Jealousy - What were the less obvious things?

[emca753]

So for experienced couples what were the non-obvious and surprising things that brought up jealousy? Were they easier or harder to process?

No jealousy so no problem to process.

My first wife cheering for her boytoys Cleveland Browns and Toronto Maple Leafs instead of My Denver Broncos and Ohiladelphia Flyers; , taking his phone calls when my wife and I were intimate

[SensualDeviant]

I get jealous or have similar emotions if she violates expectations or boundaries that we've discussed or if she is more considerate to her other lovers than me.

As an example, she is naturally going to text her lovers, but if she is going to text back and forth a lot in my presence, ask or let me know. Otherwise I feel like quality time with me is not worth that much to her.

If she says she's going to be home at a certain time and her date is running long, she should at least text or call me with an updated estimate.

I want to always be her number one and I don't like that to ever be in question. I also don't like secrets, surprises, or waiting.

[Caribwaters]

I have often rejected as to why I have no real feeling of jealousy concerning my wife and other men. Never had those feeling when I previously dated my other long term gf and she got involved with a couple of men.

When I caught my wife cheating on me with her older, married boss from the office, what got to me was the efforts she went to conceal the affair after she knew that I was onto their game. I got that insecure feeling that this guy (boss) had somehow become more important to her than me.

She ultimately fessed up to the relationship[ that had been going on longer than I thought. We discussed the situation about her relationship with this guy for over a week. It was a pretty good job, well paying, he was a very generous to her off the books (took her to the finest restaurants, etc) and it came with flexible hours, so if I insisted she leave the affair it was going to have quite an impact on us, besides knowing for sure that she was fucking another guy, because the feeling of their physical contact was "different" excited me beyond normal description.
So I agreed she could stay at the job, enjoy his attention, provided that she gave me all of the details when they hooked up either in their office, on his big boat or at an area motel. Other conditions I insisted, that I would always be #1 in her life and also she would be careful to never put herself in a position to embarrass our family.

With all of her later lovers those conditions remained and we never had a jealousy issue at any time. There are very few boundaries beyond what is mentioned, so she has a fairly open filed.

[emca753]

I always wanted to have my first wife have affairs but she always denied wanting to despite the fact she had numerous affairs; instead of sharing a mutual fantasy she was dishonest with me which means we really werent as close as we should have been ;(

[zorro]

The crazy workaround to jealousy I came up with after that night was to make her promise—paradoxically enough—not to hold anything back. I told her that she had to know that I expected to her fuck in earnest, holding nothing back, giving her new lover everything she could offer, including her orgasms. Above all, she wasn’t to play the submissive that just lies on her back and lets things happen to her vagina. The other man would be our guest and, as such, he deserved royal treatment, such as dressing as seductively as she could, trimming her pussy hairs around her opening, asking how she could make it better for him, thanking him for giving her such a hard cock, making sure to lick his cock clean after he has cums. This way, if she seemed overly pleased or too captured by his charms, she was only following my orders.

Are you saying you bound your jealous anxiety by reframing her play as something you ordered and controlled?
Your wife sounds unbelievably hot. No wonder he wanted to fuck her as well as he could.
Glad you can now enjoy her more as a female sexual animal. It's beautiful. We all have to find our way through these challenges. Congratulations on finding yours.

[zorro]

or the most part I have found that when I feel jealous about something it’s because I’m self conscious or feeling insecure about myself not something that she has done.

Exactly what Nancy Friday wrote years ago in her book Jealousy:
Jealousy has more to do with our self than with the other.
I agree with both Nancy and you.

[OldBoyToy]

Never had a hint of jealousy and had watched many times but when she was doing anal with a guy and said “oh baby…make it in my ass…I love you baby…oh yes make it”, got to admit a twinge came through….

[Shiphead]

I was and am not jealous of my wife fucking others and never have been. However, my wife is jealous of me and other women.

Has she ever explored her feelings of jealousy and explained why she is jealous? Just wondering? I know it is a big part of this LS for many couples. The wife only agreeing to be a hotwife if the SO doesn't sleep with anyone else. I've never really thought about it before but in reality it is a weird dynamic. But I've never thought about my wife doing anything unless there was some element we both enjoyed.

[MildlyWlLDnFun]

The times I got jealous were when she’d tell him totally innocuous things about her day that she didn’t think of telling me. They weren’t private or intimate, just things that came up in everyday conversation.

I can totally relate to this one.

[MildlyWlLDnFun]

Sounds weird but I felt more jealousy/angst over her making out/kissing as part of foreplay than the actual sex. Seemed more intimate I guess? Weird, I can’t explain it.

Not weird at all! It's like the other post on here that talks about seeing them cuddle.

I had a recent experience where I was sure that they were having sex only to find out that they spent over an hour cuddling and holding each other while they talked. It's the real moments that punch me the hardest as well. We've been in the lifestyle over 13 years now, and the closer a man gets to knowing her, the harder it hits.

I trust her fully, but the line between play and reality is thin in those intimate moments. We're vulnerable and sharing our true selves, which opens us up to being hurt.

[SixInchDick]

Oh yes, jealousy... this has stirred up quite a bit of fights between my wife and I. She is the very strong-willed, stubborn type who believes she can do what she wants and say what she wants in this world, without any regard for others, and beyond the normal boundaries of freedom. So, trying to control her words or actions is an impossible task. When I say 'control' I don't mean I'm a controlling person. There are just times where I want her to tone it down or cut back on saying certain things to her "boyfriend", but she won't be told what to do.

Here are some of the things I've gotten jealous about:

*Wife has allowed her side piece to do anal despite her being completely disgusted & against anal with me the whole time we have been together.
*Wife allows her side piece to lick her pussy to orgasm as many times as she can handle (up to 4 times in one day, so far) despite me never having that option because it's "too sensitive" or "feels gross" down there after her first orgasm with me.
*Wife willingly showers her side piece with compliments on his appearance, hotness, hot voice, hot smell, etc. despite him being far less attractive than me and she's never behaved that way with me.
*Wife never says no to anything he wants to do, and never says no to seeing him despite bad timing on many occasions.

Before anyone says that we have a toxic relationship, please know that our marriage is very stable despite everything you just read. We share 4 children together, have a 2 year old freshly built home, and she does not work outside of the home. Nobody's going anywhere and we have a good relationship. It's just that she is extremely devoted to enjoying her freedom to the fullest, and we butt heads a lot over it.

[GenerallySpeaking]

Oh yes, jealousy... this has stirred up quite a bit of fights between my wife and I. She is the very strong-willed, stubborn type who believes she can do what she wants and say what she wants in this world, without any regard for others, and beyond the normal boundaries of freedom. So, trying to control her words or actions is an impossible task. When I say 'control' I don't mean I'm a controlling person. There are just times where I want her to tone it down or cut back on saying certain things to her "boyfriend", but she won't be told what to do.

Here are some of the things I've gotten jealous about:

*Wife has allowed her side piece to do anal despite her being completely disgusted & against anal with me the whole time we have been together.
*Wife allows her side piece to lick her pussy to orgasm as many times as she can handle (up to 4 times in one day, so far) despite me never having that option because it's "too sensitive" or "feels gross" down there after her first orgasm with me.
*Wife willingly showers her side piece with compliments on his appearance, hotness, hot voice, hot smell, etc. despite him being far less attractive than me and she's never behaved that way with me.
*Wife never says no to anything he wants to do, and never says no to seeing him despite bad timing on many occasions.

Before anyone says that we have a toxic relationship, please know that our marriage is very stable despite everything you just read. We share 4 children together, have a 2 year old freshly built home, and she does not work outside of the home. Nobody's going anywhere and we have a good relationship. It's just that she is extremely devoted to enjoying her freedom to the fullest, and we butt heads a lot over it.

I wouldn't label that as toxic but it sure sounds a lot less than ideal. And while you feel secure because of the present circumstances, it's scary to think what will happen when you become empty nesters.

[snoogaloo82]

Thank you JC207, I look forward to reading some of your experiences.

This is an excellent topic to discuss as it is often glossed over or completely ignored in the fantasy BS. While it affects everyone differently, it is always there to some degree.

I will give some examples in a later post when I have more time.

I can't wait for you to tell us what's happened in your life recently!

[trecital]

Me neither!