My story

[Farmgirl]

So I convinced Henry to put his profile back up on OKCupid. It's been a very, very long time since he actually dated. I mean we've both had plenty of casual encounters and friends where we partook in occasional benefits, both separately and together, but looking for another romantic partner? He actually hasn't done that our whole relationship, short of those couple of dates he went out with a friend of a friend who turned out to have terrible boundaries as a person so he noped right out of there.

He actually hit it off with a lovely woman on OKC almost right away, and they've been chatting. He went to see her last weekend and was there from early evening until 3am. They really enjoyed each other's company and also had great sex, and he came home all bubbly and happy and full of NRE and wanting to tell me all about his date (of course, not including any private details!). I love seeing him all starry eyed like that! I'm going to call her Kaci, since I'm pretty sure she's going to be around for a while.

She and her husband have been swingers for about ten years, and she has two partners she calls boyfriends as well as now starting to see Henry. I'm not sure whether they're actually romantic partners or what I'd consider FWB (everyone uses such different labels!) but personally I can't fathom the idea of her having three romantic partners and still looking for more? I wouldn't have any time for anything else lol. The only little bit of a red flag is that she expressed that they only recently opened to poly, and Henry is a bit anxious about what that means. He doesn't want to get his heart broken because one or both of them suddenly decides they aren't open to catching feelings; that is such a terrible thing to do to someone. He's got a date with her on Friday night, and I hope things go well

I've had my OKC app up looking for something more like a FWB (looking for someone who I'd actually consider a friend before we hit the benefits, but not the time sink of a romantic relationship). I haven't met anyone yet but I've been chatting with a few people. Kaci actually Liked my profile as well, but I told Henry that I'm not going to respond to it. Since she's from the swinger side, he figures she'd probably up for a threesome at some point, but I told him that can be a conversation way down the line. While I might have been interested in talking to her if Henry hadn't been, I don't want to make his new connection about us. It's something he should enjoy on his own without having to consider how I'm feeling. If something happens down the line that's fine, but if not; I just want him to have every happiness that he can <3

Thanks for the little deeper glance into your life .

[Lookingforadventure]

Sounds like a great first step back into the dating pool. I hope it goes well for him and Kaci.

[SSQ]

Is it funny that I'm vaguely wondering if Kaci's husband is a cuckold? He doesn't have other partners and she sure seems to enjoy taking photos when she's off with others. She hasn't mentioned anything like that to Henry yet. He was a little creeped out when I mentioned maybe that's a thing, because he feels that he should have been told if it is (Note to hotwifing/cuck couples; consent is sexy!), but maybe we're just misreading the situation.

Henry had another date with her last night and had some good times. I'm glad he's having fun, even though he's finding he still runs into different term usage and definition that is consistent with the swinger community versus the poly community. There's a much wider gap between those two areas of ethical nonmonogamy than most people would think, and it causes some communication issues.

I've been chatting with a few people on OKC. One is another 26 year old (Charles was 26 when we started dating four years ago). So far there have been running jokes that apparently I crave novelty every four years (I've been with Henry for 8, Charles for 4), and also that I'm looking for the youngin's. Charles just laughed and asked me if I really want to go through that again though lol and he's right. Most people don't do that personal work when confronted with the choice between staying static or growing as a person, and I really don't want to be someone's training wheels again. And he still gets major props for figuring his stuff out <3

Charles and I have a date night on Saturday and I'm really looking forward to it. Date nights might be even more precious when you live with someone because it's undivided quality time.

[SSQ]

I had such a wonderful date night with Charles! We went out for dinner and drinks, then had a nice walk to let our stomachs settle a bit before heading home for some amazing sex.

It's funny how bodies and hormones change over time. When I was younger, I used to have many, many orgasms but they tended to be relatively brief. Now that I'm almost in my 40s, I find that it's more difficult to have an orgasm, but they tend to be much stronger than they used to be. Last night we were having great sex and after he came, I still wasn't done. So we brought out a few of my favourite toys- a ridgy silicone vibrating cock and my Volta clit vibrator. I've used those in tandem before, but never with this result! I started to come and it just didn't stop. When I thought I was starting to taper back down again, another wave hit me hard... and it just kept happening! Charles was paying close attention and making sure that he kept fucking me with the dildo and telling me how hot it was to watch me keep coming and coming and coming. It actually lasted several full MINUTES of orgasm which was pretty crazy.

Going to have to do a little experimentation and see if I can reproduce this one! Hopefully Henry will be up to doing some science tonight

[anonymister1948]

What a great night! It is always good to see you doing well. As for orgasms, wait until you get in your 70s. They go on forever. I've nearly passed out a couple of times.

[SSQ]

What a great night! It is always good to see you doing well. As for orgasms, wait until you get in your 70s. They go on forever. I've nearly passed out a couple of times.

Really? Wow. I hope to make it to your age then to do some experimenting... for science of course!

[sherulestherooster]

I’m guessing I’m not the only one to google Volta clit vibrator. Sounds like a hot experience, thanks for sharing!

[SSQ]

I’m guessing I’m not the only one to google Volta clit vibrator. Sounds like a hot experience, thanks for sharing!

I would highly recommend it. It's one of my favourite toys. Additionally it's curved so it can be used internally as well.

[SSQ]

Henry has another date today! He's been seeing her every couple of days as schedules permit and they're getting along really well. I'm still curious to hear what made them switch their label from swingers to poly, though, because I'm kind of wondering if their definitions are different than ours. They seem to use terms much more consistent with the swinger community (or here, for that matter) than what we would consider in the poly community. I just don't want Henry to get hurt. He's totally fine if she's looking for something more casual, but it would be good to know that in advance. Additionally, we both know you can't legislate feelings, but at the very least he'd know he's on his own if he develops any.

She's said her boyfriends say I love you, but that still doesn't really provide clarity. How many people here say that but then say it really means something else? Y'all can be confusing at times! It gets awkward when people use words differently.

[parklife]

Maybe we’re entering a (r)evolution in terms of sexual identify in the grand scheme of things. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area (admittedly not a snapshot of greater America, but many social changes formulate here) and the you are changing sexual identity by using “pan sexual” taker than take a more defined gay/bi/straight linear thinking. I also wonder if “swinger” is now thought of as a looser, more dangerous, throw your keys in a basket 70s free form of sexual politics while “poly” is considered more accepting, safer, responsible expression of sexuality so couples tend to move there to denote something more tha. Uninhibited sexual decadence regardless of the other implication the title may have traditionally applied.

I’m also reminded of a conversation I had this past weekend with a guy whose parents were deaf and his experience living on that world of one foot I the deaf world, one foot in the hearing. He mentioned something I had taken for granted. He said that in North America we learn ASL (American sign language) but that is region dependent and other countries learn a different sig language so they have just as hard of a time as speakers do when in another country. I had assumed (dumb me) that lie the dollar standard the world would have an accepted sign language that is universal. Not sure why I thought that, but it makes sense there isn’t.

Even when we think we speak the same language, the words (or hang signals) can mean entirely different things.

[SSQ]

Maybe we’re entering a (r)evolution in terms of sexual identify in the grand scheme of things. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area (admittedly not a snapshot of greater America, but many social changes formulate here) and the you are changing sexual identity by using “pan sexual” taker than take a more defined gay/bi/straight linear thinking. I also wonder if “swinger” is now thought of as a looser, more dangerous, throw your keys in a basket 70s free form of sexual politics while “poly” is considered more accepting, safer, responsible expression of sexuality so couples tend to move there to denote something more tha. Uninhibited sexual decadence regardless of the other implication the title may have traditionally applied.

I’m also reminded of a conversation I had this past weekend with a guy whose parents were deaf and his experience living on that world of one foot I the deaf world, one foot in the hearing. He mentioned something I had taken for granted. He said that in North America we learn ASL (American sign language) but that is region dependent and other countries learn a different sig language so they have just as hard of a time as speakers do when in another country. I had assumed (dumb me) that lie the dollar standard the world would have an accepted sign language that is universal. Not sure why I thought that, but it makes sense there isn’t.

Even when we think we speak the same language, the words (or hang signals) can mean entirely different things.

As far as I know, the term pansexual is meant to be inclusive of nonbinary people. The concept is that you are attracted to people regardless of gender or genitalia. Bisexual specifically means attracted to two genders.

I'm wondering if swingers use terms like poly and "boyfriend/girlfriend" simply to mean that they see someone regularly for sex as opposed to what you say, or one night stands or club visits. But it gets very confusing because in the poly community, a girlfriend or boyfriend is a romantic partner, not just a sex partner.

Swingers tend to do consent backwards too, which I find both irritating and annoying. Swingers tend to proceed as yes until no, whereas the BDSM community is very much no until yes. I find that particularly creepy that I have never once been to a swingers' club and NOT had someone touch me without my consent. I'm not speaking of sexual touch per se but things like grabbing my hand or putting an arm around me, etc although some have been more overt like grabbing my ass. No one has asked if that's acceptable.

In my experience, I've found they tend not to negotiate explicitly, either.

[parklife]

As far as I know, the term pansexual is meant to be inclusive of nonbinary people. The concept is that you are attracted to people regardless of gender or genitalia. Bisexual specifically means attracted to two genders.

That was my understanding as well u til my it was explained that it’s not a matter of adding/including non-binary people but rather an expulsion of gender AND gender identity in the conversation. The end result is perhaps the same or very similar but the semantics point differently. Not an inclusion of other gender identifier but an exclusion of gender period.

I mean, I guess how else would those being Agender find love? *shrug*. It’s all enough to make me want to not talk about it at all.

[SSQ]

As far as I know, the term pansexual is meant to be inclusive of nonbinary people. The concept is that you are attracted to people regardless of gender or genitalia. Bisexual specifically means attracted to two genders.

That was my understanding as well u til my it was explained that it’s not a matter of adding/including non-binary people but rather an expulsion of gender AND gender identity in the conversation. The end result is perhaps the same or very similar but the semantics point differently. Not an inclusion of other gender identifier but an exclusion of gender period.

I mean, I guess how else would those being Agender find love? *shrug*. It’s all enough to make me want to not talk about it at all.

I'm okay with it either way. Gender is not important to me; it is irrelevant to how I feel attraction.

[SSQ]

So I just got home from an awesome two week vacation with Henry. It was also a family trip (his parents, my parents, and Kiddo) but we managed to find lots of time for ourselves <3

That being said, we think he might have picked up an STI from Kaci. His doctor isn't sure if it's HSV1 or a yeast infection, so he's currently on an antifungal. I don't have a yeast infection or HSV1 so He used condoms with her, but that wouldn't have helped with a blowjob. He did have one condom slip but they fixed it right away, so theoretically he could have been exposed to something? Either way, it sucks. His first partner in ages, and he picks something up? He feels pretty badly about it since it changed how we were relating sexually on our vacation, but stuff happens when you're nonmonogamous.

It also raised the issue to the forefront that even when people tell you they get tested, maybe they don't know what they've been tested for. HSV isn't on most panels unless you specifically request it. We knew that and I figured Kaci would given her long background in the swingers' community, but maybe not. It certainly made Henry think of how he wants to be clearer with future partners. Either way, it'll be an awkward conversation between them when he sees her again (she's on vacation now lol) since he'd rather chat about it in person.

Yup. Nonmonogamy isn't always sexy or fun. But this is part of the reality of things- you can't guard against everything. Or even most things that people worry about. You just get to do the best you can, trust that your partners are doing the best they can, and take it one day at a time.

[Lookingforadventure]

So I just got home from an awesome two week vacation with Henry. It was also a family trip (his parents, my parents, and Kiddo) but we managed to find lots of time for ourselves <3

That being said, we think he might have picked up an STI from Kaci. His doctor isn't sure if it's HSV1 or a yeast infection, so he's currently on an antifungal. I don't have a yeast infection or HSV1 so He used condoms with her, but that wouldn't have helped with a blowjob. He did have one condom slip but they fixed it right away, so theoretically he could have been exposed to something? Either way, it sucks. His first partner in ages, and he picks something up? He feels pretty badly about it since it changed how we were relating sexually on our vacation, but stuff happens when you're nonmonogamous.

It also raised the issue to the forefront that even when people tell you they get tested, maybe they don't know what they've been tested for. HSV isn't on most panels unless you specifically request it. We knew that and I figured Kaci would given her long background in the swingers' community, but maybe not. It certainly made Henry think of how he wants to be clearer with future partners. Either way, it'll be an awkward conversation between them when he sees her again (she's on vacation now lol) since he'd rather chat about it in person.

Yup. Nonmonogamy isn't always sexy or fun. But this is part of the reality of things- you can't guard against everything. Or even most things that people worry about. You just get to do the best you can, trust that your partners are doing the best they can, and take it one day at a time.

I'm glad you had some quality time away with Henry and the extended family. That is so important. Hopefully you feel a bit rested upon your return.

Sorry to hear about the yeast infection/STI though. Thank you for the reminder that being nonmonogamous has risks. Hopefully the antifungal does the trick and he's back to his old self very soon. And maybe you can role play that you are back on vacation and make up for some of the missed opportunities

[SSQ]

Good news- it was just a yeast infection! He got better rapidly with the antifungal cream. I haven't had any symptoms but rather than dither over whether it was me or her, I just got a package of OTC fluconazole and won't have to worry about it, problem solved.

Kaci is still on vacation; Henry thought she was back this week but apparently not. I guess it'll be a while before he sees her again.

I've been chatting with some people on OKC but it hasn't really panned out yet. I made a connection with one guy who sounds really cool but who also doesn't drive, and I am just not sure I want to give up enough time and hassle to be bussing to another city on a somewhat regular basis. Practicality must play a role given that I already have a very full life!

That being said, I have read so much drama and crap lately on the various forums I'm on. It really makes me appreciate Henry and Charles. Oh, we still hurt each other's feelings sometimes or stress each other out, but the security of knowing that we are all genuinely in each other's corner and love and support each other? That's priceless. And they are great friends. LOL during Thanksgiving dinner on the weekend they spent a good chunk of time chatting and ignoring me! But it makes me happy that they get along so well because it's part of what makes everything work so well. It's so much easier to "share" your partner (although we don't see it like that; that kind of possessiveness is gross to me) with someone you genuinely like and respect.

Overall, my love life is pretty epic and I am grateful for it every day. Reading stories online tends to make me even more grateful! <3

[Farmgirl]

Good news- it was just a yeast infection! He got better rapidly with the antifungal cream. I haven't had any symptoms but rather than dither over whether it was me or her, I just got a package of OTC fluconazole and won't have to worry about it, problem solved.

Kaci is still on vacation; Henry thought she was back this week but apparently not. I guess it'll be a while before he sees her again.

I've been chatting with some people on OKC but it hasn't really panned out yet. I made a connection with one guy who sounds really cool but who also doesn't drive, and I am just not sure I want to give up enough time and hassle to be bussing to another city on a somewhat regular basis. Practicality must play a role given that I already have a very full life!

That being said, I have read so much drama and crap lately on the various forums I'm on. It really makes me appreciate Henry and Charles. Oh, we still hurt each other's feelings sometimes or stress each other out, but the security of knowing that we are all genuinely in each other's corner and love and support each other? That's priceless. And they are great friends. LOL during Thanksgiving dinner on the weekend they spent a good chunk of time chatting and ignoring me! But it makes me happy that they get along so well because it's part of what makes everything work so well. It's so much easier to "share" your partner (although we don't see it like that; that kind of possessiveness is gross to me) with someone you genuinely like and respect.

Overall, my love life is pretty epic and I am grateful for it every day. Reading stories online tends to make me even more grateful! <3

Very happy for you !

[Lookingforadventure]

I'm so glad it turned out to be a yeast infection and that he's on the mend.

Thank you for continuing to share your story. I find that I learn a lot from you. And n, like you, I feel very blessed by the love in my life.

[SSQ]

Well, my 40th birthday was pretty awesome. Nothing super sexy, but also great.

Had a special dinner with my family one day and played board games with Kiddo, followed by a fun and exhausting evening with Charles Then the next day a house party with my friends (Kiddo went to visit grandparents), a silly birthday tiara and sash, and a sexy night with Henry.

So far, my 40s are off to a good start!

[Hentai Husband]

Armyguyot1

I just wanted to send a very late note that reading this post of yours 8 years ago really encouraged me to commit to encouraging Mika to explore the “slutty” side that I already knew was there, but we didn’t know what to do with in the context of marriage an infant child. I don’t think I would have been ok with starting if I hadn’t read that one line of yours saying that if we didn’t discover that slut side before she became too enmeshed in being a mommy then it would end up waiting until the kids are grown. Now that the kids are taking up more and more of her attention and energy, it’s been much harder for us to find opportunities for her to indulge in being a Hotwife, but at least she has had a huge fill of adventures already when the kids were still so young that we could still arrange adult play dates.

Just wanted to drop a line to tell you it really helped, and I’ve been meaning to say so but have finally gotten around to it late…

Steve

Wow! Now I understand. Kids are great but its hard to be a slut and a mommy at the same time. Luck for you the slut has been discovered before the kids are grown. I didn't discover my slut til the kids were grown. We grew up in the area and are active in the community which presents its own set of problems. We would go to Vegas or Hawaii and I would get glimpses of a slut but wasn't smart enough to realize what I had or what she wanted or I should say what we wanted. Once the kids left I began to see a bit of my slut. The deployments were a key. We would get horny on skype and tell fantasies that we wouldn't have done face to face. We jacked off for each other. This was before V had to go ahead but I learned so much about my sluts desires from the horny days on skype. I also watched very closely at my disbelief of my church secretary jacking off for me. It was not only a thrill but very educational. I can get her off in three minutes or less now either orally or playing with hands and additional Os get easy. Women know how to pleasure themselves and a smart man will pay attention to what really works. Sex is like cooking its a lot nicer when someone does it for you. I think V did the same as her blow jobs have gotten extraordinary. Wow. The point is I feel for you but don't waste the time. Get get on skype or text hubby and get him hot and share your inner secrets. Teach him what you like and learn what he likes. He may be more of a freak than you know. We were. The time with your kid is great but you don't have to waste the time. Its like a savings account. Invest now and get your ok pleasures and make up for it later with what you gain. Hope your week works out better and you get your brains fucked out repeatedly but don't waste the time anyway. I love your posts and think your hot as hell and love how much sex you need. Your a keeper.

[Farmgirl]

Well, my 40th birthday was pretty awesome. Nothing super sexy, but also great.

Had a special dinner with my family one day and played board games with Kiddo, followed by a fun and exhausting evening with Charles Then the next day a house party with my friends (Kiddo went to visit grandparents), a silly birthday tiara and sash, and a sexy night with Henry.

So far, my 40s are off to a good start!

Happy Birthday!

[Whosbeensleeping]

Happy Birthday, SSQ! 🥳

[Lookingforadventure]

Well, my 40th birthday was pretty awesome. Nothing super sexy, but also great.

Had a special dinner with my family one day and played board games with Kiddo, followed by a fun and exhausting evening with Charles Then the next day a house party with my friends (Kiddo went to visit grandparents), a silly birthday tiara and sash, and a sexy night with Henry.

So far, my 40s are off to a good start!

Happy belated birthday! I'm glad it was a great one, spent with the people you love.

[anonymister1948]

Happy BIrthday!
I'm putting this on my annual calendar so I remember next year!

[SSQ]

Oh, I didn't realize it has been so long since I updated! I guess the holidays were busy!

We celebrated Henry's birthday just before Christmas, and Kaci joined us (me, Charles, Henry, and Kiddo) for dinner. Kiddo knows we're poly, so to him it wasn't a big deal at all to bring Kaci. We all had a nice time and they went out afterwards. They'd had a couple more dates since, too.

New Year's was quiet, just our family. Charles had to work for part of it and it was a fight to stay up till midnight! Guess that's what happens as we get older lol.

And then today poor Henry got a nasty surprise. Looks like Kaci's husband pulled the plug because he was uncomfortable that their relationship was more than just physical.

People; DO NOT PLAY WITH OTHERS' HEARTS. Seriously. Kaci had said they recently moved from swinging to polyamory. She never mentioned anything to Henry about issues or anything like that. They hadn't even said ILY or anything like that- just having fun and going out on dates that were more than just sex. It's not okay to string someone along and then veto them out of the blue like this. He is crushed, because of course he has some kind of feelings for her.

I understand why people have vetos; but that doesn't mean I think they're ethical ways to treat people. And I hate that when people don't do their own emotional management that they're not the ones who get hurt- someone else is collateral damage.

So here is my thought for the day while I watch Henry in pain; remember that the people with whom we have relationships (sexual or otherwise), are human beings with their own feelings, wants, and needs. They are not toys to be used in a marital relationship and then discarded. They aren't disposable because someone is feeling insecure.

If you aren't adult enough to work on your own feelings of jealousy and insecurity, any kind of open relationship is a bad idea.