I'm at the crossroad.

[punknotdead]

Hi, i believe you wont judge me in such a free place.

I have a really strong hotwife fantasy. I know a lot of people in there discover this fetish after marriage with their wives.
In my case i have a girlfriend for 3 years. Never discussed that because she made sentences implying that she is closed to these fantasies.

When should i talk to her? If i will talk before marriage i'm afraid of losing her.

Should i talk to her before or after we get married? If her respond no; second possible way should i get into a new relationship where I can live out my fantasy?

Thanks

[foxylcfc]

My question to you would be what is more important to you. Your girlfriend or your fantasy? I'm lucky enough to live out the fact that my wife has sex with other men (albeit only 2 in the 5 years we have been married). But remember these are only fleeting moments that pass by quickly and as erotic and exiting as they are at the time we still have our day to day lives we get on with.

Maybe you could make up a conversation about something you have seen online about a couple where the woman sleeps with other men and the husband enjoys it at much as she does,and try to gauge her reaction. If she's not totally negative maybe you could tell her that it would excite you and it has nothing to do with you having sex with other women.

Most of all my wife and I have a very honest relationship and can discuss anything, your biggest question could be that you obviously don't feel confidant or comfortable to discuss this which might suggest she might not be the one for you. But think carefully as it's not that common for many women to desire to the level that they would go through having sex outside of a relationship

[Farmgirl]

Hi, i believe you wont judge me in such a free place.

I have a really strong hotwife fantasy. I know a lot of people in there discover this fetish after marriage with their wives.
In my case i have a girlfriend for 3 years. Never discussed that because she made sentences implying that she is closed to these fantasies.

When should i talk to her? If i will talk before marriage i'm afraid of losing her.

Should i talk to her before or after we get married? If her respond no; second possible way should i get into a new relationship where I can live out my fantasy?

Thanks

This is seen over and over time and again. Couples that don't trust each other enough to be able to talk openly and honestly. Having the "trust talk" is the place to start.
Each should be able to be heard without their spouse judging them or shaming them. it's not much of a relationship if you can't .

[Tank Turner]

Hi Farmgirl,

You wrote it truthfully and perfectly. If a woman can't trust her husband with her most secret sexual desires and fantasies, who can she trust? Vice versa is also true. Men should know better than to judge women's sexual histories, fantasies, and desires. Men should know better to never shame women, period, especially about their sexuality.

Women love euphoric sex as much if not more than men. It's normal and natural for women to have sexual fantasies. Women must be able to confide in their husbands their sexual fantasies and desires without fear of judgment.

My wife and I have excellent communication about everything, especially sex. She can tell me anything with complete comfort of knowing that I will not judge her. I want to know her sexual desires. I do not want to guess them.

Only immature men shame women for their sexual histories. Mature, self-confident men do not.

I knew that my wife was sexually experienced the first time we had sex. After I fell in love with her, I knew I wanted to marry her. I was lucky that she said yes to my proposal. She could have been a porn star, and I would have married her. After I fell in love with her, she could have told me anything about her sexual history. I still would have married her. Love conquers all.

Oh yeah, when I was a college freshman, I had a fantasy of marrying a porn star. All of my friends knew that I was enamored of porn stars. After I married my wife, she asked me about my sexual fantasies. I told her about my marrying a porn star fantasy. She immediately replied that I did marry a porn star, just not a professional porn star. My wife is my porn star.

[Gulfcpl]

It just amazes me that couples simply can’t have a conversation. If this is the case with you two, you’re doomed. I hate saying this but I just can’t comprehend the lack of communication with couples. You’re not married so the hotwife lifestyle really doesn’t really apply here but if you have any inclination to move forward with this relationship, you need to start talking. It’s horrible to find out 30 years later that there are pent up desires that haven’t been talked about much less explored.

I’m not at all being judgmental. I really don’t care what a couple does but if you have these thoughts, you best be conveying them now, not after you’re married. I’m trying to be helpful.

[leggysman]

I agree. I know a lot of couples dance around sex discussion, feel embarrassed or ashamed, etc. I'm sure I was in those couples when I was much younger. It seems to be the norm, unfortunately, so I hope you don't feel like we're coming down on you personally.

I note that you worried about telling her before marriage, as if telling her when she's "locked in" is safer. Please reconfigure your thinking about relationships! Marriage is not a happily-ever-after with no escape hatch. On the day after your wedding, you'll be the same couple you were before it. Make your relationship what you want it to be, starting now. And if it can't be that, you should try again with someone else.

Try being confident. Be open and unashamed. Give her the space to trust you with her innermost thoughts, so that she can also feel confident and be without shame when she tells you things.

Communication really is the magic ingredient, my friend. To get there, cultivate openness about yourself, willingness to be vulnerable, and trust in her. Bring the walls down. Let her know she can trust you too. Lots of our wives initially listened to us, were accepting, understood (even if they didn't quite "get it" or fully believe us) said they would never do such a thing, until ... one day they changed their minds.

It's a process - if you're not radically open and honest from the beginning of the relationship - but once you get there, there should be no difficulty in asking her about her fantasies, and telling her about yours. She may not ever be interested in being shared in real life, but assuming she loves you, she will accept this part of you, and allow you to just be who you are.

Maybe it remains a fantasy, and maybe she makes it come true, like lots of us here. Either way, it starts with talking.

[Abrandnewstart194]

You’re asking her to make a lifetime commitment to you. She has a right to know who you are when she takes that bow, otherwise you’re starting your marriage dishonestly, and that’s not a healthy foundation.