Not a Cuckold, but Thought I'd Share My Situation

[jratt85]

it really seems to me like she's kind of checked out on your relationship.. like she's gotten back into the whole "I'm cheating on him, he's not worth my time" thing she was doing with him before you started listening to me except that now you know she's doing it so she's free to do it even more. I'm sure part of it is just because she's pissed off at him for not bending over backwards to make an effort to give her the dicking she wants.. but she's still taking it out on you.

I may be out of line, may be too much of a pessimist but.. I don't think that's ever going to change. I think that in her eyes you're getting off on her getting fucked so that's all you need, and when she doesn't get fucked you can literally just go fuck yourself, she doesn't need to be a part of it.. Her sexuality is for him now and you can listen/hear the stories but that's mostly it. I think the only time she has sex with you is when she's using you to get off.

Part of it is definitely your own fault.. You taught her to put you in a submissive place and ignore your needs and now you're ignoring your own rules you had put in place and wanting things you didn't agree upon. I don't think you're ever going to get everything you want from her. I think you need to realize that her sexuality and yours are now separate things.. If you need a woman that'll talk to you and pay attention while you're getting yourself off.. you might need to find a more dominant woman to be that for you.. You are obviously submissive and so is she.. She doesn't want to humiliate you or anything, it turns her off completely and makes her feel like you're less of a man.. You've said that numerous times.. Finding someone that gets off on you degrading yourself would be the best thing for you...

Unfortunately your wife is too fragile and selfish to accept that. She's already told you that this is 100% one sided.. you can get off to her hooking up, but don't you dare try to find someone for you.. Yet she's also not going to make an effort at all to make sure you're satisfied at all because it's all about her..

You really are in a no-win situation. Even though it turns you on to no end when she's being slutty, she hates it being called that and doesn't care about what's going on in your head when she's pissed that she's not getting the attention from a "real man" when she wants it.. There's really nothing you can do to change her or make that better..

My only advice for making it better for yourself.. get yourself some toys that help you get off and feel more submissive and find someone online that'll watch you get yourself off and encourage it, and maybe even humiliate you for "not being enough of a man to be able to satisfy your wife" while your stroke yourself. Having been on fetlife for almost 20 years now, I'm sure you can find someone that'd be that for you... the hard part would just be getting your wife to accept it.. Or hell, it doesn't even necessarily need to be a woman.. I mean look at all the posts on here about guys being humiliated by their wife's bull for getting hard while "a real man" is dicking her down.

[drstrangelove]

He’s made 3 suggestions for evening meetups in a row now. Seems like he’s working toward an overnight.

They have both discussed an evening hookup while chatting—my wife told him for her to try anal again, it needs to be in the evening after at least one drink. So he certainly wants an evening date lol.

And it happened again yesterday—he was radio silent all day and he sent her a text at 10:30 p.m. asking her to come over. She was already asleep.

[Rogueuser1]

It almost sounds like she is his #2 girl and he only gets together with her when his primary lover isn't able to be there or cancels. Hopefully for her sake that isn't true. Sorry it hasn't worked out for them to see each other again!

[drstrangelove]

It almost sounds like she is his #2 girl and he only gets together with her when his primary lover isn't able to be there or cancels. Hopefully for her sake that isn't true. Sorry it hasn't worked out for them to see each other again!

That would be my instinct too, except I’m really disarmed because my wife insists his behavior was identical during the affair, while he was married. He’s just a strange guy. That doesn’t mean he isn’t sleeping around, it’s just hard to nail down what exactly is happening.

On my wife’s end, she gets annoyed by it, but as she told me this morning, she doesn’t care that much “because the sex is so good.”

And while she won’t admit it, there’s certainly some truth to the idea that our rough period here is partially a result of her not getting fucked properly and de-stressed. She admitted that she’d have considered going over last night had she been awake and she would be down to go over this afternoon if he’s free. It’s been a month and she just wants to let loose and get fucked silly by him.

And of course that messes with my ego, but i try to lean into it. I got her off this morning with my fingers at her request—that’s her favorite way to cum with me. So it’s nice to know i do that well, but also disheartening to know that she is now so open about telling me sex with him is so much better. In the past, there was always teasing associated with it as we play this game. That’s all out the window—he fucks her better than i do. Full stop.

Anyway, we’ll see how the day goes. She’s planning to send a sexy pic later with a note pointing on what he missed out on yesterday. We’ll see if anything comes of it.

[mf2hd82]

I vaguely remember a post from a while back. I think you two were fooling around and she said if he called and asked her to come over she would leave you and go. Am I remembering that correctly? If so that tells me she values her sleep more than her time with you. If she wants fucked so badly why not just go at 10:30 and get some? I think it would be extremely hot for her to want it so bad that she went to him when he called for her.

[drstrangelove]

I vaguely remember a post from a while back. I think you two were fooling around and she said if he called and asked her to come over she would leave you and go. Am I remembering that correctly? If so that tells me she values her sleep more than her time with you. If she wants fucked so badly why not just go at 10:30 and get some? I think it would be extremely hot for her to want it so bad that she went to him when he called for her.

She gets anxious over lack of sleep and missing workouts, so it’ll be rare for her to run out that late. Though after a month without him, it’s certainly possible. I think he’ll have to put in more work than currently though. His approach of msging her every few weeks with “wanna come over” isn’t too impressive and if not for how good the sex is, my wife would have ghosted him by now.

[drstrangelove]

Just a quick update:

F wanted her to come over at like 11:30 p.m. last night, so she declined during the day. He’s swamped with work and doesn’t know when he’ll be free other than around midnight this week—my wife isn’t interested in that. It sounds like Friday morning is a possibility, but he’s unsure.

My wife is certainly bummed and it seems he is too, but it’s the time of the year. Once we get to summer, his schedule supposedly lightens up as NHL and NBA are over and he’s connected to them for his second job.

[ResponsibullCummings]

Not sure how he would expect her to hide it from you since he thinks she is cheating again if he keeps messaging her with such little notice to come over late at night.

[drstrangelove]

Not sure how he would expect her to hide it from you since he thinks she is cheating again if he keeps messaging her with such little notice to come over late at night.

She told him from the beginning that I wouldn’t care—she also mentioned that she has the freedom to see other people, but I don’t, and she just hadn’t used her freedom yet post-affair.

The line she didn’t cross is telling him that I know about it and am supportive of it. It was all part of that crazy text exchange back in December.

[drstrangelove]

So it’s been awhile since I posted their chats. They had the exchange on Saturday afternoon about a day that works for them. We then went out to dinner with my family and our kids. She told me she didn’t talk with him again since.

However, right before we left for food, she sent this:

Wife: And BTW my pussy has felt very sad…it needs to get railed. *wink*

F: Oh my…looking forward to helping with that.

Wife: That’s what I’m hoping for haha.

After that we left for dinner. Then two hours later, while we were all at dinner, she reached out to him again:

Wife: And for you to cum down my throat again *wink*

F: That was unreal

Wife: I aim to please…literally…

F: Ohhh you do

Wife: Glad you enjoy haha

F: Very much so…sure can’t swing coming by late tonight?

Wife: It’s so gross out. And awful driving. Free tomorrow for the next two nights haha

F: Kids with me next 2 nights

Wife: Got it. What about Wednesday?

F: Wednesday starts the late nights bc of the tournament at work

Wife: Got it…well to close the gap on next week I’m also free Wednesday morning haha

Now, nothing too crazy there, but a few red flags. For one, she has been adamant she didn’t talk to him again since Saturday afternoon. For two, she knows Wednesday mornings don’t work because I’m in the office, so if she wanted to see him Wednesday, we’d have to discuss for sure (wouldn’t be able to record).

I asked her again about the last time she msged him and she doubled down on the lie and then shared all the screenshots with me as if it was all fine lol. Ultimately I don’t get it, but don’t want to make a big issue out of this.

[residueS]

So it’s been awhile since I posted their chats. They had the exchange on Saturday afternoon about a day that works for them. We then went out to dinner with my family and our kids. She told me she didn’t talk with him again since.

However, right before we left for food, she sent this:

Wife: And BTW my pussy has felt very sad…it needs to get railed. *wink*

F: Oh my…looking forward to helping with that.

Wife: That’s what I’m hoping for haha.

After that we left for dinner. Then two hours later, while we were all at dinner, she reached out to him again:

Wife: And for you to cum down my throat again *wink*

F: That was unreal

Wife: I aim to please…literally…

F: Ohhh you do

Wife: Glad you enjoy haha

F: Very much so…sure can’t swing coming by late tonight?

Wife: It’s so gross out. And awful driving. Free tomorrow for the next two nights haha

F: Kids with me next 2 nights

Wife: Got it. What about Wednesday?

F: Wednesday starts the late nights bc of the tournament at work

Wife: Got it…well to close the gap on next week I’m also free Wednesday morning haha

Now, nothing too crazy there, but a few red flags. For one, she has been adamant she didn’t talk to him again since Saturday afternoon. For two, she knows Wednesday mornings don’t work because I’m in the office, so if she wanted to see him Wednesday, we’d have to discuss for sure (wouldn’t be able to record).

I asked her again about the last time she msged him and she doubled down on the lie and then shared all the screenshots with me as if it was all fine lol. Ultimately I don’t get it, but don’t want to make a big issue out of this.

Maybe she is embarrassed by how desperate she sounds. She is literally begging lol.
Did you ask her again because you already know the conversation, so she probably send the screenshot because she suspect you already knew?

[drstrangelove]

So it’s been awhile since I posted their chats. They had the exchange on Saturday afternoon about a day that works for them. We then went out to dinner with my family and our kids. She told me she didn’t talk with him again since.

However, right before we left for food, she sent this:

Wife: And BTW my pussy has felt very sad…it needs to get railed. *wink*

F: Oh my…looking forward to helping with that.

Wife: That’s what I’m hoping for haha.

After that we left for dinner. Then two hours later, while we were all at dinner, she reached out to him again:

Wife: And for you to cum down my throat again *wink*

F: That was unreal

Wife: I aim to please…literally…

F: Ohhh you do

Wife: Glad you enjoy haha

F: Very much so…sure can’t swing coming by late tonight?

Wife: It’s so gross out. And awful driving. Free tomorrow for the next two nights haha

F: Kids with me next 2 nights

Wife: Got it. What about Wednesday?

F: Wednesday starts the late nights bc of the tournament at work

Wife: Got it…well to close the gap on next week I’m also free Wednesday morning haha

Now, nothing too crazy there, but a few red flags. For one, she has been adamant she didn’t talk to him again since Saturday afternoon. For two, she knows Wednesday mornings don’t work because I’m in the office, so if she wanted to see him Wednesday, we’d have to discuss for sure (wouldn’t be able to record).

I asked her again about the last time she msged him and she doubled down on the lie and then shared all the screenshots with me as if it was all fine lol. Ultimately I don’t get it, but don’t want to make a big issue out of this.

Maybe she is embarrassed by how desperate she sounds. She is literally begging lol.
Did you ask her again because you already know the conversation, so she probably send the screenshot because she suspect you already knew?

I asked because I already knew, but she didn’t know I knew.

And your suspicion is correct—she didn’t share with me because she was embarrassed. No matter what she tells herself, she feels like she comes off desperate. She wants to be light and sexy, but then keeps pushing and comes off like she is begging. And then she re-reads it and feels horrible about herself and doesn’t msg him. And then days/weeks later he asks her to come over at a time she isn’t free lol.

All their conversations are her desperately talking dirty and then rejecting his proposed invites. Truthfully, it probably feels weird on his end too.

I told her to just tell him flat out when she’s free and leave it to him to make those times work. She is free every evening (not middle of night) and most times on Friday, Sat and Sunday. It’s a fairly reasonable window, but she hasn’t shared it with him and they just keep going in circles. It’s maddening to watch two people so bad at communicating.

And from my wife’s perspective, she is desperate to fuck him because it’s fun and it validates her. So she gets desperate during these talks because she’s tired of how long it’s taking.

[jratt85]

You need to figure out a way to get her into a tight dress and then a bar on weekend nights.. Nature will take it's course.

[drstrangelove]

You need to figure out a way to get her into a tight dress and then a bar on weekend nights.. Nature will take it's course.

Well we have discussed doing something like that when we’re down in Mexico in May—I have no doubt she’s nervous though.

Honestly, I’d love for her to just go meet B for a drink—no sex or anything physical, just a quick catch up. I think it would be a big boost to her confidence and decouple how she feels from F’s crazy schedule. My birthday comes next month and I may request she reconsider it.

Our sex life has been a bit strained, but we had a good talk last night. Ultimately, she is looking forward to her next session with F and she’s also annoyed with herself that she can’t get it out of her mind. Sex with me isn’t doing it for her after a month of not seeing him. She doesn’t mean to be hurtful to me, so I’m trying not to take it that way.

[jratt85]

You need to figure out a way to get her into a tight dress and then a bar on weekend nights.. Nature will take it's course.

Well we have discussed doing something like that when we’re down in Mexico in May—I have no doubt she’s nervous though.

Honestly, I’d love for her to just go meet B for a drink—no sex or anything physical, just a quick catch up. I think it would be a big boost to her confidence and decouple how she feels from F’s crazy schedule. My birthday comes next month and I may request she reconsider it.

Our sex life has been a bit strained, but we had a good talk last night. Ultimately, she is looking forward to her next session with F and she’s also annoyed with herself that she can’t get it out of her mind. Sex with me isn’t doing it for her after a month of not seeing him. She doesn’t mean to be hurtful to me, so I’m trying not to take it that way.

Well there's things that you could do to give her a similar experience using toys on her and binding her and everything but unfortunately for you she's now checked out from you on that sort of thing.. You said that when you tried to be more aggressive she just got pissed because in her eyes that's him and not you.. You in her eyes = little bitch boy that gets off on being used.. even if you tried to help her out you'd just piss her off.

You pushed yourself into a tiny little space in her mind and now she won't see you as anything other than her little bitch and if you try somehow you're pathetic for being someone you're not in her head. What can you do, officially other guys are the only ones she wants to fuck now and you have to deal with it.. even if she's in dire need of cock.

I don't know how many threads on various sites or stories I've read over the years where the husband gets her going into this lifestyle, or even shows that he wants to be submissive, and the wife just loses all respect for him and stops seeing him as a man, if human at all... especially for women that are submissive.. For submissive women, a submissive guy is typically the worst turn-off ever, especially if they feel like you want them to become dominant and like you're trying to change them. (bad idea trying to change a woman)

It's funny, I have the least experience of anyone on this site (likely) yet somehow I have a lot of insight from all the things I've read over the last 20+ years.. Welcome to being a voracious reader I guess.. I'm like a twisted version of Johnny 5.. I just need INPUT! INPUT! INPUT! (though pleasure would be nice someday)

[drstrangelove]

Thought I’d give a quick update. Was a very busy week at work and no word from F. Wife and I finally had sex this morning—first time in six days. She has dinner plans with three girlfriends tonight, so she plans to be out next 3-4 hours.

F had mentioned he’d only be available late nights this week, so I told her she was welcome to Uber to his place after her dinner if she wanted since she’d already be up. I think she was hesitant because she didn’t want to be the one to reach out first after the last convo.

So she just left now and I asked if she had heard from him at all—she said “no, why?”

So I just said I wanted to know if she was coming right home after dinner. She replied, “I don’t know—I’ll text you if I stay out. Love you,” and left.

The way she said it made me think she may in fact msg him late night, but no idea what she’ll decide. I can say she looked incredible as she left though lol.

[jratt85]

Thought I’d give a quick update. Was a very busy week at work and no word from F. Wife and I finally had sex this morning—first time in six days. She has dinner plans with three girlfriends tonight, so she plans to be out next 3-4 hours.

F had mentioned he’d only be available late nights this week, so I told her she was welcome to Uber to his place after her dinner if she wanted since she’d already be up. I think she was hesitant because she didn’t want to be the one to reach out first after the last convo.

So she just left now and I asked if she had heard from him at all—she said “no, why?”

So I just said I wanted to know if she was coming right home after dinner. She replied, “I don’t know—I’ll text you if I stay out. Love you,” and left.

The way she said it made me think she may in fact msg him late night, but no idea what she’ll decide. I can say she looked incredible as she left though lol.

What if she's lying and "dinner with the girls" turns out to be them going to a strip club or her going to get laid from someone else? Did you actually see the other women? You never know, there's thousands of stories of a "night with the girls" being them on the hunt or just a cover story for hooking up with someone else.

[drstrangelove]

Thought I’d give a quick update. Was a very busy week at work and no word from F. Wife and I finally had sex this morning—first time in six days. She has dinner plans with three girlfriends tonight, so she plans to be out next 3-4 hours.

F had mentioned he’d only be available late nights this week, so I told her she was welcome to Uber to his place after her dinner if she wanted since she’d already be up. I think she was hesitant because she didn’t want to be the one to reach out first after the last convo.

So she just left now and I asked if she had heard from him at all—she said “no, why?”

So I just said I wanted to know if she was coming right home after dinner. She replied, “I don’t know—I’ll text you if I stay out. Love you,” and left.

The way she said it made me think she may in fact msg him late night, but no idea what she’ll decide. I can say she looked incredible as she left though lol.

What if she's lying and "dinner with the girls" turns out to be them going to a strip club or her going to get laid from someone else? Did you actually see the other women? You never know, there's thousands of stories of a "night with the girls" being them on the hunt or just a cover story for hooking up with someone else.

Again, I track her phone and have access to her phone activity (texts, etc.). She was at a bistro with a few friends a couple blocks from where we live. She’s also not the strip club type lol.

As an update, on her walk home, she texted F “Are you around this weekend?”

He replied that Sunday morning might work, but it depends on work.

When she got home and showed me the texts, she was annoyed that he didn’t invite her over tonight, so I told her if I was the guy, I’d have interpreted her text as Sat/Sun and not right now.

So she replied back “what about tonight” and he never responded. She was annoyed and went to bed.

(Of note, this was fairly hurtful to me. I suggested we could fool around and she snapped back: “we just had sex this morning!” She can’t see why I’d be hurt by her actively asking another guy to fuck her right now while being totally uninterested in me.)

I can see she’s getting increasingly hurt by his lack of interest in her; rightfully so. She’s still sleeping, but my advice to her at this point is going to be to stop texting him first all together—it’s just hurting her.

I’d love to see her pivot to another option, but I don’t want to come on too strong about that, so I’ll wait a week or two and see if I can find good timing. I still think the door B opened with his drinks invite is the best bet—it’ll boost her confidence back up and potentially lead to a new bull/bf.

[residueS]

At this point, I felt either he has a girlfriend or he is intentionally distancing himself as he is afraid of another blowup (when you find her cheating again)?

[drstrangelove]

At this point, I felt either he has a girlfriend or he is intentionally distancing himself as he is afraid of another blowup (when you find her cheating again)?

Yea, I think both are possible. I mean I get him being busy as a single dad with two jobs, but you don’t turn down free pussy this good for a month unless something is going on.

[drstrangelove]

Not a good situation.

So we split a bottle of wine and watched more Love is Blind tonight. I noticed she got a bit weird at one point and it seemed likely she may have been chatting with him—she turned her phone to me to show she was chatting with her parents.

About 30 minutes later, she suddenly wanted to go to bed. She went upstairs and I checked her phone activity—sure enough, 30 minutes earlier she texted him asking “Sunday morning?”

As an aside, I’ll just pause to note how pathetic she looks to F right now. She is repeatedly asking to come over to fuck and he’s not even responding. He didn’t respond to the last text.

So she stewed on it and then decided she wanted to go to bed. She turned off all the lights while I was still in the bathroom and pretended to be asleep.

I called her out on acting bizarre and asked if she reached out to him or if they talked. She responded: “we haven’t talked.”

I knew immediately she was trying to be literal as he didn’t reply to her (so she ignored my first question and only answered the second so she could be honest). So I asked again: you haven’t texted him and he hasn’t texted you? She said “no.”

I said nothing and just waited. She paused several seconds and then pulled out her phone to show no recent texts with him. So I asked where the convo was from last night, and she scrolled down and couldn’t find it. I asked if she deleted texts again and she replied: “I don’t think so.”

Now, I’m fairly confident she just attempted to delete her last outreach to him when he didn’t reply because she was so embarrassed by it, and then perhaps deleted more than she intended—I’m not sure. Or maybe in frustration she just deleted everything.

Regardless, her lying to me again just makes all of this not work. It’s impossible to build back trust with her. I think ultimately my therapist was right that my wife simply can’t handle this dynamic—she can’t handle the stress and anxiety of dealing with F. She mentally broke during the affair because he behaved same way and now she’s going through it all again.

Apologies for the lame update. I’ve been avoiding writing about our marriage drama, but tonight’s issue was directly related to F.

[Bomerang43]

I think you should have a real conversation about all of these. And you should tell her she should forget F and find another guy. Im sure there are a lot of willing guys for your beautiful wife. With F i think it wont end good for both of you. If she still insists on F you should bury your cuck desires and stop this. Your marriage is more more important.
Have a great day

[jratt85]

Yep, conversation is key, if she's going to keep lying to you then you have absolutely zero reason to trust her and your relationship is pretty much over. The problem with that idea being we all heard how vitriolic she got during the end of the affair and how much hate she threw at you and tried to turn everyone you know against you.. What would she try to do this time? Would anyone even believe her or realize she's just trying to fuck you over.

If she's going to keep doing this crap obviously she's way too paranoid but she's already made it explicitly clear that she's never going to stop no matter what you say.. You opened Pandora's Box and there's no way to close it.. she'll leave you for him if he'd just give her the time of day..

It's sad that she's so destructive, it'd definitely be interesting to hear what happened early in life to make her who she is.. but unfortunately she is who she is and that isn't going to change. I've sat here for a few minutes trying to find something more to say but unfortunately I'm at a loss. Sorry that it's going this way for you.

[drstrangelove]

This morning went as I expected.

She has felt horrible because of his cancellations and rejections all month and was chasing a dopamine hit the last couple of nights to turn that around, so she reached out.

When he didn’t respond, it just spiraled her further, feeling badly about herself. She was so angry with him, she deleted all the texts in an effort to prevent herself from ever reaching out again. She then lied to me because she was so embarrassed for looking so desperate and she didn’t want me to see she did that.

It all makes sense, but none of it is ok.

As others have suggested, the first step is for her to stop contacting him. She can’t keep going back and forth between wanting to never see him again and wanting to see him immediately based on his availability. So right now she is “done with him,” but tomorrow she will have the urge to text him again and she’s going to need to fight that off. And not because she needs sex from him, but because she needs his validation so she can feel good about herself.

So yea, if he’s moved on—in his own passive aggressive way—she needs to allow that to happen and I need to give her the space to grieve the “breakup.”

As for her wanting to leave me for him, it’s just not the case. As for finding another bf, I think I need to acknowledge that may or may not happen—but in the short term, she’s not ready for that.

[drstrangelove]

Update.

We had a good talk this morning. We agreed she’s not going to reach out to him—if he reaches out to her, we will discuss and assess.

Ultimately, and unlike many incidents in the past, I don’t interpret her lies last night as malicious. She was embarrassed and didn’t want me to see her as she was in that moment. I can understand that and I don’t want to feign outrage that I don’t feel.