Been talking with wife about the HW/Stag Vixen dynamic for about 4 yrs now. She has never rejected the non-monogamy concept outright and really gets off on the fantasy when we are having hot sex. She is now not rejecting the idea of going to a swing club, but not interested in committing to a lets do it on "x" night. She has been reluctant but seems willing to try "something" and I think getting in a Lifestyle club environment could be confirmation that these are normal people like us that really enjoy sex and there is nothing wrong with that - right? Anyway, I am looking for suggestions or stories of anyone in a long-term relationship that ventured into the HW/ENM/Stag-Vixen space later in life. We have been married more than 30 yrs so no one is "going anywhere".
Thanks for any input and be safe out there.
Any suggestions for gentle nudge or not so gentle . . .
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BrunetteLover
- Experienced
- Posts: 230
- Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2011 6:36 am
Re: Any suggestions for gentle nudge or not so gentle . . .
I get plenty of pushback on this, but I am firmly committed to the idea that this is a process for a woman to discover her desires with little to no involvement of the husband's goals.
Notice I do not say the husband's desires, just not his goals.
You can want very badly for your wife to have experiences, but to push the issue by immersing her in a scene in which the activity you desire is taking place all around is using peer pressure unethically. A sex club just does not seem right to me.
Taking her to a dance club in which she can dance, flirt, grind, etc. is different. There is no presumption that everyone will eventually have sex.
Take my advice. I have seen it first hand. It works.
Women need to feel desired without the intense expectation of sexual activity. Male attention is part of female sexuality. She needs to go out, get slobbered over, and go home, wanting more. Living in the moment is key. For the husband, it a kind of planned/spontaneous - for example when you think she is ready, go to a hot club in a hotel - and have a room booked. You both may use it, or she may use it with a man she meets.
My wife returned to private party stripping in her 40s. She did many parties in which little to nothing happened sexually. She did not even give off vibes that there was another menu other than dance, and the guys were mostly OK with that.
And then things started to change. It was a ways in to the development of her as an escort/hotwife and it took tons of patience.
There was a moment that I knew that we had arrived. We were at a private party, she had been dancing, stark fucking naked (except for high heels) with one guy most of the evening. And then they started walking, hand-in-hand to a bedroom. She said something to me - to sort-of check that I was good with it. I don't recall ever seeing a woman as captivated by the moment as she was, ever.
And they went in the room and fucked each other silly.
It takes patience and spontaneity.
Notice I do not say the husband's desires, just not his goals.
You can want very badly for your wife to have experiences, but to push the issue by immersing her in a scene in which the activity you desire is taking place all around is using peer pressure unethically. A sex club just does not seem right to me.
Taking her to a dance club in which she can dance, flirt, grind, etc. is different. There is no presumption that everyone will eventually have sex.
Take my advice. I have seen it first hand. It works.
Women need to feel desired without the intense expectation of sexual activity. Male attention is part of female sexuality. She needs to go out, get slobbered over, and go home, wanting more. Living in the moment is key. For the husband, it a kind of planned/spontaneous - for example when you think she is ready, go to a hot club in a hotel - and have a room booked. You both may use it, or she may use it with a man she meets.
My wife returned to private party stripping in her 40s. She did many parties in which little to nothing happened sexually. She did not even give off vibes that there was another menu other than dance, and the guys were mostly OK with that.
And then things started to change. It was a ways in to the development of her as an escort/hotwife and it took tons of patience.
There was a moment that I knew that we had arrived. We were at a private party, she had been dancing, stark fucking naked (except for high heels) with one guy most of the evening. And then they started walking, hand-in-hand to a bedroom. She said something to me - to sort-of check that I was good with it. I don't recall ever seeing a woman as captivated by the moment as she was, ever.
And they went in the room and fucked each other silly.
It takes patience and spontaneity.
Re: Any suggestions for gentle nudge or not so gentle . . .
She's not rejecting the idea outright is a big thing in itself...the time line of things varies, a lot of factors internal and external. She may have a lot of apprehensions too which perhaps haven't been discussed yet. We started out exploring online chatting (that way its anonymous and she can stop the chat when she wants). Also find the right guy matters a lot.
Hang in there. Good Luck
Hang in there. Good Luck
Re: Any suggestions for gentle nudge or not so gentle . . .
Visiting a sex party with no commitment to play can be a useful small step as a midway point. Sometimes a woman has to be a few times in the midst of people fucking before she wants to "go native." Or meets the right guy. Or the two of you can be exhibitionists by playing with each other in front of others.
There are many variants that may work.
She may fear she will lose control of her autonomy once she steps through the door. Being reassured and buttressed by you so she knows the choice of going further is hers alone might help.
There are many variants that may work.
She may fear she will lose control of her autonomy once she steps through the door. Being reassured and buttressed by you so she knows the choice of going further is hers alone might help.
Sharing your partner is a very loving act. Double her pleasure; double your fun.
Kevin Foster, The Three Marriage Enigmas: ". . . sex with a man other than her husband is simply the most erotic sex possible for a woman."
Kevin Foster, The Three Marriage Enigmas: ". . . sex with a man other than her husband is simply the most erotic sex possible for a woman."
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irishstag41
- Virgin
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- Joined: Mon Feb 14, 2022 7:35 am
Re: Any suggestions for gentle nudge or not so gentle . . .
I would encourage her to try dating apps. Chat and flirt with younger men online . Allow her that space and see how she likes it .
Good luck
Good luck
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Wantsomefunto
- Player
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- Joined: Tue Mar 14, 2023 1:17 pm
Re: Any suggestions for gentle nudge or not so gentle . . .
I think what was said about getting her out to dance and flirt is very important. Let her feel the tingle of other guys attention without the expectation that sex will happen. You can get her out in different ways, one you let her go into a bar alone like she is waiting for someone, and see what happens or two you can send her out for girls night at the bar if she is comfortable with that. Keep us updated, your adventures will be fun to hear about