How much to bring it up?

[Sharing One]

I think I would have to ask her if she got the letter and what did she think. If you don’t want to do that, ask her she would like to go shopping with you so you can buy her a new outfit. She will asked why, tell her you want her to look sexy, and see if she starts the conversation.

[philxxo]

That letter was brilliant! I'm saving it! I think she has been bringing it up for you. Just like my wife has a bit. I know my wife is more excited about it than she wants to let me believe. Probably the same for you. She is just testing you. It takes a lot for wives to do what we are asking. They are thinking, sure he says this now, but as soon as he sees another man fucking me, it will change everything and our marriage will be lost. It will take a lot of reassurance, maybe over years, to convince her this is a safe area for her to be in. If she weren't interested at all, she wouldn't have asked you. Be open and honest with her about it, answer all of her questions and don't shy away from the subject.

[PaNic]

Hi CBus,
I just reread your thread and I’m wondering how things have developed since your wife got your letter? Hope all good and the two of you are having fun...

[CBushotwifecpl]

Hi CBus,
I just reread your thread and I’m wondering how things have developed since your wife got your letter? Hope all good and the two of you are having fun...

So it hasn’t led to much movement yet really. Truth is we struggle discussing the issue and sex in general. In a brief discussion with her she said it would need to meet someone organically which is difficult. She is introverted, has a busy family life, and doesn’t have lots of single GF’s to go out with. She is very attractive so I hope somehow she gets hit on. I am trying to work on putting her in a position for that to happen but struggling for ideas.

Last weekend she told me she would play with my neighbor if I was ok with it. Problem is, I’m not. It’s fun to fantasize and flirt a little bit but screwing up their family is just not something we can do. When we go out drinking with them once every couple of months she starts flirting with him when she gets drunk. I can’t enjoy it too much because his wife is their and she is very uptight.

She has been very good to me since the letter. The letter definitely made my fantasy very clear which cannot be a bad thing. I told her yesterday when she comes home from visiting family I want to start communicating more about sex in general. Once we start communicating more about sex we can dive more into this fantasy.

In the end, she is open to it but not willing to make an effort.

[PaNic]

I’d suggest you take care not to push, at the moment it sounds more like your excitement than hers and pushing wouldn’t change that.

It’s great she’s open to the idea, enjoy and encourage the possibilities of that openness... Share your excitement that she might...

Her neighbour suggestion might have been a test that you wouldn’t lead her into embarrassment or trouble, in which case you just passed that test! Maybe now your wife will feel more confident to start looking for a more appropriate adventure

[Pufferfish]

I didn't see this thread before, just catching up. I liked what you wrote to your wife, you clearly defined what it is that you're looking for, tried your best to dismiss any fear of you wanting to be with other women or trick her, and presented it in a way where she could reflect on it later and not just say it once and her forget a lot of it. Laying your cards completely on the table like that is about the best things you can do. Honestly, that's pretty much exactly how me and my wife started as well. She was extremely introverted and shy. She hated discussing problems in our marriage or sex related issues. And I wrote her a couple things like this just so she was fully aware of what I thought. Plus, I'm typically better at writing than speaking. And, it doesn't put her on the spot.

When she brings up the neighbor and asks if you were ok with it, did you explain your reservations specifically, or just shut it down? Because how you let her know that you think it's a bad idea is important. She could just be testing the waters with a scenario she thought up, only to be shut down, which is counter productive.

Maybe the reason she's stuck on the neighbor rather than being open to other scenarios is simply a lack of imagination of whom else she could seduce. Maybe something along the lines of what I did and utilize your writing ability to craft an erotic short story for your wife to read and get her imagination flowing in a different direction? One with a hunky guy on a cruise ship, or a private getaway and how your wife might react. Or maybe a gym guy... Once I created an actual fantasy in my wife's head of a possible scenario it opened her up to the possibility a lot.

But at the very least, at least things have been more open and trusting between you two since you wrote what you did. The main thing is that you both be happy and communicate with each other rather than keeping secrets.

[PaNic]

Good points Pufferfish, thinking about her neighbour thing that could be an opportunity to firstly show responsibility for her by pointing out the disadvantages but then secondly to enjoy her sharing that she’d like to fuck him by fantasising together that she has done. (If that makes sense)

Bringing him in to your sex life but just in fantasy could be a win win: exciting for you both, encouraging your wife to think of other men and to share her thoughts with you!

[CBushotwifecpl]

Update, my wife and I went out Saturday and had lots of drinks. We do this every 6 weeks or so. My wife isn’t a huge drinker but does get horny when she gets drunk. We were doing lots of dirty talk during sex and it was all about her fucking other men or my neighbor. At one point I told her I would do all of the work finding guys and she told me she didn’t realize that. Then said maybe we should give it a try.

That being said she was drunk no doubt. The last thing I want to do is scare her or push her away. She is well aware of what I am interested in but I don’t believe she will bring it up to me. She doesn’t bring it up sober and I do not believe it would happen organically. She is very attractive but we are both so busy she just doesn’t have a lot of opportunities and is an introvert. So here are my options to move forward, let me know what you think.

1. Send her an email following up detailing exactly how it would go down so she can digest it.
2. Bring it up during foreplay this week
3. Bring it up while we are relaxing in the pool or something.
4. Don’t bring it up, wait for her to bring it up.

If she was just dirty talking that would be one thing but it got my attention when she apparently didn’t realize I would do all of the work. So at some point I would like to explain how I envision this going with me vetting everyone. I would also be willing to meet potential partners in person before she does to do my best to ensure her safety.

Thanks!

[mfm4bnc]

Update, my wife and I went out Saturday and had lots of drinks. We do this every 6 weeks or so. My wife isn’t a huge drinker but does get horny when she gets drunk. We were doing lots of dirty talk during sex and it was all about her fucking other men or my neighbor. At one point I told her I would do all of the work finding guys and she told me she didn’t realize that. Then said maybe we should give it a try.

That being said she was drunk no doubt. The last thing I want to do is scare her or push her away. She is well aware of what I am interested in but I don’t believe she will bring it up to me. She doesn’t bring it up sober and I do not believe it would happen organically. She is very attractive but we are both so busy she just doesn’t have a lot of opportunities and is an introvert. So here are my options to move forward, let me know what you think.

1. Send her an email following up detailing exactly how it would go down so she can digest it.
2. Bring it up during foreplay this week
3. Bring it up while we are relaxing in the pool or something.
4. Don’t bring it up, wait for her to bring it up.

If she was just dirty talking that would be one thing but it got my attention when she apparently didn’t realize I would do all of the work. So at some point I would like to explain how I envision this going with me vetting everyone. I would also be willing to meet potential partners in person before she does to do my best to ensure her safety.

Thanks!

Sometimes we play a game of "which would be hotter." I give two scenarios, and she chooses which sounds more exciting. Some examples from our past games:

Which would be hotter? To have somebody attractive come onto you while you were away on business, or to have a friend come onto you at home?

Which would be hotter? To have something occur organically, or have me set something up?

Which would be hotter? giving Erik pleasure unlike he has ever had, or having Erik give you pleasure unlike you have ever had?

[Pufferfish]

Her being drunk isn't going to make her do things she doesn't want to do. It just removes some censors and reservations that would prevent her from doing it. It appears to be something she is interested in, but something that she is uncomfortable bringing up and talking about or trusting that you're sincere, or worrying that things would be different afterwards. So talking, yes. Or writing, whichever you guys are able to do. Or both. Those are good.

1) For me, writing something up that gave her a clear scenario of what could be possible and that I would enjoy seeing was something that really helped her accept and begin to fantasize about it actually happening for real.
2) Foreplay is all well and good, but I feel it leaves a bit of doubt as to how much is real and how much of it is just pretend.
3) Talking about it in the light of day, clear headed and sincere, is something that should be possible before anything else can happen.
4) Well that's certainly a possibility if you're too scared to continue. But I'm sure there must have been some philosopher who said "he who just sits on his ass... moss will grow."

She isn't going to take initiative on this. This is something you are going to have to pursue if you want it to happen, or nothing will.