Jane' adventure

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jane
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Jane' adventure

Unread post by jane » Fri Nov 28, 2008 5:51 pm

So i have not been with many men. My first, other than my husband was an acquintance. Friend of a friend. Long story. He got married last year though. So hubby and i put a profile on adult friend finder. After sorting through a few guys i agreed to meet one man. He is 28, average height and build, fairly cute. My husband dropped me off at the hotel restaurant, but stayed close by. Well i met the man, and for some reason we were not clicking in person like we had on the internet, and the phone. After a nice dinner though i felt almost obligated to go through with it. I know, really dumb. We went up to the room he had reserved, and we began to kiss, and fondle. For some reason it felt a little businesslike. He had some wine there, and asked if i wanted to undress. I don't drink a lot, but i downed a glass to get in the mood, then we began undressing, and caressing. When he took down his pants he asked me to fondle him. I did so, and he got hard quickly, and then he was rushing me to the bed. He sucked, not so gently , on one breast, then he had the condom on, and he was pushing in. At this point i was just waiting for it to be over. When it was over he got up fairly quick and left, like he was embarrased. Then two days later he sends a message and asks if i want to get together again. Strange huh? I'm not totally new to this, i've had a fb, but this enounter left me cold.
There's a guy who has been hitting on me, and i've put him off, but i have to believe he'd do better.

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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by Sexagenarian » Fri Nov 28, 2008 6:06 pm

Jane, sorry it wasn't much fun for you.

As I just told another poster, I'd discourage you from gettin' nekkid with someone who isn't treating you like a queen and excited as hell to be with you.

I also wouldn't bother giving a second chence to someone who seemed embarrassed at your intimacy the minute he got his jollies off.

I'll bet you're an attractive woman, you're certainly willing to be sexy, and there are plenty of fish in the deep blue sea.

Find an effbee that's really interested in you, the sex will be way better and you'll have better stories to share with your hubby as well.

Regards

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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by nvr2old » Fri Nov 28, 2008 7:56 pm

When it was over he got up fairly quick and left
We hooked up a few times with a business owner, and this reminded me of him. As soon as he got off, he hit the door with little more than a wave and a 'thanks' each time. My wife did a solo with him the last time, and it was the same shit. Pretty insulting to say the least. We thought it was to give the two of us 'our' time but realized differently after her solo with him. We finally realized that he was an asshole and dumped him. Live and learn.
It's not strange at all that he would want to see you again. He got what he wanted and really didn't feel he had to be concerned for your needs. There ARE guys out there who will truly appreciate you. Learn from this, as we did, and move on to better things.

Footnote: This sounds like the behavior of a married guy...out for a quick hit, and then rush home to the unsuspecting wife.
I have not failed...I have just discovered 10,000 ways that do not work-Thomas Edison

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jane
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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by jane » Sat Nov 29, 2008 5:56 am

I should have slowed things down, but he seemed very nice before we met. I feel like meeting people in a more natural way is the way to go, but that's a bit scary too. I'm wavering on a man that is pursuing me. He knows i'm married, and he doesn't know i'm a hotwife.

Ready4More2008

Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by Ready4More2008 » Sat Nov 29, 2008 6:14 am

A good prospect who turns into a dud in the bedroom is not unheard of but I will never understand how any guy can hold a beautiful woman in his arms and think of anybody or anything else. His loss, no doubt.

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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by Matt2 » Sat Nov 29, 2008 7:01 am

jane wrote: ... I feel like meeting people in a more natural way is the way to go, but that's a bit scary too.
It's true that people did this long before the WWW, and "yes" it was scary, which is part of the thrill. The "natural way" for us produced little frolics with close, longtime friends. In hindsight I'm surprised it didn't cause problems among our more vanilla friends but it actually didn't. But one must choose their "close friends with benefits" wisely, too, just like in everything else.
I'm wavering on a man that is pursuing me. He knows i'm married, and he doesn't know i'm a hotwife.
Does that suit your and your mate's purposes? For my wife to party with a guy she either had to know him very well or be REALLY turned on by the guy. If it was "both" then it was very special.
Long before the Internet, long before dating sites and support groups... we found that her doing a close friend now and then was kinda hot!

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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by princess » Sat Nov 29, 2008 7:06 am

Jane,
This is not meant to be judgmental but I must question why when you initially sensed that the face to face meeting was not going well, especially in comparison to the email or chat you chose to go on with the date. You mentioned a sense of obligation however in this life style, actually in any sexual relationship you have no obligation. Unless you are a prostitute you are doing this for your pleasure, not his. We have all had our share of lovers who may have been quite mediocre at best but that at least made an effort to please you. There is nothing in your story that gave me the slightest impression he was doing anything more than using you as sort of a form of masturbation. God knows there is no shortage of men willing to fuck you but I suspect you are looking for a bit more than just a fuck. Additionally if the situation does not feel right remember it my not just be a lousy fuck but you could find yourself with some sick son of a bitch that will hurt you. Regardless of how deep you are into a date if it doesn't feel right, cut your losses and get the hell out of there.
Princess

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jane
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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by jane » Sat Nov 29, 2008 7:18 am

Like i said, really dumb on my part. I will say he wasn't a terrible guy, and he wasn't thoughtless. I think a big part of it was inexperience as much as anything.

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Janes Husband
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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by Janes Husband » Sat Nov 29, 2008 7:42 am

I can guarantee next time the process will be longer and more selective. Although she keeps kidding and saying "what if i meet someone on the spur of the moment?"

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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by Regular Joe » Sat Nov 29, 2008 8:17 am

Maybe the guy was a little on the nervous side during that first encounter? I mean after all, there's nothing natural or main stream about two people getting together and meeting in person for the first time knowing full good and well they are likely to be fucking each other for the first time as well as meeting each other.

About two years ago, I met a woman online...I'm married, she's married too...she's not a "hotwife" persay....and she lives two states away from me...we both drive halfway two or three times per year just to be together for a few hours....but this is neither here nor there. The first time we met after plenty of emails and phone conversations, etc we both drove halfway, knowing full good and well we would only meet for lunch, nothing more, except for maybe a kiss, MAYBE. And that's what we did....we sat and chatted in a restaurant for at least two or two and a half hours....the conversation flowed easily, unrehearsed, not rushed, the conversation just flowed smoothly and naturally, with plenty of looking into each other's eye's, sort of peering into each other's soul I guess....long story made short, we walked each other out to the parking lot and kissed goodbye. As soon as our mouths met it was like lightning had struck right there between us...I knew right then and there that I had to experience the love this woman was willing to share with me. We finally ended up getting together about six weeks later, same town except we skipped lunch until AFTERWARDS....I rented the room, but even going in this time we both agreed that nothing might not happen, but we weren't going to rule it out either....anyway, that first time...was the first time I had penetrated another woman besides my wife in many many years.....needless to say, I did not last long at all once inside of her warmth and wetness.

We still get together when it's do-able for both of us...each time has been better and better. So maybe Jane, maybe with the guy you were with, maybe it was just the curse of the first time? I have had other first times that were spontaneous and hot as hell....but in my 47 years of being alive, the hot one's that happen spontaneously seem to be few and far between as compared to other experiences where the two parties feel each other out by communicating, getting acquainted first, etc...

Just my two cents worth on the subject...I do wish you the best of luck on all of your future endeavors though!! And please keep posting here because even the not so good experiences are worth reading about....I think it helps all of us learn more about ourselves to learn from other's experiences whether they be good or bad.

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jane
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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by jane » Sat Nov 29, 2008 12:29 pm

I've been shy up until now about posting much. I will continue where there is interest. There is a man i have been considering, but i had a better idea today. A man i use to work with is newly single, and i'm thinking of comforting him perhaps. He's japanese-american, so that would be new for me.

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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by reese » Sat Nov 29, 2008 12:33 pm

jane....dont give up.
A for effort.
I am sorry that you didnt enjoy yourself as much...I can only tell you from my experiences...THERE are MEN out there that will take his time....and show a lot of interest in the ROLE PLAYING.............the seduction......
MAKE IT A POINT TO explain to your potential lover that role playing or flirting is important to you.
In your initial converasations....as it leads to sex talk...MAKE it clear to HIM how much of a turn-on it is for YOU when you lover plays with you....touches you...makes you want HIM........tell him what you like.........

it is so damn difficult...that first time...NO ONE knows much about the other person.....
communicate before the action gets hot and heavy.
Reese!!!!
"I think therefore I am"

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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by reese » Sat Nov 29, 2008 12:34 pm

ps...very sexy pic.
Reese!!!!
"I think therefore I am"

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jane
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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by jane » Sat Nov 29, 2008 12:38 pm

Thanks Reese. What pic? my avatar? i wasn't going to post something revealing, but the picture is so small i figured maybe it is okay. We'll see.

Sexagenarian

Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by Sexagenarian » Sat Nov 29, 2008 12:58 pm

"Thanks Reese. What pic? my avatar? i wasn't going to post something revealing, but the picture is so small i figured maybe it is okay. We'll see."

It's waaaaaayyyyy more than OK!!! :mrgreen:

Smokin' hot, IMHO!!!

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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by kat09 » Sat Nov 29, 2008 1:16 pm

Hi Jane
Welcome to the world of hot wives.
I have to agree with princess. If it seems scary get out. Also with regular joe. Both of my regular FB's were not good first fucks. The one couldn't get it up, the other was three stroke joe.LOL I think that the first time jitters for guys are a real downer for us gals. Now, if they seem nice personality wise, I usually give them a second chance. Although if, like the last guy, they are hung like a horse and just ram me they don't get that second chance.
Keep trying
kat

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jane
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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by jane » Sat Nov 29, 2008 2:09 pm

He wasn't a bad guy, just not great experience. Neither of the men i have been with have been "hung like a horse" either. My husband is still the best lover i have had. As it should be. We've been together for a few years, and know each other. I guess i will have to find one of those cocky "bull" types perhaps.

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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by jane » Sat Nov 29, 2008 4:34 pm

Actually we've had other not so hot meetings, they just didn't go that far. The first one was a guy i met on AFF. He asked for my phone number, and i gave it. Over time he got demanding, so i had to cut him off. Then there was a couple. The wife supposedly wanted the husband to play with other women. So we agreed to meet, but only the husband showed. He said she was sick. Then we met again, and only he showed. We never went any further. I don't care if he was single, but i don't like the dubious feeling of it. So meeting people online, and giving out our phone or pictures has turned me off so far. I think we will stick to people i meet in person, in clubs, or the gym, or wherever.

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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by princess » Sun Nov 30, 2008 6:10 am

Jane,
I realize there are al lot of the members of this forum that rely on or use things like AFF or other similar means to make initial contact and have several friends who have also used them. My own personal preference however is to initially meet face to face, it has worked well for me for 20 years and I am very comfortable with my ability to size a guy and the situation up. While I may have turned down some good guys along the way I have never had a an experience I have regretted. This probably works best for me since I go solo as the “cheating wife”. Besides I get a charge out of picking my “prey” and drawing them to me. I love the flirting and sort of a role reversal. I am far more aggressive in my flirtation and love giving the guy the illusion he is actually making the first real move. For the ladies who have hubby along as observer and or participant using the “personals” so the presence of hubby is made up front probably avoids some awkward situations. My main objection is that I believe it is far easier for a guy to give a far better impression of him that what reality may be. It is far more difficult for a guy to put on a good impression on the fly rather than by email or a chat room. While many men are attracted to the thought of doing some guy’s wife while he is present and despite claims I frequently read on this forum I have serious doubts most men out there are all that comfortable having the husband watching him with the wife. Back in our swinger days I remember several men did not want to “party” with my husband in the room, the reasons were almost endless. Regardless of your approach to meeting men if the situation doesn’t feel right pass on it. You may simply avoid an awkward evening or in the extreme you may avoid a seriously bad experience. For me this is no different than going shopping at the mall and while walking back to your car getting a funny feeling and turn around and go back inside, I listen to my inner voice. I believe your decision to "stick to people i meet in person, in clubs, or the gym, or wherever" is a wise decision. Good luck and good hunting :-)

Princess

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jane
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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by jane » Sun Nov 30, 2008 6:22 am

Thanks. As far as being the "cheating wife", i think i may play that, instead of trying to explain to someone the hotwife lifestyle. But it depends upon the man. Tomorrow i am having lunch with a former coworker. I don't think he'd go for cheating, so i think i will try to make it seem more innocent by saying my husband knows.

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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by JacknCarol » Sun Nov 30, 2008 6:30 am

Jane, sorry to hear you're having some disappointments--all I can tell you is it's a crap-shoot. In the beginning of us playing with others we had some not so hot experiences. Our first time ever, our real first time, was a major disappointment. I won't go into all the detail other than to say the guy wasn't what he said he was. Our second time was awesome! Our third MFM 3some was flat, like you described. Our fourth was with another couple, a young Hispanic couple (early 20s) and while the gal was sexy as hell and Bi, she had to be drunk to play and her husband only wanted to watch us play with his wife. Then we managed to build this great group of folks, men, ladies, and couples, and we've played with them, and other friends of theirs, over the years, and it's been great! But over time some have gotten married and don't play anymore, some have just drifted, and while we still have a nice group of playmates it has shrunk some. Couple that with wanting some new playmates to add to the mix and this is where we are now, trying to find new playmates again.

So we've been searching on a particular swinger's website we're members of. On Halloween weekend we had a meeting set with this guy, we'd emailed back and forth, I had his cell number, and we'd agree to meet for drinks and talk in a public place like we always do. I called the guy to tell him where we would meet but got his voice mail. Not so unusual as I almost always block caller ID until after we've met. So I left a message saying who we were, that we block caller ID until after we've met a person, hope he understands, and that I'll be calling back in 10 minutes. So I call back, and get voice mail again. Now by this time Carol is all decked out and looking sexy and hot as hell and is raring to go. So I leave another VM, this time saying "ok, this will be the last message I leave, maybe you're in a place you can't answer the phone but I will call back in 15 minutes." I also sent him an email too. I called back in15 minutes and got VM again so I hung up. We still haven't heard from him.

The next day we had another no-show from a different guy.

Last night we met and played with a new guy and it was just kind of flat. Nice guy, but no real sparks for Carol, and so it didn't really excite me either that much.

We've learned a couple of things from all this. One, our playmate friends are awesome and we are lucky to have them! Going out and looking for new playmates can be a hassle, there are fakes, there are folks who to them this is fantasy and when it comes to doing it in real life freak out and no-show because of fear, and there are just some plain old weird people out there. We met one guy 2 months ago exactly like you described Jane. The guy acted guilty, had trouble getting it up, got a BJ from Carol, then dressed and left. We think he was cheating on his wife.

Anyway, my point in telling you all this is to say you are not alone. It happens to everyone--even old hats like us--it is all a crap-shoot. There's a lot of rocks out there in the dirt of life but very few gems, and if you search you may find them, understanding that along the way there will be some disappointments.
All couples should have a hobby, this is ours... http://www.sensualsanctuary.com

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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by jane » Sun Nov 30, 2008 6:52 am

I know there are risks involved in having a fb become a bf, or sticking with one guy, but i'm thinking that might be best for me. If i can find one, nice, dependable person. Or two.

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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by deleted_user » Sun Nov 30, 2008 7:15 am

Ms. Jane,

It is truly nice to see that at the very least you have not been turned off by hotwifing due to your experience. My wife and I have unfortunately had more dud experiences than not. We have found that the net does not play into our strengths or comforts. We tend to develop friendships with people quite easily in person and most people we meet tend to find us both open, entertaining, and thoughtful,; we just have not learned to translate that to the online world yet. Nonetheless it is part of modern society so we integrate it accordingly.

As for the dynamics of relationship development and performance, Princess covered the online vs. in person aspect well. Jack mentioned the dice roll. Now I'll add my sentiment.

I have been with women where for whatever the reason I/we were not clicking as well as he had in some previous setting. Some of those scenarios continued on into a sexual experience, not everyone should have but did. Of those that should not have, for WHATEVER reason, the two of us tried again and it was better the second time around.

I am not saying give a dickhead another shot but I do advocate considering all aspects of a lackluster experience. As many persons on this forum have stated, the bfore orgasm motivation is FAR different from the post orgasm reality.

Either way, thank you for sharing YOUR experience and feelings on the subject. It it PRECISELY these types of postings, and the response that typically follow that make this forum a community.

Thanks!

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James Elena
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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by James Elena » Sun Nov 30, 2008 8:34 am

I am so sorry to hear that your experience did not go well, but encouraged that you are still willing to try again, just being more choosy the next time. Your experience reminds me of one we had very early on when James and I decided to take the proverbial plunge into HWing. I won't go into all of the details, but suffice it to say that whenever we refer back to that event we call him 'the automaton'. He was nice enough in conversation beforehand, but once the sex started he was routine, never once saying a word to me other than to tell me what position to take...nothing. As a matter of fact, he would talk to James, while fucking me, about politics or sports. Go figure?! When it was over, he left quickly and quietly, not even saying thanks nor a word of praise or appreciation for being with me/us, and we never heard from him again. In sum, afterwards, when James and I were talking about it, the only words I could use to describe it were that I'd felt 'used' and 'dirty'. As someone else here said, if the guy isn't treating you like a queen, doesn't make you feel totally special, then he isn't worth it. There are plenty of guys out there, so be patient and very choosy. The man needs to realize just how lucky he is to be invited into your 'bedroom' (figuratively or literally), and must show that in words and in deeds.
Good luck.
Elena

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Re: Jane' adventure

Unread post by rock » Sun Nov 30, 2008 1:56 pm

Ah yes, and that's why I always assiduously treat E like the fantastic Princess she is. R.
But I did like the "automaton" and "spotted dick" stories. She's such an eloquent shanachie.

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