Newbie having problems flirting

[The good hub]

Easy does it 2in UP, lol!! Small steps, lol

not to worry she gets it!
The pace is hers to set. (Thankfully this is so different than vanilla dating!)

She can reel him in without jumping in the deep end

Yes, I know; I trust her, lol!!

We just had lunch and discussed things in greater detail. We are both nervously excited to see how a solo meeting compares to meetings with both of us. We talked out some limits and expectations so we are on the same page going in. Getting excited!!

[snoogaloo82]

Easy does it 2in UP, lol!! Small steps, lol

not to worry she gets it!
The pace is hers to set. (Thankfully this is so different than vanilla dating!)

She can reel him in without jumping in the deep end

Yes, I know; I trust her, lol!!

We just had lunch and discussed things in greater detail. We are both nervously excited to see how a solo meeting compares to meetings with both of us. We talked out some limits and expectations so we are on the same page going in. Getting excited!!

Communication is key to making everything work. Good hearing that you are both on the same page! I'm getting excited for the both of you!

[Jasperidge]

Perhaps you and your husband could start flirting more. And more intentionally.
My late wife and I really enjoyed flirting with each other and had over fifty years of history to reference/inspire our banter. We both enjoyed it.
It seems like a safe place to practice and may get you “in the groove.”

[tiedyeHotwife]

I would love to know how people’s conversations start and progress; at this point any input would be helpful. We have met with a couple of men and feel I do much better in person.

Most men have lost the ability to flirt.
Its not YOU!
Messaging with men is even worse. They can't sustain an interaction must less build sexual tension.
Social media has broken their brains. I swear it.

Step 1 - take the pressure off of yourself. (NO BARS!)

Step 2 - we women can give off obvious signals (they have to be obvious because men are incompetently blind at picking up on them).
- cleavage. Has to be more than a hint, which can seem accidental = no signal. Can't be over the top cleavage = wrong signal.
Just nice, obviously deliberate but tasteful cleavage. "Yes you want to be noticed cleavage".
- Red lips. Not super glossy. simple matte red lips. Truly is a bat signal for men.
- nice heel. mid height. wedge is fine. nothing tiny or fancy. Just enough to say that you want them to watch your hips move as you walk.
- tighter clothing.

Step 3 - put that together and find a busy coffee shop. Sit. enjoy them noticing. Smile when smiled at.
Put that outfit together at the busy gym you are going to join. Go when men over 40 also go.
Cleavage, red lips. Smile.

I promise at the end of the month of daily gym/coffee - you're phone will be full of men flirting with you.

I had a women suggest most of that to me when I was starting. (by starting I mean the phase that I wanted to take control).

We played a game that If a guy chatted me up and asked me out - I HAD to say yes if I would have said yes if I were single.
I literally started the gym game on monday and had sex with a new guy on wed.
Cleavage, red lips + a nice open smile.

[Xraygirl_4832]

I would love to know how people’s conversations start and progress; at this point any input would be helpful. We have met with a couple of men and feel I do much better in person.

Most men have lost the ability to flirt.
Its not YOU!
Messaging with men is even worse. They can't sustain an interaction must less build sexual tension.
Social media has broken their brains. I swear it.

Step 1 - take the pressure off of yourself. (NO BARS!)

Step 2 - we women can give off obvious signals (they have to be obvious because men are incompetently blind at picking up on them).
- cleavage. Has to be more than a hint, which can seem accidental = no signal. Can't be over the top cleavage = wrong signal.
Just nice, obviously deliberate but tasteful cleavage. "Yes you want to be noticed cleavage".
- Red lips. Not super glossy. simple matte red lips. Truly is a bat signal for men.
- nice heel. mid height. wedge is fine. nothing tiny or fancy. Just enough to say that you want them to watch your hips move as you walk.
- tighter clothing.

Step 3 - put that together and find a busy coffee shop. Sit. enjoy them noticing. Smile when smiled at.
Put that outfit together at the busy gym you are going to join. Go when men over 40 also go.
Cleavage, red lips. Smile.

I promise at the end of the month of daily gym/coffee - you're phone will be full of men flirting with you.

I had a women suggest most of that to me when I was starting. (by starting I mean the phase that I wanted to take control).

We played a game that If a guy chatted me up and asked me out - I HAD to say yes if I would have said yes if I were single.
I literally started the gym game on monday and had sex with a new guy on wed.
Cleavage, red lips + a nice open smile.

Thank you for the advice!
I went clothes shopping today and that didn’t end up well. I got a couple of things but not sure if I like them. I’ve recently lost 30 lbs but still have more to go. Even after losing weight I’m hard on myself.

[ncalcur]

First I would suggest to always make sure she knows how much you support and trust her - make sure she knows the foundation is solid. Then as someone suggested, turn the situation around - have her ask the men what they enjoy, likes/dislikes - let the conversation develop - no pressure - and after a few exchanges, flash a smile, a little head tilt while listening...hold their gaze a bit longer...

[Long Lurker 34]

I would love to know how people’s conversations start and progress; at this point any input would be helpful. We have met with a couple of men and feel I do much better in person.

Most men have lost the ability to flirt.
Its not YOU!
Messaging with men is even worse. They can't sustain an interaction must less build sexual tension.
Social media has broken their brains. I swear it.

Step 1 - take the pressure off of yourself. (NO BARS!)

Step 2 - we women can give off obvious signals (they have to be obvious because men are incompetently blind at picking up on them).
- cleavage. Has to be more than a hint, which can seem accidental = no signal. Can't be over the top cleavage = wrong signal.
Just nice, obviously deliberate but tasteful cleavage. "Yes you want to be noticed cleavage".
- Red lips. Not super glossy. simple matte red lips. Truly is a bat signal for men.
- nice heel. mid height. wedge is fine. nothing tiny or fancy. Just enough to say that you want them to watch your hips move as you walk.
- tighter clothing.

Step 3 - put that together and find a busy coffee shop. Sit. enjoy them noticing. Smile when smiled at.
Put that outfit together at the busy gym you are going to join. Go when men over 40 also go.
Cleavage, red lips. Smile.

I promise at the end of the month of daily gym/coffee - you're phone will be full of men flirting with you.

I had a women suggest most of that to me when I was starting. (by starting I mean the phase that I wanted to take control).

We played a game that If a guy chatted me up and asked me out - I HAD to say yes if I would have said yes if I were single.
I literally started the gym game on monday and had sex with a new guy on wed.
Cleavage, red lips + a nice open smile.

TDHW - A lot of guys are gun shy because of getting tagged in some manner on social media or having been sued for something. Even when they believed they were getting 'signals' from women. So why would a guy respond without an absolute affirmative first?

[tiedyeHotwife]

Thank you for the advice!
I went clothes shopping today and that didn’t end up well. I got a couple of things but not sure if I like them. I’ve recently lost 30 lbs but still have more to go. Even after losing weight I’m hard on myself.

A "successful" clothes shopping trip is ONE item that you might possibly wear - maybe.!!!!!

we are all hard on ourselves! try not to be.
.
Have FUN with this.
The minute its more stress than fun - breathe. Relax. Back up.
Start again when ready.
Every step ultimately, after fits and starts, should be exhilarating. After many awkward attempts though.
Hold onto the fun, the wins. Let everything else go.

YOU are sexy.
Just keep doing little things, little victories until you start to FEEL sexy.

Trust me - nobody failed at this more than I did.

[snoogaloo82]

Thank you for the advice!
I went clothes shopping today and that didn’t end up well. I got a couple of things but not sure if I like them. I’ve recently lost 30 lbs but still have more to go. Even after losing weight I’m hard on myself.

A "successful" clothes shopping trip is ONE item that you might possibly wear - maybe.!!!!!

we are all hard on ourselves! try not to be.
.
Have FUN with this.
The minute its more stress than fun - breathe. Relax. Back up.
Start again when ready.
Every step ultimately, after fits and starts, should be exhilarating. After many awkward attempts though.
Hold onto the fun, the wins. Let everything else go.

YOU are sexy.
Just keep doing little things, little victories until you start to FEEL sexy.

Trust me - nobody failed at this more than I did.

thank you so much for the reassurance!!

[Xraygirl_4832]

So my first solo meet up went great. The conversation came easy and we ended up making out for a while in his car after. It was exciting to be kissed by someone new… to be wanted by someone new. As I am thinking about the night, I think I should have been more forward. I think over time that will come more easily for me. Work in progress

[Lookingforadventure]

I just read your original post and am late to give advice, but it sounds like you've already received a lot of it. I'm glad your meet up went well, and that you enjoyed the experience.

In a lot of ways your comments remind me of me. I can overthink things and doubt myself. I think the best advice is to remember that this is supposed to be fun for you. So don't worry about "flirting", just have a conversation with potential men and have fun with it. If it isn't fun, that doesn't mean you are bad at it, it just means that guy might not be the one for you. (For me, I need to have that mental stimulation in addition to physical stuff...so someone who can chat with me and make me laugh is important). If you are shopping and you hate everything you try on, then shake it off and try again another time. When you do find something, buy it and flaunt it. It is fun to wear something that really makes you feel sexy.

And when you have a meet up, don't worry about being forward. Just have fun with wherever the moment takes you. Making out in a car is a wonderful conclusion of a first meet. Celebrate that. And start day dreaming about next time

[The good hub]

You did great babe!! That smile on your face when you got home was priceless!!

[snoogaloo82]

I just read your original post and am late to give advice, but it sounds like you've already received a lot of it. I'm glad your meet up went well, and that you enjoyed the experience.

In a lot of ways your comments remind me of me. I can overthink things and doubt myself. I think the best advice is to remember that this is supposed to be fun for you. So don't worry about "flirting", just have a conversation with potential men and have fun with it. If it isn't fun, that doesn't mean you are bad at it, it just means that guy might not be the one for you. (For me, I need to have that mental stimulation in addition to physical stuff...so someone who can chat with me and make me laugh is important). If you are shopping and you hate everything you try on, then shake it off and try again another time. When you do find something, buy it and flaunt it. It is fun to wear something that really makes you feel sexy.

And when you have a meet up, don't worry about being forward. Just have fun with wherever the moment takes you. Making out in a car is a wonderful conclusion of a first meet. Celebrate that. And start day dreaming about next time

Very wise advice! I definitely think it's even better coming from a woman's perspective as she can be in her shoes so to speak.

[Xraygirl_4832]

I just read your original post and am late to give advice, but it sounds like you've already received a lot of it. I'm glad your meet up went well, and that you enjoyed the experience.

In a lot of ways your comments remind me of me. I can overthink things and doubt myself. I think the best advice is to remember that this is supposed to be fun for you. So don't worry about "flirting", just have a conversation with potential men and have fun with it. If it isn't fun, that doesn't mean you are bad at it, it just means that guy might not be the one for you. (For me, I need to have that mental stimulation in addition to physical stuff...so someone who can chat with me and make me laugh is important). If you are shopping and you hate everything you try on, then shake it off and try again another time. When you do find something, buy it and flaunt it. It is fun to wear something that really makes you feel sexy.

And when you have a meet up, don't worry about being forward. Just have fun with wherever the moment takes you. Making out in a car is a wonderful conclusion of a first meet. Celebrate that. And start day dreaming about next time

I am already thinking about next time, we definitely had fun! I agree with the need for mental stimulation. If you can’t carry on a conversation with me I have no desire to go any further.

[snoogaloo82]

I just read your original post and am late to give advice, but it sounds like you've already received a lot of it. I'm glad your meet up went well, and that you enjoyed the experience.

In a lot of ways your comments remind me of me. I can overthink things and doubt myself. I think the best advice is to remember that this is supposed to be fun for you. So don't worry about "flirting", just have a conversation with potential men and have fun with it. If it isn't fun, that doesn't mean you are bad at it, it just means that guy might not be the one for you. (For me, I need to have that mental stimulation in addition to physical stuff...so someone who can chat with me and make me laugh is important). If you are shopping and you hate everything you try on, then shake it off and try again another time. When you do find something, buy it and flaunt it. It is fun to wear something that really makes you feel sexy.

And when you have a meet up, don't worry about being forward. Just have fun with wherever the moment takes you. Making out in a car is a wonderful conclusion of a first meet. Celebrate that. And start day dreaming about next time

I am already thinking about next time, we definitely had fun! I agree with the need for mental stimulation. If you can’t carry on a conversation with me I have no desire to go any further.

That's cool to hear. Us guys think mostly of the physical when thinking of other guys for women, so I'm happy to hear its confirmed that it takes more than just a big cock to pleasure a woman.

[Xraygirl_4832]

So I had another meet up today with a different guy my husband and I had met before, this my second time meeting him but first time solo. We can call him “J”. J isn’t very talkative at all and I had to come up almost the entire conversation. We did end up making out and I found out his cock is larger than the guy I had met up with yesterday (we can refer to him as “B”). I am definitely more attracted to B because we had a better time together. I felt more comfortable with him and could hold on a conversation. As J and I were making out he didn’t touch me at all, just kissed me. Yesterday with B he was all about my ass and boobs, so much more of a turn on. I feel like this is proof that a larger cock isn’t always the tell all.

My husband and I have met 4 men so far and only 2 are in the running as being our first bull we want to play with together. On my end it’s mostly their attitude and enthusiasm towards me.

[snoogaloo82]

So I had another meet up today with a different guy my husband and I had met before, this my second time meeting him but first time solo. We can call him “J”. J isn’t very talkative at all and I had to come up almost the entire conversation. We did end up making out and I found out his cock is larger than the guy I had met up with yesterday (we can refer to him as “B”). I am definitely more attracted to B because we had a better time together. I felt more comfortable with him and could hold on a conversation. As J and I were making out he didn’t touch me at all, just kissed me. Yesterday with B he was all about my ass and boobs, so much more of a turn on. I feel like this is proof that a larger cock isn’t always the tell all.

My husband and I have met 4 men so far and only 2 are in the running as being our first bull we want to play with together. On my end it’s mostly their attitude and enthusiasm towards me.

Who of the two has the better chance?

[Xraygirl_4832]

So definitely B that I met up with yesterday. The other guy that might have a chance we can call M. He was the second guy we met up with. He was easy to talk to and a pretty good kisser (I did get to make out with him for a while the night we met him). We have only met up with M once though.

[Farmgirl]

Xraygirl, First off, welcome!

2inUP and parklife gave very good advice.
I love to flirt and that's how I meet my guys. If in person, at the store, or anywhere around town I just make eye contact and smile, then make eye contact again and hold it a little. That normally leads to us talking.
When texting or emailing, It's a touch harder because we can't see each other. Then I will talk more, just chat, getting to know each other. If I'm comfortable with him and he with me, the flirting begins slight and small, slowly escalating as we chat over the days. I want it to be a slow build so he can't wait to text me again and again.
Don't put pressure on yourself, just chat and get to know each other. If you click, the flirting will come naturally without need to think about it.

Keep in mind that most flirting doesn't lead to sex, it's not supposed to. It's supposed to be "fun and flirty", something you enjoy and something the guy enjoys.
It helps to start seeing everything colored in a slight mist of sex, and doing what makes you feel sexy.

BTW, I posted before I read the reply by LFA, listen to her too!

[Xraygirl_4832]

Xraygirl, First off, welcome!

2inUP and parklife gave very good advice.
I love to flirt and that's how I meet my guys. If in person, at the store, or anywhere around town I just make eye contact and smile, then make eye contact again and hold it a little. That normally leads to us talking.
When texting or emailing, It's a touch harder because we can't see each other. Then I will talk more, just chat, getting to know each other. If I'm comfortable with him and he with me, the flirting begins slight and small, slowly escalating as we chat over the days. I want it to be a slow build so he can't wait to text me again and again.
Don't put pressure on yourself, just chat and get to know each other. If you click, the flirting will come naturally without need to think about it.

Keep in mind that most flirting doesn't lead to sex, it's not supposed to. It's supposed to be "fun and flirty", something you enjoy and something the guy enjoys.
It helps to start seeing everything colored in a slight mist of sex, and doing what makes you feel sexy.

BTW, I posted before I read the reply by LFA, listen to her too!

Thank you so much for the advice! I am realizing that I was absolutely putting too much pressure on myself.

[snoogaloo82]

So definitely B that I met up with yesterday. The other guy that might have a chance we can call M. He was the second guy we met up with. He was easy to talk to and a pretty good kisser (I did get to make out with him for a while the night we met him). We have only met up with M once though.

So pretty much a toss up so far. Any way of getting any more makeout time with M?

[Xraygirl_4832]

I hope I get to spend more time with M if our schedules line up. We are finding it hard to met some people on our crazy schedule. I am on vacation this week so it was making it easier for me to meet up.

[The good hub]

Never thought to see if M was available tomorrow?? Maybe we should see??

[Parsifal]

You don’t “have “ to flirt with anybody unless there is some chemistry, and you like them first. Maybe that’s why it came so easy 20 years ago with hubby as your friend first. Just relax, enjoy and if there is no spark just move on to the next. When the connection comes it will be easy and fun, NOT a job!
Good Luck.

That definitely makes sense. I know at times I know I am overthinking every message I send because I’ve never met who I’m messaging . For me, until I know there is chemistry it’s hard to know what to say. Maybe if I stop thinking about the flirting part of it, messaging will come easier?

What is the context of your messaging? A dating site? If it's a hookup site, then some of the formalities of getting acquainted often get overlooked. If it's merely a dating site, then presumptions are indefinite, and you can have more control over tone and tempo. You commented that your lead in with your husband was a sense of friendship. You may prefer to warm up to flirting by way of friendly rapport that only hints at a sexual connection until the chemistry you need to feel sexual rises to the surface. All of that could change depending on how you evolve in your view of yourself in these encounters and what you discover gets the most traction for you.

[Xraygirl_4832]

We mostly use SLS. I definitely learned a lot this week. Meeting B twice really helped, especially meeting him by myself. I feel like the messages come a lot more naturally now. Unfortunately he doesn’t live around us and is only here 2 weeks at a time. He went home today so we won’t be able to see each other again til 12/10. I guess I will have lots of practice with messaging the next couple weeks.