Enjoying the Journey

[WhateverWhen]

One thing I've noticed since joining the forum and starting to think about how to introduce the hotwife fantasy to my wife is how enjoyable and exciting the journey itself can be, even before thinking about having 'the conversation'. For example, I recently purchased my wife her first ever dildo and following our first session playing with it she asked me what it was like for me to see another cock inside her - just hearing her ask that question excited the hell out of me and of course I replied that it turned me on to see her enjoying herself so much!

So, my question to all you wannabes (and ex-wannabes!) is what things have you done to progress the hotwife journey with your wife, even perhaps before she was aware of the fantasy, that were exciting and enjoyable moments in their own right? I have to come clean here, I'm shamelessly asking this question to give me some further ideas of things to try out with my wife, so I'll update here if I put any of them into action...

WW

[Bluetoed]

As most will tell you, a woman is very unlikely to do it unless it is her idea to do it. You don't wan to convince them to do it. It doesn't end well when they were convinced into doing it. And even sometimes they come up with the idea to do it just to please their husbands. You probably don't want that scenario either as they end up feeling like your sex toy.

What every wannabe wants is a woman who decided to do it because she knew she would enjoy it.

All the wannabes can do is communicate openly and honestly. Let her know how much it turns you on. If she asks if you just want it as a fantasy or want her to do it in reality, let her know that you only want her to do it in reality if she wants it for herself, and not just for her to do it for you. If they get angry or upset that you want this, and you want this so you can watch, let her know that the only thing better than having sex with her is being able to watch her have sex. Being able to see her have sex from angles you don't get when you are the one doing it to her. If you want this for the cuckold humiliation aspects, then let her know you want her to experience pleasures you can't provide to her. You don't want her to be denied the best sex she can have.

Don't push it. They will push back. It's a defense mechanism. Don't talk about it too much. They will get defensive with that as well. When you talk about it focus on how her pleasure is what triggers your pleasure. It's called compersion. Focus on how you want her to experience pleasures that you can't give her. And in turn you get pleased from her new found pleasures.

Maybe she wants to experience a MFM threesome. Maybe she wants to experience a solo with a more endowed man. Whatever it is, it is not about what you want. It's about what she wants. Because what she wants pleases her, and that in turn pleases you. So if she starts to open up about what it could look like, listen, LISTEN, L-I-S-T-E-N!!! You need to learn what she would get out of it. If you aren't listening, you will miss it and focus on things she doesn't want.

Ultimately she has to figure out what it would look like on her side first. If she is focused on what it looks like to you on your side, she will be too distracted to see what ultimately makes her decide to pursue it.

[WhateverWhen]

As most will tell you, a woman is very unlikely to do it unless it is her idea to do it. You don't wan to convince them to do it. It doesn't end well when they were convinced into doing it. And even sometimes they come up with the idea to do it just to please their husbands. You probably don't want that scenario either as they end up feeling like your sex toy.

What every wannabe wants is a woman who decided to do it because she knew she would enjoy it.

All the wannabes can do is communicate openly and honestly. Let her know how much it turns you on. If she asks if you just want it as a fantasy or want her to do it in reality, let her know that you only want her to do it in reality if she wants it for herself, and not just for her to do it for you. If they get angry or upset that you want this, and you want this so you can watch, let her know that the only thing better than having sex with her is being able to watch her have sex. Being able to see her have sex from angles you don't get when you are the one doing it to her. If you want this for the cuckold humiliation aspects, then let her know you want her to experience pleasures you can't provide to her. You don't want her to be denied the best sex she can have.

Don't push it. They will push back. It's a defense mechanism. Don't talk about it too much. They will get defensive with that as well. When you talk about it focus on how her pleasure is what triggers your pleasure. It's called compersion. Focus on how you want her to experience pleasures that you can't give her. And in turn you get pleased from her new found pleasures.

Maybe she wants to experience a MFM threesome. Maybe she wants to experience a solo with a more endowed man. Whatever it is, it is not about what you want. It's about what she wants. Because what she wants pleases her, and that in turn pleases you. So if she starts to open up about what it could look like, listen, LISTEN, L-I-S-T-E-N!!! You need to learn what she would get out of it. If you aren't listening, you will miss it and focus on things she doesn't want.

Ultimately she has to figure out what it would look like on her side first. If she is focused on what it looks like to you on your side, she will be too distracted to see what ultimately makes her decide to pursue it.

Thanks Bluetoed, all that you've said here I'm in complete agreement with! I don't want to make my wife a hotwife, I want to give her the opportunities and confidence to be open and share her desires and fantasies - there have been some glimmers that indicate this lifestyle may be part of those fantasies for her so I want to give her opportunities to express this and then support her however I can. It may be that in the end these aren't part of her fantasies but the process of exploring should be fun irrespective of outcome, and I guess that's what I mean by 'enjoying the journey'

[Statein88]

Honestly as you’ll see so many others say, it’s just planting the seeds and letting them grow so to speak. For most it’s not going to be a quick process. I’d say it’s been maybe 3-4 years from the time I first brought it up as sort of a fantasy until maybe 5-6 months ago I pretty much laid it out that I really would like to add this to our lives. So she’d heard it many times, we’d tease and joke about it, watch some occasional scenes involving it, etc. But I had to work up the courage to just lay it out there and say “I’d like to do this if you would like to do this.” Even then it wasn’t overnight and she had to do her own research and investigation. I just tried to be patient and supportive. I didn’t completely drop it, but didn’t push it. Over time she just started reading more stories, visiting sites like Reddit, listening to Podcasts and such. It led to some fun discussions and comparing of notes, opinions on what we liked and didn’t like in stories, scenarios, and videos.

The fantasy talk (pillow talk), toy play, flirty discussions about it, role play etc. have all been a lot of fun.

We are just now at the place where we BOTH seem to want this, but we are taking a slow and deliberate approach with it. Even the conversation we had confirming our feelings about it was some really exciting stuff.

So yes, I’ve enjoyed the journey so far and can’t even imagine what’s ahead.

[philxxo]

One thing that I have enjoyed is when she brings it up. In the past we would get into discussions and she tried to convince me how wrong it is. Then I said OK, I won't bring it up anymore and I haven't. But despite what she says, I know the idea excites her somewhat. For a month or two after I told her my fantasies, she would joke around about having a BF or such. Initially she asked me my idea about how it would work, but has since changed her mind. So since I have said I won't bring it up again, she occasionally does. Mentions it in passing mostly. Each time she mentions it or teases me about it in some way, it excites me. I enjoy hearing about her past lovers and experiences and she is more comfortable talking about it with me now. She finally told me what celebrities she thinks are sexy. I get a little excitement each time the window is opened a bit.

[WhateverWhen]

I love that Phil - even though I've not brought hotwifing up with my wife yet the general direction of our conversations recently has included her commenting on guys she finds attractive (only on TV at the moment), and starting conversations about how I rank her attractiveness against her friends (she wins hands down of course!). Each of these little things, however small, that indicate progress get my heart racing a little more!

[Threeisacharm]

She asked what it was like seeing another cock in her. Next time ask her Iif she likes that you watch another cock in her . If she just says yes, say "tell me more". Just listen and admit you wish you could see her with another man but don't want to loose her.