A virtual cuckold?

[gordon921]

That's all he and your mom could hope for, well done. Now reflect.

[Whosbeensleeping]

Bravo to you guys for honouring him in that way. I'm sure you're right that he'd have been pleased. I agree with Gordon, that some time for reflection is well warranted. My thoughts go with you.

[newaussiecuck]

Thanks guys, yes this last week or so (even last few months) have been a whirlwind so now time to settle down and reflect and process things and move on. I'm returning home today so looking forward to reconnecting with my wife when I return. We've been texting and talking each day and things are still good there.

I have a few personal items of my dad's that I'm bringing home with me, so it feels great to have something of his to keep with me.

[newaussiecuck]

To change the topic, I wanted to write and close the loop on park girl. I alluded to the fact that I saw her again, but from a distance. I'd like to tell the story of what happened there. It's interesting and vindicates some of the suspicions that I had. Yes, it's weird!

I was at the dog park later the same day that I heard the news of my dad's passing. I was in a much better mental state than I was when I heard of his first ambulance ride. I was completely devastated that day as I thought I had forever missed the chance to tell him what I needed to say, and to see him again after such a long time. His passing was very sad but probably hit me later when I returned to my home-town.

So I was at the park and I looked out and saw park girl 2.0 walking along a path with her dog towards the park. I only saw her for a few seconds as the path was between two trees. I clearly saw her and her dog and I looked away and when I looked back a few seconds later she was gone. Thinking she had stepped off the path with her dog briefly, I continued to watch waiting for her to reappear. I saw a flash of white and then I saw her. Park girl! The flash of white was park girl's dog.

I saw park girl 2.0 and then park girl right after in the same spot! That confirms the suspicion I had all along. Park girl 2.0 must be park girls older sister!!!! WTF, and yes that is weird. I'm now almost certain that other lady I saw that day a few weeks back was their mum.

I kept glancing in the direction but basically pretending not to see either of them. I never saw park girl 2.0 again, so I suspect she might live right there somehow. Very close to the park. There was no cars parked there.

So I just ignored her. I don't know whether she saw me see her or not, probably. She didn't come into the park but walked along beside it in full view. She obviously saw me in there and I think she wanted to be seen, otherwise she would have turned around and not come near it.

I didn't go to her, I didn't smile or wave, I just glanced a few times and fussed over my dog and pretended to not see her at all.

Fast forward a few days when I was away. I got a phone call. Someone said that I had called their number and wanted to know what I wanted. It was a male voice and sounded young. He asked who I was and what I wanted. I said I don't remember calling that number and hung up. He called back, and I gave my first name, but nothing more and he refused to give his name. I'm 100% certain this was park-girl's boyfriend that messaged me on facebook (which I ignored). I was comfortable to give my first name as that is information they already had, I wasn't giving anything further though. I hung up again. He called back and I ignored the call and didn't answer. I then got a text message which I also ignored and that was that. Nothing further.

So basically I now seem to be the one being harassed if anything. I'll just continue to leave things. I'm focusing on my wife and our relationship. I have no interest in anyone else at this time.

[Whosbeensleeping]

It sounds like you and your wife are working on a new start, and that is great news.

[Chrislydi]

I applaud your progress with your wife, I'm not sure about this concentration on all things park girl, it seems to have been blown out of all proportion to me, but admittedly I've only got an impression from what's been written on here. After your father's sad demise and the hugely understandable personal grief and trauma, the shining light on the horizon is the steady progress in relations with your wife, that can now be a tremendous help to you emotionally if it's maintained. Hopefully it can become a really good part of your life to counter balance the suffering and sadness.

Chris

[cthubby]

i think my wife sexting or online play would be SOO hot.. would love to watch her in action

[gordon921]

i think my wife sexting or online play would be SOO hot.. would love to watch her in action

Don't you think that's a bit insensitive as that is exactly newaussiecuck's HUGE problem hes got with his wife.

[Chrislydi]

i think my wife sexting or online play would be SOO hot.. would love to watch her in action

Not good at all, can't you use common sense?

[newaussiecuck]

i think my wife sexting or online play would be SOO hot.. would love to watch her in action

i think my wife sexting or online play would be SOO hot.. would love to watch her in action

Don't you think that's a bit insensitive as that is exactly newaussiecuck's HUGE problem hes got with his wife.

i think my wife sexting or online play would be SOO hot.. would love to watch her in action

Not good at all, can't you use common sense?

Yes I agree. I wouldn't wish this problem on anyone including my worst enemy. Be very very careful what you wish for (or even allow if you're not even wishing for it in the first place as was my case).

1. You get zero joy or satisfaction from it as you have no idea what is being said, and aren't included in any way.
2. It's too easy for her to deny that anything is going on, plausible deniability is high.
3. If you attempt to limit or stop her you come off looking like an overbearing control freak who won't even let his wife "have friends". This is very damaging in itself.
4. Ability to connect online (covertly) is 24/7, there's really no off button.
5. Online, anything and everything can happen at the click of the fingers. There's no real life problems/obstacles to overcome (including laws of physics). This is impossible to compete with.
5. If she's going off to fuck someone in person then there's a clear beginning and end to the encounter. Online is relentless. There's no beginning and no end, just on and on and on it goes.

I'll stop now, but I think I've said enough to say no, this is not a good idea. If you find it hot when you fantasise about it then great, keep enjoying that and keep it in fantasy. I highly recommend not encouraging this in real life.

[newaussiecuck]

Things with us are kind of going ok, but definitely some backwards steps after my trip away. Missing the wedding and my dad's funeral is kind of a big deal with me. I wanted to watch the recorded video of my dad's service with her to at least share it with her in some way, but she doesn't want to watch it. She said maybe next month as it would be too soon for me, but I think that just means it will never happen. I'm planning for a trip away again in a month or so to see my mum again, so it will be interesting to see if she finally comes along for this trip. If not, then this will likely be a big trigger point for further discussion/action. I think she will come though.

I also didn't receive the big welcome home I was hoping for, mostly because I came home with a head-cold and she didn't want to be near me for that reason. However the distance has kind of stuck again. No more snuggles on the couch or very early to bed nights. However, they're not REAL late like they were when things were really bad. We're also taking time to do some day trips or picnics etc on weekends. So things have definitely improved there from even a few months ago.

She was online most of the day during our wedding anniversary, I was off with the dogs at the dog park for a lot of it. No sex or hanky panky on that day. Last time for sex was last time I mentioned a month or two back. However I did get a handjob on Sunday morning which is the only sexual interaction we've had since that last time I wrote about.

On a positive note, I did see at least at one point there was an indication from my wife to this other person that maybe this person should find someone else more local to them (instead of my wife). So it was at least nice to read that as a thought she's had and shared with the other person at some point. Maybe she's feeling a bit stuck with this person and doesn't know how to end it, and is hoping the other person will find someone else and then end it. Who knows, but it was at least a positive sign that I'm holding onto.

When I look back, things are definitely WAY better than they were last year for example so I just hang in there and expect a long slow grind out of this, and enjoy the good moments we have along the way, as there are some worth enjoying and the lows are becoming much fewer.

[newaussiecuck]

Lastly, onto a park-girl update. I know people are sick of hearing about it but maybe this is the update people were hoping for.

OK, so I mentioned seeing her from a distance my last update. Last week I saw her again from a distance. She was kind of near the park entrance walking away when I saw her, she was probably 100 meters ahead and walking away in the same direction I was walking to get to the park. I had a choice to make, go into the park or go straight ahead and catch up to her for a chat. I chose to go into the park and let her continue on her merry way. It felt like she was testing me to see what I would do and I felt like this was the right choice, and less threatening of the outcomes as that is still a concern of mine.

Sunday I saw a friend of hers at the park, with same type of dog that she has. We chatted for a bit but I didn't ask about her or anything. I was just good natured and in a good mood as I usually am.

Last night (next day after seeing her friend) I went to the park after work. She was standing about 30 meters off the path that I walk to get to the entrance. Just standing there with her dog, I couldn't miss either of them. It was clear to me she wanted me to see her and talk. So I went over to her and said "I just came to say hello" and I fussed over her dog a bit and she patted my dog also. General chat about our dogs etc. It was good natured enough and then I noticed someone else off in the distance, maybe 50 meters away and he started coming over. It was obviously her boyfriend and I just greeted him in a good natured way and commented about the cat he was wearing on his shoulders at the time, giving a bit of a compliment and he smiled. Basically I just diffused the whole situation, and without saying anything gave off the vibes that everything was fine and we can just be friends etc. Nothing needed to be said I don't think, but the whole encounter went off very well and left me feeling pretty good. I was happy for her and quite relieved myself. Avoidance wasn't helpful but I can also understand that from her point of view.

The whole thing only lasted a couple of minutes and then I took my dogs into the park and she walked with him to her car, and I did see them arm in arm as they neared the car which confirmed everything about him being the boyfriend. He seemed like an ok bloke and a much better much better for her age-wise etc I guess, so I am happy for her.

From my point of view (and hopefully hers too) there's no reason to be avoiding anyone anymore or things being awkward. I was left with a good feeling about things.

This was the resolution I was hoping for there. It feels good.

[Whosbeensleeping]

Glad to hear about the positive resolution with the park girl.
Hope things continue to gradually improve with you and your wife.
These things are challenging and do take time, as you say.

[cthubby]

i think my wife sexting or online play would be SOO hot.. would love to watch her in action

Don't you think that's a bit insensitive as that is exactly newaussiecuck's HUGE problem hes got with his wife.

One mans treasure another mans trash.... ok since words are so upsetting for you I will put myself on a 60 day fb ban.. starting...click!

[Chrislydi]

i think my wife sexting or online play would be SOO hot.. would love to watch her in action

Don't you think that's a bit insensitive as that is exactly newaussiecuck's HUGE problem hes got with his wife.

One mans treasure another mans trash.... ok since words are so upsetting for you I will put myself on a 60 day fb ban.. starting...click!

It was fairly obvious it was extremely inappropriate, and the OP's reply was testimony to it

Yes I agree. I wouldn't wish this problem on anyone including my worst enemy. Be very very careful what you wish for (or even allow if you're not even wishing for it in the first place as was my case).

1. You get zero joy or satisfaction from it as you have no idea what is being said, and aren't included in any way.
2. It's too easy for her to deny that anything is going on, plausible deniability is high.
3. If you attempt to limit or stop her you come off looking like an overbearing control freak who won't even let his wife "have friends". This is very damaging in itself.
4. Ability to connect online (covertly) is 24/7, there's really no off button.
5. Online, anything and everything can happen at the click of the fingers. There's no real life problems/obstacles to overcome (including laws of physics). This is impossible to compete with.
5. If she's going off to fuck someone in person then there's a clear beginning and end to the encounter. Online is relentless. There's no beginning and no end, just on and on and on it goes.

I'll stop now, but I think I've said enough to say no, this is not a good idea. If you find it hot when you fantasise about it then great, keep enjoying that and keep it in fantasy. I highly recommend not encouraging this in real life.

It's not about the trite truisms you can quote but what's this whole thread has been about, and the real heartache and strife it's caused the OP.

[gordon921]

i think my wife sexting or online play would be SOO hot.. would love to watch her in action

Don't you think that's a bit insensitive as that is exactly newaussiecuck's HUGE problem hes got with his wife.

One mans treasure another mans trash.... ok since words are so upsetting for you I will put myself on a 60 day fb ban.. starting...click!

Read again, no where did I say they were upsetting to me, I was inferring they could/would be to newaussiecuck. By fb I assume you mean facebook, sorry wrong platform, more into Instagram, snap chat etc, grandpa. Looking forward to your post on the 3rd Nov, hope you do not mind if I don't hold my breath for it?

[gordon921]

Hi newaussiecuck,

how is it going? You have been quiet for a while.

Regards
Gordon

[newaussiecuck]

Well I guess I'm posting an update finally after such a long time. I had a fair bit to deal with, grieving my dad's passing, starting a new job in the middle of workplace chaos amidst my own chaos. It was a bumpy start and they initially had some concerns until I was able to clear my head and get cracking. I just had my first performance review and it was a bit embarrassing listening to all of the praise, they said they normally like to keep things balanced but couldn't find anything to suggest where I needed to improve. Made me feel pretty good to be honest. I was missing that kind of appreciation. To be frank, I don't get it at home.

Things with the wife are about the same. On the surface I can almost fool myself into thinking things are pretty good, especially with me not being home much, but then occasionally things will come up that prove otherwise. I still find it pretty hard to get past having to see my dad on my own for the last time when he was sick, and also going to his funeral alone. I don't know how I'm supposed to get past that. I push it down, but it never really goes away. I got reminded of it again the other day when I started planning for us to take a trip up to see my mum. It seems I'm going alone again this time (we did take a trip together a few months back which was good, so was hoping for a repeat of that).

A few weeks back we had a great weather weekend and she suggested we go camping (which we used to love doing). Couple of days before she changed her mind citing me being on call at work (I already asked and work was fine with me going away for the weekend). She said we'll go next weekend if the weather is good. Next weekend came and the weather was even better but she said we'll go the following weekend instead. I reminded her that I'll be on call that following weekend. So she just it that we'll be able to go sometime in the next month or so. Disappointing.

I was putting up some blinds for her yesterday and was pretty happy with what I had done and thought she would be pleased. Unfortunately she saw fit to complain that the extension cord I used for my power tool was too long and that I hadn't packed it away the moment I finished with it (literally 5 mins before and I had jumped ahead onto the next step). Just little things but it's bloody annoying to hear that when I'm busting my rump to do something she wanted.

Sex life is back to a hand-job once a month or so.

Park girl has showed up quite a few times, and I thought we were finally able to be friends again (friends only) but then she started acting weird again so I think that's done. I also saw her sister there a few times (park girl 2.0) but haven't seen her for a couple of months now. One day I went to the park and park girl was there in very short shorts with her legs crossed away from me as I arrived. The way she had angled herself and posed all I could see where the longest legs shining in the sun. I'm sure she did it on purpose when she knew I was approaching. She got up and met me at the gate when I arrived and said she was just leaving but will stay and talk to me for a bit. So I thought she had broken up with her boyfriend and wanted to try things with me again. I didn't say anything apart from us both talking about each others dogs, but I was nice and said it was great seeing her again. Next time she came I returned the gesture and met her at the gate and briefly said hello and a few comments before leaving her alone. Later I had to take my dog in her general direction to get water but when she saw me walking in her direction she just left without saying a word. Very strange after how things were a couple of days prior. Next time I see her she's there with her boyfriend. I said a casual hello when I arrived but they both kind of rudely ignored me. Very strange and I won't be talking to her again I don't think.

There's potentially a new lady on the scene, but I probably stuffed things up there even before it began. Maybe, we'll see. I've only seen her 4 times now as she's new but I'm getting some vibes she might be interested. Last time I saw her on the weekend I was there early but after 1.5 hours I had left but she came right after I'd gone. I had taken my dog for a little walk before going home and then I saw that she was there and I went in to see her. She mentioned that she was asking the other guy there whether he had seen me and he told her I had just gone. So she made a point to tell me she was asking about me. It was during this time that I started getting some vibes from her, like getting up to make my dog run to her and then returning to sit back down much closer to me. I had seen her dog there during the week with a guy (so thought it was her partner) but she made a point to tell me it was her brother. I didn't quite hear her correctly so wasn't sure if she said brother or partner, so later in the conversation I mentioned her partner. She stopped me and asked what I had said and when I said "partner" she clarified that it's her brother. it seemed really important to her that I got that right, ie "I'm single you idiot!".

Unfortunately after spending about half hour with her I had been there 2.5 hours already and really had to go, but she seemed pretty determined to keep me there. I stayed a few more minutes but I had to make a bit of a hasty exit which is where I probably buggered things up. I forgot to arrange a "next time" or get her contact details etc. Shit, I didn't even ask her name!!!!!! Maybe she'll turn up again next weekend, or maybe her brother will come during the week again. I'm not sure whether I should chat with him about telling her I said hi, or getting her contact details. I feel like I've given her the impression that I'm not interested or available (which I'm probably not) so she mightn't even come back.

She was pretty nice to hang out with if I'm honest, so I do hope to see her again even if it's just a friendship. I catch myself thinking about her more than I should though which again is a bit of a worry I guess. I probably wouldn't be thinking about her quite as much if I had ended things that day in a better way. I was giving lots of hints and making some comments that I needed to go, but then she'd run away playfully and call my dog over to her which all kept me there longer and made it so that I had to rush my exit a bit too much. I didn't want my phone ringing asking me where I was for so long.

She lives a bit further away and it'd be a pain for her to go there to see me and miss me again like almost what happened last time. So maybe I should say something to her brother about arranging a play date for our dogs. On the other hand, I do know it's most likely that if she comes again it will probably be Saturday morning. So maybe learning from my mistakes with Park girl I should play it a bit cooler and just wait for Saturday and gauge each others feelings first. I really wished I had made plans with her to see her again, but I think she also knows I liked seeing her. I mean I did come back in to see her when I had already been and gone. She should read something into that.

Anyway, so that's me and where I'm at. Life has definitely been a lot more enjoyable for me and most of the time I can forget about my problems, but no matter what her online thing continues. No matter what I do or say or how I act nothing changes in that regard. I've sat her down to try and talk about it, I've done all her projects, I've been angry and pissed off, I've been nice and supportive. No matter what I do, it continues. I feel like she's made her choice and I probably should look towards something new. It's hard though and she gaslights and makes me feel like everything's fine.

[whosbeensleeping]

Good to hear from you. Was wondering how things were. Whew, lots happening. Nice that the job is working out well.
Too bad the online thing continues. Guess it's a kind of addiction.
Park girl 3.0 sounds like a promising diversion. As John Lennon said, whatever gets you through the night is all right.
Keep us posted.

[Long Lurker 34]

Well I guess I'm posting an update finally after such a long time. I had a fair bit to deal with, grieving my dad's passing, starting a new job in the middle of workplace chaos amidst my own chaos. It was a bumpy start and they initially had some concerns until I was able to clear my head and get cracking. I just had my first performance review and it was a bit embarrassing listening to all of the praise, they said they normally like to keep things balanced but couldn't find anything to suggest where I needed to improve. Made me feel pretty good to be honest. I was missing that kind of appreciation. To be frank, I don't get it at home.

Things with the wife are about the same. On the surface I can almost fool myself into thinking things are pretty good, especially with me not being home much, but then occasionally things will come up that prove otherwise. I still find it pretty hard to get past having to see my dad on my own for the last time when he was sick, and also going to his funeral alone. I don't know how I'm supposed to get past that. I push it down, but it never really goes away. I got reminded of it again the other day when I started planning for us to take a trip up to see my mum. It seems I'm going alone again this time (we did take a trip together a few months back which was good, so was hoping for a repeat of that).

A few weeks back we had a great weather weekend and she suggested we go camping (which we used to love doing). Couple of days before she changed her mind citing me being on call at work (I already asked and work was fine with me going away for the weekend). She said we'll go next weekend if the weather is good. Next weekend came and the weather was even better but she said we'll go the following weekend instead. I reminded her that I'll be on call that following weekend. So she just it that we'll be able to go sometime in the next month or so. Disappointing.

I was putting up some blinds for her yesterday and was pretty happy with what I had done and thought she would be pleased. Unfortunately she saw fit to complain that the extension cord I used for my power tool was too long and that I hadn't packed it away the moment I finished with it (literally 5 mins before and I had jumped ahead onto the next step). Just little things but it's bloody annoying to hear that when I'm busting my rump to do something she wanted.

Sex life is back to a hand-job once a month or so.

Park girl has showed up quite a few times, and I thought we were finally able to be friends again (friends only) but then she started acting weird again so I think that's done. I also saw her sister there a few times (park girl 2.0) but haven't seen her for a couple of months now. One day I went to the park and park girl was there in very short shorts with her legs crossed away from me as I arrived. The way she had angled herself and posed all I could see where the longest legs shining in the sun. I'm sure she did it on purpose when she knew I was approaching. She got up and met me at the gate when I arrived and said she was just leaving but will stay and talk to me for a bit. So I thought she had broken up with her boyfriend and wanted to try things with me again. I didn't say anything apart from us both talking about each others dogs, but I was nice and said it was great seeing her again. Next time she came I returned the gesture and met her at the gate and briefly said hello and a few comments before leaving her alone. Later I had to take my dog in her general direction to get water but when she saw me walking in her direction she just left without saying a word. Very strange after how things were a couple of days prior. Next time I see her she's there with her boyfriend. I said a casual hello when I arrived but they both kind of rudely ignored me. Very strange and I won't be talking to her again I don't think.

There's potentially a new lady on the scene, but I probably stuffed things up there even before it began. Maybe, we'll see. I've only seen her 4 times now as she's new but I'm getting some vibes she might be interested. Last time I saw her on the weekend I was there early but after 1.5 hours I had left but she came right after I'd gone. I had taken my dog for a little walk before going home and then I saw that she was there and I went in to see her. She mentioned that she was asking the other guy there whether he had seen me and he told her I had just gone. So she made a point to tell me she was asking about me. It was during this time that I started getting some vibes from her, like getting up to make my dog run to her and then returning to sit back down much closer to me. I had seen her dog there during the week with a guy (so thought it was her partner) but she made a point to tell me it was her brother. I didn't quite hear her correctly so wasn't sure if she said brother or partner, so later in the conversation I mentioned her partner. She stopped me and asked what I had said and when I said "partner" she clarified that it's her brother. it seemed really important to her that I got that right, ie "I'm single you idiot!".

Unfortunately after spending about half hour with her I had been there 2.5 hours already and really had to go, but she seemed pretty determined to keep me there. I stayed a few more minutes but I had to make a bit of a hasty exit which is where I probably buggered things up. I forgot to arrange a "next time" or get her contact details etc. Shit, I didn't even ask her name!!!!!! Maybe she'll turn up again next weekend, or maybe her brother will come during the week again. I'm not sure whether I should chat with him about telling her I said hi, or getting her contact details. I feel like I've given her the impression that I'm not interested or available (which I'm probably not) so she mightn't even come back.

She was pretty nice to hang out with if I'm honest, so I do hope to see her again even if it's just a friendship. I catch myself thinking about her more than I should though which again is a bit of a worry I guess. I probably wouldn't be thinking about her quite as much if I had ended things that day in a better way. I was giving lots of hints and making some comments that I needed to go, but then she'd run away playfully and call my dog over to her which all kept me there longer and made it so that I had to rush my exit a bit too much. I didn't want my phone ringing asking me where I was for so long.

She lives a bit further away and it'd be a pain for her to go there to see me and miss me again like almost what happened last time. So maybe I should say something to her brother about arranging a play date for our dogs. On the other hand, I do know it's most likely that if she comes again it will probably be Saturday morning. So maybe learning from my mistakes with Park girl I should play it a bit cooler and just wait for Saturday and gauge each others feelings first. I really wished I had made plans with her to see her again, but I think she also knows I liked seeing her. I mean I did come back in to see her when I had already been and gone. She should read something into that.

Anyway, so that's me and where I'm at. Life has definitely been a lot more enjoyable for me and most of the time I can forget about my problems, but no matter what her online thing continues. No matter what I do or say or how I act nothing changes in that regard. I've sat her down to try and talk about it, I've done all her projects, I've been angry and pissed off, I've been nice and supportive. No matter what I do, it continues. I feel like she's made her choice and I probably should look towards something new. It's hard though and she gaslights and makes me feel like everything's fine.

NAc - Remember to breath.
If you get in your head too much all the negative things get way over amplified.
Take the small good things and classify them as a win.
Been, except for the wife part, where you have been.

[newaussiecuck]

NAc - Remember to breath.
If you get in your head too much all the negative things get way over amplified.
Take the small good things and classify them as a win.
Been, except for the wife part, where you have been.

Thank you and I've taken your advice, I do tend to get way ahead of myself and into my own head too much.

Can you clarify what you mean by "Been, except for the wife part, where you have been."

[newaussiecuck]

Good to hear from you. Was wondering how things were. Whew, lots happening. Nice that the job is working out well.
Too bad the online thing continues. Guess it's a kind of addiction.
Park girl 3.0 sounds like a promising diversion. As John Lennon said, whatever gets you through the night is all right.
Keep us posted.

Thank you and to all of the people that have reached out both on here and in PMs during my absence. Park girl 3.0, I guess I will have to use that until I find out her name. I can't believe I didn't ask at least that, duh! Oh well at least she can't accuse me of creeping on her or something. Maybe I;m a bit gun-shy after what happened with Park girl 1.0.

[newaussiecuck]

So with park girl 3.0, I have only seen her on 4 occasions since I first met her. It's a bit ironic that the day I met her was the day we were supposed to be going away camping (that my wife cancelled). So the last time I saw her on Saturday was literally only a week since first meeting her, so it's all very new and very early on. Maybe nothing there but it feels like there's at least something to explore. So that's why I didn't ask for her contact details yet, was a bit soon I felt. I should have asked her name though, that's pretty bad actually but then again she hasn't asked for mine as yet. The first 3 times it was just all pretty normal meeting one of many new people that come through the park. It wasn't until the 4th time (last time I saw her) that I began to start feeling some things after she got up and came back and sat pretty close to me. I started feeling a bit more the next day when she wasn't there, I actually caught myself missing her. As Sunday, Monday and Tuesday wore on I was really regretting not staying longer and yes getting into my head that I wasn't going to see her again.

Strangely I felt relieved when I did see her brother at the park last night. We called out a bit of a hello and wave as I was walking along the fence before going in. I was still dressed in my jeans and nice shirt from work so he was asking if I'd just come from work. We chatted for a bit about what he does and about what I do. Maybe he was just making polite conversation but I guess he could also have been scoping me out just a bit. He spent most of his time there watching videos on his phone, so I spent a fair bit of time playing with their dog and she kept coming up and sitting on my lap. It was a bit obvious that the dog knew me and he looked up from his phone and smiled when he saw her sitting there on my lap for ages. Later he came over and said goodbye when he left. Although I was tempted, I refrained from mentioning his sister.

I'll likely see her again on Saturday morning, which is when she said she's going to be going to the park each week. Now I'm getting in my head again and worried my wife might decide out of the blue to decide to come along that day. I think the following week wouldn't be so bad, but this Saturday would be pretty disastrous. I guess I will relax and leave it up to fate, if it's meant to be it's meant to be. If my wife pulls her head out and starts doing the right thing then also great, but I'm experienced enough now to know it would be a short term appearance and then she'll be back to her old ways.

[Long Lurker 34]

NAc - Remember to breath.
If you get in your head too much all the negative things get way over amplified.
Take the small good things and classify them as a win.
Been, except for the wife part, where you have been.

Thank you and I've taken your advice, I do tend to get way ahead of myself and into my own head too much.

Can you clarify what you mean by "Been, except for the wife part, where you have been."

NAC - Based on your posts, similar experiences, park girls, (without the wife part) and similar head space.

[newaussiecuck]

Understood. I'm taking your advice to relax and breathe.

Feelings I'd managed to suppress by throwing myself into work and relaxing at the dog park have been rushing back this week. Thoughts of getting to know this lady (if it's even still on the cards. This week has felt sooooo long) are bringing up the same battle I had with park girl 1.0 Getting to know someone else outside of my marriage just isn't me. I feel a bit torn about it all. Like to proceed I feel like I'm admitting to myself that my marriage is over. In most respects it has been for almost 3 years now. What we had is pretty much completely gone, with some papering over the top to keep up a facade.

Pushing those thoughts aside and remembering to breath. I'm getting way ahead of myself. For now I'm just getting to know a new friend. I don't have to decide between anything yet.

After the way I've been treated for so long I shouldn't be feeling guilty, but yet I still do. Nothing has changed since I told my mum about park girl 1.0 about 6 months ago. In 12 months nothing will change unless something changes. This could be the catalyst for change in whatever form that takes.

I've decided to say no if my wife wants to come all of a sudden. Especially last year has shown me that I need friends of my own, I was doing it really tough and had nobody except for the person causing my problems.

I really hope she's there tomorrow and it goes as well as last week was going. Hoping she'll understand my hasty exit. She knows I'm married but I'm sure she's also figured out something isn't right there since I'm always alone.

Oh and her brother was there again last night and he commented how much their dog has warmed up to me.