Struggle with meeting the others who understand

[AsianVixen]

Hello OHW,

While somewhat new to this forum (just not active on positing), my husband (47M) and I (47F) have been swinging on/off for about 20 something years shortly after we started dating 25 years ago. We started the hotwife, stag/vixen dynamic LS for the last 10 years or so. I will leave that experience on how it all unfolded from the start for another post if there are any interest.

So fast forward, we are actively back into the hotwife part, since it really turns us both on. However, I feel that while there are so many more ways to find single or hall-pass men online, I’m finding that what is perceived online is not in reality when I meet them in person. The scenario typically unfolds as I reach out or reply to a guy that I am interested online, and explain what I/we are looking for, majority of the men always come across that they’re very interested, and some some men that I end up clicking with and had sex with alone to start (withy husband’s blessing) all turnout to conveniently forgetting that I am doing this for me and my husband, and not just myself, even when this is clearly specified each time before I/we proceed and they agreed. Meaning that when my husband is not presented physically (watching or participating), then there should be photos, videos, and/or live streaming involved to share with him, but this has not seem to be the case lately. So no matter how great the sex was with these other men, and my husband being very supportive of me going out to have fun, I have eventually stopped all play with these men that seem to have change their acceptance on this because ultimately this is something that I want my husband fully involved in and feel that he is part of it, other than me returning and just sharing stories.

Moving forward, we have changed our approach meeting other potential men by having my husband be involved from the start, this way after a few plays and it all goes well, then my husband is usually very generous with letting me go solo for one-on-one time with the other guy. However, we have also ran into issues with situations like this where the other men forget that my husband should still get at least a photo of me being the hotwife.

I guess I am just here venting and soliciting for some suggestions here. TIA

[SilverStag]

I think you are spot on in your current practice. That is how Cecil and I deal with men who wish to play with her. We make the initial meeting together so that from the start we can ensure that the guy understands the dynamic. We stress the fact that I reserve the option of being present for any of their activities (although I seldom exercise that, we don't let them know that in the beginning until we can trust them in understanding our style).

[SensualDeviant]

Meaning that when my husband is not presented physically (watching or participating), then there should be photos, videos, and/or live streaming involved to share with him

That's how I feel, too. I want to always be involved in some way.

Moving forward, we have changed our approach meeting other potential men by having my husband be involved from the start

My ex-wife and I had a D/s relationship (i was her Daddy Dom). I vetted most of the men in some way or another. Sometimes we just communicated via text or I read over her communications with them, with her permission. Other times I actually placed the ads looking for the men for a specific kink encounter, and ai vetted either online or in person before we planned the scene.

[AsianVixen]

I think you are spot on in your current practice. That is how Cecil and I deal with men who wish to play with her. We make the initial meeting together so that from the start we can ensure that the guy understands the dynamic. We stress the fact that I reserve the option of being present for any of their activities (although I seldom exercise that, we don't let them know that in the beginning until we can trust them in understanding our style).

Thank you for sharing, I like the idea of stressing that my husband reserves the option of being present for any activities, and even though I know my husband will encourage me to go myself, I like the fact that we don’t have to tell them that.

[AsianVixen]

Meaning that when my husband is not presented physically (watching or participating), then there should be photos, videos, and/or live streaming involved to share with him

That's how I feel, too. I want to always be involved in some way.

Moving forward, we have changed our approach meeting other potential men by having my husband be involved from the start

My ex-wife and I had a D/s relationship (i was her Daddy Dom). I vetted most of the men in some way or another. Sometimes we just communicated via text or I read over her communications with them, with her permission. Other times I actually placed the ads looking for the men for a specific kink encounter, and ai vetted either online or in person before we planned the scene.

Thank you for the response. Very helpful knowing that it seems that we are on the right track. My husband also places ad looking for men (he did it for this weekend), but at the same time, I also so my own meet and greet, and due to his work schedule, he doesn’t always get to go to the initial meet and greet. There have also been times where I click with the guy I meet myself, and my husband lets me just go and have fun without having to meet the guy in person, but these are also the ones who just assume that I always play solo.

[SensualDeviant]

Thank you for the response. Very helpful knowing that it seems that we are on the right track. My husband also places ad looking for men (he did it for this weekend), but at the same time, I also so my own meet and greet, and due to his work schedule, he doesn’t always get to go to the initial meet and greet. There have also been times where I click with the guy I meet myself, and my husband lets me just go and have fun without having to meet the guy in person, but these are also the ones who just assume that I always play solo.

Yeah, I wasn't completely in charge of her extramarital dating (only sometimes for certain scenes). She had her own dating site profiles and ads and went on dates without me. But I was always involved in one way or another.

[snoogaloo82]

Hello OHW,

While somewhat new to this forum (just not active on positing), my husband (47M) and I (47F) have been swinging on/off for about 20 something years shortly after we started dating 25 years ago. We started the hotwife, stag/vixen dynamic LS for the last 10 years or so. I will leave that experience on how it all unfolded from the start for another post if there are any interest.

So fast forward, we are actively back into the hotwife part, since it really turns us both on. However, I feel that while there are so many more ways to find single or hall-pass men online, I’m finding that what is perceived online is not in reality when I meet them in person. The scenario typically unfolds as I reach out or reply to a guy that I am interested online, and explain what I/we are looking for, majority of the men always come across that they’re very interested, and some some men that I end up clicking with and had sex with alone to start (withy husband’s blessing) all turnout to conveniently forgetting that I am doing this for me and my husband, and not just myself, even when this is clearly specified each time before I/we proceed and they agreed. Meaning that when my husband is not presented physically (watching or participating), then there should be photos, videos, and/or live streaming involved to share with him, but this has not seem to be the case lately. So no matter how great the sex was with these other men, and my husband being very supportive of me going out to have fun, I have eventually stopped all play with these men that seem to have change their acceptance on this because ultimately this is something that I want my husband fully involved in and feel that he is part of it, other than me returning and just sharing stories.

Moving forward, we have changed our approach meeting other potential men by having my husband be involved from the start, this way after a few plays and it all goes well, then my husband is usually very generous with letting me go solo for one-on-one time with the other guy. However, we have also ran into issues with situations like this where the other men forget that my husband should still get at least a photo of me being the hotwife.

I guess I am just here venting and soliciting for some suggestions here. TIA

I just sent your post in its entirety to my sweetie because she hasn't told her FWB about recording...yet. She says she really wants to record their sessions, but hasn't talked with him yet and it's been 6 weekends so far that she hasn't told him. She has told him that she has a fiancé but not that we're a hotwife couple. I'm wondering if she's just having a hard time broaching the subject because she really enjoys his love making, or what. Maybe if she hasn't by this weekend I probably should talk with her about it. I know your guys' stance on everything so there's no question as to what you two would do. I guess maybe I was just trying to vent out my frustration a little bit because she has a hard time describing things verbally and so I have a big frustration that I'm not being included in the love making and that it's only the two of them. I'm seriously thinking of tell her that she should part ways if he doesn't allow things to be recorded. What are your thoughts on everything?

[Gulfcpl]

I understand your desire for the husband to be involved in one way or another, and if these are your prerequisites, then they should be honored. Having said that, I also understand men who are hesitant about pictures and or videos. These days, few can be trusted with these pics and videos. I certainly don’t mean you two can’t be but in general some can’t. If these are your rules going in, the men you meet should understand that and abide by these standards. If they say they are ok with it and then are suddenly not ok with, then they should be dropped from the get go. If they can’t be trusted to keep their word, then it should be a no go.

[Des 31]

It's true some men cannot understand this is also for the hotwife's husband. My wife chooses to make sure those are short-time affairs.

We agree that many men who advertise on social media are not who they claim to be. When dealing with ads in the past, my wife insisted on first meeting them at some neutral location before giving out her name, address, or phone number. She cannot determine "everything" about them in an initial meeting but, for the most part, she has successfully picked the right men. She has even insisted on seeing their driver's licenses when suspecting they may be giving her fake names or fake home addresses. Encountering men who report their true age as either younger or older isn't unusual either.

[snoogaloo82]

It's true some men cannot understand this is also for the hotwife's husband. My wife chooses to make sure those are short-time affairs.

We agree that many men who advertise on social media are not who they claim to be. When dealing with ads in the past, my wife insisted on first meeting them at some neutral location before giving out her name, address, or phone number. She cannot determine "everything" about them in an initial meeting but, for the most part, she has successfully picked the right men. She has even insisted on seeing their driver's licenses when suspecting they may be giving her fake names or fake home addresses. Encountering men who report their true age as either younger or older isn't unusual either.

Thank you for wonderful advice! That will help a lot of couples who are looking that's for sure! Thanks again for everything!

[SensualDeviant]

She has even insisted on seeing their driver's licenses when suspecting they may be giving her fake names or fake home addresses. Encountering men who report their true age as either younger or older isn't unusual either.

Those are good ideas, as is requesting recent STI test results.

Before my divorce, I asked my wife to text me a pic of her date's license plate before going to his home.

[frank12]

...snip...
Moving forward, we have changed our approach meeting other potential men by having my husband be involved from the start, this way after a few plays and it all goes well, then my husband is usually very generous with letting me go solo for one-on-one time with the other guy. However, we have also ran into issues with situations like this where the other men forget that my husband should still get at least a photo of me being the hotwife.

I guess I am just here venting and soliciting for some suggestions here. TIA

From the other side of the equation this is one of the things that I look for as well. When couples aren't understanding of themselves enough, or are too invested in making it all fantasy-like without seeing the reality of how they BOTH are a part of it then I have chosen to step back. I know, some feel the other way but I found long ago its much more likely that a warm and pleasant relationship develops when the husband is involved from the very start. It's all a part of the "heads up and eyes open" way to enjoy these adventurous things life brings us.

Prof Wood