Im still trying to figure out why im into this

[Surrey]

I think i would also like it if the other guy didnt know that i was aware of whats going on. Not sure why i feel this way.

I’d kind of like him to think they’re doing it behind my back too.

So would you like him to feel like he's "getting one over on you"?
Would his lack of respect for you and your relationship be a turn on?
Or would you rather he felt guilt but just couldn't resist the urge?

I've been in both positions, it depended on how I felt about the guy.
Fucking your best friend's girlfriend behind his back feels horribly guilt ridden but amazing at the same time.
Sexually frustrated and unsatisfied women are so grateful, submissive and satisfying to fuck.

Iits not the lack of respect for me and the relationship, its more about the thirds pleasure.
I suspect it would be much more pleasurable and exciting for him, if he felt the huband didnt know.

Maybe somewhat similar to having sex outdoors where maybe someone else can see. Its just makes the sex more heated and primal.

[Surrey]

Maybe look at it from a different angle.
Instead of trying to prepare her for a particular subject/kink, work on trying to get to a place where you can tell each other anything.
When you are so strong that you can both share anything without worrying that the other will freak out and get the wrong idea, it will be much easier to talk about and she will be more understanding.

People think it's easy for me to say that because "it's easier to tell your wife you want to fuck other wives".
Even if that's true, I'll add some context.
Around the time I figured out what exactly I was into and why, my wife had gotten herself into depression which led to no sex which led to me giving into fucking a hooker which I told my wife about. She then had some colleague trying to convince her to end it and get with him instead.
So we were rock bottom.
It took me about 5 years to rebuild our relationship, help her out of depression and get us to a point where sex was better than ever and we could openly discuss anything because it kinda didn't feel like we were 2 individuals anymore.
At this point I felt like I could tell her about the cuckolding rabbit hole I had gotten myself into while I was sex starved and she was understanding not only of the kink but why I had kept it from her. 6 months after that, she tells me she thinks she'd be ok with me being a bull for other couples.
I could never have expected that 5 years before but I learned a lot in the process.

This is a really insightful post.
Would you agree that unfortunately most couples are not at a place where they are in such a tight relationship that they can share even the most intimate thoughts.
Maybe tgats why for many, and maybe even most, they are forever stuck as wanabees.

[hubudig2]

This is a really insightful post.
Would you agree that unfortunately most couples are not at a place where they are in such a tight relationship that they can share even the most intimate thoughts.
Maybe tgats why for many, and maybe even most, they are forever stuck as wanabees.

I've spoken to wannabes in a mixture of different situations.
Probably a third of them were in the perfect position in their relationship to start discussing it and I think they knew it but were just scared.
For those, I offer some reassurance, address a few "what ifs" and give them the confidence to go for it.
So far, every time has worked out perfectly.
By perfectly, I mean it improved their relationship, they were both happier, there were no downsides, I don't mean they instantly hopped on tinder to find a guy.

There are others that aren't comfortable with discussing sexual matters at all with their wives.
The thought of having those conversations is probably scarier than her finding out his kinks/fantasies so he looks for a way around it instead.
It's a dangerous game because if she finds out but they aren't able to discuss it properly and comfortably, she can jump to the wrong conclusions, start googling the wrong things and then it drives a wedge between them instead.

There are others that have left it too long, they've gone so far down the path and have too many secrets that they couldn't possibly come clean about it all. I understand that it might be scary to tell her, that it's a worry that they might not be completely sure they want it yet but it's better to share the journey and build the trust. It usually takes her a long time to come to terms with it anyway.