Longtime Interest, Seeking Thoughts, Advice & Experiences ….

[Beachdays]

Greetings, and thanks for adding me ….. this will likely be a long intro. apologies in advance …..how & where to begin …. ? …..

I’m a single (not married) 60’s WM in a terrific long-term, long-distance relationship. To be honest, I’ve always been intrigued and turned on by sexually assertive women, even before I realized there were relationships in which the female is permitted, even encouraged to have multiple sexual partners. My “awakening” to this phenomenon was my reading of a piece in a Hustler magazine in my early 20’s (more on that in another post to come) and, to summarize, the “wife” in that story has a spontaneous tryst with a well hung neighbor & ultimately “confesses” to her husband, who …. instead of flying off the handle, pressers her for details and ravages her as she tells him how huge the neighbor’s dick was and how much she loved it ….. !

From that time forward, fantasies of my gf (& later wife, more on THAT later, too) enjoying consensual sex with other (usually well hung) men has been front and center among my various favorite “go to’s”. But I was never comfortable with the humiliation angle so often associated with what I learned was the “hot wife” ( later, “cuckold”) lifestyle. The allure to me was not my humiliation but her openly acknowledging and acting on her urges and desires. It was not until very recently that I discovered the difference between cuckolding and the “Stag/Vixen” lifestyle ….. BAM! That was it!!!

As I said, currently in an amazing LDR with a beautiful, bright, successful woman and we have a fantastic sex life. She admits that she’s not as adventurous as I am but she’s always happy to go to our local nude beach in the summer, loves the Lovense toy I recently got her and will occasionally ask me to put on some porn, to spice things up! When we met she was coming out of a sexless marriage and discovered that her husband had been cheating on her. That’s when she decided to make up for lost time and became very adventurous; I’d say promiscuous. I happened to be one of her conquests whom she perused pretty aggressively!

Truth be told, I knew and didn’t care that she was sleeping around. I was also recently single and was enjoying the new & regular sex. And I have to admit, I felt a certain sense of what I came to learn was “reclaiming sex”. In short, I had the “slutty” partner I’d always desired. The good news is, that we decided we really liked each other and have been together now over 10 years. At some point we became monogamous (by agreement) which, I think, in a longterm, LDR is pretty important.

My gf travels for her job and has AMPLE opportunities to stray. As I mentioned, she is very attractive; tall and fit and stands out in a crowd. She attends several large industry conferences each year but insists that she doesn’t get hit on and has remained faithful. However, I think she has always understood my kinky side and she enjoys telling me that oral sex isn’t “cheating”. Interestingly, over these past few years she has become much more interested in, and better at sucking my cock ….. and I always make sure to praise and compliment skills. I’ve even commented on how much better she has gotten …..

Like most couples (I think ….) over the years we have engaged in various role-playing “what if” sex talk and the topic of her fucking other men, past and future, often comes up. The other night we were in the midst of a long fucking session and I was having trouble getting to a climax, she took note and began telling me how big my dick was and how she could feel my big head …. ! I asked her if she liked big dicks to which she replied “yes, I like YOUR big dick!” ….. I said to her; “when we first met, you were fucking a lot of guys …”. “Not a lot, just a few”, she admitted ….. I said “I liked that …” . Her reply was, “I could start again …?” I came almost instantly!

I think we may be at the point where a real conversation, when we’re NOT having sex, may take place. As we all know, there are many variations on sex and what interests and desires we all have. As I’ve said, I have no interest in her humiliating me, or dressing her for a date and waiting at home, or having her getting pregnant from a gang-bang with a group of BBC’s in a seedy hotel room. My ideal situation, I think, would be some sort of holiday hook-up somewhere warm and tropical with lots of other naked people to observe and enjoy. I’ve heard of the Hedonism resorts and even lifestyle cruises but I’m not sure we’d be ready to just go all-in. (she might be!)

I’d love to hear from some genuinely experienced people, ESPECIALLY any women, on their thoughts, ideas, suggestions or experiences.

Thank you for your patience with this long introduction and back story. Happy to be here!

[joe_b]

I think you most certainly must go for something. I would stay about from going to the resort right off the bat. Maybe keep up the pillow talk as a recurring theme, gauge how she is into it. Just dig deeper into everytime, push the boundry bit by bit and see how she reacts. When you get her really into it, suggest that she start seeing one of her old flings. if none are available, suggest pursuing the while traveling. It would be something she could turn into a regular thing.

[philxxo]

I think you are really in a great position. Congrats! I would say continue to reassure her that this is something that turns you on and is perfectly OK with you. In fact you would like it. You need to consider if you want 3 somes, if you want to watch, or just be aware and know all the details. After that find out how she wants to meet men. She may be interested in apps, swinger clubs, just regular bars, or maybe just wants the option if things develop naturally with men that she meets. You also need to consider, both of you, if you will be helping her find men, or only she is involved with that. I told my wife that I would definitely like to watch, and also that I would enjoy helping her find men to fuck. I am still a wannabe, but that's how I see it. Keep in mind that regardless how we men may see it, the woman will be in the drivers seat and doing it the way she wants. Get some agreement and rules together before you start this path.

[Beachdays]

Thanks for the responses & encouragement. I have no doubt that a (non-heat of the moment) green light from me would be all it would take. I suspect it would/will likely go down with her either hooking up with some from her gym or through some work-related connection. I do not see this as a situation where I would be involved in the selection process or necessarily even know about it beforehand. As I said, I am certain she already knows men who want to fuck her (and she’s aware of it) and has probably already thought about what it would be like …. she probably knows a few that SHE wants to fuck!

Over the years there have been a few men whom I was and am inclined to believe she had flings with. In particular, one guy who was an industry contact that she basically came out and told me about as we were headed to one of her conferences. She told me there was going to be a certain man there but would not elaborate as to who or why she’d brought him up. Later, after she’d introduced us and dinner turned to dancing, they ended up on the floor together dancing to “tonight I’m fucking you ….” of all things! I have to confess, it did bother me a little bit.

Later, in our room, I told her it bothered me and she said it was harmless and unintentional. I thought, and still believe, they had already been hooking up (he lived near where she lived at the time) but she wasn’t willing to endanger our relationship by admitting it. I decided my suspicions, (which I couldn’t prove) weren’t worth pressing it …. I chose to just let go of my insecurity and realized there was nothing I could do about it short of blowing up my relationship by convincing myself I was right and justified.

I recall at one point shortly after that she informed me that he was married but that the marriage was rocky; largely due to a lack of sex in their marriage. When she told me that the lack of sex was partially due to how big his cock was, all doubts in my mind were removed. (How would she (my gf) KNOW that!?!? How and WHY would that ever come up in “normal” conversation???

It was around this point that my thoughts began to evolve …. (or devolve! LOL!) …. instead of wondering if and to what degree they were involved, I began to think of her enjoying that “too big” cock! And the fact that he was married actually made it better. He wasn’t trying to steal my gf, he was just fucking her!

I began to accept the likelihood that in the years we’ve been together, she’d probably already had at least a few encounters. She still denies it to this day, of course because, after all, at this point it would be “cheating” and that could be a deal breaker. That is the Rubicon. Complete honesty (before and after) and complete trust in that honesty. The way I look at it, especially in a long distance relationship, what are the chances neither of us will never have sex with anyone else again, ever? So, I just accept the possibility and it actually gives me the control over the anxiety of the uncertainty and unknown.

So, where I’m at is, whether to continue to enjoy the IDEA and excitement of her having other lovers or taking the leap and making it happen. Then the questions are; someone we (or she) knows? A mutual friend? Someone we both seek out & agree upon? An internet hook-up?

As I said, she offered to “start doing it again” and I have no doubt she could find a willing partner (or more)! I think at this point I will give it a rest and see if she brings it up or circles back to it next time we’re in the heat of the moment. Thanks again for reading along as I work through this …..

[2inUPMichigan]

All of these questions circling in your head are ones that you need to be discussing with her It's a good idea to go into the conversation with your own thoughts clear of course but decisions should be made between the two of you.

Talking in the heat of the moment is one thing but until there is a conversation fully clothed and sober then it could all be dismissed as foreplay.

You will get a lot of advice here - some of it will be helpful and others will not unfortunately. Always keep in mind that the best choices are those that are best for the two of you, not what works for someone else.

Reading the ongoing posts in the Hotwife, Cuckold and Stag/Vixen forums can give you a good feel for what topics the two of you need to talk about before talking that big step.

As you said you have had years to think about the possibilities. Your next steps are deciding if you want to bring this fantasy to life. (The reality will never match the fantasy in your head as other people will be involved).
Then you determine the best way to approach the subject with her (for your situation).
After that the next step is hers!

Remember if you lay the groundwork between the two of you, have a strong foundation (this does not fix rocky relationships), and good communication skills (listening/compromise/negotiating) then you will be prepared for any potential bumps in the road!

No one can give you a blue print, this journey is for the two of you to write together. No need to rush. Enjoy each step along the way together

[philxxo]

I think cheating is undoubtedly quite high in LDR. Sex is a basic need and people just won't generally do without it. I think you are right, she has probably already been cheating on you. Why leave a sexless marriage to then get into a very infrequent sex LDR? I honestly wouldn't blame her for getting some other cock as it comes along. So the "friend" who was not having sex with his wife because his cock was too big? Well that's more information than friends of the opposite sex should be sharing. So if he wasn't fucking her, he wanted to be. He probably was. I believe you are correct, she has likely been cheating all along but won't tell you because she values you and your relationship. So if you just open the door and say you are OK with it, she may tell you about it. I'm not sure she will come back around to ask you about it again because she doesn't have much to gain from howifing, other than honesty with you, since she is likely already having free sex whenever she wants. Either way good luck! If I were you. I would tell her that I was OK with it and please share all the details, send pictures, videos if she can.

[tit5atat]

Mmmmm, sounds like an interesting situation! Hope to hear how things progress.