Finally Told wife I want her to Hotwife

[whenwillshe]

Perhaps it would be useful to thank her for her openness. That you have this desire and were holding it secret for all this time, wondering if you would be safe in sharing it with her. That you decided you could trust her with your "little secret" and are so very pleased that she didn't shame you or tease you, etc.

This is a place of reaffirming your vulnerability to her, which is really a positive thing for people, and in many cases more so for a woman.

I can't see any real downside to doing this, but plenty of upside.

This is a great message.

[ThePerfectHubby87]

I really think that many (if not most) wives love the thought of fucking a man other than their husbands. Is that to say that they would spread their legs or open their mouths for someone else? Not necessarily. Some have been conditioned to believe that marriage is the ultimate experence for a woman and that anything leading up to it is simply preparation for marriage and having children. And anything else outside of marriage is either a sin or fraught with danger, whether it's getting pregnant by someone else, picking up an STD or being exposed to social disgrace if the wife's affair ecomes public.

Although social atttudes and norms may be changing, your wife may still need convincing that you are are serious about this and that you will love her regardless as to whether or not she has sex with someone else. Also, she may not be sure if you can handle it or not. I've been coming to this Forum for much, much longer than I've been a member and I don't know how any times a husband has come here and said how much he wants his wife to fuck other men; yet, once she does and she finds out how great the experience was, all of a sudden the husband feels threatened, expresses a hissy fit, calls his wife a slut, etc. etc. Even if you aren't that kind of guy, your wife may have doubts about your ability to handle it.

Sex is one of the most powerful forces affecting humankind. Wars have been fought over it, and it's well worth remembering that. Continue your honesty, openness and communication with her if the situation permits. Regardless, she may never gree to it. On the other hand, some husbands have given up mentioning it only to find years later that the wife resurrects the possibility.

How did you husband reassure you enough to give it a try?

[ThePerfectHubby87]

Perhaps it would be useful to thank her for her openness. That you have this desire and were holding it secret for all this time, wondering if you would be safe in sharing it with her. That you decided you could trust her with your "little secret" and are so very pleased that she didn't shame you or tease you, etc.

This is a place of reaffirming your vulnerability to her, which is really a positive thing for people, and in many cases more so for a woman.

I can't see any real downside to doing this, but plenty of upside.

This is a great message.

I definitely did this. I'm a long time lurker and was able to thank her for not judging me with "the talk". The only thing I did that i probably shouldn't was went with the rip the bandaid strategy. I told her everything. She thought about it but I think she's scared of ruining what we have and feeling like she cheated.

[RetiredSnowbird]

I am the husband...not the wife. I simply told the truth and expressed my undying love and focussed more on helping her find fulfillment so that it could strengthen rather than weaken our marriage. Hopefully the two of you have great communication with one another.

[ThePerfectHubby87]

Recap and advice needed.

So I got the hard know pretty much 2 days after I told my wife about Hotwife fantasy. The conversation went better than expected and I think she processed it and was more open minded about it than I thought. I still got a solid no in the end.

Now almost a month later she hasn't brought it up one time and it seems like she wants to pretend I never brought the subject up.

I know the ball is in her court but this month has felt like years. I finally had the courage to bring it up and I had a slight thought she might be up for it before saying she wasn't interested.

My question is how long should I wait to bring it up again? Should I just try to block it out because this is never going to happen?

[Open2it]

Never say never. You planted a seed. It may or may not grow. The hardest thing right now is to be patient but that’s exactly what you need to be.

[RetiredSnowbird]

She's playing sexual tennis. The ball is now in your court.

[ThePerfectHubby87]

She's playing sexual tennis. The ball is now in your court.

Can you elaborate? What would you suggest?

[RetiredSnowbird]

It's basically what has already been talked about here. My take on it is that she simply wants to be re-assured that things aren't going to spiral out of control and that you're still the same man she first fell in love with. I don't think any man can (or should) try to give you the exact words to say to her. But from what you've said it sounds as if she is receptive to further discussions providing you aren't thinking about this excessively. Maybe if or when you bring it up (assuming she doesn't do it first), then possibly focus on a celebrity or star and find out if she is sexually attracted to him. If the answer is yes, ask her if she would fuck him if she had your support in doing so. Although she has given some very positive hints, it's still possibly that, for one reason or another, she may not now, later on or perhaps never agree to fuck someone else. Mind you, quite a number of guys here have gotten the surprise of their life only to be surprised, sometimes years later, by their wife who suddenly announces out of nowhere that she's "ready". It happened to my friend Tunafish who posted here up until early last year.

Again, as I said, the ball is in your court.

[Farmgirl]

Recap and advice needed.

So I got the hard know pretty much 2 days after I told my wife about Hotwife fantasy. The conversation went better than expected and I think she processed it and was more open minded about it than I thought. I still got a solid no in the end.

Now almost a month later she hasn't brought it up one time and it seems like she wants to pretend I never brought the subject up.

I know the ball is in her court but this month has felt like years. I finally had the courage to bring it up and I had a slight thought she might be up for it before saying she wasn't interested.

My question is how long should I wait to bring it up again? Should I just try to block it out because this is never going to happen?

I have no idea how you brought it up or even the words and style used. Something that can have a big impact is were you sure of yourself when you spoke, did you project an air of confidence?
If you are less than confident, she will sense it and lack the confidence to really talk about it. Do your homework on it and have answers to any questions she might have; confident answers.
There is a difference between pushing/badgering and in sharing information. Perhaps introduce her to this site. She may not want to read it, but you can read and comment on the posts of the VHWs. She will get a chance to see the perspective of regular, normal wives that live and enjoy this lifestyle.
Just some thoughts .

[ThePerfectHubby87]

Recap and advice needed.

So I got the hard know pretty much 2 days after I told my wife about Hotwife fantasy. The conversation went better than expected and I think she processed it and was more open minded about it than I thought. I still got a solid no in the end.

Now almost a month later she hasn't brought it up one time and it seems like she wants to pretend I never brought the subject up.

I know the ball is in her court but this month has felt like years. I finally had the courage to bring it up and I had a slight thought she might be up for it before saying she wasn't interested.

My question is how long should I wait to bring it up again? Should I just try to block it out because this is never going to happen?

I have no idea how you brought it up or even the words and style used. Something that can have a big impact is were you sure of yourself when you spoke, did you project an air of confidence?
If you are less than confident, she will sense it and lack the confidence to really talk about it. Do your homework on it and have answers to any questions she might have; confident answers.
There is a difference between pushing/badgering and in sharing information. Perhaps introduce her to this site. She may not want to read it, but you can read and comment on the posts of the VHWs. She will get a chance to see the perspective of regular, normal wives that live and enjoy this lifestyle.
Just some thoughts .

I was confident in expressing the hotwife fantasy. If anything I overshared a bit. We talked about it for a while. Then later in the evening it came up again when we were a few drinks in. I definitely overshared. Lol. I literally said I want to see her cum fucking other men. I gave her some good reading material. She googled it a bit the next day and actually visited this forum. I think the idea turns her on but said it won't happen in reality. She brought it up the other day and said it was, "cool" lol. At this point she doesn't like it but enjoys that I think she is sexy enough to be a hotwife. Like most said the seed has been planted and now it may or may not grow. She's been slightly more open about guys she thinks are hit but it's tough to get her to admit she thinks about other men ever. The good news is we were barely having sex for a few years and now it's been everyday. I told her it was interesting since we had the "talk" that our sex life has been amazing. That's when she said it's cool. She said the increased sex was more from open communication than the hotwifing idea. I don't really care what it's from.... It's been great!

[Farmgirl]

The great thing is that hotwifing and good communication go hand in hand. If your communication reaches the point that it should be, she has much more of a possibility of being comfortable becoming a Hotwife.
Open and honest communication builds intimacy; intimacy builds trust, and trust leads to comfort. All of these things need to be in place for this lifestyle.

[2inUPMichigan]

I second the notion that open and honest communication can lead to greater intimacy between the two of you. Trust grows when you are vulnerable with each other.

In response to a few comments I read ...
I never thought about other men during the first 20 years of our marriage (until we started talking about hotwifing). I was married so as far as I was concerned other men were off limits so that door was firmly closed for me.
Sure I could admire an attractive man but my thoughts never went further than that.
The whole celebrity thing? Doesn’t do a thing for me

My only suggestion for you is that if she already thinks it's cool why don't the two of you try a little role play and set the scene in your own bedroom? You could take turn "writing the script" which would give you an idea of what each other is interested in.

[Nowayareyousure]

I second the notion that open and honest communication can lead to greater intimacy between the two of you. Trust grows when you are vulnerable with each other.

In response to a few comments I read ...
I never thought about other men during the first 20 years of our marriage (until we started talking about hotwifing). I was married so as far as I was concerned other men were off limits so that door was firmly closed for me.
Sure I could admire an attractive man but my thoughts never went further than that.
The whole celebrity thing? Doesn’t do a thing for me

My only suggestion for you is that if she already thinks it's cool why don't the two of you try a little role play and set the scene in your own bedroom? You could take turn "writing the script" which would give you an idea of what each other is interested in.

I feel this is exactly where my wife was in our 20 year marriage. She would never tell me she thought a guy was attractive let alone sexy or hot. It was just something she never allowed herself to think. She also isn't into any celebrities.

Once the seed was planted it took a while, but it started to grow. It is very slowly growing, however if I look back I can see there has been some major changes. It just doesn't seem like it in the moment. It is like seeing your kids grow up. You look and they changed from a little kid to someone waving goodbye as they drive off to see their friends. All independent and in the blink of an eye.

I do think the honest communication and being vulnerable leads to better.....everything. It is definitely something about getting into this hotwife lifestyle that starts to change everything for the better. Now we have had a couple of bumps in our short journey, but the benefits have outweighed the bumps. Sex is better. Communication is better. We feel closer and more connected. My wife is getting sexier as she is letting loose more. It has been a wonderful journey so far and I hope it continues.

But this is your thread and not mine. I believe the advice on this forum from experience people...and all people is a goldmine to help with the journey. Keep asking your questions. Keep the dialog and communication open. Enjoy the little steps and exploration you are going through right now. It should be an exciting and enjoyable journey regardless of where you land.

[aztd]

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[BallSpanking]

Perfect hubby, you are being way too impatient. Don't pressure her, behave normally, and stop bringing it up before you climax.
If she had any qualms about this, you are not helping eliminate them. Let her bring up the subject if/when she is comfortable.

[alan137]

patience and communication is everything. Many years ago when I was in your position this was the consistent advice from experienced people. I took the advice and 8 years later my wife became a HW. What followed was 14 fantastic years 5 lovers including 3 long-term boy friends. Wonderful.

Bye the way when I first broached the subject she went ballistic say NO WAY NEVER. As I said, 8 years later she was in our bed with another man while I was at work. Awesome.

[alan137]

Many years ago I was in your position and asked the same question. I was told patience and communication is everything. This was from both Hot Wives and their husbands. Yes, it was hard but I took the advice and 8 years later my wife became a HW. What followed was 14 fantastic years 5 lovers including 3 long-term boy friends. Wonderful.

Bye the way when I first broached the subject she went ballistic say NO WAY NEVER. As I said, 8 years later she was in our bed with another man while I was at work. Awesome.

[ThePerfectHubby87]

It's been 5 months since we had the talk. Nothing new to report. I think my wife goes on pretending that we never had the talk. The only change is she is slightly more open to admitting when she thinks another man is attractive if we're watching TV. She never has said anything when we're out and hasn't ever gone in this direction when talking dirty during sex or in the heat of the moment. I haven't brought it up since late January. I'm not 100% sure if I should just keep quiet about it or try to bring it up during pillow talk. I don't get the idea that she thinks about the conversation anymore.

[MyShyMXWife]

It's been 5 months since we had the talk. Nothing new to report. I think my wife goes on pretending that we never had the talk. The only change is she is slightly more open to admitting when she thinks another man is attractive if we're watching TV. She never has said anything when we're out and hasn't ever gone in this direction when talking dirty during sex or in the heat of the moment. I haven't brought it up since late January. I'm not 100% sure if I should just keep quiet about it or try to bring it up during pillow talk. I don't get the idea that she thinks about the conversation anymore.

I am in the same boat. It's been many months since my full confession came out although she knew about this for a few years but now it is on the table. It has definitely made our sex life better and that is a great result even if her hard no stays the course. One suggestion I don't think I saw here was hotpast stories. My wife had 10 or so men before me and at first she was very hesitant to talk about it. Now, she will actually bring it up without prompting. She actually got a birthday FB msg from a guy with a huge cock she fucked many, many years ago and actually told me about his contact where before I a sure she would never have mentioned that. So she has become more comfortable telling me all. She knows these hot stories make me hard and doesn't mind discussing all her stories. She always sought out big dicks before and doesn't mind my big dick dirty talk while we are having sex. We got a larger dildo and initially she didn't like it but now cums really hard while I suck her clit and fuck her with the dildo. She knows I like watching it go in and out and I tell her I love to see her pussy stretched. She even tells me she fantasizes about big dick although she still won't tell me her deepest fantasies. I am still working on that. She is still a hard no and I doubt she will ever change. She is ultra-paranoid about STD's and just doing anything like this that entails any risk. I have to respect that. But this idea will not go away from me and she she has accepted that it turns me on like crazy and accepts me for my love, even with this perverted kink

[Johnnydawg68]

Definitely suggest some role play in bed. In my experience this helps wives get comfortable with the thought in theirr head. It normalizes it to a degree. But without the anxiety of it being real. You just have to take it in steps. Good luck, hoping you create one more hotwife for us Bulls!

[nevertoolate]

It's been 5 months since we had the talk. Nothing new to report. I think my wife goes on pretending that we never had the talk. The only change is she is slightly more open to admitting when she thinks another man is attractive if we're watching TV. She never has said anything when we're out and hasn't ever gone in this direction when talking dirty during sex or in the heat of the moment. I haven't brought it up since late January. I'm not 100% sure if I should just keep quiet about it or try to bring it up during pillow talk. I don't get the idea that she thinks about the conversation anymore.

Oh, be most certain she thinks about it. The fact she is willing to comment about men on TV is a small safe step for her. As someone mentioned, start being the husband that helps around the house more and be more romantic to her. Wives respond in so many different ways because they are individuals.

Be a good guy for her, be supportive and be Patient. This is a huge risk for her, more than the risk you took being honest with her about your feelings.

Patience!

[ThePerfectHubby87]

It's been 5 months since we had the talk. Nothing new to report. I think my wife goes on pretending that we never had the talk. The only change is she is slightly more open to admitting when she thinks another man is attractive if we're watching TV. She never has said anything when we're out and hasn't ever gone in this direction when talking dirty during sex or in the heat of the moment. I haven't brought it up since late January. I'm not 100% sure if I should just keep quiet about it or try to bring it up during pillow talk. I don't get the idea that she thinks about the conversation anymore.

Oh, be most certain she thinks about it. The fact she is willing to comment about men on TV is a small safe step for her. As someone mentioned, start being the husband that helps around the house more and be more romantic to her. Wives respond in so many different ways because they are individuals.

Be a good guy for her, be supportive and be Patient. This is a huge risk for her, more than the risk you took being honest with her about your feelings.

Patience!

She has mentioned a guy is attractive very few times. Never went into detail or felt natural doing so. I don't think she will ever hotwife. It's not even close to a deal breaker for me. You seem to think most wives would want to sleep with other men if their husband's gave them their full support and confidence? I'm not too sure. I have been trying to do more around the house and be a great attentive husband normally but I don't understand how this would make her want to hotwife. Can you explain this to me?

[Anonymouswifemi]

It's been 5 months since we had the talk. Nothing new to report. I think my wife goes on pretending that we never had the talk. The only change is she is slightly more open to admitting when she thinks another man is attractive if we're watching TV. She never has said anything when we're out and hasn't ever gone in this direction when talking dirty during sex or in the heat of the moment. I haven't brought it up since late January. I'm not 100% sure if I should just keep quiet about it or try to bring it up during pillow talk. I don't get the idea that she thinks about the conversation anymore.

If it helps, my husband first mentioned that he wanted to watch me fuck another guy 9 years ago, and I finally did it for the first time this year. I was/am(?) pretty conservative, work in public health so very aware of STIs, not super body confident, and was very sure this was a ploy for my husband to ultimately get to fuck other women. It took time, reassurance, multiple conversations, our relationship growing stronger, etc. for me to finally agree. So my advice is that this is a marathon, not a sprint.

[nevertoolate]

She has mentioned a guy is attractive very few times. Never went into detail or felt natural doing so. I don't think she will ever hotwife. It's not even close to a deal breaker for me. You seem to think most wives would want to sleep with other men if their husband's gave them their full support and confidence? I'm not too sure. I have been trying to do more around the house and be a great attentive husband normally but I don't understand how this would make her want to hotwife. Can you explain this to me?

Being helpful and supportive of her is part of what I assume your motivations are in this; making her feel happy by enjoying herself more. Maybe you are already there?