Hi again folks. Thanks for so much continued interest and feedback. It really does make it all worth while just knowing people are interested, even if just a tad bit. When you spend any amount of time writing something out for public consumption and then don't see anything written back it can be discouraging to say the least. But you guys are great and I appreciate it. So Thank you!
Well this past week sucked big time. Paige stayed sick or partly sick almost the whole time. I'm thinking now we must have had food poisoning of some type and her version must have just been far worse than mine. Anyway back to normal now so that's good.
Being that she was out of circulation for so long it really amped up her desire for a fun Friday night and her horniness is literally through the roof. She already put it on me in a big way today and now she's out on a date with Shonda. The Shonda thing is or has really become something extra ordinary. Like I was telling someone through a private message when this whole thing started with Paige and I we both were pretty clear about not being interested in any kind of meaningful relationship, just a desire for fun times together no strings attached. Well through my writings here you all remember what I said. It was mainly her desire but I was more than cool with it. I wasn't looking for her to become a girlfriend but at the same time wasn't against it either. I just never put any thought into any real emotions and feelings developing. Well obviously they did for both of us. But the funny thing is, for a girl who had zero desire for emotions and feelings she's now finding herself in two legit real relationships. The Shonda thing is becoming something serious in my personal opinion. She sort of downplays it all but I know her at this point and I can see clear signs of more than just lust. They are a couple in their own right just like Paige and I are as well. I am totally cool with this and find myself having tons of fantasy thoughts and desires. I guess it's just in my nature. I suppose a smarter man would feel a threat in all this especially after what just happened not so long ago with Jen and my Dad. But I don't really feel threatened by it at all, just aroused. I know Paige pretty well and even though Shonda packs her own version of a "cock" it's still not the real thing. Paige has those typical yearnings of a size queen from time to time and even though they play with a big strap on it can never be the same. She will always need the real thing and Shonda can't provide that. Hell I can't provide what I'm talking about either, I know that. That's just life and I accept it. But I think she knows she's found a good partner for herself. Someone who wants to be with her, accept her, encourage and help her, and always be there for her. Not many of the big cock studs of the world fit that bill so I take comfort in that.
Another reason I don't feel a threat is Shonda is on the possessive side. Right now it's all new and exciting and in a way romantic for Paige to have a woman treating her that way. But I know eventually she won't like it anymore. Not the sex, she loves that and probably will forever but the being contained and held back part. It's just not in Paige's DNA to allow that I don't think. But all that said she is on the turned on side right now about it all. That brings me to something we recently discussed about it. This falls into the evolving relationship thing I mentioned and promised to write about earlier. We had just had sex one night and started talking about Shonda and how that was going and she mentioned again how Shonda hates the idea of her having sex with me (or any man). Shonda wasn't or hasn't really offered to sweep her away or anything and due to that other relationship she's in she can't really offer Paige a full time spot in her bed or anything. But she did express a desire for Paige to cut me off, at least while they are together. The first couple of times it was brought up Paige told her we are more friends than bf/gf and we didn't have sex all the time. I understood why she told her that and it was cool with me. It's not totally a lie or anything but we are definitely in a real relationship. Anyway after the 3rd time Paige relented and told her she wouldn't sleep with me anymore. But said we were close friends and she wasn't going to break that up just because Shonda was jealous about it. Shonda was fine with this and just said she wanted Paige for herself sexually and all the other stuff was cool. Paige was quick to tell me she wasn't really cutting me off (Whew I was a little scared for a minute lol), but she was tired of going back and forth with Shonda about it. She asked how I felt about the lie and I said it was fine with me. I understand she's having a great time with Shonda and I didn't want to be the cause of that ending.
A little more about my compliance with all this. I have figured a couple of things out about myself recently. 1. is I am a total voyeur (be it visually or just being told about it). I seem to get just as much excitement from this as I do when I am actually getting it myself. Weird I know but it's another one of my kinks I've come to accept.
2. This one is pretty hard to put into words accurately I think but I'll try. Basically I think I've figured out that in some strange way I enjoy living vicariously though Paige's wild actions. I don't feel I want to be a real woman or even pretend to be a woman or anything but there is this strange thing where I sort of picture myself as her when she's describing events and it's terribly exciting for me. Very hard to properly describe what I mean but if I was forced that would be it. Looking back I think I was experiencing the same thing with Jen as well. I think it's almost some kind of worshiping type thing where I put them up on some high pedestal and start to adore them so much I imagine how awesome it must be to be them. I really do need some therapy lol.
3. Well I am a cuck at heart so I just want what makes her happy and sexually satisfied no matter what that might be.
4. Like mentioned before I am falling further and further into this submissive type role with or for her and it makes me feel very sexual to think of myself like that. I want her to be the dominate partner and take a dominate stance and find all the lovers she wants and make me sit by and accept and take it and also love it as well.
Not in the exact same words or anything but I talked with her about all that and the message was basically the same. She absolutely loved hearing it and embraced it completely. I actually think she was sort of touched by it all and maybe for the first time in a long time felt really loved. Having me admit such intimate, embarrassing things to her, especially the living through her actions really pleased her. She has her own issues and stuff and one of them seems to be a need to be worshiped and adored and with me she's finally found that I guess. She didn't word that that way either but in her own way she basically said it, she wants me to worship her.
So even though it hasn't been any big change at this point, it is going to start to happen I'm sure. This talk was just the week before last. Well it was several different conversations, some happening this past week. She was too sick to do much in the way of sexy stuff but the signs of my submission and her role as Boss were there still. I waited on her hand and foot all week. I would have done that anyway with how she felt but in the back of my mind it was playing a part as I tended to her every whim and request.
Paige is a real world girl and not a woman living for porno inspired stuff. As far as I know she doesn't read erotic stories and doesn't seem to be very inclined for following what others have done before. If she has any real knowledge of female dominatrix stuff I don't know about it yet. But she sure seems a natural for the role in my opinion. One example of this and I am still feeling a tremendous buzz about it all is she asked me to move into the other bedroom across the hall. Not like I can't come in here and sleep with her but to move my personal stuff out and let it be her room. Now the big excitement part of this and some of you will probably already know is, this is my condo and that was my room. The master bedroom I have had since day one of moving into this place. When Paige moved in she took the smaller bedroom across the hall, the guest bedroom. Now it is to be mine. The talk started because she is anticipating Shonda eventually starting to come over here more often due to her roomate and how that is all starting to play out over there. Too much drama basically. And with me accepting that a lie needs to be in place and for it to seem real we should look like we aren't sharing a bedroom. All fine and good huh? Well the domme in her didn't think she should be shacked up in the small "lesser" room, that in fact she deserved the Master bedroom or I guess "Mistress'" bedroom now. Never saw that coming in a million years but I'll be damn if it didn't make me hard as hell when she suggested it. I'm hard right now just divulging it to you all. It makes me feel weak and subservient and embarrassed and too many other emotions I can't even wrap my mind around completely. I think Paige knew that would be my reaction and she did it as much for me as herself probably. Something to make me feel that way. Something that would remind and enforce on a daily basis what's happening here. I am taking a back seat to her and she's the boss, the Mistress, the Alpha Bitch! Damn she's sexy!
So I moved rooms and will likely sleep there tonight, even if she doesn't come home. I will probably lie in there with a hard on every night wacking off to the realization that I am giving myself to her and belong to her now and she is my boss and has taken over the master bedroom and maybe one day will have Shonda and whoever else in there pleasing her. It's all so much to take in and ponder. It's slowly consuming me I think. The more all this plays out the deeper down I slide.
Oh I should have started with the more mundane stuff but see I forgot. All these things were there from the beginning, just very subtle and light I guess. Some I may have even mentioned before but wasn't thinking along the same lines then. Paige has never paid any bills here. She doesn't make a lot of money anyway and I am not hurting so I told her she could live rent free. I think in the beginning there was a pretense of her buying some groceries from time to time or maybe paying the cable bill, just help out. But it's never happened. Cleaning? You must be joking lol. I've always done all that as well. I certainly wasn't thinking Mistress and slave in the beginning about this. We have had more than a couple of talks about cleaning up better after herself but as time has passed I've just dropped it and assumed the duty of cleaning up after her. Compared to Jen she's quite messy too. Make-up and clothes everywhere. She started smoking in the house almost from the start, something no one used to do here. But she hated constantly going outside and when the weather was bad well... Cooking? Yes she does cook. About once every other week. Her specialty, Tacos! That's all she really knows how to cook so for the most part it's my job and I either do that also or bring food home after work. Been that way since day one. Some of these things did annoy me in the beginning but as time went by, well you already know. Now it seems natural and right to me. Maybe she was slowly breaking me down from day one. Maybe she had a plan for it to be like this since she first fucked me? Who knows but now it is, she got what she wanted and I feel happy and honored it has happened, so there!
Sheeeze I know I had more to say but am drawing blanks at the moment. This was a pretty long post anyway so I'll go with this for now. Might come back and add more later tonight if I think of something. She's gonna be out late for sure, maybe all night. So we will see. Read it, take it in, do whatever with it. If you have questions or whatever just ask. I've pretty much exposed myself in every way at this point. I doubt I will feel too timid to answer it lol. Later friends
I guess you'd have to see it for yourself. But if you spend much time looking around online you can find various clips of very large clits that do look a lot like hers, just smaller. I'm sure there are other women out there in the world with possibly even bigger ones though. There's always someone bigger lol. They probably just aren't into showing it off publicly or maybe they are even ashamed of it or had it operated on to make them more normal. The majority of the world doesn't like to stick out in such ways or be seen as freakish. But some do. I've asked Paige why Shonda hasn't shown it off or whatever and she says she's just not into that stuff. Feels it's degrading to put yourself out there, especially since it's 99% mostly men out there getting off on it.
