Encouraging My Wife

[paul80]

Reply by avatarBBCfan (i had to copy in from another thread):

So what was your reaction to the video? Did you ask about him?

Our hotwife journey story so far
viewtopic.php?f=48&t=60133

[paul80]

I was just watching but didn't get chance to comment because our child said she didn't like him and interestingly my wife got upset about this and walked off saying it wasn't very nice to criticise him. Again, I'm not reading too much into this, I know she thinks he's a nice guy as far as a work goes but I'm really not sure there's anything more to it.

She previously told me this guy is having a casual relationship with one of her female colleagues who is married. She said it is in some African cultures to have open relationships. I responded to by saying so long as everyone is ok with the arrangement, then I think this is fine. She knows my position on all this because we've talked before about it before.

[Small]

Having only joined this site very recently, I find the most intestering threads are the ones where we follow a couple's development from being a "normal" couple to the wife moving towards, and hopefully becoming, a true hotwife. The transition is incredibly exciting to follow. What I have also learned from the various threads here is that it takes time, patience and a whole lot of communication. Paul, it seems to me that your wife has the traditional worries and objections towards the hotwife lifestyle but I do feel there are small windows that she seems to open occasionally which makes me think that you should definitely not give up on the idea with her just yet. You need patience, although I get that it is frustrating as H... Just add a little bit here and there and follow some of the advice given to you by the good people on this site. Do you roleplay when you're having sex? That seems to sometimes help the development.

[paul80]

I've deffo not given up on the idea of her being a hotwife but i'm just not pushing the idea like I used to. I actually don't think it's productive to do so because it makes her feel pressured. My fantasy is no secret so it's with her really. I'm taking the approach that when she raises the subject, I respond with encouragement and let her know I'm still game but then I leave it there. I think it'll sit with her and she'll eventually get more comfortable with the idea.

We've had role-play before and at one point she got quite into it but sex has dried up of late. She's never had an orgasm and I put this down to her religious upbringing but I think with the right guy this could all change. I feel that she's so innocent that she doesn't know what she's missing out on but that she has potential.

She loves ballroom dancing and used to do it when we first met years ago but has since stopped. It's normal with ballroom dancing to dance with random partners and recently she mentioned how she'd like to get back into it. I think this would be a great opportunity for her to get comfortable with other guys.

I still believe that eventually she will do it but it's gonna take a lot of time and persistence.

[trecital]

It's not quite ballroom dancing.....but show her some vids on Youtube, like Magic Mike Live Las Vegas, for some sexy dancing.

[vrmtr]

Paul, I have been a wanna be for close to 15 yrs. My wife has also not taken the actual step to HW. She/we have gone to nude beaches, nude and swinger resorts. We roleplay and continue to communicate. I do think she will ay with another. When I travel I write stories involving her with other guys.

My point, continue the journey, find success from small steps and continue to communicate.....it may happen and if not, have fun along the way

I've deffo not given up on the idea of her being a hotwife but i'm just not pushing the idea like I used to. I actually don't think it's productive to do so because it makes her feel pressured. My fantasy is no secret so it's with her really. I'm taking the approach that when she raises the subject, I respond with encouragement and let her know I'm still game but then I leave it there. I think it'll sit with her and she'll eventually get more comfortable with the idea.

We've had role-play before and at one point she got quite into it but sex has dried up of late. She's never had an orgasm and I put this down to her religious upbringing but I think with the right guy this could all change. I feel that she's so innocent that she doesn't know what she's missing out on but that she has potential.

She loves ballroom dancing and used to do it when we first met years ago but has since stopped. It's normal with ballroom dancing to dance with random partners and recently she mentioned how she'd like to get back into it. I think this would be a great opportunity for her to get comfortable with other guys.

I still believe that eventually she will do it but it's gonna take a lot of time and persistence.

[Long Lurker 34]

I've deffo not given up on the idea of her being a hotwife but i'm just not pushing the idea like I used to. I actually don't think it's productive to do so because it makes her feel pressured. My fantasy is no secret so it's with her really. I'm taking the approach that when she raises the subject, I respond with encouragement and let her know I'm still game but then I leave it there. I think it'll sit with her and she'll eventually get more comfortable with the idea.

We've had role-play before and at one point she got quite into it but sex has dried up of late. She's never had an orgasm and I put this down to her religious upbringing but I think with the right guy this could all change. I feel that she's so innocent that she doesn't know what she's missing out on but that she has potential.

She loves ballroom dancing and used to do it when we first met years ago but has since stopped. It's normal with ballroom dancing to dance with random partners and recently she mentioned how she'd like to get back into it. I think this would be a great opportunity for her to get comfortable with other guys.

I still believe that eventually she will do it but it's gonna take a lot of time and persistence.

P80 - Was this more her 'thing' than yours? Certainly seems like something to encourage.

[paul80]

It's not quite ballroom dancing.....but show her some vids on Youtube, like Magic Mike Live Las Vegas, for some sexy dancing.

Ha, yes it is steamy!! I messaged her a YouTube link but she didn't reply. She doesn't like me messaging her sex related stuff because she worries I'll post something to the wrong person by accident. So she always ignores messages so as not to encourage me. She doesn't like it in general if she feels i'm pushing sex things onto her which is why I just wait for her to instigate conversation then I gently encourage.

[paul80]

P80 - Was this more her 'thing' than yours? Certainly seems like something to encourage.

The ballroom dancing is deffo her thing, I'm not really into it. We're from the UK and she loves Strictly Come Dancing which is on every year. When we were first dating, she used to go ballroom dancing without me but gave it up a couple of years into our relationship. I've encouraged her to start up again because it's an obvious way for her to get comfortable touching other men. She knows my motivation for encouraging her.

She recently said how she needs to exercise more and I explained that the most important thing is to pick something she enjoys or she won't keep it up long-term. She said ballroom dancing is the one thing she loves. So of course I said absolutely, I'll look after the kids, etc.

I won't push the subject but when it comes up again I'll try encouraging her a bit more, that's all I can do really. She probably will end up doing it again because she loves it. So that could eventually lead somewhere...

[Long Lurker 34]

P80 - Was this more her 'thing' than yours? Certainly seems like something to encourage.

The ballroom dancing is deffo her thing, I'm not really into it. We're from the UK and she loves Strictly Come Dancing which is on every year. When we were first dating, she used to go ballroom dancing without me but gave it up a couple of years into our relationship. I've encouraged her to start up again because it's an obvious way for her to get comfortable touching other men. She knows my motivation for encouraging her.

She recently said how she needs to exercise more and I explained that the most important thing is to pick something she enjoys or she won't keep it up long-term. She said ballroom dancing is the one thing she loves. So of course I said absolutely, I'll look after the kids, etc.

I won't push the subject but when it comes up again I'll try encouraging her a bit more, that's all I can do really. She probably will end up doing it again because she loves it. So that could eventually lead somewhere...

P80 - Her having something hubby is not interested in I have often pondered on. In that she gets to do something she enjoys and the hubby let off the hook. So, ultimately, this would perfect for a BF situation (if desired) to develop.
- Not sure if this your desired path.
- Definite interest. Following.

[BBCfan]

I was just watching but didn't get chance to comment because our child said she didn't like him and interestingly my wife got upset about this and walked off saying it wasn't very nice to criticise him. Again, I'm not reading too much into this, I know she thinks he's a nice guy as far as a work goes but I'm really not sure there's anything more to it.

She previously told me this guy is having a casual relationship with one of her female colleagues who is married. She said it is in some African cultures to have open relationships. I responded to by saying so long as everyone is ok with the arrangement, then I think this is fine. She knows my position on all this because we've talked before about it before.

It's interesting that she chose to show you this video with you knowing that he's having an affair with another colleague.
Seems like she's maybe trying to tease you a little bit and her defensiveness does suggest she likes the guy a bit.

Knowing how you feel it must make her a bit intrigued knowing that he's the kind of guy that's open to having an affair.

Does she know the colleague very well that he's having an affair with?

[paul80]

It's interesting that she chose to show you this video with you knowing that he's having an affair with another colleague.
Seems like she's maybe trying to tease you a little bit and her defensiveness does suggest she likes the guy a bit.

Knowing how you feel it must make her a bit intrigued knowing that he's the kind of guy that's open to having an affair.

Exactly, that's what I thought. She knows what I want and then she shows me a video of her in the car with a guy who she previously told me was having an affair with a married woman. So yes, I think she probably was testing my reaction. Like I say, I didn't get to see the entire video because we got interrupted so I need to follow it up by asking her if I can watch the rest of the video. She said it felt a bit awkward taking the video and it seemed that way; they both seemed to have smirks on their faces but I'm not reading too much into this.

Does she know the colleague very well that he's having an affair with?

I'm don't think she knows the woman super well but does see from time to time. She later told me she wasn't sure if the woman is actually married so she may have just added the married bit to tease me / test my reaction. My reaction was to ask if her husband knew, to which she replied that she didn't know but that it's common in some cultures to have open relationships. I said I thought this was fine so long as everyone was ok with it.

I've even sent messages to her when she's late from work saying I bet your having some fun with (the guy in the car).

[paul80]

P80 - Her having something hubby is not interested in I have often pondered on. In that she gets to do something she enjoys and the hubby let off the hook. So, ultimately, this would perfect for a BF situation (if desired) to develop.
- Not sure if this your desired path.
- Definite interest. Following.

I would absolutely support her taking up ballroom dancing again, it seems like an acceptable path for her to get used to other guys. But it needs to come from her otherwise she'll feel pushed so I just need to be patient.

Glad that you're interested but please don't expect rapid progress! I've been at this for a while! From reading other stories though, I am encouraged that 'normal' wives can eventually open up.

[shadowtantra]

Hi Paul,

I dropped off the board for a while and saw your December update. Being in a similar position as you, I am curious if you have any updates? Has your wife started the dancing? Any developments? Thanks for sharing when you have time.