A virtual cuckold?

[newaussiecuck]

Interesting. I hope there’s more to report about this going forward.

Me too!

Not tonight though. There were very few people at the park tonight. No N2, L or old retired guy. N2 I wasn't expecting, she doesn't normally go today. The old retired guy was strangely absent. He's normally always there. I was really wanting to chat with him today.

I did see the parents of that young VN lady who has just left for overseas. So it was good to see her dog is being well looked after. I know she was worried that her dog would be left at home and not go out much. She'll be relieved. Plus, I'm still not entirely convinced that they don’t know L somehow. I could be totally wrong though. Regardless, as always I made them feel very welcome.

[MichaelW]

I was once where you are, trying to decide whether to stay or go, a wife giving me hell at home, and searching desperately for another woman to give me some sign that I had a place to go if I left. I heard it said that few men leave a woman to be alone, we almost always need to have a place to go.

There is a theory of thought that if you want something too much that karma pushes it away. In other words stop trying so hard and so desperately and things work better. At least that's the theory.

An old womanizing buddy once told me, "You aren't going to get any unless you ask."

So rather than putting yourself through all this angst of worrying about these other women, letting your mind read something that may not be there, might I suggest that you simply ask some of the girls that you find attractive if they would like to have a cup of coffee or tea sometime. If not, then NEXT! and try it on someone else. The coffee meet is non-committal and will give you ample chance to flesh out any hope for a friendship/relationship/romance.

Having said that I understand I'm not in your shoes, and only you knows what your gut is telling you.

But it sounds like you are on the high dive looking down at the water and are hesitating. Step off. The water will break your fall.

[newaussiecuck]

So after finishing dinner last night she immediately got up and went to the other coach (like she used to when on the computer). This time it was just to watch TV though.

I can say she wasn't in a great mood. Dunno why, I never said or did anything. Around 9 she got up and went to bed.

I went to the back and did a small workout and came to bed 9:45. When I got into bed she winced and said her shoulder was sore. I asked what from and she told me that she had been fast asleep and that I'd woken her up with a start and that she had jumped/flinched and hurt her shoulder as a result of me waking her up!

I didn't know what to say and she wasn't exactly in the mood for talking so I just left it be.

It's ironic that she's pissed with me for waking her up at 9:45pm, but it was apparently perfectly fine when she was coming to bed at 3am and waking me up.

Obviously there's more going on there but I don't feel responsible.

I've done nothing wrong to provoke all this last few years. When I tried to find out if I'd done something wrong (when I sat her down last year) I didn't get anything back that I could work with. I've loved, supported and obeyed her always but it was still not enough.

I've been faithful to a fault and even now struggle with talking to girls I'm interested in as I do still feel guilty like I'm doing something wrong. I know I'm a good person and hard-wired to a fault to do what's right.

Maybe it's just lack of sleep, I am feeling tired as I got little sleep again from all that drama, but I'm even reconsidering going for the after work drinks with N's department. It's not just tiredness, it's a feeling that I shouldn't be going and should go straight home instead. It's just a drink and nothing will be happening but still . . . . As LL34 mentioned, it's from brainwashing.

[newaussiecuck]

I was once where you are, trying to decide whether to stay or go, a wife giving me hell at home, and searching desperately for another woman to give me some sign that I had a place to go if I left. I heard it said that few men leave a woman to be alone, we almost always need to have a place to go.

There is a theory of thought that if you want something too much that karma pushes it away. In other words stop trying so hard and so desperately and things work better. At least that's the theory.

An old womanizing buddy once told me, "You aren't going to get any unless you ask."

So rather than putting yourself through all this angst of worrying about these other women, letting your mind read something that may not be there, might I suggest that you simply ask some of the girls that you find attractive if they would like to have a cup of coffee or tea sometime. If not, then NEXT! and try it on someone else. The coffee meet is non-committal and will give you ample chance to flesh out any hope for a friendship/relationship/romance.

Having said that I understand I'm not in your shoes, and only you knows what your gut is telling you.

But it sounds like you are on the high dive looking down at the water and are hesitating. Step off. The water will break your fall.

Yes, this is really great advice. I feel a bit like Mr Bean trying to jump into the pool from the diving platform. Very funny episode!

So in your situation did you end up going? Are you happy that you did or do you have some regrets?

[newaussiecuck]

During the last session with the psychologist after I mentioned having good feelings towards her on the weekend after all the hell she'd put me through earlier in the week he said "I can tell that you're a really good person. He said that after all that most people would probably say to hell with you and lash out etc. He said the fact that you can put all that aside and still have good feelings towards her tells me that you're a really good person".

I then mentioned that I'm concerned about feeling that way as a result of manipulation etc. That's when he said that whether you call it manipulation, or emotional blackmail or narcissism or this or that or the other thing, at the end of the day you have to decide how much more you're willing to take.

Later on he also said that he also does couples counselling and what he tells the ladies is that she can piss off her husband as much as she wishes. She can mistreat him all that she wants. She can nag and complain and disrespect him as much as she likes. You can do all of that as much as you want and nobody will stop you. But at some point after doing all of that it's you that will pay the price as eventually he will have enough and leave.

[newaussiecuck]

I went to the back and did a small workout and came to bed 9:45. When I got into bed she winced and said her shoulder was sore. I asked what from and she told me that she had been fast asleep and that I'd woken her up with a start and that she had jumped/flinched and hurt her shoulder as a result of me waking her up!

I didn't know what to say and she wasn't exactly in the mood for talking so I just left it be.

I just thought about this a bit more. I think the psychologist would call this a yellow flag. It's the first time she's indicated that I've somehow hurt her. Her shoulder was supposedly sore after supposedly waking her up while I was getting into bed.

Something to watch out for.

[newaussiecuck]

In the end I decided against going for the drinks with N's department. There were a number of reasons that I think this was the best course of action today. Maybe next time.

1. I wasn't feeling my best and would likely not have given a good account of myself in the situation.
2. The start time was a lot later than I thought. I was planning to drop by on my way home. Unfortunately I would have had to hang around for 2 hours first just waiting for the start time and most people would likely get there even later than that.
3. It's probably unlikely that N would have even gone,
4. If there is someone hoping that I was going, then it puts me in a stronger position to have them feel dissapointed and was hoping that I had gone.
5. I guess I STILL have some hope of finding a way through with wife. Being 3 to 4 hours late home would have started the weekend off terribly and I'm not wishing to give ANY ammunition to use against me right now. Again that would put me in a weaker position.
6. The person I'm wanting to get to know better right now is N2. I feel she would be the better fit of the people I know of as of now (if I haven't completely misread the situation).

[Long Lurker 34]

In the end I decided against going for the drinks with N's department. There were a number of reasons that I think this was the best course of action today. Maybe next time.

1. I wasn't feeling my best and would likely not have given a good account of myself in the situation.
2. The start time was a lot later than I thought. I was planning to drop by on my way home. Unfortunately I would have had to hang around for 2 hours first just waiting for the start time and most people would likely get there even later than that.
3. It's probably unlikely that N would have even gone,
4. If there is someone hoping that I was going, then it puts me in a stronger position to have them feel dissapointed and was hoping that I had gone.
5. I guess I STILL have some hope of finding a way through with wife. Being 3 to 4 hours late home would have started the weekend off terribly and I'm not wishing to give ANY ammunition to use against me right now. Again that would put me in a weaker position.
6. The person I'm wanting to get to know better right now is N2. I feel she would be the better fit of the people I know of as of now (if I haven't completely misread the situation).

NAC - Weekend seems like an opportunity to go for a long hike with the dog. By yourself.

[newaussiecuck]

The hike suggestion would have been real good but the weather isn't great today. Unfortunately I'm in a whole world of pain today. After not sleeping much Thursday night I got exactly zero sleep next night (Friday). Just before bed I said just 4 words that she obviously didn't like one bit and she hasn't spoken to me since, apart from one or two words to a direct question about lunch etc.

She was patting the dog and the blanket was over the dog and she was pulling it off (yes gently) but the dog's bad leg was sticking up in the air at the time. I only said "Just watch her leg" not even in a harsh or accusing way, just to let her know that her leg was in a bit of a funny spot. That was all it took. She angrily picked up her phone and jacket and stormed off into the bedroom. She didn't say a word all night even when I asked her if she was OK. I feel really aweful, with a knot in my stomach and a bit shaking from no sleep.

The worst thing was everything was fine immediately before that, it came literally from nothing. Just 4 words triggered her like I've never seen before.

This can't continue like this. I've had enough. I'm so glad I didn't provoke her by going to drinks. This is aweful enough when knowing I've done literally nothing wrong. I would feel worse if I'd gone to the drinks knowing it would piss her off.

[newaussiecuck]

There was nobody at the park tonight, so no N2. I did speak to the old retired guy this morning about her. He says she hasn't mentioned anything to him but I don't think he would say even if she had. After I said not to mention anything to anyone he said that he's 71 and wouldn't want to get in the middle of anything. So I guess he basically told me that he wouldn't say anything if she had mentioned it. If she had asked him about me I'm sure she would have told him not to mention anything to me.

I mentioned to him that he speaks to N2 a bit and I asked "she's good yeah?" He said "oh yes". That's when I asked if he knows whether she's single. He said he's not sure but she told a story one day that she was kissing some guy and her dog went absolutely nuts at him. Her dog didn't like him one bit and was very aggressive towards him. I think she ended up having to make the guy leave. Her dog LOVES me, so there's that. Maybe that's why she's always looking at me while I'm patting and playing with her dog, noticing how much her dog likes me.

When I asked if she'd mentioned anything about me after saying no she hadn't, he then went on to say that I should try it. That I should ask her and see what she says. Unfortunately that will have to wait for another day, as mentioned I didn't see her today on account of the weather.

[whosbeensleeping]

The hike suggestion would have been real good but the weather isn't great today. Unfortunately I'm in a whole world of pain today. After not sleeping much Thursday night I got exactly zero sleep next night (Friday). Just before bed I said just 4 words that she obviously didn't like one bit and she hasn't spoken to me since, apart from one or two words to a direct question about lunch etc.

She was patting the dog and the blanket was over the dog and she was pulling it off (yes gently) but the dog's bad leg was sticking up in the air at the time. I only said "Just watch her leg" not even in a harsh or accusing way, just to let her know that her leg was in a bit of a funny spot. That was all it took. She angrily picked up her phone and jacket and stormed off into the bedroom. She didn't say a word all night even when I asked her if she was OK. I feel really aweful, with a knot in my stomach and a bit shaking from no sleep.

The worst thing was everything was fine immediately before that, it came literally from nothing. Just 4 words triggered her like I've never seen before.

This can't continue like this. I've had enough. I'm so glad I didn't provoke her by going to drinks. This is aweful enough when knowing I've done literally nothing wrong. I would feel worse if I'd gone to the drinks knowing it would piss her off.

Yeah you need to get the f out of there. In my opinion.

[joel68]

Whosebeen, I totally agree.

This is no way to live. You can’t perpetually walk around on eggshells.

[newaussiecuck]

Yes agreed, it's no good. She makes things so extraordinarily toxic and then wonders why I don't want to spend time with her. Instead of adjusting and being nice and warm and supporting etc she doubles down and acts even more toxic in attempts to break me and force me into doing what she wants. I think she's frustrated that I will not break, I've even surprised myself.

I wrote before that I was preparing for psychological warfare but this is so much more than even I expected. I'm learning why I never stood up to her before.

At least I'm learning and documenting what's happening so that I won't have regrets later on.

A relationship shouldn't be like this.

[newaussiecuck]

Was scrolling through some old posts. 17th May was the last time I saw L. I can't believe it's been 2 months already. So yeah, long forgotten I think.

I took wife for lunch at a park we go to a bit with the dog (it's not a dog park). I'm glad I took her but she's very sombre and still not speaking. I gave her a few hugs but we didn't really speak. I would, but I just don't know what to say and I guess she feels the same.

I do love her, I always have and always will. However it's time to recognise that somebody else might make her happier than I could. I tried, I really tried and always did what I thought was best for her and for us but unfortunately for whatever reason it seems it wasn't enough.

I really do wish the best for her, and I'm hoping that good things come her way as I hope they come to me also.

[newaussiecuck]

I wrote this on Sunday but held onto it. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it.

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I've been trying to work out why Friday night has affected me so much, I'm still finding it difficult to breathe. We've still barely talked since, but I've had silent treatment before and didn't seem as badly affected as this time. Is it because this time it feels like the marriage is completely over? Maybe that's it or could it be more?

Why did those 4 words trigger her so badly? They were said in just a normal way, no malice. No accusation. It feels like maybe those 4 words hit a little close to home.

Why is it that even after only a few days recovery, where her leg would still be in a recovering (weakened) state my dog is running and jumping on the couch just fine over and over again without problem, just like she had been doing the previous 12 months over and over? Why did her leg hurt on that one night? She coincidently hurt it jumping on the couch just that 1 time and not the hundreds of times before or after?

Was the passive aggressive silent treatment to create chaos so that we wouldn't talk about it?

[newaussiecuck]

I wrote this last night (Monday) but didn't get to post it until now.

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Things thawed marginally late last night, but not by much. I did kiss her goodbye this morning, I guess partly out of habit and not wanting to escalate things by breaking a daily routine, partly from being bullied into giving some affection to keep some peace. I also still hated seeing her so broken yesterday, again was it an act? The kiss did feel surprisingly nice though, sigh and 1 kiss turned into 3 pecks on the lips.

I guess I'm still finding it very difficult to be "mean" when someone shows such distress. Yes I know, I'm in much distress myself and need to look after myself much better. I was actually feeling pretty sick last night from the lack of sleep, a bit dizzy and shaking. It had been Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights with very little sleep.

Tonight at the park N2 was there! First time seeing her since last Tuesday. Not sure but she felt a bit distant today, at least at the start but I think she warmed up a bit more at the end. I think maybe she was dissapointed in the way I handled an incident last week, will explain what that was later. I actually think I handled it well, but she didn't realise the full circumstances. There was someone else there that might have thrown her also.

I asked her to play a game of piggy in the middle throwing the tennis ball to each other with her dog chasing it in between. I think she enjoyed that quite a lot, and we got a few others involved so was 4 of us playing in the end. I also got a chance to tell her where I work, so maybe she's filed that away.

Later we threw the ball for her dog to chase. Interestingly he actually started bringing the ball to me instead of N2 quite a few times. That was unexpected!

Last time I saw her there were two kids causing some trouble. She actually looked at me to make sure I knew what they were doing. I think maybe she was dissapointed thinking about it later on that I didn't man up and boot them out, however I know the kids a little and I think that would have turned out prettty bad so I resisted the temptation to look like a hero (I'm also trying hard not to people please). However I did boot them Thursday (when N2 wasn't there unfortunately) as the situation was different and warranted it. On Thursday their dog was scaring another dog so I was able to make it about the dogs and not about them, so no reason for them to feel attacked and threatened.

I think one of the kids is legit crazy, he doesn't look right, so I didn’t want to give him a reason to retaliate later. I actually think he would come back later by himself and when nobody is around and lay out poison for the dogs to find next day in order to get his revenge. Especially on that day I would have had to make it about his actions so he would have felt attacked. It was also in front of a large group, and the chances of him wanting to retaliate in some way were pretty high in my opinion.

He had once threatened a lady who asked him to leave by saying he would train his dog (a German Shepherd puppy) to kill her dog once it grows up. So yes he's crazy and needed to be treated carefully. So at least I was able to explain to N2 and the small group how and why I handled things the way that I did, and how I handled things on the Thursday when I got him to leave. Hopefully she understands now and can appreciate my tact.

There was someone else there tonight, J!!! Remember her, I'm pretty certain she knows L. She waved to me and I waved back when I arrived but I went straight over to N2 and hung around her for a bit first. I briefly chatted to J but kept my distance and then broke away to ask N2 to play the game. Maybe 10 to 15 minutes later J called out goodbye (friendly) and waved while I was playing with N2 and her dog.

So if J does know L then she might let her know I'm getting a bit friendly with someone else. Not that it's the reason I was playing with N2. I want to get to know her better, so I don't want to be running off chatting to J. Especially since last time J was there about 6 weeks ago I spoke to her exclusively and didn't make it over to talk to N2.

[ResponsibullCummings]

Your wife's over reaction to your mention to watch out fir the dig's injured leg might have been a tell that she did intentionally injure the dog to keep you from the dog park. An innocent person shouldn't react the way she did but if she did it intentionally she might have took i as an accusation even though it wasn't.

[newaussiecuck]

Your wife's over reaction to your mention to watch out fir the dig's injured leg might have been a tell that she did intentionally injure the dog to keep you from the dog park. An innocent person shouldn't react the way she did but if she did it intentionally she might have took i as an accusation even though it wasn't.

I agree, it's the most logical explanation. She had motive (attempt to keep me from the park) and opportunity (I was out of the room long enough), a disturbed mindset that day, there's the very very strange over the top reaction to the mention of the dog's leg and finally the comment from a month or so back (the night she threatened suicide) "sometimes I wish we didn't have the dog so that we could spend more time together". There was also a morning about a month back when I was cuddling the dog before going to work and it made her cry, which shows signs of jealousy. It all adds up.

However it also seems very out of character, it's still hard to imagine she could intentionally hurt her, but maybe I just don't want to believe the obvious that's staring me in the face.

When she made that comment about sometimes wishing we didn't have the dog I made a mental note to look out for any signs of anything happening to the dog, and yet here we are.

The over the top reaction could also be jealousy of the dog when I expressed more concern over the dog's physical well-being than I probably have of hers. She's constantly complaining of being sore but not getting much sympathy from me due to it all being self inflicted. If she's so sore then do what normal people do and take a rest and recover.

[newaussiecuck]

I have the appointment with the psychologist today so will discuss the above with him.

Saw N2 at the park last night but the dynamic wasn't as good. I was feeling pretty off myself (lack of sleep will do that) so that probably didn't help either. Will see how the dynamic is next time. I guess I should have made more of an effort to approach and talk to her, but it didn't feel like it was as welcomed. I'm finding it hard to read her.

We still interacted a bit but I didn't feel she was very engaged. I think she's been pretty hurt in the past, so likely has her guard up around me at times which I can understand. She seemed a bit distant/thoughtful.

In all honesty though, I think I need to sort things out at home before I can get involved with someone else. Things were in a position before where it was possible to start getting to know someone, but things have turned in a direction now where it doesn't seem possible. It's not good where I can be so affected to not be able to sleep for 4 or 5 nights.

Speaking of which, wife isn't taking any responsibility for that. Telling me that I shouldn't have eaten sugar on one of the nights that I couldn't sleep. It's the same pattern, she looks for every other reason to explain something instead of what she's done.

[newaussiecuck]

Your wife's over reaction to your mention to watch out fir the dig's injured leg might have been a tell that she did intentionally injure the dog to keep you from the dog park. An innocent person shouldn't react the way she did but if she did it intentionally she might have took i as an accusation even though it wasn't.

I agree, it's the most logical explanation. She had motive (attempt to keep me from the park) and opportunity (I was out of the room long enough), a disturbed mindset that day, there's the very very strange over the top reaction to the mention of the dog's leg and finally the comment from a month or so back (the night she threatened suicide) "sometimes I wish we didn't have the dog so that we could spend more time together". There was also a morning about a month back when I was cuddling the dog before going to work and it made her cry, which shows signs of jealousy. It all adds up.

However it also seems very out of character, it's still hard to imagine she could intentionally hurt her, but maybe I just don't want to believe the obvious that's staring me in the face.

When she made that comment about sometimes wishing we didn't have the dog I made a mental note to look out for any signs of anything happening to the dog, and yet here we are.

The over the top reaction could also be jealousy of the dog when I expressed more concern over the dog's physical well-being than I probably have of hers. She's constantly complaining of being sore but not getting much sympathy from me due to it all being self inflicted. If she's so sore then do what normal people do and take a rest and recover.

Just to add, there's now two incidents of things getting hurt coincidentally.

1. The dog's leg coincidently getting hurt on the day wife was acting strange, simply by jumping on the chair.
2. Wife's finger was hurt "accidentally" by shaking her jacket the wrong way so that the zipper swung around and hit her finger. This coincidently happened within the hour that I was gone to pick up my brother from the airport for his visit. So that when we got home she was sitting at the table with icepack on her finger.

These were either both coincidences, or wife purposely did one or both of these. It's much easier to believe one such coincidence than two!

If either one of these was done on purpose then it's very deeply troubling.

[joel68]

Man, this is really getting “out there”.

This is no way to live. I hope you can resolve this soon.

[whosbeensleeping]

Reference material:
Tracy A Malone
Divorcing Your Narcissist: You Can't Make This Shit Up

[newaussiecuck]

Man, this is really getting “out there”.

This is no way to live. I hope you can resolve this soon.

Thanks Joel, I hope so too.

Even now it's just so very hard for me to believe all of this, but when I can think about it logically and objectively every piece seems to fit.

However there are other things I've written about here that I would have never believed in a million years could happen but did in fact happen. So if they were true . . . . . . .

I had the session with psychologist and I let him know all that happened this week and how I'm feeling very not OK.

He reminded me that he can't tell me what I should do, but then he said "however . . . . if you were for instance to make such a decision then what would you need to consider". It's very clear what he thinks I should do, without actually saying it.

Every time I doubt myself I need to remember the way she disregarded my update on my dad's health, when her eyes glazed over and then she smiled and began typing away before I'd even finished giving the update on his condition. I need to keep remembering that moment, I don't know who could do that.

[newaussiecuck]

Reference material:
Tracy A Malone
Divorcing Your Narcissist: You Can't Make This Shit Up

Thanks I'll definitely check this out. Falls right in line with the homework I've been given this week.

[joel68]

The psychologists never tell you what to do. That's standard behavior from what I have heard over the years.

I also heard that they never say you are cured. If they do, then you won't keep coming back. Just sayin'.

But I do hope you come to some kind of resolution soon.