A Question For The Partner / Husband

[Sinclair1240]

Hello!
I have been reading the forum and stories for sometime now and seek abit of clarity for the position of the BF or Husband.

When the HW returns from her bull, is the BF / Husband still allowed to have sex with her? I am trying to understand the Cuckold's position? The HW and Bull get alot out of the lifestyle, but the cuckold appears to have sex withdrawn from him. What us in it fir the husband / boyfriend?

Sx

[Farmgirl]

Hello!
I have been reading the forum and stories for sometime now and seek abit of clarity for the position of the BF or Husband.

When the HW returns from her bull, is the BF / Husband still allowed to have sex with her? I am trying to understand the Cuckold's position? The HW and Bull get alot out of the lifestyle, but the cuckold appears to have sex withdrawn from him. What us in it fir the husband / boyfriend?

Sx

For almost all couples denial only happens because the husband asks for it.
There are plenty of Hotwife couples who have a very regular sex life, with the boyfriend sex supercharging their married sex life. Even the couples that have some form of denial, they are still having a sex life, even if it looks different to you .

[annsman]

For us the other man is an extra to our marriage and adds spice to our own lovemaking, not replaces it.

Making love when Ann returns from a date while she tells me the details is a very important and arousing part of sharing her for both of us.

[Shiphead]

Sinclair1240,
If I'm reading your post correctly, I think you may be mixing up some terms and different kinks about the LS (lifestyle)

Husband is the significant other of the couple.

BF - Wife's other man for sex on a long term basis

FB wife's Fuck Buddy. Usually a little longer term but can be short term

Usually the man in the committed relationship is telling the story. If they are a committed couple, the man doesn't refer to himself as boyfriend. But he will refer to his girlfriend as his girlfriend. Again, boyfriend is still usually her FB.

There is a cuckold lifestyle where the husband becomes the beta or submissive in the relationship. The FB becomes the alpha or head of the relationship.
In a cuckold relationship where the husband becomes submissive, anything can happen because the wife and FB determine what the beta can do. Maybe cage him, cut off sex, punish him, anything.
Vixen/ Stag relationship is the husband is still the alpha or leader of the relationship and most things are through agreement between the committed couple. But the wife has the vagina and is still in control of everything. Often the husband is involved either watching, involved or waits while she dates. They usually have reclamation sex when she comes home and tells the husband everything that happened if the husband wasn't there.
Does that help or am I way off?
Others on this site are much better at writing than I am and may be more help.

[trecital]

When the HW returns from her bull, is the BF / Husband still allowed to have sex with her?

Your question sounds like you are expecting there is some rule book somewhere that states what is and isn't allowed.

There is no rule book, and there isn't even a 'best' way of doing things.

I would have thought that if, as you say, you have been reading stories on the forum "for some time", that you would have realised that there are all sorts of variations on ways that people live this lifestyle.

You also ask "what is in it for the husband/boyfriend?"

If you aren't of the cuckold mindset, then this is difficult to answer. I can tell you that, for me as a cuck, there is a much higher level of sexual excitement than I get from a conventional sexual arrangement. I assume that a similar answer would be given by most other cucks. Why do we get that higher level of excitement? The answer to that is complex, and might differ from every cuck.

As in many things in life, the answer isn't simple.....it's complicated.

[Sinclair1240]

Hello All!
Thankyou for the informative replies. I think that the answer from Shiphead clarifies my misunderstanding of these relationships.
For me, I am definitely not submissive so I would not entertain a cuck relationship. I do understand the wifechaving a partner and having reclaimed sex afterwards. That and working together as a joint couple. I would like for the husband to have a long term girlfriend but it doesn't seem to feature much on this site.
I understand that there is no rule book, what works for one person, isn't guarranteed to work for anyone else.

So now I understand, thankyou.
Thankyou for your patience.
Sinclair

[Shiphead]

Im a little confused. When you say you would like the husband to have a long term girlfriend, are you saying that the wife wants the husband to have a woman FB and be ok with it? I think you are a man and want two women. Is that what youre saying?

Everyone here wants to help if they can. Sex should be fun. Each person has thoughts and fantasies that are different from everyone else. You just need to communicate and find common ground where you can enjoy life and sex. Good luck.

[Sinclair1240]

Thankyou for your advice.

I am looking at it as the wife has sex with her husband and her lovers. From my stance, I am wondering if the reverse happens where a husband has sex with his wife and a lover. Especially where the wife may not be as interested in sex for what ever reason.

This scenario does not appear common and I have to admit that it does not sound as erotic as a hotwife. But as noted in some of your experiences, an emotional connection is very important to me.

[Shiphead]

It doesnt seem like that is as likely to happen. But then this is a site for hotwives and not hot husbands so it really isn't very common from what I have read.
There is discussion on swapping occasionally.
Others on this site have a lot more experience in other lifestyle situations.
But I have wondered why women don't seem to want to share their husbands. Maybe the verified hotwifes could give us both an education why that is.

[Farmgirl]

It doesnt seem like that is as likely to happen. But then this is a site for hotwives and not hot husbands so it really isn't very common from what I have read.
There is discussion on swapping occasionally.
Others on this site have a lot more experience in other lifestyle situations.
But I have wondered why women don't seem to want to share their husbands. Maybe the verified hotwifes could give us both an education why that is.

Let's just say that I'm too jealous to share my husband, at least normally. You see, women know other women (for the most part) want their man so they can say, I had your man. It's that catty shit!
There are some women that I trust and have trusted, but not most.
The other thing is that most men can't compartmentalize things as well as women and that most women don't show compersion as men do. There are some that do, and there are instances where some of us might.

[MartasBoy]

Hello!
I have been reading the forum and stories for sometime now and seek abit of clarity for the position of the BF or Husband.

When the HW returns from her bull, is the BF / Husband still allowed to have sex with her? I am trying to understand the Cuckold's position? The HW and Bull get alot out of the lifestyle, but the cuckold appears to have sex withdrawn from him. What us in it fir the husband / boyfriend?

Sx

I don't think there are any hard and fast rules. I don't think there should be any. It is all up to you and your husband, and your particular wishes and desires.

Some husbands like clean up and reclamation sex. Some wives are okay with that, some are not. Some husbands get turned on by merely watching, or even just knowing about it.
Some husbands like being taunted and humiliated. Others would hate that.

The husbands who enjoy being taunted and humiliated, like being denied sex, and being told that your lover does it better, and has exclusive access to you.
But you need to know if your husband is into it.

[Sinclair1240]

Thankyou All.

You have raised thoughts and ideas that I hadn't considered. Farmgirl - your last post is very thought provoking and something I hadn't considered. When I read more "our stories" it is something that I will be considering and looking for.

As another postee said, "Maybe some verified hotwives could tell us." I think that they can and will have a clearer view point than others.

Sx

[nks]

As the question is about what the husband is getting out of it all when sex is denied, I answer that part. It is just one perspective, and it is more of the description of an ideal situation. For me, having no or very little sex with my wife is the ultimate humiliation and thus the greatest part of such a relationship. For me sex is about my wife getting satisfied, being passionate, enjoying sex to the fullest. Many men can easily deal with their own needs, but the truth is, for real pleasure, women need a man, great chemistry, and a long-lasting, manly penis. Often such a man is someone she is really attracted to outside marriage. If that is what gives her great sex, then that’s what she needs. So, she should have sex with her lover, while we have a more romantic, more intimate, more emotional relationship. Sex is for the lover. For the husband, a special bond. We can talk about sex, she can show pictures, maybe even have some sex, but the real sex should happen between the wife and the lover(s). The husband can deal with his desires on his own (he will be fantasizing about her wife’s sex life anyway). I’m not against romantic bonds with the lover of course, but sex can be exclusively for the lover.

But, humiliation is a very exciting addition. First of all, the thought itself is very exciting for a lot of husbands in this forum. And, if it is true that the husband is not very good in bed, then being told by the wife is a great feeling. It is a good release of pent up unsaid truths. She gets satisfied in bed, we face the facts, I feel humiliated as I should be, and yet she still loves me. That last part is the key. That is what the husband gets out of a good hw-husband relationship. We know the lovers are better in bed. We know my wife needs to have good sex. We know she craves for romance. And as a husband, you really feel a special kind of attraction, mixed with respect and love, towards your wife when she is a HW. If she shows love to you then you feel close and over the moon. That closeness, some extra attention, and that feeling of a great match of our sexual needs are what husband hopes for. I need a wife who has lots of sex outside marriage, but can still love me, and she needs a hard penis and another set of loving hands, but also an understanding and caring husband.

Husbands don’t want a woman, who totally neglect them, or move on with a lover. They want a Hotwife. They are proud to be with a Hotwife. But they want her affection and long term commitment as a wife. If the wife cares for the husband, and loves him, then all the other humiliation, lack of sex, dominance can turn into a special kind of attention. When everything is in harmony, humiliation can be the best part. No matter how inadequate you are, no matter how much she humiliates you, she still wants to be with you and you want to also work hard to make her happy in your own way. What can be a greater admission of love? Humiliation then is also attention and love from the wife. You need strong bonds for this, and keep in mind that this is only an ideal what the husband wants scenario.

[Shiphead]

Let's just say that I'm too jealous to share my husband, at least normally. You see, women know other women (for the most part) want their man so they can say, I had your man. It's that catty shit!
There are some women that I trust and have trusted, but not most.
The other thing is that most men can't compartmentalize things as well as women and that most women don't show compersion as men do. There are some that do, and there are instances where some of us might.

Thank you Farmgirl. Great information.

[Natatude]

My husband and I have a normal sex life he just like to share me and if I am going alone with a lover, he wants pics, vids, FaceTime. And when I get home we have sex so he can remark his territory. He loves a fresh cream pie.

[trecital]

As the question is about what the husband is getting out of it all when sex is denied, I answer that part. It is just one perspective, and it is more of the description of an ideal situation. For me, having no or very little sex with my wife is the ultimate humiliation and thus the greatest part of such a relationship. For me sex is about my wife getting satisfied, being passionate, enjoying sex to the fullest. Many men can easily deal with their own needs, but the truth is, for real pleasure, women need a man, great chemistry, and a long-lasting, manly penis. Often such a man is someone she is really attracted to outside marriage. If that is what gives her great sex, then that’s what she needs. So, she should have sex with her lover, while we have a more romantic, more intimate, more emotional relationship. Sex is for the lover. For the husband, a special bond. We can talk about sex, she can show pictures, maybe even have some sex, but the real sex should happen between the wife and the lover(s). The husband can deal with his desires on his own (he will be fantasizing about her wife’s sex life anyway). I’m not against romantic bonds with the lover of course, but sex can be exclusively for the lover.

But, humiliation is a very exciting addition. First of all, the thought itself is very exciting for a lot of husbands in this forum. And, if it is true that the husband is not very good in bed, then being told by the wife is a great feeling. It is a good release of pent up unsaid truths. She gets satisfied in bed, we face the facts, I feel humiliated as I should be, and yet she still loves me. That last part is the key. That is what the husband gets out of a good hw-husband relationship. We know the lovers are better in bed. We know my wife needs to have good sex. We know she craves for romance. And as a husband, you really feel a special kind of attraction, mixed with respect and love, towards your wife when she is a HW. If she shows love to you then you feel close and over the moon. That closeness, some extra attention, and that feeling of a great match of our sexual needs are what husband hopes for. I need a wife who has lots of sex outside marriage, but can still love me, and she needs a hard penis and another set of loving hands, but also an understanding and caring husband.

Husbands don’t want a woman, who totally neglect them, or move on with a lover. They want a Hotwife. They are proud to be with a Hotwife. But they want her affection and long term commitment as a wife. If the wife cares for the husband, and loves him, then all the other humiliation, lack of sex, dominance can turn into a special kind of attention. When everything is in harmony, humiliation can be the best part. No matter how inadequate you are, no matter how much she humiliates you, she still wants to be with you and you want to also work hard to make her happy in your own way. What can be a greater admission of love? Humiliation then is also attention and love from the wife. You need strong bonds for this, and keep in mind that this is only an ideal what the husband wants scenario.

Well written. A great explanation. I don't fit exactly into your description, but I relate to most of it.

It's a bit like your wife spanking you, for example. She doesn't do it to hurt you, even though it might hurt. She does it because you like it being done to you. And she loves you, so will indulge you. Except in hotwifing and cuckolding she stands to probably get more out of it too.
Hopefully there are all sorts of things that you do in your life that please other people.

[Sinclair1240]

Thankyou NKS, it is a very informative reply and works well with Farmgirl's earlier reply.

I think I struggle with it for one reason: I am not cuck material. Also I could not be denied sex. Whilst my wife and I are very close and I would always want to please her, if she wanted to go down the HW route I would have to walk away to allow her to sleep with who she wanted. I suppose it becomes something else then.

I find the HW and lover very erotic and interesting, but to me the husband loses out when he is a cuck. I get the idea of reclamation sex and like the idea of it.

I suppose it us what floats your boat isn't it.
Sx

[trecital]

I find the HW and lover very erotic and interesting, but to me the husband loses out when he is a cuck.

But this only applies to your mindset.
So your statement should really read "if I was in that situation I would feel I was losing out". Which would be acceptable comment. But you are generalising your mindset on to all others. Whether or not the cuck loses out, depends on his mindset, his approach.
I'm not a beta type, more of an alpha. So, when I get 'bettered' in the bedroom it is challenging for me to accept. But at the same time very sexually exciting. I often feel that I'm getting more excitement out of the situation than either my wife or her boyfriend are. They are pretty much just having conventional sex. I'm experiencing something way more exciting. I will say that it's best for me when I'm present, watching and included in some way.
I can appreciate a situation, where the cuck gets excluded, as being one where he loses out. But, again, that's my mindset making judgements on what other people might or might not get out it.
Reading posts here, it seems that some cucks get off by being excluded completely. I find that difficult to understand. But I'm not going to say "he's losing out", if that is specifically what he wants.

[Sinclair1240]

Agreed. This does only apply to my mind set and not those of a cuck. Probably watching and joining in would be my mind set.

Sx