbation outlet, so going in I expected us to play most nights. That wasn't the case.

The interesting note was that on the fourth night I asked for sex and she responded, "tomorrow, just go down on me tonight." So I did, coming on her stomach afterward. But then the next night came, and I was expecting to get laid (it'd probably been 4-5 weeks since we last fucked). Again though, she just said, "not tonight, just go down on me."

So I kind of had a bit of a tantrum. I just rolled over and said, "no thanks," and I spent the night, following day, and following night, just steaming. And this happens often enough, where there's a pattern: she ends up feeling bad and then fucking me the next night. But this time she didn't. When she finally approached me two days later, it was because she was horny. She climbed onto me and even though I was still angry with her, she just started jerking me off and eventually blowing me. Before long, she was on top of me in 69 until we both had orgasms. She rolled over and went to bed and I realize she had no intension of letting me fuck her.

A few days later, she woke up early (like 6 a.m.) and moved back into me--her signal that she wants to play. I got her off my fingers and then she pulled down her panties and put me inside her. She came again in less than a minute and so did I.

It was all a bit strange honestly and I brought it up the next day. I asked her what it was all about and if she just wanted sex and she responded: "Yea, I wanted dick and I got it; no big deal."

And that's kind of where we are. She just effortlessly took control of our sex life and I'm struggling with how to deal with it. On one hand it's arguably what I wanted, but on the other hand, my sexual interests aren't relavant now. It's like I'm now just a piece of her sexual interests.

[trdd]

Wow. It's like she's dominating you pretty thoroughly in a sexual way but it appears that it is completely self-serving for her. Well, not completely self-serving since she did give you a bj. But she is completely controlling any entry into her and getting all the orgasm she wants at the same time.

I really love the sound of it but I can understand your frustration too. She doesn't seem to be teasing and denying you for your own enjoyment. Instead, she is teasing and denying you subconsciously and just making sure she is getting what she wants. It's actually the truest form of dominance but I can see where you would want a little more acknowledgement and understanding on her part of the impact it is having on you. That way, the build-up and dominance could be a little more overt and you would enjoy it more. Does any of that make sense to you?

Is it possible or desirable for you to explain the impact this cycle is having on you? And tell her that you are happy she is happy but if she could just be a little more explicit about what she is doing it might serve your needs better?

[drstrangelove]

Wow. It's like she's dominating you pretty thoroughly in a sexual way but it appears that it is completely self-serving for her. Well, not completely self-serving since she did give you a bj. But she is completely controlling any entry into her and getting all the orgasm she wants at the same time.

I really love the sound of it but I can understand your frustration too. She doesn't seem to be teasing and denying you for your own enjoyment. Instead, she is teasing and denying you subconsciously and just making sure she is getting what she wants. It's actually the truest form of dominance but I can see where you would want a little more acknowledgement and understanding on her part of the impact it is having on you. That way, the build-up and dominance could be a little more overt and you would enjoy it more. Does any of that make sense to you?

Is it possible or desirable for you to explain the impact this cycle is having on you? And tell her that you are happy she is happy but if she could just be a little more explicit about what she is doing it might serve your needs better?

That’s exactly it. For me, the psychology of it all is what is erotic and that’s almost entirely missing. For her, I think she genuinely doesn’t understand what I’m talking about it when I explain that.

My actions, which have been driven by my sexual kinks, she is interpreting entirely objectively. In her mind, it’s like: oh, he likes to go down on me...cool, works for me.

I’ve tried to explain it so many times—many documented in this thread—but it just doesn’t sink in. I honestly can’t even tell if her denying me sex is something she is doing because she thinks I’ll enjoy it or if it’s just something she now knows she can get away with, but I’m fairly sure it’s largely the latter based on this last cycle of events. I think she now sees it as she can have the sex life she wants and I’ll be thrilled with that.

What I’m struggling with is how to handle it without sending mixed signals or forcing her to shut down because she thinks she just can’t win with anything she does.

I think you hit on the key thing though. If in denying me sex, she just teased, “no, you don’t get to fuck be tonight because I want to come, so get down there,” I’d probably have been fine with it. But it just felt very cold and non-sexual.

I should be clear though, I can also understand how her perspective on this might be very different, but she’s just not comfortable talking about it or explaining her side of things.

[drstrangelove]

I love your thread drstrangelove, thanks for sharing! I liked it so much in fact that I kind of skimmed through some parts to see where it was going; so, sorry if I repeat things that have already been mentioned.

A bunch of little points...Your wife often mentions hurting down there, is it real? Maybe start by having her get a medical diagnosis before anything to make sure she's okay.

Just an observation, I doubt she is, maybe she has tendencies, but it almost sounds like she's into women. She apparently likes getting head more than intercourse, and prefers you do it when clean shaven (or else it hurts).

What is the porn situation, you mentioned watching cuckold movies; again, I doubt it, but do you know if she watches porn sometimes? Do the two of you ever watch it together, maybe watching a hotwife and cuck movie together might stir something in her.

You say she's not as cerebral as you when it comes to sex, how about outside sex? Do the two of you stimulate each other intellectually? I left my daughter's mom years ago because I felt that she just didn't do it for me intellectually (amongst other things). Our sex life was alright though, like you I usually was the driving force and tried to push her into doing freaky things sexually, which she kind of was into. If I had stayed with her we would have done a lot I believe; for one thing, my dominant side was getting stronger and stronger, I believe I would have been able to turn her into a cuckquean, so it wouldn't have mattered so much to me anymore if she wouldn't have been all that cerebral when it came to sex.

Of course, your fantasy is to be submissive. Since the only real fantasy she has mentioned is to fuck hot guys, I feel your best option to get what you want sexually is to try to find a way to bring in a dominant bull who would be just as cerebral as you sexually, and would take the lead. And maybe even open up your wife's desires to the point that she might start being more imaginative herself. Presumably, she would quickly shoot down that idea though. It's wrong to be deceitful and have a guy flirt with your wife without telling her of course, but maybe at least start inviting hot dudes over with a bit of drinking involved or something.

Good luck in any case

Very interesting post as your thoughts are certainly outside the box.

So I’d say she’s definitely not a lesbian, or even bisexual. She has no interest in women, even during her drunk party days or now jokingly.

I think the shaving thing is honestly just as simple as if I’m in a window of two days post shave, I have stubble and it hurts her inner thighs, haha.

As for the pain from sex, I’ve just suspected it’s from going too deep in the wrong position. Like if I ever put her legs on my shoulders or have her lying flat on her stomach, I think I just bottom-out and it hits her cervix and hurts. As you can imagine, those aren’t really common occurrences.

She has never watched porn and she doesn’t masterbate. I had the playboy channel for a few months at one point and we would watch stuff together—I thought it would be an easy first step into the pool as most of it is not hardcore. She didn’t like it at all.

It’s not the exciting answer, but right now she’s primarily obsessed with her children. That’s the bulk of our lives. We also both have demanding jobs.

She is not intellectually stimulating. She has no hobbies, interest in current events, politics or really anything thought-provoking. She is solely focused on our kids and she is an awesome mom.

I was never attracted to her because of her intellect though, it was because of her free sexuality. She was slutty, fun and a flirt. She changed quickly after getting together and there were always reasons to explain it away at the time...and then 10 years passes.

There’s no chance she would be willing to cuck me, and to be honest, it would almost certainly be a bad direction for our relationship right now.

It feels like I need to get her interested in my kinks, but she’s so closed to it. Sex to her is just me pleasuring her every few days when she’s horny.

[drstrangelove]

Thanks for taking the time to answer all my points. I didn't mention the kids because I remembered you saying at some point that the problem can't really be that because it kind of started before the kids; maybe it was in another context. She's not intellectually stimulating because of the kids now, or never was? Is your life and conversations with her outside sex at least somewhat interesting? You married her just because of her sluttiness, and now that she doesn't even have that you're left with nothing I guess? Hmm... You're more or less hoping it all gets better when you're empty nesters?

I think the problem with this context of sharing my story can paint her far too two-dimensional. Honesty, my wife is a sweet, loving woman, who I love deeply. 99% of the relationship is outside of sex, and in it, we are happy, loving and supportive of each other. She has almost no interests, intellectual or otherwise, but she is incredibly supportive of letting me explore and enjoy my interests.

And yes, the problems did arise before the kids, so you’re right that it wouldn’t be fair or helpful to blame them for her disinterest in our sex life, however, I can’t go back to that time and explore options. Right now, our kids are the primary interest in her life, that’s the reality.

I’m not willing to just sit back and wait to be empty-nesters though. I want to explore my sexuality further and there’s no way to do that without her right now. So I just need to make it work, it’s just a matter of figuring it out.

[drstrangelove]

I decided to just give into the role entirely. I got into bed last night, apologized for getting upset with her last week or denying me sex and then told her I had shaved my face that morning if she was interested...

I then proceeded to be completely submissive to her. When she put her hand on my cock, I humped it so she wouldn't even have to bother jerking me. I ate her out to a massive orgasm after 25 or so minutes down there. I humped her leg and made sure I was right on the edge so I could cum immediately after she did so she could just go to bed.

I'm gonna let her run with it and I'm going to keep giving her extreme submissive signals whenever I can and see what happens.

[SutterKane]

Get a cage (a metal one that fits!) and tell her that you want her to own and control your sexuality. That will show her that you mean this. The cage will humble you and make you willing to do and submit to her wishes. It will re-align your thinking and sexual needs. You will be surprised how quickly you focus all your attention on her needs, not your needs!

[SutterKane]

Get a cage (a metal one that fits!) and tell her that you want her to own and control your sexuality. That will show her that you mean this. The cage will humble you and make you willing to do and submit to her wishes. It will re-align your thinking and sexual needs. You will be surprised how quickly you focus all your attention on her needs, not your needs!

I'm not trying to hijack this thread from dr strangelove. This is just a side bar... Neither my wife or I like cock cages (but if she did, I'd wear it). She prefers to deny and humiliate a free range mr cuckles. However, I tried one one time so now I'm a big expert on the subject. It was a pink plastic cage, bigger than what I needed even with an erection. Using a lubricant, I was able to jack off to completion with it on. That was hot, but it was also uncomfortable and I never used it again. So, yeah, it's important to get one that fits!

Expressing our experiences, thoughts and opinion is what this site is about! Even sharing you story on someone else's thread, if it's to show understanding and support is fine. But if it changes the course of the OP's thread, then it should be moved to it's own thread so as not to take over the OP's thread. Well, that my opinion!

[drstrangelove]

Quick update:

Still no sex, but we've played a few times. Last week I gave her head and came in my boxers. She does this thing sometimes when she wants to initiate where she will push her butt against me, spooning, then once she feels me hard, will reach her hand back. She won’t even jerk me off though, she just holds it there and I cave and start humping her fist. After a few minutes, once she knows I’m really horny, she’ll pull down her pants and wait for me to go down on her.

The next night it started the same way, with her wanting to play and spooning into me. She had me hump her hand for a bit again, but then she pulled down her pants and just swung her legs over my face. It was pretty hot because she’s never sat on my face so aggressively. She rode my face and had a small orgasm, then slid down and started to grind on my dick. It felt like I was about to cum, but couldn’t quite get there. She just kept telling me not to cum yet. The tip of my dick actually felt like it went a bit inside at points and it was too much to handle, so she slid back up and grounded on my face until she came. Afterward I just quickly jerked off.

[SutterKane]

Are you getting what you want and need from things the way they are now?

[drstrangelove]

Are you getting what you want and need from things the way they are now?

Not sure. I really feel uncertain about the path right now.

Last night we played again. Started off relatively normal, her offering her hand for me to hump, me using my fingers on her. I have her head to bring her to an orgasm, but she wanted more after she came. So she pulled me up and climbed on top of me. Worked her way onto my cock and rode the shit out of me.

It was purely for her pleasure and she stopped as soon as she came again. I then jerked off on her stomach to finish the session.

It was the first time we had sex in about two months, but like the last time, it felt like sex was entirely for her pleasure. She’s largely ok with just getting oral, but still wants to fuck several times a year basically.

For me, getting the chance to fuck her last night just makes me want to fuck her again tonight, but I also know she won’t want that—which leads me down the same road of getting upset with her for denying me sex. I feel like I’m happier not getting sex because I don’t have the expectation of sex then.

It’s all a bit confusing for me, but I want to commit to riding the wave and taking her lead. So we will see where it goes.

[SutterKane]

Why not sit her down and talk about it outside the bedroom?