Im still trying to figure out why im into this

[Surrey]

Im not really doing it for her pleasure.

Im not doing as some sort of porn fantasy. I know this because im ok with not watching and not even being in the same room.

I just want it to happen. I cant explain it. Anyone else in the same boat, or can shed some light.

[hubudig2]

The short and boring answer is it benefitted evolution for some guys to want it.
The more interesting aspect is how some guys come around to wanting it.
I personally think most, if not all guys are capable of being into it but it's a series of experiences that trigger the desire.
Once the desire becomes strong enough, most guys get themselves off to it so hard and often that they essentially train themselves into making it an obsession/necessity.

[Pufferfish]

Well nobody can tell you why you want it either. There's a ton of different reasons. Maybe a reason might be similar to why someone might throw a Super Bowl party. Some people really enjoy being that guy that has a bunch of people come over to their nice house, and gather around their big TV, and make a mess eating their food and having a good time. And those hosts feel good about themselves for having something that others can maybe enviously enjoy but do not own, and feel good about providing that entertainment for others. It could be similar in a hotwife situation, having a wife that is yours, but everyone wants to enjoy and gets to spend some time with.

[gastallman]

I found this article on Medium-- https://medium.com/@manupriyankacpl/why ... f28a2f9a29. Maybe this explains why so many of us find this desire, realized or not, so attractive.
The are other article by the same author on the site centered around hotwifing too. All very interesting, check them out.

[Surrey]

I checked them out. Thanks for sharing.
The sperm competition theory is interesting, it could have some merit.
It looks like this desire could be a hold over from our evolution.

[upright]

I have been a cuckold wannabe for many years and also wonder why. My first awareness to feeling sexuality submissive occurred in my early 20’s but remember it like it was yesterday. For many years that feeling seemed to be less present but since has returned. I feel it has returned due to getting older and not being able to satisfy my wife.
I also have a deep love for my wife but feel I have disappointed her sexuality. She says it’s ok but I have accepted my inadequacy which for me was a defining moment. If it ever happened I would like to be present but as this would be for her it would not be my decision.
Hard to say why this occurs but it does seem many men have this strong desire also return later in life.
Sperm competition I feel does come into play but overall for me it’s about pleasure for my wife.
Have also found this to be a powerful fantasy which has only grown throughout the years.

[hubudig2]

The brain learns by associating things with reward and punishment.
If you:
-fuck/cum while thinking about how you're unable to pleasure your wife
-masturbate/cum thinking about how and/or watching other guys fuck better
you'll train your mind to think about and enjoy thinking about those things.

If you're desperately trying to last longer and fighting the urge to cum but always feel like you give in and succumb to the urge, you'll associate the feeling of submitting with orgasm.

In reality the situations aren't so simple and obvious as those examples but the same principles apply.
People find their own place in the social/sexual pecking order from life experiences, other people merely guide them to their place with their interactions.
A guy that's capable in the bedroom will gain confidence and/or associate sexual dominance with pleasure more and more.
A guy that gets cheated on and/or struggles to pleasure women and fixates on other guys being able to fuck better will lose confidence and/or associate sexual submission with pleasure more and more.

There'll always be people that angrily disagree because they're an alpha cuck or beta stag or something but it's not a 1 dimensional range.
There's all kinds of social dominance mixed with sexual submission and so many different quirks inbetween.
I've known cucks that are better equipped and fuck better than most bulls but there'll be some life experiences down the line that have steered them into associating being cucked with pleasure, whether they can remember/identify them or not.

[Pufferfish]

stuff

Very good explanation. I have a very similar explanation I use for discussing Love in general and how the brain reacts to stimuli like that. Everything you like and dislike is because of how your brain processes and organizes that information.

[philxxo]

Men are into it for a variety of reasons, some of which the OP listed. My feeling is that men want women who like to fuck. We don't want wives who are just performing some kind of chore. We want sluts and whores who love sex like we do. That's attractive to us. What proves that more than wives who want to fuck other men? We cuck wannabes want our wives to become total sluts, whether we watch or not. We just want it to happen. I would love it if my wife would fuck a college football team or something like that. I would love it if she fucked the Amazon delivery guy before he left. I would love it if my wife would fuck all the neighbors. I would like her to be shameless in the pursuit of her sexual desires.

Add to that all the porn that has brainwashed us. We have trained our brains to be voyeurs. We want to use our wives as our personal porn stars in some cases. Then some of us get older and cannot please our wives as we once did. I want my wife to have the best, and that's not me, despite what she says. I know there are plenty of other men out there who can please her sexually much better than I can. I can suppress any jealousy and angst so that she can have the best experience.

[hubudig2]

My feeling is that men want women who like to fuck. We don't want wives who are just performing some kind of chore. We want sluts and whores who love sex like we do. That's attractive to us. What proves that more than wives who want to fuck other men?

Personally, I like a woman who is a total submissive slut but she's only like that for me.
My wife, for example, has never enjoyed sex with any other guy, has never cum with another guy, never felt submissive towards another guy.
Before she first fucked me, she told me not to try to make her cum because it wouldn't work and would just make her feel bad/awkward.
Tbh I had no idea what I was doing back then but for some reason, unknown to me at the time, she couldn't stop cumming for me. She realised she wasn't broken and that she did actually enjoy sex.

I've had similar experiences with other women and I love that feeling of being able to unlock a woman and make her sing like nobody else can.
I love to show her off in that beautiful orgasmic state too.

[Johor]

Anyone else in the same boat, or can shed some light.

Yes and not really. I am into cucking because it turns me on like nothing else.

Perhaps because I love experiencing and sharing intimacy. Perhaps because I have developed a bi sex life over time. Or maybe I developed a bi sex life because I crave to be a cuck.

It is one of those things that can't be explained by any reason. Just experienced.

[feetuji]

Some things have no explanation. Foot fetish for instance...no evolutionary reason for that!

[Surrey]

Ofcourse i personally find the act very arousing, alot of that arousal is because the act is so taboo and so primal.

One aspect i havent heard others discuss yet.
I get excited at the thought of how much pleasure its going to bring the other guy. The bull, third, lover, or whatever you want to call him.

I think i would also like it if the other guy didnt know that i was aware of whats going on. Not sure why i feel this way.

[wulfenus]

One aspect i havent heard others discuss yet.
I get excited at the thought of how much pleasure its going to bring the other guy. The bull, third, lover, or whatever you want to call him.

definitely !!

I think i would also like it if the other guy didnt know that i was aware of whats going on. Not sure why i feel this way.

Even more definitely !!

[mfm4bnc]

Ofcourse i personally find the act very arousing, alot of that arousal is because the act is so taboo and so primal.

One aspect i havent heard others discuss yet.
I get excited at the thought of how much pleasure its going to bring the other guy. The bull, third, lover, or whatever you want to call him.

I think i would also like it if the other guy didnt know that i was aware of whats going on. Not sure why i feel this way.

I think that like many things, there are a lot of pathways here. For myself, I have had the fantasy since my teens, and the parts of it that turn me on keep evolving. It is funny for me reading people's own theories about how they got here, as I often think to myself, yeah, that is the part I was enjoying when I was 30, or that is the part I am enjoying now, etc... etc...

The two things you mention in your most recent post are definately part of what turns me on now.

I think real introspection on your question is worthwhile. So much of our sexual desire occurs behind the curtain, and understanding our drives can help us avoid a lot of the potential negatives while enhancing the positives.

[Surrey]

Im also wondering why females are so hesitant about being a hotwife.

Most guys would jump at the opportunity of having multiple partners while married.

Why is it so different from females? Why are they so reluctant ?

[hubudig2]

Im also wondering why females are so hesitant about being a hotwife.

Most guys would jump at the opportunity of having multiple partners while married.

Why is it so different from females? Why are they so reluctant ?

I'd love to know if that's true or not.
I made a poll a while back and the results suggested that only 15% of wives remain to be convinced but 33% needed some convincing.
I'm sure the results are skewed one way or another though.
(Poll here: viewtopic.php?f=6&t=71072)

I feel like I can now partly understand their reluctance...
I spent nearly 15 years wishing I could continue the bull lifestyle while being married until a year ago when my wife said she would be prepared to try allowing me to. At first I didn't believe her. After a while I accepted that she probably is willing but it felt wrong/disrespectful to go actively looking for other wives to fuck. I currently feel like maybe it wouldn't be as good as I remember/imagine it to be. The sex we have is good and meaningful, I wonder if fucking someone else's wife would lack that meaning and be a bit guilt filled. So I'm probably in the same boat as a lot of wannabes' wives where I'd be open to it if "the right opportunity" came along, which is unlikely.

[ItsANiceDay]

For myself I stopped along why I am into it. Acknowleding that I am into it, to myself but also to my wife, seems to be quite enough for now.

Is she into the idea of having multiple men, whenever she she wants, without guilt or shame? Oh yes, very much.

Would sure ever love that fantasy out? A much different question. And until we find ourselves in that position, I’m not sure it matters too much.

[Surrey]

Guys, when we try to subtley guide our partners to be hotwives without telling them our true intention from the begenning, is that considered being manipulative?

[hubudig2]

Guys, when we try to subtley guide our partners to be hotwives without telling them our true intention from the begenning, is that considered being manipulative?

Yes, and dishonest.
It's far more enjoyable and better for your relationship if you can openly share/discuss it and enjoy the journey together.

[Surrey]

Yeah but you can imagine that for many couples its hard to have this talk from the start.
Id say in some cases, damn near impossible.

I feel that it makes more sense to gradually introduce it.
But then as you say, if its donr gradually, it can be considered manipulative.

[hubudig2]

Maybe look at it from a different angle.
Instead of trying to prepare her for a particular subject/kink, work on trying to get to a place where you can tell each other anything.
When you are so strong that you can both share anything without worrying that the other will freak out and get the wrong idea, it will be much easier to talk about and she will be more understanding.

People think it's easy for me to say that because "it's easier to tell your wife you want to fuck other wives".
Even if that's true, I'll add some context.
Around the time I figured out what exactly I was into and why, my wife had gotten herself into depression which led to no sex which led to me giving into fucking a hooker which I told my wife about. She then had some colleague trying to convince her to end it and get with him instead.
So we were rock bottom.
It took me about 5 years to rebuild our relationship, help her out of depression and get us to a point where sex was better than ever and we could openly discuss anything because it kinda didn't feel like we were 2 individuals anymore.
At this point I felt like I could tell her about the cuckolding rabbit hole I had gotten myself into while I was sex starved and she was understanding not only of the kink but why I had kept it from her. 6 months after that, she tells me she thinks she'd be ok with me being a bull for other couples.
I could never have expected that 5 years before but I learned a lot in the process.

[Her number1]

Maybe look at it from a different angle.
Instead of trying to prepare her for a particular subject/kink, work on trying to get to a place where you can tell each other anything.
When you are so strong that you can both share anything without worrying that the other will freak out and get the wrong idea, it will be much easier to talk about and she will be more understanding.

People think it's easy for me to say that because "it's easier to tell your wife you want to fuck other wives".
Even if that's true, I'll add some context.
Around the time I figured out what exactly I was into and why, my wife had gotten herself into depression which led to no sex which led to me giving into fucking a hooker which I told my wife about. She then had some colleague trying to convince her to end it and get with him instead.
So we were rock bottom.
It took me about 5 years to rebuild our relationship, help her out of depression and get us to a point where sex was better than ever and we could openly discuss anything because it kinda didn't feel like we were 2 individuals anymore.
At this point I felt like I could tell her about the cuckolding rabbit hole I had gotten myself into while I was sex starved and she was understanding not only of the kink but why I had kept it from her. 6 months after that, she tells me she thinks she'd be ok with me being a bull for other couples.
I could never have expected that 5 years before but I learned a lot in the process.

[lanceHarden25]

Ofcourse i personally find the act very arousing, alot of that arousal is because the act is so taboo and so primal.

One aspect i havent heard others discuss yet.
I get excited at the thought of how much pleasure its going to bring the other guy. The bull, third, lover, or whatever you want to call him.

I think i would also like it if the other guy didnt know that i was aware of whats going on. Not sure why i feel this way.

I can understand both points. I want my wife to be supremely pleased but I’d also want her lover to experience deep pleasure. After all, if he’s not having fun and expressing it, chances are she isn’t either.

I’d kind of like him to think they’re doing it behind my back too.

[hubudig2]

I think i would also like it if the other guy didnt know that i was aware of whats going on. Not sure why i feel this way.

I’d kind of like him to think they’re doing it behind my back too.

So would you like him to feel like he's "getting one over on you"?
Would his lack of respect for you and your relationship be a turn on?
Or would you rather he felt guilt but just couldn't resist the urge?

I've been in both positions, it depended on how I felt about the guy.
Fucking your best friend's girlfriend behind his back feels horribly guilt ridden but amazing at the same time.
Sexually frustrated and unsatisfied women are so grateful, submissive and satisfying to fuck.