The emotional/romantic component

[dinoo]

An interesting discussion here.

In principal I agree with DavaoMike when he writes:
“I personally find that the emotional and romantic component of my wife's relationship with her boyfriend adds a tremendous amount of spice and thrill. Nothing turns me on more than my wife being totally enamored with her young man!”

Now you know my opnion about this subject. Now my story.
When I saw my late wife having a sort of bond with a lover, I remarked that she enjoyed sex with this lover more natural. (That doesn’t mean she didn’t like to play around, even not to be “used”. She was adoring the lifestyle.)

I think it depends on having trust to each other and having a good communication. We were married more then 40 years when we started this lifestyle. Perhaps this was the base of having trust in each other. Our rules were very simple:
1 no rules at all (yes, of course safety rules)
2 she could do whatever crossed her way, without any exception; it was to her to decide
3 last but not least, if our marriage would suffer from it, she would stop a relationship
4 after some episodes I promised to stay as monogamous as possible because I liked it more to watch her than to participate.

That worked very well, so well that numerous times I didn’t recognize my wife at all. So I was confronted with very different types of wife. From a devoted wife to a cumslut. But I loved them all, especially the ones she seemed to have a certain level of bond for whatever reason. The way she made love to her steady black lover at our home, was one of a kind. Did she love him? When asked, she said she didn’t. Yes, she did love being with him, feeling his naked body, his dick, kissing.

Because I wanted her as liberated as possible, I told her several times not to hide any feelings even if she would fall in love, as long rule 3 was followed. Yes, I knew very well that it wasn’t a 100% secure rule. She could meet any man with whom she wanted to live with. That can happen always, being a HW or not.

In “our” club we mostly visited, she met a second steady lover. He had a huge (girth and length) dick but I never saw him with a condom on. Their sex was the most beautiful to watch, teasing each other to the extreme. So after some encounters, I saw her or him entering her pussy with his glans, only his glans. Her pussy and his glans became the “toys” to play with. I even helped them.

Then, after numerous encounters, when getting eye contact with her, sitting on top of him ( I thought she was sitting on his stomach), she pointed to me to come over.
She: “You have to kiss me because I have his (unprotected) penis deep in my pussy, finally. You have to know it happened now, it pleases me, makes me so happy.”
I love you she said to him and a long french kiss with him followed. Then she started to fuck him while kissing me again, so damned hot. After some time he left to look after his female company and my wife ensconced herself against my body, playing my penis.

I: “I’m very happy you told me. I love you for that.”
She: “I know you like when I tell you about my feelings. But that wasn’t the reason I wanted you to kiss me. Other feelings developed within me and that you have to know. I have been falling in love with him. I told him of course too and asked him if he had any scruple me putting his unprotected dick into my pussy. He kissed me as confirmation so I took his dick and put it slowly and carefully into my pussy. So you know now how we will experience our next encounters. You and I discussed it so many times so I’m quite sure you will be happy now too. Kiss me as proof you are pleased too, and having no objection either with this situation. I want to know it.”
We kissed each other, perhaps longer than ever.
She: “I love you so much accepting me as your wife who fell in love with another man. I don’t think there are many men like you. I feel grateful to be married with you.”
I: “It would be the last thing I want, you hiding your natural feelings.”

Synthesis:
We had already a very strong marriage before my wife became a HW. That became even stronger during the time she was a HW.
Could it even become stronger? Yes, is the honest answer. After her confession we loved each other more than ever.
Unbelievable? No, it was the truth.
And they? They made it very clear they had another bond from then on. I never loved my liberated wife so much.

[SammySings]

I'm more into my wife being slutty. She had an ongoing thing for a while but I quickly lost interest in that. Luckily, she likes the one night fun just as much as I do

[snoogaloo82]

Of late my posts have focused more on the emotional/romantic aspects for the women in this lifestyle to enhance the erotic potency and effect for both partners. For some, this is the third-rail of the lifestyle, while others achieve a far higher level of both sexual stimulation and even stronger emotional/romantic bonding (see http://ourhotwives.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=44100 for a recent article I wrote on a related subject). So I am curious how folks actively practicing this lifestyle, feel about it. I personally believe that women experience far greater sexual pleasure and satisfaction where there exists some degree of bonding with her lover(s) - euphemistically referred to as her "having a connection" with the other male, and whether that connection enhances or detracts from the overall experience.

Of course it's a BIG turn on for me. Any emotional attachment is usually intense and i LOVE intense!!

[DavaoMike]

My wife, Maricel, is deeply in love with her boyfriend, Adam, who lives with us. This has never diminished her love for me as her husband. I don’t feel threatened at all about the fact that my wife has a boyfriend she’s in love with. On the contrary, I find that our intimacy is deepened when she shares her feelings with me for her boyfriend.

DM

[snoogaloo82]

My wife, Maricel, is deeply in love with her boyfriend, Adam, who lives with us. This has never diminished her love for me as her husband. I don’t feel threatened at all about the fact that my wife has a boyfriend she’s in love with. On the contrary, I find that our intimacy is deepened when she shares her feelings with me for her boyfriend.

DM

We feel the same way. He has only added to our love for each other and our communication has gotten MUCH better, too!

[leo-cpl]

A very good interesting topic.

Here's my take on it...as a LS 3 yr active cpl we have played with many singles and a few cpls too. Very early on in our journey there was a single guy who really clicked with the Mrs, they would chat everyday (almost) and really clicked......we went for a couple of drives initial days and they made out but nothing beyond......it was SUPER HOT watch her chat n enjoy, we even met this guys casually (drinks only) a couple of times and even once at the movies.....it was really hot watching her flirt with him n chat , interact n have fun. They even met once for coffee only (just the two of them) and she had fun. However he started to develop feelings for her, although he didn't really ask her to act on them and never planned on act on his feelings these were openly discussed and she realized that this is not the kind of complication we needed in life. Gradually after the two drives nothing progressed any further and we stop interactions with him, he even asked to be alone with the the first time we played but wife refused saying we were in it together as a cpl. I just know the Mrs was SUPER comfy with him and she hide and deleted some messages where he expressed his feelings to not ruin a good thing but eventually....I figured it out and she confessed. She never had strong feelings just liked the NRE. After around 14-15 we connected with him and played with him once (when we had got married but thats a different story). Just played once and now no longer in touch.

Since then wife's maintained that while it is imp to her that she chats n interacts with the guys to see if shes comfortable but beyond a points doesnt want the everyday chatting etc. (i would still be open to it) coz we have been there and done that and come out stronger.

The point being wife and i like her to have a connection with the guys....where shes comfy, can be herself and enjoy even casually hanging out but its a point where they can be friendly and not beyond. IMO she feels its best this way and so far has worked for us. That being said we may soon play with a single guy who wife chats with on n off and we have met a cpl of times casually for a drink. They def have the comfort I have seen this, but I dont see her chat with him as much as she chatted with the first guy.

[snoogaloo82]

A very good interesting topic.

Here's my take on it...as a LS 3 yr active cpl we have played with many singles and a few cpls too. Very early on in our journey there was a single guy who really clicked with the Mrs, they would chat everyday (almost) and really clicked......we went for a couple of drives initial days and they made out but nothing beyond......it was SUPER HOT watch her chat n enjoy, we even met this guys casually (drinks only) a couple of times and even once at the movies.....it was really hot watching her flirt with him n chat , interact n have fun. They even met once for coffee only (just the two of them) and she had fun. However he started to develop feelings for her, although he didn't really ask her to act on them and never planned on act on his feelings these were openly discussed and she realized that this is not the kind of complication we needed in life. Gradually after the two drives nothing progressed any further and we stop interactions with him, he even asked to be alone with the the first time we played but wife refused saying we were in it together as a cpl. I just know the Mrs was SUPER comfy with him and she hide and deleted some messages where he expressed his feelings to not ruin a good thing but eventually....I figured it out and she confessed. She never had strong feelings just liked the NRE. After around 14-15 we connected with him and played with him once (when we had got married but thats a different story). Just played once and now no longer in touch.

Since then wife's maintained that while it is imp to her that she chats n interacts with the guys to see if shes comfortable but beyond a points doesnt want the everyday chatting etc. (i would still be open to it) coz we have been there and done that and come out stronger.

The point being wife and i like her to have a connection with the guys....where shes comfy, can be herself and enjoy even casually hanging out but its a point where they can be friendly and not beyond. IMO she feels its best this way and so far has worked for us. That being said we may soon play with a single guy who wife chats with on n off and we have met a cpl of times casually for a drink. They def have the comfort I have seen this, but I dont see her chat with him as much as she chatted with the first guy.

How do you feel about all this? What are your feelings about what she's doing now?

[leo-cpl]

A very good interesting topic.

Here's my take on it...as a LS 3 yr active cpl we have played with many singles and a few cpls too. Very early on in our journey there was a single guy who really clicked with the Mrs, they would chat everyday (almost) and really clicked......we went for a couple of drives initial days and they made out but nothing beyond......it was SUPER HOT watch her chat n enjoy, we even met this guys casually (drinks only) a couple of times and even once at the movies.....it was really hot watching her flirt with him n chat , interact n have fun. They even met once for coffee only (just the two of them) and she had fun. However he started to develop feelings for her, although he didn't really ask her to act on them and never planned on act on his feelings these were openly discussed and she realized that this is not the kind of complication we needed in life. Gradually after the two drives nothing progressed any further and we stop interactions with him, he even asked to be alone with the the first time we played but wife refused saying we were in it together as a cpl. I just know the Mrs was SUPER comfy with him and she hide and deleted some messages where he expressed his feelings to not ruin a good thing but eventually....I figured it out and she confessed. She never had strong feelings just liked the NRE. After around 14-15 we connected with him and played with him once (when we had got married but thats a different story). Just played once and now no longer in touch.

Since then wife's maintained that while it is imp to her that she chats n interacts with the guys to see if shes comfortable but beyond a points doesnt want the everyday chatting etc. (i would still be open to it) coz we have been there and done that and come out stronger.

The point being wife and i like her to have a connection with the guys....where shes comfy, can be herself and enjoy even casually hanging out but its a point where they can be friendly and not beyond. IMO she feels its best this way and so far has worked for us. That being said we may soon play with a single guy who wife chats with on n off and we have met a cpl of times casually for a drink. They def have the comfort I have seen this, but I dont see her chat with him as much as she chatted with the first guy.

How do you feel about all this? What are your feelings about what she's doing now?

I think she's balancing things well IMO. I do see her have a strong"er" connection with 1 of the guys we regularly play with....he is married so no alarm bells but I do love their chemistry.....wouldnt mind her playing with him alone (but she would like me to be present at all times and join )

[snoogaloo82]

A very good interesting topic.

Here's my take on it...as a LS 3 yr active cpl we have played with many singles and a few cpls too. Very early on in our journey there was a single guy who really clicked with the Mrs, they would chat everyday (almost) and really clicked......we went for a couple of drives initial days and they made out but nothing beyond......it was SUPER HOT watch her chat n enjoy, we even met this guys casually (drinks only) a couple of times and even once at the movies.....it was really hot watching her flirt with him n chat , interact n have fun. They even met once for coffee only (just the two of them) and she had fun. However he started to develop feelings for her, although he didn't really ask her to act on them and never planned on act on his feelings these were openly discussed and she realized that this is not the kind of complication we needed in life. Gradually after the two drives nothing progressed any further and we stop interactions with him, he even asked to be alone with the the first time we played but wife refused saying we were in it together as a cpl. I just know the Mrs was SUPER comfy with him and she hide and deleted some messages where he expressed his feelings to not ruin a good thing but eventually....I figured it out and she confessed. She never had strong feelings just liked the NRE. After around 14-15 we connected with him and played with him once (when we had got married but thats a different story). Just played once and now no longer in touch.

Since then wife's maintained that while it is imp to her that she chats n interacts with the guys to see if shes comfortable but beyond a points doesnt want the everyday chatting etc. (i would still be open to it) coz we have been there and done that and come out stronger.

The point being wife and i like her to have a connection with the guys....where shes comfy, can be herself and enjoy even casually hanging out but its a point where they can be friendly and not beyond. IMO she feels its best this way and so far has worked for us. That being said we may soon play with a single guy who wife chats with on n off and we have met a cpl of times casually for a drink. They def have the comfort I have seen this, but I dont see her chat with him as much as she chatted with the first guy.

How do you feel about all this? What are your feelings about what she's doing now?

I think she's balancing things well IMO. I do see her have a strong"er" connection with 1 of the guys we regularly play with....he is married so no alarm bells but I do love their chemistry.....wouldnt mind her playing with him alone (but she would like me to be present at all times and join )

sounds wonderful!!

[Dutch cuckold]

My wife definitely likes the emotional aspect and it’s a huge turn on for me to.

My wife can easily have different levels of emotions with different men, even at the same time. varying from a simple liking in case of a one night stand to falling in love with someone she really likes. This is so incredibly easy and natural for her that in the beginning of our relationship this brought conflict because I didn’t understand this. she had to learn to talk to me about how she feels and her intentions.


She made clear to me she will never leave me and intends to spend the rest of her life with me. She also feels a strong urge to have sex and sometimes a deeper connection with other men. For her these feelings are clear and orderly without her giving it much thought. I on the other hand need this talked over and made clear.


Now she talks about these feelings with me and she realizes this turns me on. We both benefit and it is a real thrill but still not always easy. I’m kind of addicted to this thrill and we both don’t want to stop what we are doing but sometimes we take things a little slower.

[Tank Turner]

My wife and I have identical priorities. Our kids are our dominant priority.

My wife loves being a mom and a wife. She loves our family. Like most women, she'll do everything and anything to protect what she most loves.

My wife loves attention from men. I've never been jealous when guy have hit on her. Guys hitting on her boosts her ego and reassures her femininity and sexuality.

Women don't spend fortunes on themselves to not attract attention.

The irony is my wife will never let another man become emotionally attached to her. She does not want another man in her life. Another man would jeopardize what she loves most. She does MFM for euphoric pleasure and only euphoric pleasure. She does love that men appreciate her and compliment her, but when sex is over, so's he with very very few exceptions that involve(d) men who were not emotionally attached to her.

Neither one of us will risk our kids finding out that their angelic mother is a bedroom porn star.

[Farmgirl]

I want an emotional connection, a lover, be it a boyfriend or close FWB. Sex for me isn't just some mechanical form of exercise, it involves all of me. I want my lover to give of himself just as I give of myself. I want to give and receive love, and enjoy the awesome sex that comes with it.

[BT2]

My wife has been a hotwife for several decades and I have been an fb. In both our experiences, you can and do form an emotional component to the other person. You'd have to be pretty cold to have intimate sex with a person for many, many months and not feel something. I even experienced "love in a safe sort of way", being that you can feel romantic towards the person without it being a threat to your husband, or wife. It has never happened to us, but if the relationship becomes romantic in the traditional meaning of the word, I believe its best to bail out before the primary relationship (husband/or wife) is negatively impacted.

[snoogaloo82]

I want an emotional connection, a lover, be it a boyfriend or close FWB. Sex for me isn't just some mechanical form of exercise, it involves all of me. I want my lover to give of himself just as I give of myself. I want to give and receive love, and enjoy the awesome sex that comes with it.

How do you differentiate between your hubby and your FWB? If roles were reversed I would be less emotional with my FWB than my sweetie. How are you able to be emotional with your FWB and still not fall out of love with your hubby. I hope that's an okay question to ask. If not just let me know. You know me. I can take a critique pretty well. lol

[Farmgirl]

I want an emotional connection, a lover, be it a boyfriend or close FWB. Sex for me isn't just some mechanical form of exercise, it involves all of me. I want my lover to give of himself just as I give of myself. I want to give and receive love, and enjoy the awesome sex that comes with it.

How do you differentiate between your hubby and your FWB? If roles were reversed I would be less emotional with my FWB than my sweetie. How are you able to be emotional with your FWB and still not fall out of love with your hubby. I hope that's an okay question to ask. If not just let me know. You know me. I can take a critique pretty well. lol

Quite easily, the same as I differentiate between my husband and anyone else. Human nature is to love many people at the same time, and it doesn't entail taking any love from any other to do it.
it takes nothing away from my love for my husband for me to love my boyfriend, my Dad (memories), my children, my grandchildren, my friends, my pets, etc. In all of these examples, there is, of course, a hierarchy of importance with love. My husband, my Number1, is the love of my life, and therefore will ever be my number one.
Love is not finite, but limitless.

My husband is very secure in his position in my life. He can't be just replaced with someone else !

[MarknSusan]

I want an emotional connection, a lover, be it a boyfriend or close FWB. Sex for me isn't just some mechanical form of exercise, it involves all of me. I want my lover to give of himself just as I give of myself. I want to give and receive love, and enjoy the awesome sex that comes with it.

How do you differentiate between your hubby and your FWB? If roles were reversed I would be less emotional with my FWB than my sweetie. How are you able to be emotional with your FWB and still not fall out of love with your hubby. I hope that's an okay question to ask. If not just let me know. You know me. I can take a critique pretty well. lol

Quite easily, the same as I differentiate between my husband and anyone else. Human nature is to love many people at the same time, and it doesn't entail taking any love from any other to do it.
it takes nothing away from my love for my husband for me to love my boyfriend, my Dad (memories), my children, my grandchildren, my friends, my pets, etc. In all of these examples, there is, of course, a hierarchy of importance with love. My husband, my Number1, is the love of my life, and therefore will ever be my number one.
Love is not finite, but limitless.

My husband is very secure in his position in my life. He can't be just replaced with someone else !

A very well written and expression of your amazing relationship and love Farmgirl.

[Farmgirl]

A very well written and expression of your amazing relationship and love Farmgirl.

Thank you, very much ! Yours comes through in your comments about your wife as well.

[snoogaloo82]

I want an emotional connection, a lover, be it a boyfriend or close FWB. Sex for me isn't just some mechanical form of exercise, it involves all of me. I want my lover to give of himself just as I give of myself. I want to give and receive love, and enjoy the awesome sex that comes with it.

How do you differentiate between your hubby and your FWB? If roles were reversed I would be less emotional with my FWB than my sweetie. How are you able to be emotional with your FWB and still not fall out of love with your hubby. I hope that's an okay question to ask. If not just let me know. You know me. I can take a critique pretty well. lol

Quite easily, the same as I differentiate between my husband and anyone else. Human nature is to love many people at the same time, and it doesn't entail taking any love from any other to do it.
it takes nothing away from my love for my husband for me to love my boyfriend, my Dad (memories), my children, my grandchildren, my friends, my pets, etc. In all of these examples, there is, of course, a hierarchy of importance with love. My husband, my Number1, is the love of my life, and therefore will ever be my number one.
Love is not finite, but limitless.

My husband is very secure in his position in my life. He can't be just replaced with someone else !

Thank you for helping me understand where you're coming from! You helped alleviate many little fears that I've been having which have now been silenced with your kind and caring words!!

[Dutch cuckold]

Quite easily, the same as I differentiate between my husband and anyone else. Human nature is to love many people at the same time, and it doesn't entail taking any love from any other to do it.
it takes nothing away from my love for my husband for me to love my boyfriend, my Dad (memories), my children, my grandchildren, my friends, my pets, etc. In all of these examples, there is, of course, a hierarchy of importance with love. My husband, my Number1, is the love of my life, and therefore will ever be my number one.
Love is not finite, but limitless.

My husband is very secure in his position in my life. He can't be just replaced with someone else !

Very well written indeed! This one fits perfectly how my wife sees things.

[MarknSusan]

A very well written and expression of your amazing relationship and love Farmgirl.

Thank you, very much ! Yours comes through in your comments about your wife as well.

Thank you for the kind words Farmgirl

[DavaoMike]

The way I see it, when my wife feels free to express to me how deeply she loves her boyfriend, and has no fear of jealousy or insecurity on my part, our own level of marital intimacy is enhanced.

[Luis]

Where can I find more topics like this? I really enjoy hearing about the dynamic of love between Hotwife and her lover while still deeply in love with her husband? It is the most delicious aspect and perhaps the most dangerous in the lifestyle. Please let me know if there are other topics like this. Thanks!

[hotfreaks]

It's an intense turn on for both of us. After years in this lifestyle we have learned that my wife can have no strings attached sex with men, but she has also developed intense emotional attraction to a few men over the years as well.

I get off on seeing her swoon and develop feeling for a few of her bulls. It definitely makes the sex much more intense for her

[Tryagain]

In all the many many years of hot-wifing, there was only one guy that she actually loved. I think the reason for only 1 guy was that I am always present for the sex - and she wants me there too - and that I believe reduces developing an intimacy that leads to true emotional involvement.

But that ONE GUY... She went head over heals for him. I mean she described it as having a true sole mate. She devours him when they had sex. She said the emotional attachment was beyond any description. When he came into the house, they tightly embraced and kissed passionately for what seemed an eternity.

He was a very smart guy. He did live 2 hours away and made himself available only once every 2 months or so. But I think that limited availability also contributed to the insane passion they exhibited together. He was also nicely hung, could go forever and had the hardest cock she had ever experienced.

If they were meeting together alone without me, I fear what may have happened.

The main point here is that on rare occasions your wife may meet someone with whom he will have an extraordinary attraction.

[wildrollercoaster]

Interesting responses so far! ...a subject I don't think discussed enough in these forums.

I think the wife entering into an emotional/romantic connection with the other male is very dangerous and can be volatile due to New Relationship Exuberance (NRE) and should only be done if the the marriage and communication are rock solid. If they are, the intensity can be off the charts.

I often look back in my past to try to understand the effect and source of erotic arousal over this. When I know she has that emotional/romantic connection, the feelings and risk of potential loss to another skyrocket, creating that sweet angst that transfers into erotic energy and physical sexual arousal - and I get that even though I am absolutely confident in my marriage and our life commitment to each other.

I've looked back on my life to try to identify when I first felt it. I eventually realized that felt it long before I ever knew about the lifestyle. I had an HS sweetheart whose family moved hundreds of miles away. She was my first sexual partner and love and quite sexually assertive; I never completely got over the loss having been ripped apart against our will. We finally had to split up - we just couldn't afford the continued cost and complexity of travel, and during our final meeting she told me she had fucked someone else and was starting to become attached. I was devastated of course, but in the months and even years that followed, the thought of her fucking other guys was as much a turn on and an erotic stimulant as it was emotionally devastating for me. I didn't take up this lifestyle until decades hence, but now that I think about it, that is where the roots of my kink might well originate - from real loss. I'm not trying over-analyze things, but men in this lifestyle that are turned on and aroused by the notion of your wife fucking and getting attached to another man brings that fear of potential loss front and center, and for me at least, it stirs deep. If she stokes the angst with her words and actions I am completely at her mercy even though I am the alpha and she is the submissive between us. Go figure. It makes me work even harder at the relationship in every respect, I want no other woman, we're deeper in love, and our sex life is incredible.

Very resonant words!

Strikingly reminiscent of a pivotal chapter of my own journey...

I used to have a strong adverse reaction to infidelity, including judgement of others who appeared to depart from my ideals. in hindsight, I've no doubt that my metamorphosis was at least partly a subconscious consequence of my first long-term relationship, with Stephanie, who was very assertive, attractive and powerfully sexual. We were together during the first few years of my twenties, and expected to stay together forever. (I tended to date assertive women due to my shyness, because I didn't easily approach women unless they overtly expressed interest in me.) Stephanie went away to college and moved into a house with a female friend and also a male roommate. One fateful day Stephanie succumbed to lust and fucked him, which led to addictive repeat encounters that I eventually discovered. It was devastating for me and ended our relationship, but also led to wildly provocative visions, in my mind, of them fucking. Although I didn't realize it then, it's clear to me that that chapter was a real mind-opener for me, in various conscious and subconscious ways -- from power of a sexually passionate woman, and carnal suggestion, to conquering jealousy -- as were certain subsequent experiences in my life...

Your original post, contemplating romance and emotion, also resonates. In my world there's nothing more romantic, and little of comparable emotional intensity, than the erotic connection of two powerfully sexual people who share a mutual carnal attraction.

Recalling that I'd previously shared some pertinent thoughts, I found them here (particularly 6th paragraph — "Regarding non-exclusivity..."):
viewtopic.php?f=9&t=29185&start=2600#p1186530