Need help and tips on how to convince my wife during our vacation

[atimmermans]

I'm going on a holiday soon to a nice 5-star resort in Tenerife in the Canaries with my wife. My wife's 41, blond, normal body, good looking and quite flirty. She's not down for bars or night clubs or things like that, but loves to hang around the pool, beach, etc. and enjoy the sun, the atmosphere and in general the environment of a very nice resort.

I have shared with her my fanatasy about seeing her with another guy. Unfortunately she's been reluctant until now and the topic is lingering for quite some time now. Sometimes she'll refer back to it. Joke about it. Or in conversation with friends even reference about the fact that I'm not jealous and would be okey if she want to sleep with someone else...

She's just not very confident about her body and looks; which is rediculous to be honest. She just struggles with the fact she's not in her twenties any more, but most people would estimate her to be younger than me (and I'm 36).

So I'm looking for some things that could set the stage and maybe open her eyes a bit more, get her to thinking, or perhaps just go with it if the moment feels right. Especially guys hitting on her and making clear she's good looking would help a lot, as she's a flirt by nature.


I'm looking for pointers, ideas, suggestions and tips from you guys, especially if you've been here before and have experienced the same things. She's not prone to dress particularly sexy or engage in play like not wearing underwear, and going to bars/clubs is also not something she would do that quickly. I'm looking for more daytime tips, more things that originate from the vanilla lifestyle...
Things that come to mind:

1. Perhaps organise a massage in the hotel... but then these guys are usually pro's or female. How to set the stage right?

2. Perhaps go chat with some good looking guys or pool-employees at the hotel and see if they're willing to hit on her and see what happens, without her knowing I set it up?

3. A few months back a friend for fun one night made a tinder profile of her. Got 100+ hits in like 10 mins that really boosted her self esteem a bit... perhaps suggest to do the same, but this time without her fear that people in the neighbourhood that know us, or other dads from our kids school, would recognize her and start looking at her funnily.


Any suggestions on how to approach the above? Or other ideas?

[Her number1]

Don't do anything behind her back, always be upfront, honest, and open. It works as a shared journey, and not very well when manipulated.

[Sissy triple D]

I'm going on a holiday soon to a nice 5-star resort in Tenerife in the Canaries with my wife. My wife's 41, blond, normal body, good looking and quite flirty. She's not down for bars or night clubs or things like that, but loves to hang around the pool, beach, etc. and enjoy the sun, the atmosphere and in general the environment of a very nice resort.

I have shared with her my fanatasy about seeing her with another guy. Unfortunately she's been reluctant until now and the topic is lingering for quite some time now. Sometimes she'll refer back to it. Joke about it. Or in conversation with friends even reference about the fact that I'm not jealous and would be okey if she want to sleep with someone else...

She's just not very confident about her body and looks; which is rediculous to be honest. She just struggles with the fact she's not in her twenties any more, but most people would estimate her to be younger than me (and I'm 36).

So I'm looking for some things that could set the stage and maybe open her eyes a bit more, get her to thinking, or perhaps just go with it if the moment feels right. Especially guys hitting on her and making clear she's good looking would help a lot, as she's a flirt by nature.


I'm looking for pointers, ideas, suggestions and tips from you guys, especially if you've been here before and have experienced the same things. She's not prone to dress particularly sexy or engage in play like not wearing underwear, and going to bars/clubs is also not something she would do that quickly. I'm looking for more daytime tips, more things that originate from the vanilla lifestyle...
Things that come to mind:

1. Perhaps organise a massage in the hotel... but then these guys are usually pro's or female. How to set the stage right?

2. Perhaps go chat with some good looking guys or pool-employees at the hotel and see if they're willing to hit on her and see what happens, without her knowing I set it up?

3. A few months back a friend for fun one night made a tinder profile of her. Got 100+ hits in like 10 mins that really boosted her self esteem a bit... perhaps suggest to do the same, but this time without her fear that people in the neighbourhood that know us, or other dads from our kids school, would recognize her and start looking at her funnily.


Any suggestions on how to approach the above? Or other ideas?

My experience with Lady M has been a long journey through our marriage and in my opinion is not something you can just quickly arrange. This is something you do together. With us, I was the instigator, through a lot of talking and fantasizing you get to the point where she wants to consider it. All Lady M needed was self-confidence. Lady M takes care of her body very well by exercising. Together we shop beautiful lingerie and clothing that she feels very confident in. Then the looks and compliments from other men follow naturally, giving a boost to her self-confidence. Then one day (long live the smartphone) the messages and the first tentative dates come. So now I have a very confident woman.... :-) So my advice is, give her self-confidence!!! If you succeed, you are ready for a real rollercoaster!.

[SilverStag]

It may be too late for your upcoming trip, but I found that treating my HW to a Boudoir photo session did wonders for improving her self image. The photographers are well skilled at bring out the sexy qualities of women of all shapes and sizes, and we both are proud of the results (Check here in the Hotties section for Cecil to see for yourself).

Cecil always gets a thrill from the nice comments that OHW fans post about her pics. That, too, boosts her self image.

As mentioned above, don't set anything up without discussing it with her ahead of time. Being tricky will backfire in a spectacular fashion.

A lot of ladies who become HW's take a long time for the thoughts to process, mellow and the seed to sprout, so don't push your own agenda. You are right to discuss the idea, build her self image and place her in a situation where she may choose to take action...or not. It is always her decision. Sometimes we just need to be patient.

[ugcp]

Do NOT do anything without her knowledge and approval.

Do NOT do the first thing on your list, especially without her knowledge.

Do NOT do the second thing. That could be devastating to her already low self image if she found out you orchestrated it.

DO accept that she is not going to fulfill your fantasy on this trip! Like.. really, fully accept that. If you don't, you're likely to be at least subconsciously dissappointed, and that will affect your chemistry and attitude toward her.

DO accept that she may never fulfill your fantasy! It is okay for fantasies to remain fantasies, and to explore the psychology together. In fact, sometimes that can be safer (not risking long-term emotional/confidence/jealousy issues), and more enjoyable for everyone.

At the most, talk to her openly in this presumably relaxed vacation environment. Maybe offer her some opportunity to dress up in away that makes her feel sexy, and do something together that let's her enjoy that (ie: dinner somewhere nice, or beach activity). You could also offer for her to act flirtatiously with a random man (if she wanted), either there, or another situation where she is feeling positive about herself.

Your objective should be to make her feel good about herself, and to see herself as a desirable sexual being. If, from there, she wanted to explore elements of non-monogamy, then you can go into those conversations when the time is right. But, even if she did want to do that, her interests may be different than yours. She could end up inclined to be with another person, but only solo and without your involvement at all. Or she could only want to be with women and not men, or build an emotional relationship first with the other person instead of a random hookup, or... whatever.

[BrunetteLover]

You have it about your goals, not her desires.

You have it all wrong.

[BT2]

I agree with the previous posters. Hotwifing (is that a word?) must be a shared activity, so I agree you should not do anything behind her back, nor try to arrange or manipulate a situation. My wife became a hotwife as a result of a (third) massage. BUT, you and your wife would have to find a person who does bodyrubs or tantric massages. No professional masseur will provide a sexual experience - they could be fired and lose their license. (Besides, she may enjoy having sex with another guy and you might not, then you have a real problem.)

[atimmermans]

You have it about your goals, not her desires.

You have it all wrong.

Given the context of this site, to not write too long of a message, I might have not have written it in the right way. I do not expect anything to happen on this vacation. What I'm trying to do is to get her self esteem to a place where she feels good about herself. To stimulate her sexual desire and allow her to think about things more openly, so that we can discuss them better and see where that leads us.

So getting her a massage in the room for me is to get her to be touched by another guy, preferably fit, in privacy and stimulate her mind; rather than get a massage from a little strong Thai lady in a massage parlour with other customers in the next booth.

The tinder idea is to get her mind going... to trickle her desire... stimulate thought about how it would be to be with anyone else, so it opens up the conversation in a way where she could be more open to it.

Same goes for her getting hit on. It's to boost her self esteem, so she feels better about herself. I only want her to feel good about herself, as until she does, I know nothing will happen and the topic is not open, as if she does not believe she's sexy and attractive herself, she's doing herself short!

Frankly, I'm only trying to get her desire active again (because in the past, before she became a mum, it was definetely there)... and we'll see what happens next.

[Pufferfish]

I wouldn't read too much into what BrunetteLover said. Some people on this site believe that it's only about your wife's wants and desires, and that yours don't really matter. I'm not one of those people. But yes, as everyone else has pointed out, it's very much a joint decision. If one or the other of you aren't into this, it isn't going to work. If you want this, and she's not into it, then no amount of tips and tricks are going to change that, and it simply won't work out. It has to be something that both of you want. Which is actually, more likely than not I believe. Most wives do want this, they are just afraid to acknowledge it or ever actually try it. It's more of a hidden "cheating" fantasy. So the tips I offer are this:

1) Talk with her about it more. Not trying to convince her to try it, but just telling her about what you like and understanding what you think about it. The more she understands and accepts your kink, the more she'll think about it and possibly fantasize about it herself.

2) Comfort her fears and concerns about it. What you'd think of her afterwards. What others see her like. Rejection. Someone finding out. Etc.

So as far as your ideas go. Massage, I wouldn't. Having other guys approach her, again I wouldn't. Encouraging her to flirt however, could be fun if she's willing. Maybe as just a fun part of an otherwise nice date night for you two. If she's not willing, then you have other talking stages to continue working on instead. And Tinder, again, I wouldn't. Unless she's comfortable doing it for fun or to test the waters. But this is a later stage thing, this isn't where you're at yet. Keep talking for now.

As for your vacation. Maybe you'll be able to try some stuff that she otherwise would be too afraid to try. Sex outdoors. Or wearing something a little sluttier than normal. Flirting with someone. Things that she might be willing to do knowing she'll never see any of them again. I think that's the best you could hope for.

[BrunetteLover]

I wouldn't read too much into what BrunetteLover said. Some people on this site believe that it's only about your wife's wants and desires, and that yours don't really matter. I'm not one of those people. But yes, as everyone else has pointed out, it's very much a joint decision.

I did not say that the man's desires don't matter, I said that he should not have much in the way of goals. He can have all the desire he wants, just don't have measurable husband-centered goals.

Men are much more goal oriented. A budding hotwife could be having an intensely good time getting drooled over at a party.

But the way so many guys here have their thoughts set up, they would be disappointed because she did not fuck anyone that evening.

My view is to let her enjoy the freedom, the spontaneity, the excitement of being desired. A husband standing there fixated on seeing a cock slide in and out of his wife is not doing anyone any good.

Believe me, if you provide a woman freedom to explore her sexuality while providing a safe and encouraging environment, she will eventually get all the cock her body and your mind can handle.

[RHotwife1981]

don’t TRY to make it happen. Let it happen. If it doesn’t wait until next time. I realize these aren’t the words you want to hear.

[MartasBoy]

Have you gotten her permission to post some photos on here in the hottie section? We would all comment positively on there.

It's not going to happen on your trip. It does not sound like she's to that point. But, you could encourage her to have some fun, dress cute and sexy, go to a cocktail lounge bar, have her sit alone and have a drink, like she's waiting for a girlfriend, and see who approaches her.

[atimmermans]

I know it won't happen on the trip. I want to let it happen, but help/stimulate her to get there.

I don;t want to arrange someone hitting on her, as even if genuine from the guys, is still a bit articifial and prefer it to happen by itself... so I'm hesitant. But sometimes you also need to help nature take it's course... that's my struggle and any ideas are most welcome.

[Wantsomefunto]

A lot of good sound advice posted so far. As all have said, don’t do anything behind her back. Maybe just start the conversation with her if she would be willing to wear a slightly more revealing bikini at the pool since no one will know her? Tell her you would like if she hung by the pool alone one day and say your off playing golf if any guys talk to her. Just ask her if she sees a guy she thinks is interesting at the poo if she will look at him and smile and see what happens?

[jeanniekeith]

It sounds like her self-confidence in her attractiveness is the barrier you have to overcome. All of the suggestions on here about hyping her up to know that she is desirable is the key. When it happened with us, it was totally unplanned and just happened. The more men I met and had sex with, the more confident I became about my sexuality and desirability. You just have to get her over that first hump (so to speak).