Moving from lurking to participating

[beskettiwestern]

We are a stag/vixen married couple in our mid-ish 30's. Fantasies around the idea started early in our relationship 15-ish years ago, and I believe we've been lurking on and off here just about the entire time.

Reading about everyone's desires and experiences really helped us define our own over time, so thank you all!

The journey from bedroom roleplaying to real life activity was one full of up and downs, starts and stops, and constant reshaping of ideas. Now that we've crossed that bridge, we're very grateful it took so long because I'm not sure either of use would have been emotionally mature enough to truly handle everything this lifestyle throws at your relationship in our early or even late 20's.

To be fair, she didn't struggle as much internally as I did. She's always just wanted two guys (or more) to worship her at the same time without any extra sauce (size, power play, cheating fantasy, etc). I had to come to terms with myself in this situation. Was it size? Did she want to cuck me? Did she want to cheat? Was I inadequate? Well, it was none of those things, and I was not any of those things either.

We're madly in love and have a very healthy one on one sexual relationship. We're both the best either of us has ever had, and that's still true today. It's just a lot easier to hit all the right buttons simultaneously with an extra mouth, hands, and tool haha.

Frankly, we'd probably be full on swingers if she didn't have previous trauma from past relationships or had a bit more interest in women.

Anyway, learning that the Stag/Vixen concept existed was really a game changer for us. It more closely resembled our dynamic and desires, and it feels comfortable to wear. Everything we do is above board and together, including between the sheets with a third. There is no competition. The third is my teammate, and our objective is simply to give her as much pleasure as possible. It's a ton of fun.

Finally, we're crossing over to participating to hopefully jump in and offer advice to others who considering making the transition. We are very aware our way is not the only way and respect everyone's flavors and kinks, but we can't help but to think some people might benefit from bending more our way than inviting some potentially explosive themes into their relationships, especially if that's not where her mindset ever was or is... So, just here to give a perspective that isn't quite as loud or prominent as some of the others. BUT again. Respect and props to you all regardless of your play preferences.

[Shiphead]

I agree with you 100%. My ex and I (marriage didn't end because ENM) felt and engaged with others the same way you did. There were no names for all the different flavors of this Lifestyle at the time. We wanted to enhance our experience and both be together any time we played.
The thirds were never friends nor lived near us. We wanted them to enjoy the experience but the real beneficiary of the encounter was my wife. I benefitted by being there and enjoying the sight and sounds of S (my wife), now known as compersion. Then we would go home and become your common yneighbors again with no one the wiser. Congrats on your decision to proceed to enhance your life together.
I so wish I could go back in time and still be with her and enjoy the LS. It was phenomenal.

[beskettiwestern]

Thanks for sharing, and I’m very sorry to read that things didn’t work out in the end for you two. The labeling part of all of this can certainly be restrictive and even harmful because it makes it seem like there are right and wrong ways to do all of this when that isn’t true at all. There is really only what exists as right within the context of your own relationship

[Farmgirl]

Thanks for sharing, and I’m very sorry to read that things didn’t work out in the end for you two. The labeling part of all of this can certainly be restrictive and even harmful because it makes it seem like there are right and wrong ways to do all of this when that isn’t true at all. There is really only what exists as right within the context of your own relationship

Welcome.
What is right is what works for each couple . Almost all of us exist within several "labels", morphing and merging, blurring the lines. But, that applies here on OHW as well as throughout life. Think of all of the labels you have in life (non-sex related), and how you don't fit precisely into only specific boxes. But, the shorthand of labels makes it easy to place oneself concerning others, and them with you.
Again, welcome.

[Shiphead]

BW,
Thanks for the nice response. I didn't mean to make it sound so emotional. Just saying that sometimes we don't know what we got til it's gone. Pave paradise...
My brother couldnt say Spaghetti and always said pesketti or besketti as a kid. Funny memory and great name. They need a Clint Eastwood emoji for Spaghetti western comments.

[Shiphead]

FG,
Excellent advise as always. There were no names for anything back then except seeing my wife getting fucked by another man made me horny as hell. Thought I was crazy. It was great until I got myself off in the shower. Then it lost it's appeal. That's how it stayed for quite a while, as I pondered my whacky fantasy.
It was so strange that my fantasy which had always been 2 women, (I would have disappointed both) changed to wanting to be in a MMF. Of course it continued to morph over time. My wife at the time helped define my fantasy. She said if someone else was working on her pussy while giving me a BJ (spit roasted) she might accidentally bite my cock off. Remembering Mr Bobbit, I became worried. I didn't want to become the second, Frankenwennie.
So I decided I wanted to watch and film the first time so we could relive it many times. I guess the added benefit for her was that she could watch herself in our homemade porno. It was so much different for her to watch it happen than trying to decipher her memory of actually being fucked well.
Of course I'm preaching to the choir, as they say. But I always find FG's posts to be great in helping new hot wife couples find their way to enjoying the LS.

[beskettiwestern]

Welcome.
What is right is what works for each couple . Almost all of us exist within several "labels", morphing and merging, blurring the lines. But, that applies here on OHW as well as throughout life. Think of all of the labels you have in life (non-sex related), and how you don't fit precisely into only specific boxes. But, the shorthand of labels makes it easy to place oneself concerning others, and them with you.
Again, welcome.

Thanks and I 100% agree with you! The labels were a helpful launch point and are a convenient way to indicate our flavor of play on our dating profiles. It was the in between when I was trying to force myself and us into a specific bucket and felt all the associated/typical patterns had to be adopted that was problematic. I now realize how silly that was but the early days were very confusing

Happy to be here, and I know my better half is excited to join in as well