I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

For hotwives and the men who adore them.
willingtoo
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Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by willingtoo » Wed Dec 12, 2018 5:41 pm

hotwifelover31 wrote:As the resident cheer bunny, I’m excited to hear you are going to be “taken” by Anthony on Friday with Mike close by. Some might opine you are jumping back into the pool too soon, Carrie, as you have been working through the painful emotions of your past indiscretions. I, on the other hand, believe the healing you have already started experiencing and the more complete understanding you are developing of yourself and your sexual persona are allowing you to indulge your desires, cravings and needs in a safer and more gratifying manner. Hopefully, the insights, support and encouragement of you adoring OHW followers have helped as well. Most of all, Mike’s loving understanding and kindness provide the safety net for jumping back into your sexual fantasies.

I have been hesitant to comment on the extremely personal journaling of your earlier sexual experiences from the abuse of your cousin to the risky behaviors in your 20s, because it felt wrong to be turned by those. It pains me to hear how those experiences caused you shame and guilt. The work you are doing to process those experiences and emotions and the associated attachments is essential and hopefully enables you to forgive yourself and accept your sensual beauty and sexual desires as cherished gifts.

I hope Friday with Anthony is magical for you and Mike and afterwards you both relish you submitting to Anthony!

In lustful anticipation, HWL31
It's like you are in my head with where I am right now! Thank you !

hotwifelover31

Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by hotwifelover31 » Thu Dec 13, 2018 4:23 am

It's like you are in my head with where I am right now! Thank you ![/quote]

Carrie, there are a couple other of your sweet spots I rather be inside of, but I am happy I surmised yours and Mike’s thoughts and feelings in reconnecting with Anthony. I would lament, yet understand, if your sexual and submissive desires were curtailed as you worked through the emotional trauma of your premarital sexual history. I honestly believe because you and Mike are so perfectly connected and have adhered to the fundamental tenet of successful non-monogamist marriages (communication, communication, communication), I feel supremely confident you are safe going there and are going to have a blissful experience with Anthony tomorrow night. Stay wet, be happy!

With turgid excitement, HWL31

willingtoo
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Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by willingtoo » Thu Dec 13, 2018 4:54 am

aguy4pleasure wrote:
sadie wrote:
aguy4pleasure wrote:I sometimes wonder what good is done by dissecting all the events from our past that have contributed to our choices to act as we do. Yes, there are some events that are clearly "cause and effect." However, when it comes to sexual choices like yours, how does one meaningfully go about determining what is attributed to this or that. It seems to me some of who we are is made from reactions to past events, Yet, even those are intermingled with tendencies beyond our control or choice. Then, we make choices about how we will respond to that intermingled web of nature and nurture. And, those choices become a part of that brew. We seem to have a need to measure whatever comes out against some sense of "normal" and decide we are either "good" or "bad." Then, wonder how we "forgive" whatever is or has contributed to the "bad."

You have chosen a very unconventional life style. You seem to enjoy it. Did your parents aloofness contribute to your exhibitionism that then contributed to your cousin taking advantage of you at a young age? That's one way of writing that narrative. Would another be something like:

"My parents left me alone to figure out my budding sexuality for myself. Even at a young age I was flirting and experimenting with my sexual nature and passion. I teased and tempted my cousin until he gave in and seduced me. Then, he repeated his advances over and over until suddenly he stopped. Despite people then and since who have told me it was "wrong," I still found enjoyment in what happened. I've struggled with the "rightness" and "wrongness" of my tendencies, risks, and passions. Now, I have a husband who loves and cares for me and supports me in my adventures. Sometimes my risks get me into situations I don't like, but I have gotten myself out. Other times, they get me into situations I really enjoy. Now, I'm just sorting out what I like and don't like, what I will risk and what I will avoid."

Just a thought.
I couldn't disagree more completely. First there is no such thing as benign neglect when it comes to the relationship between parents and their children.

Second, you trivialize Carrie's experience as "lifestyle" that's "chosen". It couldn't be more clear to me that she's followed her heart, with the result being both intense joy and some complex pain.

Last, Carrie has for all intents and purposes been assaulted multiple times and taken the full brunt of shame that women often feel after rape etc. Many of these experiences could have come off much worse. She's also frankly quite lucky to have come through these experiences without contracting HIV or some other STI.

I'm sure she's going to be fine, I carry my own scars from the past, in my case ultimately the choice came down to understanding my demons or suicide. I sincerely wish my optimism will be borne out.
Sadie,

I agree with much of your critique of my comments.

"Benign" was an inappropriate word. "Neglect" is clear. No matter, it seems to me she had little support from her parents to help her shape her early sexual urges and experiences (let alone a healthy sense of self in general, for which she appears to me to have done remarkably well without their help).

It was not my intent to "trivialize" her lifestyle choices. Rather, it seemed to me she struggled throughout her life with the "rightness" of that choice. My intent was to encourage her to embrace her sexuality from it's beginnings rather than struggle with the "rightness" or "wrongness" of it. And, I for one, support here and elsewhere in this forum, the choices Carrie makes. Frankly, I find her posts some of the most refreshing and, if I can risk the word, "wholesome" I've read.

Further, I in no way ever want to trivialize abuse. Yes, it does seem to me Carrie plays on an edge around the abuse and that does concern me. I'll leave that to Carrie and her therapist to parse out. However, what (who was it, Aaron) did, I felt was way over a line and I was glad she ditched him. No human should treat another human in that way. And, yes, I'm clear that and other experiences like it have left scars with Carrie.

My ultimate intent was to suggest an alternative narrative upon which Carrie might consider building to both affirm her sexuality while healing from the abuse. I apologize to you, Carrie, and the forum, if you don't feel I succeeded.
No need to apologize.

Your comments made a lot of sense to me. In fact I spent a considerable amount of time thinking about what you said. Your thoughts a were significant and are part of what made me reconsider being with Anthony now so soon. I got to the point where remembering the rest of what happened before meeting Mike just reinforced the same feelings I already had from Childhood. I will explore the rest, and I have work to do, but I refuse to sit here the entire Holiday season wallowing in misery. What turns me on is what turns me on. I agree that looking for direct cause effect reason for each of my desires is not necessary. I have become what I have become and I'm starting down the road of self forgiveness and the forgiveness of others.

This from hotwifelover31 also had a influence on my thinking and decision to continue:

Some might opine you are jumping back into the pool too soon, Carrie, as you have been working through the painful emotions of your past indiscretions. I, on the other hand, believe the healing you have already started experiencing and the more complete understanding you are developing of yourself and your sexual persona are allowing you to indulge your desires, cravings and needs in a safer and more gratifying manner. Hopefully, the insights, support and encouragement of you adoring OHW followers have helped as well. Most of all, Mike’s loving understanding and kindness provide the safety net for jumping back into your sexual fantasies.

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Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by aguy4pleasure » Thu Dec 13, 2018 6:03 am

Carrie,

Thank you for your kind words. I am humbled that in some way I’ve been able to add something positive to your life and journey.

I understand you as a very strong and courageous woman. You are both able to embrace your own joy of your sensuality, but share it (at least in the forum) boldly and candidly. That takes a rare breed of person.

Please note, I refuse to use language about you that would in anyway support a victims role. Yes, you have experienced some things in your life that were clearly abusive. However, I understand you as a person who if focused, not on the tragedy of abuse, but the triumph of how you have chosen to embrace that which arouses you even if it doesn’t fit someone else’s norm. That to me is heroic.

I hold equal admiration for your husband who both supports and defends you, and enjoys your passions. My best wishes to you both.

willingtoo
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Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by willingtoo » Thu Dec 13, 2018 10:12 am

Good Afternoon,

Therapy this morning was good. She mostly listened to me tell her what I have been remembering and working on. She was pleased and said I am on the right track and have made great progress in a short time. She said people who are introspective and honest with themselves often make rapid progress once they know issues must be dealt with to have a happy life.

I told her I still had erotic fantasies with the same themes and was thinking about being with a man I have already had sex with. She wanted to know how Mike felt and I told her he was excited. She said even when I resolve the guilt and shame issues I would continue to have the same desires. They won't just go away. I'd have to work extremely hard to eradicate those thoughts and desires.

She said if I decide to do it, it would be better to have one lover instead of guy after guy like I was. Someone we could trust and would agree on set boundaries.

I stopped at Victoria's Secret and bought a "Pleated Babydoll in Flint Gray" and a slip called "Supersoft Lace Trim" in black. I couldn't make up my mind so I bought both. Both can be seen at Victoria's Secret online. I already have a lot of sexy panties IF I decide to wear a pair.

I wasn't going to write this then thought why not? I want to be as good for Anthony as I can. Men have always seemed to like the way I give oral and I learned trough trial and error. I asked Mike if he would find a video that might give me ideas of how to be even better. I rarely look at porn but I have for sure. Usually to find something specific like this.

He looked and said to search Bing and type "Bailey Brooke Mark Rockwell" a video titled "She knows her way around." I did and it did help me. Pace for one thing. I am slow but this gave me a better idea of how to be even more erotic. She does it in this video positioned exactly like I do with feet in air. Got some good ideas. Really good especially at the end. Never did anything like that. I will experiment on Mark tonight if he wants to. We won't have sex, but if he wants oral, I will experiment with him. Her feet are cute but need some lotion LOL.

I'm really excited but did get some work done this morning.

P.S. There is another and that's the one that gave me some great ideas especially the last third. It's titled, "Yong Slut gives up her pussy." Mike and Anthony will like it. Both gave me super ideas I want to practice.

Carrie

sadie

Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by sadie » Fri Dec 14, 2018 4:19 am

Mark?! How will Mike feel about Mark getting sucked off when he can't get laid? ;-).

Typo aside love, those are some fun videos and your choices in lingerie for Anthony are spectacular.

I agree with your therapist, there's nothing wrong with your desires or even how you've fulfilled them. So I'm simply glad you're feeling able to satisfy desire clearly and without the guilt and with a man who will appreciate it. <3 <3

The happy turn your story has taken has brought up a question for me. Your first post ever to ohw said you and Mike had been fantasizing about this for 5+ years and I wonder how you felt along that time .. having had lots of risky hard sex in your past, I wonder what was your emotional response and how did it change over the years? (I guess you may not in fact understand for yourself as you're working through such new understanding of your past and how it affects your present.)

S

hotwifelover31

Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by hotwifelover31 » Fri Dec 14, 2018 5:24 am

Happy Friday, Carrie and Mike! Hoping tonight with Anthony is fabulous in every way!! I’m certain Anthony understands the incredible privilege you are granting him. Will Mike be watching or just listening?

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Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by solstice » Fri Dec 14, 2018 5:38 am

Hello Carrie,
I imagine all your nerves are a jangling by now, I do hope you have a wonderful experience with Mike and Anthony, to get the full picture I looked up Victoria's Secret's for the underwear, must say I felt a bit of a wally, but love your taste.
I watched the video as well, not much foot worship, but definitely sexy.
My thoughts are with you and Mike, I'm sure you will give them both a night to remember.

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Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by solstice » Fri Dec 14, 2018 9:28 am

Sorry Carrie, I tried unsuccessfully to edit out the line on bold type as it was in poor taste. :oops:

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Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by solstice » Fri Dec 14, 2018 9:32 am

Thankfully it's gone.

sadie

Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by sadie » Fri Dec 14, 2018 9:44 am

Carrie, I know you were planning a light week wrt work, I wonder if that means you'll soon (1:30 PM here) be getting yourself ready for him? I know your regimen involves skin softening etc and takes some time and I know you're already on cloud nine in anticipation even if you have to be working.

Thinking of you dear, looking forward to hearing about the fun.

S

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Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by willingtoo » Fri Dec 14, 2018 12:32 pm

Sorry, busy day. Hair appt followed by nails and pedicure. I decided on the black slip from Victoria's Secret and bare feet. We both studied the videos (both of them) and I got great ideas for improved oral and how to allow him to enter from the rear with my feet on his thighs exactly like the video. Mike didn't fuck me but helped me get from the blowjob position between his legs with feet up to the position with my feet on his thighs gracefully. Could have been awkward without the practice. Mike thinks he will absolutely Love it. It was actually a great instructional even though that wasn't the intent. I think every girl should watch it.

Eating something light and Mike will lotion and prep my feet. I'll smoke before he gets here. I can't wait. I'm already shaking.

Carrie

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Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by willingtoo » Fri Dec 14, 2018 1:17 pm

Hey,

I have a few minutes so I thought I'd write more. I'm wearing the black slip and a short, white satin Komono Robe and just bare feet. I think I wore the robe with Brad and he loved it. Mike brought home some incense and incense vases so he can place them around the house. I wanted music of some kind so we have a 2 hour CD of Shaman Drumming. Very erotic and sexy. Great sound system in this new house so we can hear it throughout the house.

We want to talk with Anthony about a few things if we get the sense he is interested in making it a regular thing. I hope he does. Not sure if before or after the sex or maybe some before and after. Mike will be here all evening and plans to watch at least some of it and take pictures and short videos.

I am so excited and so is Mike, but we feel so much safer here at our place with Mike here. Not as much fear, but can't have everything. I prefer safe to what it was like with Aaron. Mike has met him so it won't be uncomfortable.

I want Mike to find some other videos to watch before the next time. Those videos should be a must for any girl that loves a Foot Man. Tonight I have TWO Foot men, how awesome!

Time for lotion and anything we forgot. He'll be here in less than two hours and I'm already wet.

Carrie

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Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by couple_uk » Fri Dec 14, 2018 1:31 pm

willingtoo wrote:Hey,

I have a few minutes so I thought I'd write more. I'm wearing the black slip and a short, white satin Komono Robe and just bare feet. I think I wore the robe with Brad and he loved it. Mike brought home some incense and incense vases so he can place them around the house. I wanted music of some kind so we have a 2 hour CD of Shaman Drumming. Very erotic and sexy. Great sound system in this new house so we can hear it throughout the house.

We want to talk with Anthony about a few things if we get the sense he is interested in making it a regular thing. I hope he does. Not sure if before or after the sex or maybe some before and after. Mike will be here all evening and plans to watch at least some of it and take pictures and short videos.

I am so excited and so is Mike, but we feel so much safer here at our place with Mike here. Not as much fear, but can't have everything. I prefer safe to what it was like with Aaron. Mike has met him so it won't be uncomfortable.

I want Mike to find some other videos to watch before the next time. Those videos should be a must for any girl that loves a Foot Man. Tonight I have TWO Foot men, how awesome!

Time for lotion and anything we forgot. He'll be here in less than two hours and I'm already wet.

Carrie
Lovely. We hope it's wonderful and the start of somethng really special, for you and for Mike (and Anthony of course) x
Sex is like Bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you need a good hand.

sadie

Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by sadie » Fri Dec 14, 2018 2:27 pm

willingtoo wrote:Sorry, busy day.
...
Eating something light and Mike will lotion and prep my feet. I'll smoke before he gets here. I can't wait. I'm already shaking.

Carrie
Carrie my love. Your desire to please (expressed as "sorry, busy day" in explaining that you only updated briefly) could be read as you're an incredibly perfect bottom (my preferred word for submissive).

Then again I should probably read that as you're naturally caring and simply want to be nice to all your friends here.

Of course both can be true .. the former has me just wanting to play hard with you, make you wet and wanting.

Leaving that to your partner and lover of choice, wishing you an amazing time tonight :-)

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Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by willingtoo » Fri Dec 14, 2018 6:59 pm

Hey Guys,

So much to tell tomorrow. Anthony just left. Not just juicy sex, but so much more. maybe an hour of that juicy stuff. Ever since I started this thread people said I should write a book. Now I know I should write a book after tonight! Even Since the Foot Night Party, where our "Foot Guy" connections started, It is unbelievable the things that have happened and still are happening. I told Mike, Nobody will believe a thing we write after this. Would not blame you. Yes I am stoned and a little drunk and so is Mike, so what the Fuck! Carrie

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Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by subtoall » Fri Dec 14, 2018 7:15 pm

Wonderful! Can't wait to hear all about it.

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Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by shall54 » Fri Dec 14, 2018 10:20 pm

Wow, so glad everything when well...this is the way it should work!

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Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by mundyman » Fri Dec 14, 2018 10:40 pm

Woohoo!!
Can’t wait to hear the details girl!!

hotwifelover31

Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by hotwifelover31 » Sat Dec 15, 2018 4:15 am

willingtoo wrote:Hey Guys,

So much to tell tomorrow. Anthony just left. Not just juicy sex, but so much more. maybe an hour of that juicy stuff. Ever since I started this thread people said I should write a book. Now I know I should write a book after tonight! Even Since the Foot Night Party, where our "Foot Guy" connections started, It is unbelievable the things that have happened and still are happening. I told Mike, Nobody will believe a thing we write after this. Would not blame you. Yes I am stoned and a little drunk and so is Mike, so what the Fuck! Carrie
I want a signed copy of your book, Carrie! Elated to know last night with Anthony was over-the-top. It was pure erotic serendipity when Natasha B came on MSNBC last night and all I could visualize looking at her was sweet sexy petite Carrie being Anthony’s ultimate submissive sextoy! Can’t wait to read the next chapter of yours and Mike’s intoxicating carnal journey!

In rock hard anticipation and lustful envy, HWL31

sadie

Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by sadie » Sat Dec 15, 2018 4:18 am

willingtoo wrote:Hey Guys,

So much to tell tomorrow. Anthony just left. Not just juicy sex, but so much more. maybe an hour of that juicy stuff. Ever since I started this thread people said I should write a book. Now I know I should write a book after tonight! Even Since the Foot Night Party, where our "Foot Guy" connections started, It is unbelievable the things that have happened and still are happening. I told Mike, Nobody will believe a thing we write after this. Would not blame you. Yes I am stoned and a little drunk and so is Mike, so what the Fuck! Carrie
Hehe, you may remember babe back in October I mentioned (3 times) you're just getting started ("just scratched the surface"). I've believed every word from you. As Morpheus said, "it's time to find out how deep the rabbit hole goes"!!

I'd love to see you write a book, my GF and I would be pleased to serve as your editors <3 <3.

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Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by DanEvans » Sat Dec 15, 2018 5:26 am

willingtoo wrote:Hey Guys,

So much to tell tomorrow. Anthony just left. Not just juicy sex, but so much more. maybe an hour of that juicy stuff. Ever since I started this thread people said I should write a book. Now I know I should write a book after tonight! Even Since the Foot Night Party, where our "Foot Guy" connections started, It is unbelievable the things that have happened and still are happening. I told Mike, Nobody will believe a thing we write after this. Would not blame you. Yes I am stoned and a little drunk and so is Mike, so what the Fuck! Carrie
I don’t post much but I’m the one who first suggested you write a book. You’re welcome, lol. How about an autographed first edition.

solstice
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Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by solstice » Sat Dec 15, 2018 7:41 am

Can detect the excitement and joy Carrie, you sound as if you are experiencing the same cloud nine thrill of almost two months ago,
glad things went really well with Anthony, and I eagerly anticipate lots of down and dirty details from you and Mike.
Warm cuddles,
Alex.

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Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by willingtoo » Sun Dec 16, 2018 8:38 am

Good morning this is Mike. First Carrie wanted me to post. She said to apologize for not posting. We were extremely busy yesterday with Christmas stuff we have put off and have to get done. I am not as good describing the sex so I looked up a couple videos to give you an idea. She will be more specific when she writes. I'm a visual guy so videos do a great job for me. Sorry but my writing will be very foot oriented.

It was a very interesting night to say the least. Anthony established his dominance right away without embarrassing or humiliating me. It was just his take charge attitude. He is definitely the Alpha in this situation and it's ok with me but I'm not into humiliation. He was here for almost 4 hours but not all of thast was sex. actually only an hour and a half at most was him fucking her. I watched a lot and took pictures and a couple videos on my phone. It was mind blowing to say the least. She is so pretty, sexy feminine and submissive it drives me crazy watching him fuck her. She just surrenders and he totally takes her.

Welearned a lot about what turns him on. He brought he a gift box of thigh high stockings and had her open them in front of me. He told her to put a pair on and we both watched. She is so good at leg and feet posing that she was a natural putting them on slow and sexy. He kept making comments about how pretty her legs and feet were and I just watched. I was really jealous but it was so damned exciting at the same time.

He ran the show. She has posed her legs and feet for me for years she even watched videos in the past on how to put on stockings and tease with her feet and legs. As I said I am not good at describing things like she is so I quickly found a video that shows kind of what she does but not putting them on. It's a Bing search: "Legs and Foot Tease EP2." It also shows how she touches herself but again not as goos as she acrtually is. She put on and took off two pair and we both drooled. He is as much a foot man as me.

We were out at the pool and she was on the couch and we watched her from chairs across from her. She did her usual of fucking an imaginary man as we watched. The way she moves her hips is absolutely amazingly sexy. Her toes always pointed so beautifully so fucking sexy. Check outm the video.

After that amazing show he said he wanted asome time with her alone before I came in to watch. He said about an hourand he'd let me know when I coulkd watch. He took her by the hand to the bedroom and I sat outside drinking beer.

Probably a little less than an hour she came out robe off but still wearing the incredibly sexy black slip and said I could come in when I wanted. What I saw was the most erotic, exciting, gut wrenching nerve racking scene I have ever witnessed. Another video suggestion which sums it up. XHamster search: "Hot MILF getting some BBC" and another "Fucking your white wife." He is much bigger than the guy in the video but you'll get the idea. Not just big physically but his cock has to be 9 inches amybe more.

I LOOKED UP THE VIDEOS AND THIS WILL BE BETTER:

1.TYPE xhamster.com/videos/
Then
hot-milf-getting-some-bbc-7918172#mlrelated

2. Type xhamster.com/videos/
Then
my-baby-havinfun8286-9361731#mlrelated

3. Bing search
Then
Legs and feet Tease EP2

That's all I have time for butg There will be more later.

If anyone watches the videos please let me know what you think and is it ok for videos instead of my crappy writing Mike

sadie

Re: I need to write and hopefully get people to respond. Long Sorry.

Unread post by sadie » Mon Dec 17, 2018 2:49 am

Carrie, I've held off on this post for a couple of weeks - now that you've had your return with Anthony it feels the timing is OK. I'm eagerly awaiting your account of the time with him.


I don't know if you ever look at this, the "page views" stats for your thread are *astounding* at 100,000+ in a really brief 7 months of posting. That compares to one of the most popular threads on the entire site, the Hentai husband & hotwife who, yes have accrued nearly 300,000 posts, however that's been over the course of a 5+ years.

So your thought that you might be turning on a dozen guys ?? probably low by a couple orders of magnitude :-).

As you know, far beyond our (yes deep!) interest in your erotic experiences, you have a core of friends and readers who are both pulling for you and also learning from you. As much as you may doubt that I've held back, the fact is your lucid writing has struck many chords with me that I've felt were too sensitive to me to respond to. I stopped reading for a while after the incident with Aaron, it was troubling to me and no doubt that was in part because I *was* turned on by your account even though I knew it had gone badly (you telegraphed the chauffeur bit and I was pretty sure what had happened there before you related the details of the evening.

The thing is Carrie, you relate many events that left you sickened and guilty after while also being clear that you were turned on, wet and craving (and yes also fearful with good reason). I was right there with you, relating to "yes I could see myself in that situation, feeling the same things during and shame after". I feel awful that in this I have a sense of being complicit in your having been assaulted and yet I have to acknowledge that nearly every time you relate that you were wet when something ultimately bad happened, I was right there with you. I knew that the outcome wasn't happy, yet there I was wishing I'd had the experience you related.

I don't wish to experience your writing in a purely vicarious manner and so I ponder every word and offer what little support I feel I can. Most of my friends have some related experiences and I have my own dark places I've visited and have no wish to return to.

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